


I See The Light (Now That I See You)

by bisexual-killian-jones (aelover867)



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: AU where you only see black and white until you meet your soul mate, Captain Swan - Freeform, F/M, i've been working on this fic for forever so i hope y'all enjoy, multi chap
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-06
Updated: 2016-07-01
Packaged: 2018-02-28 08:11:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 131,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2725181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aelover867/pseuds/bisexual-killian-jones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emma was twenty-six when she could finally see colors, after she had lost faith in it ever happening to her.</p><p>She just wasn't quite expecting it to be him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this came about from an AU post on Tumblr over the summer and I've been working on it ever since. I wanted to write most of it out before I first posted it because I am notorious for not finishing fics. So enjoy :)  
> 

Mary Margaret had been the first of Emma’s friends to finally see colors.

It had been a random Friday afternoon and they were walking across campus to head back to their dorm room. It was their freshman year at NYU and Emma was already close to her roommate, spending nearly every moment together. They were just chatting away, complaining about an upcoming test for their English class (which was twice as important for Mary Margaret since she was an English major) when it happened. Mary Margaret had met eyes with a guy across the quad and just stopped walking. Emma had continued walking for a few more steps before she realized Mary Margaret wasn’t beside her. But when Emma had turned around, all she could see was how Mary Margaret’s face was so _alive_.

Instantly, Emma knew what had happened.

The black and white (well, more like a grayscale) of the world had faded away and Mary Margaret could finally see the bright and vibrant colors.

The guy who Mary Margaret had looked at had swiftly made his way over to Emma and Mary Margaret. He instantly introduced himself as David Nolan, first year politics student. Emma saw the look in Mary Margaret Margaret’s eyes and knew that she, indeed, had met her one True Love.

Over the years, as life continued and Emma allowed more people into her life (which had shocked her more than anything else, really-a life in the foster system taught her not to allow people in _ever_ , even her adoptive parents), more and more of her friends had met their soul mates. Ruby had met hers when she had to go to the ER after cutting herself on broken glass and Dr. Victor Whale had been her attending physician. Anna had met Kristoff when she went to a nearby animal shelter to find a dog and Kristoff was working the front desk. And well…Mulan’s situation had been more complicated than Emma could’ve ever thought _soul mates_ could be.

But, Emma had been twenty-six when it finally happened to her. After she had lost faith in soul mates after the Neal debacle and lost faith in the idea that anyone would ever love her. After she had decided to shut her heart and lock it and swallow the key, never to allow anybody in.

And, well, she hadn’t _exactly_ been expecting it with this one.

<> 

Emma was going to tear her hair out of her head. Ruby and Mary Margaret were cooing over stupid little baby clothes at Target, which they had so _rudely_ dragged Emma to after their usual Wednesday lunch. Both Ruby _and_ Mary Margaret were pregnant, so literally all they discussed were babies and baby clothes and strollers and _Jesus Christ Emma wanted to kill herself_. But Emma guessed that that was going to happen when her two closest friends had met their soul mates and were stable in their lives, very much unlike Emma’s current situation.

“ _Ooohhh_ , look at this one, Ruby,” Mary Margaret said excitedly as she moved to the next aisle, looking over tiny onesies with little hearts on them.

Emma rolled her eyes so hard that she could feel them almost disconnect and roll across the floor. “Guys, why the hell are we here?”

“Oh come on, Emma,” Mary Margaret whined as she picked up an onesie and held it over her barely-there baby bump. “This is fun.”

Emma sighed and tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear, shuffling on her feet because she just wanted to _get the fuck out of there_. “Mary Margaret, you are literally three months pregnant. And Ruby”-Emma looked over at her other friend, who was holding little baby booties (alright, those were adorable)-“you literally just had a baby shower last week.”

Ruby sighed as she looked down at the knitted booties. Emma secretly wondered what color they were and felt a flare of jealousy for those who could see the colors. “I know. But, _just look at them_.”

Emma took a deep breath to focus on not rolling her eyes again. She didn’t know what could set of Ruby’s hormones, so she didn’t want to tempt a breakdown in the middle of Target. “Fine.”

Ruby giggled excitedly as she moved to stand beside Mary Margaret, who was now looking at the various blankets hanging up. They chatted about the beautiful blues and reds and yellows and Emma just wanted to get the hell outta there. She hated being constantly reminded that she didn’t have the life that Mary Margaret and Ruby had, the life that Emma desperately wanted.

But she was too damn afraid to go for it, to unlock her heart and allow someone else in again.

“Oh Emma, how did that date go with Walsh?” Mary Margaret asked as she placed a blanket into the basket she was holding in her hands.

In Mary Margaret’s language, that meant “ _Do you see colors now?”_

Emma sighed and crossed her arms, leaning against the shelves. “I would’ve told you if I could see them now. So, what do you think?”

Mary Margaret looked at Emma with those fucking eyes and Emma could practically _feel_ the pity rolling off of Mary Margaret in waves. “It’ll happen someday. Probably when you least expect it.”

Emma couldn’t help but roll her eyes at that stupid pep talk. God, she had heard it all before: you’ll find them someday, it’ll happen when you aren’t expecting it, you just need to go out more often. Ugh, Emma was so sick of all the stupid reassurances.

“Yeah, okay,” Emma said with sarcasm. Mary Margaret and Ruby picked up on it and both raised their eyebrows at her. “What? Spit it out if you wanna say it.”

Mary Margaret sighed and looked over at Ruby, who then wobbled her seven-month pregnant self over to Emma, holding the booties that she had first picked up. Emma knew that she was about to get a real serious talk because Ruby had those eyes turned on her and _shit_ Emma hated it when Ruby turned serious.

Ruby pushed her long hair back over her shoulder. “Emma, you know it’ll happen someday, right?”

Emma groaned, throwing her head back to stare at the tiled ceiling. “Oh my God, I am _not_ having this conversation right now.”

Ruby sighed and placed her hand on Emma’s shoulder, her nails painted some kind of lighter color, as the gray is lighter along her fingernails. “Emma, have faith. You know how I was before I met Victor. I slept with any guy who paid me any attention ‘cause I didn’t believe this would happen to me. I thought that that was all I was gonna get. And look at me now.” Ruby broke into a wide, blinding smile. “I’m going to be a mother. I’m married to the man of my dreams, my _soul mate_ , and I’m gonna be a mother. And I promise, it’ll happen to you someday. You just have to be patient.”

And Emma couldn’t help but roll her eyes. She knew her friends were just trying to help, but Emma was just tired. Tired of their sickly sweet lives, tired of their unwavering belief that Emma would find her true love, tired of _all of it_.

“On that note, I’m gonna head out,” Emma announced, clasping her hands together. “Have fun shopping for your babies and having fun with your soul mates.”

Ruby sighed as Emma turned away to walk back out of the store. “Emma.”

Emma ignored her friend’s pleas and continued to march toward the exit. She tried to ignore the niggling feeling in the back of her mind that she shouldn’t be mean to them, that they’re were telling the truth. But she was just too done with the whole stupid idea of stupid soul mates. Ugh, it was just so stupid.

Emma marched out of the Target with purpose, taking out her wallet and keys as she searched for a free cab. And of course, right outside of the store, there were zero, given that it was a Wednesday at lunch time in the Bronx. _And_ it was a humid early July day.

Emma huffed as she walked down the crowded streets, avoiding the rude businessmen on their lunch breaks who _clearly_ were not paying attention to where they were walking. She just wished that her fucking life was easier. She was underemployed as a waitress at two different restaurants (which is _not_ what she wanted to do with her music degree), she lived in a small ass studio apartment that she could barely afford, and she had zero love life. Well, she had plenty of one-night-stands, but she would always sneak out at the first morning light. That way, she never had to open her heart and allow disappointment and heartbreak back in.

She didn’t want a repeat of Neal.

Emma looked up from the sidewalk and could see a barrage of paparazzi chasing down some Hollywood starlet. Emma rolled her eyes, not even excited about the fact that some celebrity was just down the street from her. She lived in New York City, for fuck’s sake; she always had random celebrity encounters. Actually, just the other day, she spotted Lindsay Lohan hailing a taxi. So, she didn’t really acknowledge that paparazzi were coming closer and closer and not paying attention to anything.

Well, until one of the paparazzi in a rush to get a photograph backed into her and knocked her over, sending her falling onto the dirty concrete sidewalk.

“Bloody hell, mates. Could you pay attention?” Emma heard a somewhat familiar accent as she slowly began to turn onto her knees to get back up.

She saw a pair of motorcycle boots appear in her vision and then a pair of rough, callused hands gripped onto her hands. Emma looked up to see who the celebrity was that was helping her up and _holy shit_.

The very first color Emma Swan ever saw was blue.

Emma gasped audibly as she took in the face of the infamous Killian Jones, heartthrob actor and most recent guest in Emma’s fantasies. And _God_ , the way he was looking at her. It was as if she lit up the stars at night and was the reason for the sun and the moon. So, Emma naturally did what any other normal girl would do if she just found out her soul mate was the very man she dreamed about quite often.

She stood up, turned on her feet, and booked it the hell outta there.

And if she heard him calling for her, she just ignored it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He always imagined she would have green eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the second chapter! Sorry it's been so long! I wanted to finish the chapter I was currently writing (the sixth one) before I posted this one. It may be a bit before I post the next one because I'm gonna be working a lot at my seasonal job and I want to keep ahead of where I am in the fic. So, don't know when to expect the be putting up the third one! I hope y'all enjoy :)

Killian Jones never asked to be in the spotlight. He was thrust into it only two years ago, when he was just walking down the streets of New York City and had come across a casting director. Apparently, he had ‘the look’ she was looking for, for some random new show that she was hired to cast. Killian had been down on his luck, so he said yes, unknowingly changing his entire life.

Needless to say, Killian got the part as one of the lead guys in this new show, which was a modern reinterpretation of _Peter Pan_ , which he played James Hook. After the pilot episode had broken records upon records, he was shot into Hollywood stardom. He couldn’t go down the block from his shoddy studio apartment in the Bronx without being bombarded by crazed fans. He had resorted to his brother picking up groceries for him and when he couldn’t do it, Killian would toss on a hoodie and leave the hood up so he wouldn’t be recognized.

But over the years, he had grown used to the life that he had been shoved into. Being chased down by fans and paparazzi was just something he saw as a part of the life. He couldn’t keep hiding himself away-that wasn’t a way to live. So he embraced it. He signed autographs, allowed the paparazzi to follow him, and he bought himself an Upper West Side apartment with a doorman. He didn’t like that he no longer had any privacy, but the money sure helped.

Especially since he was almost homeless when luck fell on his doorstep.

But, even with all of the fame and money that he had, he just wanted one thing, the same thing that he had looked for his entire life: his soul mate.

Killian was a hopeless romantic. Even after all of the pain and despair he had been through with Milah, he still wanted to find the one for him. The one that would allow him to see the colors of the world, instead of the dull grays. He wanted to see the colors of the ocean and of the forests, the colors of spring and autumn, and the colors of the eyes of his true love.

He always imagined she would have green eyes.

The same color his mother had, according to Liam.

So when the paparazzi knocked over a woman while they were barraging him on the sidewalk as he walked through his old neighborhood, he never expected that when she looked up at him as he helped her off of the dirty ground, that the very first color he would see would be green.

He could see the jade of her eyes, the gold of her flowing hair, the pink of her plump lips. He didn’t know how he knew the colors-maybe his mind had been hardwired to know the colors of his soul mate. And now, he could see _everything_ : the yellow of the sun, the bright blue of the sky, the gray of the sidewalk. _God_ , he felt so alive in this moment, now that he had found the one he was meant to be with.

But in just the second he looked into her eyes, he saw walls slam up to keep him out.

She ran away before he could even introduce himself to her, even if he was sure that she knew who he was.

Killian stood from the sidewalk, the paparazzi continuing to shoot pictures of him. “Wait, love!”

But she continued to run away, back the way she came. Of all the times he imagined of how he would meet his soul mate, this was _not_ one of the scenarios he thought of. Killian looked down at the sidewalk and saw a paisley wallet that the woman must’ve dropped when she fell and that she had forgotten about in her haste to get away from him. He picked up the wallet from the ground and as he stood, he looked at the clear pocket facing him, which held her driver’s license.

Emma Swan.

Her name was Emma Swan.

Killian had only seen her for a second before she ran off, but _God_ did that name fit that beautiful woman.

“Killian! Over here!” The paparazzi called to him and in that moment, Killian just couldn’t deal with them. He had just met his soul mate and she ran- _ran_ -away. He looked over the driver’s license again, seeing that she didn’t live all too far from here, but he didn’t know what to do with it.

He wanted to see her again. He already felt the _need_ to see her again. But he saw the panic in her eyes when she saw the colors too. She was probably bloody terrified. Killian didn’t know if he should go to the apartment listed on the license or if he should just send someone to give it back to her. If she was truly that scared of this- _of him_ -then he couldn’t bear the thought of scaring her again by showing up at her door.

He needed to talk to Liam. Liam would know what to do.

Killian began to march away, fishing his phone from his pocket from the skinny jeans his publicist insisted that he started wearing, and the paparazzi continued to follow him. The yelling and shouting continued as the phone began to ring over the line.

Killian looked over his shoulder and shouted, “Fuck off!” as he continued down the street. He knew he wouldn’t hear the end of it from his publicist, but he really couldn’t give a shit about it. He just met his soul mate and she _ran_.

“What is it, little brother?” Liam asked, grumbling over the line.

Killian rolled his eyes. “I need to talk to you. Are you at your apartment?”

Liam sighed. “Yes, but do I have to remind you that I have a newborn baby and I haven’t slept a lick since she was born?”

“You’ll take a nap after I’m done,” Killian responded as he raised his hand to hail a cab ( _wow, they were a ghastly yellow_ ). “I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

“Fine, you prat,” Liam groaned. “But we need to be quiet. The baby and Jenny are asleep.”

“Of course. See you soon, brother,” Killian said as he slid into the cab and told him Liam’s address.

As the cabbie drove through the busy streets during lunchtime, Killian took the time to just stare at every little thing he drove by. He could see the red, yellow and green of the traffic lights, the black of the business suits of people passing by, and the browns of the apartment buildings. He had no idea that this was what he was missing, that this was exactly what Liam had been seeing ever since he met his soul mate when he was seventeen years old.

When Liam met Jenny, it was his first day of high school in America. Killian was just a wee lad-only seven years old-and they had only just moved to America to live with their aunt after their mother’s untimely passing. Well, not quite untimely, since she had gotten sick only a year after Killian was born. Killian still remembered when Liam came home from school that day, picking him up and twirling around excitedly with Killian in his arms. He told Killian and their Aunt Elizabeth all about the girl that made him see colors: her flaming red hair, her intense green eyes, the little freckles across her nose and cheeks.

It was that day, when they looked over pictures of their mother, that Liam said that her eyes were green.

And that was the day that Killian began imagining what his soul mate would look like.

The cab pulled up to the curb outside of the tall apartment building that Liam lived in with his wife and newborn daughter. Killian tossed cash at the cabbie and hurriedly walked up the front steps ‘cause he just needed his brother’s advice right now. He wanted to see this Emma Swan again- _needed_ to see her-but _God_ she was full of pure panic when she saw the colors after looking at him.

Killian didn’t waste any time walking into the apartment building, ignoring all the long stares and the hushed whispers of whoever was in the front atrium. Normally, he’d be fine with it-he actually kinda liked it-but right now, he just was _not_ in the mood. He repeatedly pressed the up button for the elevators before someone asked him for a picture or an autograph, which he knew would be coming after glancing over at a group of teenage girls who were giggling incessantly.

Thankfully, the elevator doors swung open after the hundredth time of Killian pressing the button. He didn’t waste any time stepping into the elevator and pressing the button for the third floor. Killian paced the floor of the elevator as it slowly made its way up the shaft, figuring out how the hell he was going to explain to his brother that he met his true love and _she ran away_.

Killian sighed as he exited the elevator when the doors swung open. He took slow and steady steps toward the apartment door, trying to gather his scrambled thoughts. The only sounds in the hallway as he walked along the hardwood floors were the clacking of his boots and his slow breathing. _Fuck_ , he had no idea how to even ask Liam for his advice. Killian took a deep breath before he stopped in front of apartment 305 and turned the knob, walking into the unlocked apartment.

“Is that my famous brother?” Liam called from the open kitchen to the left of the front door. Liam looked up and saw Killian, who was standing awkwardly by the door. Liam furrowed his eyebrows as he stood up straight by the sink, where he was washing dishes. “What’s wrong?”

Killian took three long strides over to his brother and gripped him in a tight hug. After a short moment of Liam being completely surprised by the sudden show of affection, Liam returned the hug, patting him on the back.

“What’s wrong?” Killian heard Jenny’s familiar voice from the hallway, which led to the two bedrooms of the apartment.

Killian released Liam and looked over his shoulder to see the frizzy hair Jenny always had whenever she slept. But now he could see the auburn waves and the green eyes Liam was so fond of the very first day they met. But her green eyes paled in comparison to the jade ones of Emma Swan. Killian looked back to his brother, whose eyebrows were still furrowed in concern.

“I can see,” Killian said and Liam’s eyebrows shot up. “I can see the colors now.”

“Holy shit,” Jenny and Liam said at the same time ( _wow they really were soul mates_ ).

“Wait, when?” Liam asked, clasping his hand on Killian’s shoulder in excitement.

“Not a minute before I called you,” Killian responded and let out a breath as he looked down at the tiled flooring of the kitchen.

“But that’s not why you’re here,” Jenny spoke up as she walked over to the kitchen to stand beside Killian. She had seen Killian through every awkward moment in his life and every painful moment. Jenny was always the person he turned to for advice if Liam didn’t know what to say. “Something happened.”

Killian sighed as he leaned against the granite counters behind him, crossing his arms over his chest. “The fucking paparazzi pushed her over. So, I helped her up. As soon as she saw me, she just bolted.”

“Hmmm,” Liam mumbled as he leaned against the island across from Killian, resting his palms on the island counter. “Maybe it was because it was you. You are very famous, Killy.”

Killian rolled his eyes at the dumb nickname. “Oh, bugger off, you git.”

“Chill, you two,” Jenny said, placing her hands on her hips. “God, it’s like you two are some old married couple.” Jenny looked over at Killian, a stray curl falling over her pale face. “Why did she run?”

Killian shrugged as he looked back down at the tiles. “All I know is that when she saw me, I saw her panic. She was absolutely terrified. I could see it in her eyes. _God_ , she had the most bloody gorgeous jade eyes.”

“Well, how do we find her?” Liam asked, matching Killian’s stance and crossing his arms over his chest.

Killian sighed as he reached into his back pocket, fishing out the wallet Emma had dropped. “When she fell, she dropped this.” Killian held the wallet up for Jenny and Liam to see, looking back up from the tiles. “And in her haste to get away, she didn’t grab it.”

“Well, what the bloody hell are you here for, then?” Liam griped, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Because she was bloody terrified when she saw me!” Killian said exasperatedly, continuing to hold the wallet in his hand. “I don’t want to scare my damn soul mate by showing up at her apartment!”

Jenny sighed, pushing her hair out of her face, taking the wallet from Killian’s hands to look it over. “Killian, you should go see her.” Killian opened his mouth to argue, but Jenny held up her perfectly polished hand, looking at her brother-in-law. “I know she panicked. I know she was scared. But I was too. I was so scared when I met Liam. I don’t think he ever told you this, but when we met each other in class, I actually ran out of the classroom and into the girl’s bathroom. He came after me and we talked.”

Killian had never heard that part of the story. Liam always made their meet cute out to be something straight out of a fairytale. Killian glanced over at Liam, who nodded subtly at him. Jenny was telling the truth.

“Killian, you have to see her,” Jenny continued and Killian looked back at his sister-in-law. “Not only to return her wallet, but you also need to see her because you two have to talk about this. This part is the most important part of finding your soul mate. You gotta talk things out.”

Killian took a deep breath as he looked up at the ceiling, sealing his fate. “Okay. Okay. I will. I’ll go tonight.”

<> 

_Oh my God._

_Oh my_ fucking _God._

Emma couldn’t believe this. She couldn’t believe _anything_ right now. There was no way she had just found her soul mate and it was _fucking Killian Jones_. Nope, that didn’t happen. _Holy fucking shit, it did_.

And Emma did what she did best: she ran. From the time she first could, she ran from every single problem she faced: she ran from abusive foster parents, she ran from the cops whenever she committed a crime, she ran after what Neal had done to her. So, needless to say, she ran from her _soul mate_ , someone she just couldn’t face. Not now, not ever.

As she continued to run down the busy sidewalk, she suddenly realized that she had lost her wallet. Emma remembered dropping it when the paparazzi knocked her over and in her haste to get the fuck away from _Killian Jones_ , she must’ve left it behind.

Well, now she had to waste time cancelling everything in that wallet and buying a new one and _God she did not have the time nor money for this._

Because of this stupid new revelation, Emma couldn’t get a cab to get back to her apartment, which was the only place she wanted to be right now so she could scream and yell and cry to her heart’s content because _why did this have to happen to her_. Emma gathered her thoughts as she ran, ignoring judgmental looks from passers-by, and realized that she needed to call one of her friends. She wasn’t about to call Mary Margaret or Ruby; they’d just be excited and cheerful and not understand why Emma was so upset about this.

But then Emma remembered the perfect person to call.

Emma stopped running for the first time in what felt like hours as she grabbed her cell phone from her front pocket. She dialed the familiar number and just prayed that her friend wasn’t working. And her prayers were answered when Henry picked up the phone after the third ring.

“Hey, Emma,” Henry said cheerily.

“Henry,” Emma said, her voice breaking on the last syllable.

Emma heard the creaking of Henry’s mattress in the background. “What’s wrong?”

“I need you to come get me,” Emma responded, feeling the breakdown coming, full speed ahead.

“Where are you?” Henry asked and Emma could hear her shuffling around for his shoes.

Emma looked around at the buildings around her for addresses. She finally found one at a building across the street from her and she told Henry the address and to just _hurry._ Henry hung up without another word and promised that he would be there in five minutes. Henry’s relaxing voice helped Emma take soothing breaths and rethink about what the hell she was supposed to do now that she found ‘The One,’ especially since he was a fucking celebrity who had millions of girls following him around and would _kill_ Emma the moment it was revealed that she was his soul mate.

_God_ , her friends were gonna have a laugh about this.

And _God_ , how was she gonna explain this to anybody?

As Emma waited for Henry to be her knight in shining armor, she looked at everyone around her; she looked at those hailing cabs, walking while on their phone, those who were completely unaware that the entire world was different to one of them. They were in their own worlds and had no idea that Emma was having an existential crisis over something that any one of them would’ve been happy to have. Emma Swan wasn’t supposed to have a soul mate-she spent her entire life believing that she was better off alone, being _told_ that she was better off alone-and there she was, seeing the colors that the world offered, all because of a chance encounter with Killian fucking Jones.

_God_ , what was her life?

“Emma!” Henry’s voice called out from the busy street.

Emma twisted her head to the left and saw Henry’s red Prius, standing out against the black town cars and obnoxiously yellow taxis. Emma rushed over to the car, pushing her way through the pedestrians who were in her way, and sliding into the passenger seat of the car. She could tell that Henry wanted to ask her about what the hell was happening, but he was polite enough to not ask Emma just yet about what triggered her break.

“Just take me home,” Emma whispered, feeling the tears beginning to build behind her eyes as she propped her elbows on her knees and dropped her face into her hands.

“Okay,” Henry said simply, swiftly turning the car back into the traffic filling the Bronx streets.

God, with this traffic, Emma knew they wouldn’t make it home for at least a half hour, even if she didn’t live all that far from here. Emma knew she wouldn’t be able to hold herself together for that long, given that her tears were already beginning to spill over, trailing down her cheeks as she sniffled into the quiet car.

“Emma, talk to me,” Henry said soothingly, glancing over at Emma with his big brown eyes.

Emma sniffled again and looked over to one of her closest friends, a guy that she had befriended during one of the worst periods in her life and had remained there when so many others left. “Henry, the cabs are yellow.”

At first Henry furrowed his eyebrows at the strange statement. But then he realized what she was saying-she was _naming colors_. “ _Holy shit._ ”

Emma nibbled on her bottom lip as she looked out the windshield, staring at the slow-moving traffic. “The cabs are yellow, the town cars are black, your hair is brown, your car is red and-” Emma dropped her head back into her hands, scratching her scalp with her long fingernails. Emma took a deep breath and continued. “He had the bluest eyes.”

“Do I even need to ask about what happened afterwards?” Henry asked and Emma laughed wryly. Henry knew Emma better than she knew herself. Henry smiled wryly at her as he finally turned right at the intersection, narrowly missing an idiot pedestrian who decided to step into the street. “Idiot. Okay so you ran. Did you at least talk to him?”

Emma relaxed back in the seat and wiped away her tears. “No. I just ran.”

“What happened?” Henry asked eagerly. For as long as Emma had known Henry, he had been obsessed with the aspect of soul mates, always wondering when he would meet his. He’s one of Emma’s few friends that still could see black and white-a group that Emma had gladly been a part of.

Emma sighed. “I fell over and he helped me up. When I looked up, that’s when everything changed.” Emma’s voice grew wistful as she said, “The very first color I saw was blue, with flecks of silver. _God_ , just how I imagined oceans would look.”

“What’s his name?” Henry asked as he turned right again at the next intersection.

Emma felt her face flush as she looked down at her lap. “Well…that is-uh-complicated.”

“Soul mates aren’t complicated.”

Emma rolled her eyes at Henry’s simple statement. If anything, soul mates were the definition of complicated.

“Yeah, Mulan would disagree with that,” Emma responded as she looked back out the windshield, bringing up her friend who had a soul mate who already had one of her own.

“So, what’s his name?” Henry asked again, glancing over for just a moment. God, Emma could see the excitement in his eyes. Henry was toning it down for her sake, since he knew all too well about how this was seriously throwing Emma for a loop.

“You aren’t going to believe me,” Emma replied, chipping at her already-chipped fingernail polish.

Henry furrowed his eyebrows as he continued to drive down the street. “What the hell does that mean?”

“Just-I’ll explain everything when we get back to my apartment, where I can rightfully break down sobbing, alright?” Emma snapped, running her fingers through her hair.

Emma could tell that Henry wanted to respond with something, but she was thankful that he held his tongue. Emma knew that it probably was going to be something along the lines of ‘you should be happy’ or ‘this is so exciting and you shouldn’t be scared of it.’ But Henry knew that she had heard all of those lines before: from Ruby, from Mary Margaret, and even from himself.

Emma sighed in relief when Henry pulled into a parking spot on the street, reserved for the apartment building they both lived in. Emma walked briskly beside Henry, already beginning to feel the tears welling in her eyes again and just _needing_ to get into her apartment right fucking now. She never imagined as a little girl that when she first met her soul mate, that she would run away and want to sob her eyes out.

But that was before Emma was taught the cruel reality of the world.

As Henry and Emma stepped into the elevator, she could feel tears beginning to spill over onto her cheeks. God, she could _feel_ the break coming, but these elevators were notorious of being incredibly slow and she was _not_ about to start crying in a fucking elevator, especially since there was an elderly woman standing in front of her.

Henry reached for Emma’s hand, slowly stroking his thumb against Emma’s hand to try to keep her calm. Emma began taking slow and deep breaths as the elevator crawled up to the eighth floor, where Emma resided. When the doors swung open, Emma had to wait a moment as the elderly woman in front of her walked slowly onto the floor and Emma had to bite her lip to focus on not allowing a sob to come out.

Today was just not her day.

Once the woman finally exited the elevator, thankfully turning to the left instead of the right, Emma almost ran off of the lift, her eyesight blurring with her unshed tears. Emma could hear Henry following her closely, to the point where he almost ran into her when Emma had to stop at her apartment door, number 815. It took her a moment longer than it usually took to slip her key into the lock and flip the tumblers, but her eyesight was blurring more and more as the seconds ticked by.

Finally, Emma got the key into the lock and unlocked the deadbolt. She immediately swung the door open, pulling her key out of the lock, and marched down the long hallway that led to her bathroom and small studio apartment, allowing the tears to finally trail down her cheeks. Emma tried to suppress the sob that wanted to come out, but she couldn’t do it. She didn’t have the strength to hold it back anymore.

And so she wept.

And wept.

And wept.

Henry pulled Emma into his arms and stroked her back, not even saying a single word, just allowing Emma to cry and cry and cry onto his shoulder. Emma was thankful that Henry wasn’t trying to assure her that everything was okay and that everything would work out; she just needed to cry for a while. And besides, Emma knew that it wouldn’t be alright. Even if this was something Emma had always wanted, she was too terrified to reach out and grab it, even if it was helping her up from rock bottom.

Emma’s crying slowed, so she pulled away from Henry, wiping her now sore eyes free from the tears. Henry looked down at Emma with the most pitiful expression and Emma rolled her eyes.

“Don’t fucking look at me like that, Henry,” Emma grumbled out, perching herself on the corner of her bed.

Henry sighed and ran his fingers through his shaggy hair, looking over at Emma. “You know this is supposed to be a good thing, right?”

Emma rolled her eyes again, not even caring that it made her eyes hurt even more. “I don’t see it that way and you know that.”

“If you would just open your eyes-”

“Don’t _fucking_ start with that, Henry,” Emma snapped, looking up at her worrisome friend. “You know how I feel about this soul mate bull shit.”

“Yes, I know,” Henry responded, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning forward just an inch. “I know that you get jealous whenever you see Ruby or Mary Margaret with Victor or David. I know that as much as you want to deny it, you want it more than anything else in this entire world. You are just too scared to go for it because of your past.”

Emma clenched her jaw and dropped her gaze to the floor, unable to continue to look at Henry’s intense gaze any longer. “Because it won’t work. Just like how it didn’t work with Neal. Just like how it didn’t work with the families I was sent to. It never works.”

“Emma Swan, _this is your soul mate_!” Henry exclaimed and Emma looked back up at him, who now had his hands perched on his hips. “It _will_ work out because the universe has made it that way! It _has_ to work out.”

“Life isn’t that simple, Henry,” Emma said simply, rubbing her tired eyes. “I know it better than most. It won’t work because that’s how life fucking is.”

Emma had been taught that time and time again. Every time she was sent to a new family, she held onto an inkling of hope that she would stay there, that they’d be different. But it was always quickly dashed by an abusive foster father or the parents just simply not caring about her, only wanting the monthly check for looking after her. She’d learned after the fifth house she was bounced out of that life didn’t care that she was eight or alone or that all she wanted was a family-life just didn’t care about her. Life told her that nobody cared for her, other than the few friends she had, and that she didn’t deserve the unwavering love of a soul mate.

Life told her that she didn’t deserve a soul mate. And after Neal, Emma completely believed it.

This time, Henry rolled his eyes. “You only think it won’t work out because you don’t _believe_.”

“God, you are just as bad at Mary Margaret,” Emma mumbled, sighing deeply. “I’m done talking about this with you because you _clearly_ don’t get it.”

Henry sighed. “Fine. At least tell me who the guy was.”

Emma nibbled on her bottom lip as she looked up at her friend. “Well…uh-well-”

“Don’t you dare say ‘it’s complicated’ again,” Henry interrupted, holding a finger to Emma’s face.

Emma sighed and decided that she couldn’t keep it a secret forever. She mumbled out, “Killian Jones.”

“What did you say?” Henry asked, genuinely meaning it since Emma said the name under her breath.

Emma cleared her throat and looked up at Henry. “Killian Jones.”

Henry’s jaw dropped. He didn’t say a single thing for at least a minute, during which Emma shifted uncomfortably on her bed. Henry just kept staring at her, narrowing his eyes as if he was trying to discern if it was the truth or a lie.

“I can’t tell if you’re messing with me or not,” Henry finally said, his eyes remaining narrowed.

Emma opened her mouth to assure Henry that her soul mate was indeed the man she had dreams of at night and was strewn all across the tabloids, but she was interrupted by a knock on her front door. Emma furrowed her eyebrows as she glanced up at Henry, who seemed just as curious. Emma took a deep breath as she slowly raised herself from the bed, walking toward the archway that led to the long hallway and turned right to walk down the hall. Emma itched the back of her head as she walked, wondering who the hell it could be. She didn’t have plans and she didn’t have work until five, so she knew it couldn’t have been her boss (which had happened before-after a particularly rough night of drinking and having an eight am shift).

But when she turned the knob and opened the door, she _really_ should’ve been expecting it.

God, today _really_ wasn’t her day.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killian knew this was going to be a bad idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi y'all! Sorry this took so long to update! I'm still nowhere near finishing the current chapter, but I know it's gonna be a while before that's done. Also, this chapter is sorta short, so I may post the next chapter sometime soon (I'm not sure). So have a happy new year and enjoy!

Killian knew that this was going to be a bad idea. He’d seen it all over her face when she ran that she wanted _nothing_ to do with him. But he had to return her wallet to her and, well, they really needed to talk. Because Killian wanted this-wanted to at least _try_ -and he couldn’t just give up on it because she ran. He wasn’t the kind of guy to just leave when the going got tough; his relationship with Milah was a testament to that.

No, he wasn’t going to think of his past, of his pain. Not when he’s standing at the doorstep of his soul mate’s apartment.

So, Killian took a deep breath as he stood in front of the door to apartment 815. He’d been standing there for the past few minutes, trying to gather the courage to face Emma Swan again. He kept his hood up to avoid any stares from any passers-by, which were only few and far between. He took his fiftieth deep breath and with closed eyes, Killian knocked twice on the door.

As he waited with bated breath, Killian wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans and figured out how the hell Emma Swan and he were going to talk this out. For the few seconds he saw her and the utter panic in her eyes, Killian knew that this wasn’t going to be easy. He just knew that she was going to fight this. But, Killian was going to fight just as hard for this. Dammit, he’d only seen her for a second, but he was already wrapped around her finger. But that didn’t surprise him. She _was_ his soul mate.

And dammit, did he feel like a twelve-year-old boy talking to his crush for the first time, as he waited for Emma Swan to answer the door.

Killian heard shuffling on the opposite side of the door, which made his heart quicken. He’d only seen a glimpse of Emma Swan, but she already had a hold on him. Killian took the wallet out from his pocket of his leather jacket, worn over the thin hoodie, and held it in his hands as he heard the door creak open.

And _bloody hell_ , she was more beautiful than he remembered.

And for a quick moment, she looked almost as happy to see him as he was for her.

But then, the panic seeped back into her eyes ( _God, those bloody beautiful jade eyes_ ). “Hi.”

Killian smiled weakly and held up her wallet. “You dropped this in your haste to run away.”

Emma reached out and swiftly grabbed it from Killian, making sure to not touch his fingers. “Thanks.”

Killian gulped when he saw the fear in her eyes. “Could we talk, Emma?”

Emma nibbled on her bottom lip and _God_ that did dishonorable things to his mind. Emma opened her mouth to indubitably deny the request, but a voice responded before she could. “Yes, you can.”

Killian looked past Emma and saw a tall, rather gangly, man with a mop of dark brown hair on his head. The man walked up to Emma and Killian, who then offered a hand for Killian to shake. “Henry Mills. Emma’s best friend.”

Killian smiled in response as he took this man’s-Henry’s-hand and shook it firmly. “And I suppose I don’t have to really introduce myself.”

Henry chuckled as he released Killian’s hand, tucking his hands into his front pockets. “When Emma said it was you, I didn’t know whether she was lying to me or not. Guess I shouldn’t have questioned it. But I gotta admit, when your best friend says her soul mate is a world famous actor, it’s natural to doubt it slightly.” Henry looked back to Emma, to whom he pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. “I’ll be at my place if you need me.”

Henry looked back to Killian, nodded once, and walked back toward the elevators. Killian looked back to Emma, who was clearly nervous, and smiled gently to her as to try to calm her nerves. Emma cleared her throat and stepped away from the door, allowing Killian to walk into the apartment. Killian slowly stepped into the apartment, drawing down his hood and scratching that spot behind his ear as he waited for Emma to lead him. He heard the gentle huff as Emma walked around him, being extra careful to not touch him (which wasn’t at all curious to Killian), and led him through the archway that opened the studio apartment to him. Killian looked all around him and felt a pang of nostalgia, since this apartment looked exactly like his apartment before he hit it big: the fridge awkwardly placed outside of the small kitchen, the small bathroom across from the fridge and the very small window overlooking the busy street below from beside the bathroom door. Hell, even the queen-sized bed pushed into the far corner of the room was exactly like his old apartment.

“Lemme guess: you feel bad that this is where I live and oh you wish to whisk me away to make my life better,” Emma stated simply, looking at Killian with dead eyes. He knew better than to trust her empty demeanor; he’d seen too much of her fearful stares to trust her current look.

“Not at all,” Killian responded, walking over to the window and looking out at the fire escape. “Just thinking that this place reminds me of my old apartment.”

“Ah, right. Before you _hit it big_ ,” Emma grumbled out and Killian furrowed his eyebrows as he turned back to face her. “I bet this is a big change from your Upper East Side apartment.”

Killian sighed and stuck his hands into his jacket pockets. “I know this is a lot but we need to talk about this, love.”

Emma’s jaw visibly tightened and Killian knew that he probably hit a nerve. “I’m not your _love_. And we don’t have to talk about anything.”

 _Bloody hell_ , this was gonna be more difficult than Killian thought it would be.

“Sorry, but we do,” Killian replied, making sure as to not use any more nicknames. “You know that just as well as I do. This is important.”

Emma crossed her arms over her chest. “I don’t have to discuss shit. Just because we bumped into each other on the street and _boom_ we could see colors, does not mean I owe you anything. I doubt you would even want to spend your life with someone who can barely even afford this shit hole.”

Killian took a step forward, taking his hands out from his pockets. God, this was _really_ not going how he thought it would. “You don’t know me, Emma Swan. I’m saying that we should get to know each other because this is our lot in life now. You are my soul mate and that isn’t gonna change.”

“But that doesn’t mean I want this,” Emma replied and Killian could hear the change in her voice, like she was trying to convince herself of that. Emma looked up at Killian with those jade eyes that Killian was already in love with and he could see the pain behind them. Bloody hell, he already wanted to kill whoever did that to this beautiful, brilliant woman that he had only met a few hours ago but was already completely wrapped around her finger. “I can’t do this. I am not capable of this.”

Killian’s heart broke at the way Emma said that. He heard the break in her voice, the utter despair and heartache in her tone. Killian already wanted to do just what she had taunted him about not a few minutes earlier-whisk her away from her problems. Now he saw how soul mates truly worked-that from the very first moment they met, all he wanted to do was to make her happy and fix all her issues. But Killian was getting the idea that Emma Swan would take a bit more work than that.

“Please, Swan,” Killian asked, not even thinking twice about the nickname that slipped out (God, he already had a nickname for her). “Give this a chance. I’m not like whoever hurt you in the past.”

And _shit,_ Killian should _not_ have said that because now, Emma was shooting daggers at him and her jaw was clenched tightly and there was no way he was going to get any further.

“Where do you get off on telling me that?!” Emma said loudly, her pain now disguised as anger and Killian’s careless words. “You said that I don’t know you. Well, you have _no_ idea about what I’ve been through! You don’t get to say that because time and time again, all throughout my life, I’ve been told that every-fucking-body is the same! That they’ll all fucking let you down and break your heart and that you might as well not even let anybody in! Don’t you fucking tell me that you’re different because I know better than to trust anybody who says that! Because they all say that and then I’m the only one left in the end, picking up the pieces of my own broken heart because nobody is there to help.”

Killian wanted to say something, that he understood heartbreak (don’t fucking think about Milah), but everything he wanted to say wouldn’t have even come close to what Emma needed to hear- _deserved_ to hear. From the first time he saw her and could see the jade of her eyes and the gold of her hair, he didn’t want to leave her side. But now, it was even more important for Killian to fight for this-for her-because she needed to know that he wasn’t going to give up.

“Killian, I’m sure you’re a great guy, but you’d be better off without me,” Emma responded, tucking a stray hair behind her ear. Killian wanted to reach for her, to wrap his arms around her and to soothe her for the rest of their lives. But, he knew that wouldn’t be wise. “I don’t think I’d be any good for you or for your career or your future. I think you should go.”

“Emma, please,” Killian pleaded, wanting to move forward but unable to. He didn’t want to scare her more than she already was.

Emma shook her head and Killian’s heart broke at the unshed tears in her eyes. “Please, Killian.”

Killian sighed and itched the back of his neck, avoiding Emma’s gaze. He didn’t want to give up on her. He _couldn’t_ give up, because he wasn’t that kind of man. But looking at Emma’s unwavering eyes (the ones that were holding the unshed tears of her pain), he could tell that she truly wanted him to leave. But no, this didn’t mean he would give up on her. He hadn’t given up on Milah, when everything told him to because she was a married woman and it was _wrong_. It was unlike him to give up on anybody and his _soul mate_ was one he just couldn’t change that for.

He was going to fight.

But he knew that Emma needed space.

So, without a word, Killian Jones left Emma Swan’s apartment. And well, if he heard the sobbing coming from the apartment as he walked down the hallway, his heart shattered for the millionth time that day.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And in that moment, Emma Swan realized that she loved her name spilling from those lips.

**A/N: so I finally finished the chapter I was writing, so here's the fourth chapter! I hope y'all enjoy it!**

**The song I mention in this chapter is this one ([x](http://swanshero.tumblr.com/post/96892942955/fagmobs-sia-chandelier-piano-version))**

* * *

 

_You’ve been mourning for the past three days, Killy. Let’s go out. I can’t stand looking at your brooding face anymore._

Killian had rolled his eyes at Liam’s statement over the phone, but he had to agree. Killian had so much as left his apartment after the disastrous conversation with Emma three days earlier. He was lucky that shooting for the show didn’t start back up for another two weeks, otherwise he would’ve had to be out and about and completely out of it as he was shooting. No doubt that Cora would’ve yelled at him about that.

So, Killian got dressed in his favorite jeans, a white t-shirt, and his signature black leather jacket. He rode a cab over to his brother’s apartment and deftly made his way through the lobby, thankful that nobody was down there to recognize him; he was _not_ in the mood to deal with autograph seekers or paparazzi. He had hid himself away in his apartment ever since the conversation with Emma and he was still not entirely up to being out in public.

Killian huffed as he rode the elevator up to the third floor and marched down the hallway, just as he did three days ago when his life first changed. He didn’t bother knocking on the apartment door, knowing that Liam would be waiting for him already. As Killian entered the apartment, he saw Jenny and his little niece, Amelia (named after Killian and Liam’s mother, who had left the world too soon), sitting on the couch of the living area.

Jenny looked over at Killian when she heard the door open, her flaming red hair up in a messy bun. Jenny smiled as she rocked her baby daughter in her arms. “Hey there.”

Killian furrowed his eyebrows as he walked across the hardwood floors, past the kitchen, and reached the living area. “Where’s my brother?”

“Amelia spat up on his shirt, so he’s changing,” Jenny responded with a laugh bubbling up and a smile.

Killian snorted as he walked around Jenny and sat down beside her, looking down at his precious niece. “That’s a good girl. Make your daddy pay for pulling me out of my apartment to spend some time at a stupid bar.”

“Oy!” Liam shouted from the bedroom and Jenny and Killian snickered together. “I’m doing this for your own good!”

“He’s right, you know,” Jenny added after they stopped giggling. “You need to get out of your thoughts for a little bit, Killian.”

Killian rolled his eyes. “Yeah, your husband has made that his sole mission in life to remind me of that every day for the past three days.”

Jenny rolled her eyes in response and _God_ she really was a part of this family. “Could you hold Amelia for a second? I’m gonna check on your brother to make sure he isn’t wearing that God-awful paisley shirt again.”

“I thought you liked that shirt!” Liam shouted from the bedroom and Jenny and Killian laughed again as Jenny shifted Amelia into Killian’s arms.

“I’ll be right back,” Jenny said as she lifted herself from the couch and marched down the hallway to the bedroom she shared with Liam.

Killian looked down at his newborn niece, whose eyes were struggling to remain open as slumber fought its way through. He trailed his finger down Amelia’s soft cheek and he got a flash of a life that he wanted. Now that he had found his soul mate, Killian couldn’t stop himself from imagining a future with a daughter with those jade eyes and his jet black hair or maybe a son with his bright blue eyes and her flaxen hair. He knew it’d be difficult, but Killian _needed_ this life. It was what he always wanted. And he knew that wouldn’t change, especially since he finally found the one he was meant to be with.

“Don’t look at her like that, Killy,” Liam spoke up and Killian looked over at his older brother and his wife. Killian hadn’t even noticed them returning to the living room; he had been completely entranced by Amelia’s now-sleeping face. “Makes me think you may murder us in our sleep and steal her away.”

Killian shrugged with a smirk on his face. “Too messy. Plus, I’d miss looking at your sorry mug.”

“I’m touched,” Liam responded, placing his hand on his chest.

Jenny rolled her eyes as she walked over to her old spot beside Killian, sitting down on the aged couch. “She finally fell asleep?” Killian nodded in response. “She likes her uncle.”

Killian snorted. “I don’t think she knows me all too well, Jenny. If she did, I don’t think she’d like me at all.”

“Killian,” Jenny said, clearly wanting to say something, but Killian interrupted her by passing Amelia back to Jenny, being extra careful with the sleeping newborn.

Killian pushed himself off of the couch and took the three steps to reach his brother. “Ready?”

Liam clapped Killian on the shoulder and, with a grin, he said, “Let’s go, little brother.”

Ten minutes later, Killian and Liam arrived at a lounge mere blocks from Liam’s apartment. The lounge, The Frozen Heart, was an up-and-coming lounge in the Bronx that was already making waves in the city, even if it had only been open for the past year. Maybe it was its icy interior, or its generous amounts of alcohol in the drinks, or maybe how the owner had been thrust into the limelight because of her honesty about her anxiety and depression.

Maybe it was because there was live entertainment every night.

When Killian walked into the lounge behind Liam, he was stopped suddenly by Liam’s insistence to the host that he sees the owner of the lounge. Killian let his head drop backwards to stare at the ceiling because he bloody _hated_ it when Liam did this: asking the owner or manager or whatever if they could get a private seat because he had _Killian Jones_ with him and they didn’t want to be bothered.

“Liam, that isn’t necessary,” Killian grumbled, moving to stand beside his brother.

Liam rolled his eyes. “You’re still in a sour mood. Wouldn’t do any good for your image if you treated your fans like you treat me.”

“I wouldn’t do that because you piss me off,” Killian grumbled again, sticking his hands into his jean pockets.

Liam rolled his eyes as he turned to face the lounge, looking around at the chattering couples and friends. Killian continued to brood because he just did _not_ want to be there. He just wanted to be back at his apartment, watching TV and avoiding the public for now. He would be plenty in public when filming started back up; Killian just wanted a break until then.

But a blonde haired woman strolled up to Liam and Killian and then it was too late to convince Liam to go back home. The woman smiled, but Killian could see the tightness in it. She was obviously not completely used to being the famed owner of the hottest lounge in the Bronx.

“What can I help you with?” The woman asked-Elsa, Killian believed her name was.

Liam smiled as he said, “I’m here with Killian Jones and I was wondering if we would be able to get a table near the back. Somewhere dark. He isn’t in the most pleasant of moods tonight, I’m afraid, and we wouldn’t want him to harm his image by being rude to any guests.”

Elsa nodded in understanding, her eyes flicking back to where Killian stood. “I have the perfect seat for you two. Just follow me, if you could, please.”

Killian sighed as Elsa led Liam and him through the crowded lounge, weaving through filled tables and pushed-out chairs. Killian found himself getting annoyed with each passing moment, wishing that he could just tell his brother to bugger off. But, knowing Liam, he wouldn’t do that, even if Killian begged. Liam was infuriating, but he was protective of his younger brother.

“Here you go,” Elsa said with another smile as Liam and Killian sat at the one-sided booth she led them to. “Your waitress, Ella, will be with you in just a moment.”

Liam nodded as Elsa walked away, back down a hallway that must lead to her office. Liam looked over to his brother, who was brooding again, with his arms crossed over his chest and leaning back against the booth.

Liam rolled his eyes. “Will you buck up, Killy? You’re really ruining the mood.”

Killian sighed. “Bugger off.”

“Drama queen,” Liam muttered, relaxing back against the booth, which overlooked the lower dining area and a stage where a pianist was playing a quiet tune.

Killian rolled his eyes. “Bloody git.”

“Hi, guys! I’m Ella, your waitress for tonight!” The woman (well, more like girl) said cheerfully, with a wide smile and dimpled cheeks. “What would you two like-Oh my god, you’re Killian Jones!”

Killian groaned internally, putting on a fake smile and sitting up straight. “Yes, I am.”

Ella’s face turned bright red, in contrast to her light blonde hair and blue eyes. “Ohmygod, I _can’t believe this_! _Never Landing_ is my favorite show!”

Killian continued to smile, while resisting the urge to roll his eyes. “Thank you so much for watching.”

Ella let out an inhuman squeak and quickly held her pad and pencil. “Can I get you anything?”

“Uh,” Liam spoke up and Ella was suddenly reminded that Killian wasn’t the only person at the table, “could I get a bottle of Dos Equis?”

Ella nodded and looked back at Killian, fluttering her eyelashes and _Jesus_ Killian thought he would’ve been used to women acting like that around him by now. “Just get me rum.”

Ella sighed dreamingly. “Just like Hook.”

Ella practically _skipped_ away and Killian relaxed back in his seat, listening to Liam cackling beside him.

“I will never get over the way women just _fawn_ over you, little brother,” Liam joked, shoving Killian’s shoulder.

“Piss off,” Killian grumbled, looking up at the stage as the handsome gentleman begins winding his song to a close.

“Never,” Liam responded, grinning at Killian.

Killian rolled his eyes and huffed, vaguely hearing footsteps walking onto the stage, thirty or so feet from him. He heard excited chattering and didn’t think anything of it-only remembered that there was live entertainment and he sincerely hoped that it wasn’t some tone-deaf person who wanted to be famous. Well, he didn’t think anything of it until he heard the voice.

“Hi, everyone. I’m glad to see all of you again,” Emma Swan spoke into the microphone and Killian leaned forward, his breath taken away because _Gods_ he forgot how beautiful she was. “I can only sing one song tonight ‘cause I’ve got full tables, but I hope you enjoy this song, nonetheless.”

_And_ she can sing like an angel.

Bloody hell, she’s perfect.

Liam furrowed his eyebrows at his brother’s reaction to the lounge singer. “What are you doing? I thought you were supposed to be brooding or something.”

“It’s her,” Killian responded simply, his sight unwavering from Emma as she sang on stage.

Liam looked back to the blonde woman on the stage. And all he said was “Oh, bloody hell.”

<> 

Emma tried not to think about the conversation for the next three days. She tried to ignore the memories of Killian’s desperate eyes and the way her heart pounded in her chest because it just knew that he was the one she was meant to be with. She ignored the dreams she had of Killian-which had switched from the dirtiest sex imaginable to the silliest domesticated fluff her mind could conjure up ( _why was her mind betraying her?_ )-and she _definitely_ ignored the incessant calls and texts coming from Mary Margaret and Ruby. She didn’t want to face them, knowing how her life has completely changed and she did even want it (fine, she wanted it, but she didn’t deserve it).

But the one thing she couldn’t ignore was the sound of the door slamming shut when Killian left.

After Killian had left her apartment ( _everybody leaves, don’t forget it_ ), Emma completely and utterly _shattered_. Emma had collapsed to the ground and just cried her eyes out. God, she wanted the life she could have with her soul mate, but her fear of being left behind ( _because she was always left behind_ ) was crippling her. Emma had seen the sincerity in Killian’s eyes, at how much he wanted them to be together and that he truly wanted to talk things over. But, it had been just too much for Emma. As Emma had been heaving for breath on the hardwood floor of her apartment while the sobs wracked through her body, she remembered the startling blue of Killian’s eyes that betrayed his heartache at Emma’s pleas for him to leave.

God, she had been right in telling him that she was no good for him. She was just going to ruin his life with her brokenness. And then he’d realize that she was right and he’d run away.

Emma Swan was damaged goods, and she knew that all too well.

After mourning whatever life she could’ve had with Killian (and no, she absolutely did _not_ imagine a little boy with pitch black hair and piercing blue eyes), Emma shook everything off and got ready for her shift. She pushed all her thoughts away and that seemed to have worked until she returned home. And every moment since, she was plagued with her wishes and dreams and desires to have just _given him a chance_.

Her thoughts were no different as she walked to work that Sunday. As she walked into The Frozen Heart, she couldn’t stop thinking of those eyes and how she had dreamt of them every night. But, her thoughts were quickly quieted as she could finally look at the lounge she worked at and see the beautiful ice blues and pure whites that blanketed the floors and walls and furniture. Emma felt her eyes widen at the overwhelming sensations of colors invading her sight, but she quickly fixed her eyes back to normal size; she didn’t want anybody to know about how her life had drastically changed.

“Hey, Emma,” Marian called from over by the bar, where she was wiping down the steel counter. Emma took in Marian’s beautiful brown curls, bouncing gently from side to side as her arm moved across the counter with the damp rag.

“Hey,” Emma responded as quickly as she could, trying to retain her normal attitude. Emma _really_ didn’t want people to find out that she could indeed see colors. She didn’t want to deal with people being all cheery and not truly understanding how _awful_ it really was for Emma.

How awful it was _period_.

Emma headed back down the narrow hallway, which led to her boss’ office, where she kept her things while Emma worked her shift. She never did any more than just exchanging pleasantries with Marian; honestly, Emma hardly knew Marian and they had been working together for a year, ever since Emma got the job as a cocktail waitress. Emma wasn’t really friends with _anybody_ she worked with. She guessed that was residual from her time in foster care, where she kept to herself and stayed away from everyone because they’d end up leaving her anyways.

It was shocking that she ended up with as many friends as she had now. But, it was those people that never gave up on her. For once in her life, Emma had people that didn’t give up on her.

And that included her boss.

Emma reached the end of the long hallway and pushed open the large, white oak door and saw her boss sitting behind her monstrous desk, looking like a child sitting behind their parents’ desk. Elsa glanced up and Emma was taken aback by how ice blue her eyes were, something she never knew until this very moment. _God_ , how was she going to be able to hide this from everyone?

“Hey,” Elsa said as she looked back to her computer, her leg jiggling from underneath the desk. A nervous tick that Elsa’s always had, ever since Emma first met her.

“Ordering?” Emma asked as she turned to the left, heading to the cubbies that were assigned for the workers.

“Mmhmm,” Elsa responded, nibbling on her bottom lip.

“We need more Skyy, just so you know,” Emma told her boss as she hung up her red leather jacket, revealing her cotton, knee-length black dress.

Elsa sighed and dropped her head into her hand, wringing her fingers through her loose braid. “I ordered some last week. What the fuck?”

Emma walked over to the desk, her five-inch, black high heels clacking on the white tile of the office. “Maybe it’s time to talk to the staff again? Maybe they need a reminder to stop stealing shit again.”

Elsa groaned and sighed all at the same time, resulting in some strange noise. Emma knew that this wasn’t helped Elsa’s anxiety even remotely, but this came with the territory of owning a lounge, which was quickly gaining popularity with the yuppie crowd. Emma always tried her best to help Elsa out with her anxiety, especially when Elsa would call Emma at hours unheard of, just to freak out over invoices and paychecks and shipments.

“I guess so,” Elsa responded, her eyes glancing back up at Emma. Emma tried- _really tried_ -to keep herself from reacting to the icy blue stare, but she couldn’t stop her eyes from widening and her jaw from dropping. Elsa furrowed her eyebrows and Emma knew she was done for. “Is something wrong, Emma?”

Emma gulped, which Elsa indubitably noticed. “Uh, no.”

Elsa looked deep into Emma’s eyes, scanning for something Emma was trying to hide. Emma _really_ didn’t want people to know about the whole true love thing. It was stupid. So stupid.

“Ohmygod,” Elsa said as her jaw dropped and Emma knew she was caught. “ _You can see colors_.”

“Why do you say that?” Emma asked, crossing her arms over her chest defensively.

“Because Anna had that _exact_ same look on her face when she met Kristoff,” Elsa explained, slowly standing from her desk and placing her hands in the back pockets of her white pants. “She stared at me exactly how you are now.”

Emma sighed and deflated, her shoulders slouching as her arms remained crossed. “I can see colors.”

And Emma was surprised at the lack of excitement and joy coming from Elsa. Instead, Elsa smiled weakly at Emma. Emma furrowed her eyebrows at Elsa as Emma looked at her, confused at the unexpected reaction.

“What, no ‘you’re so lucky’ or ‘you should be happy?’” Emma asked her boss, chewing on the inside of her cheek.

“I know you well enough to know that you aren’t exactly the type to want this,” Elsa responded, removing her hands from her pockets to finger at the end of her braid. “And you know that I understand where you’re coming from.”

Emma knew that Elsa understood. They’d had plenty of late night talks while closing the lounge and nights where they just hung out at either of their apartments, drinking alcohol and just talking about their lives before they met. Elsa knew basically everything about Emma’s life in foster care and Neal and her feelings about the whole _soul mate_ thing (these only came out after a particularly rough night of tequila and an awful game of 20 questions). Emma knew all about Elsa’s anxiety (which wasn’t exactly hard to notice since she was always a nervous wreck at work), her unpredictable emotions, and how Elsa felt that it was better for everyone that she just stayed away.

They became quite close after that night. Emma realized that Elsa was one of the few people who truly, _irrevocably_ understood her. Emma felt bad that she didn’t tell Elsa about the color thing immediately after it happened, but she just needed Henry and then plenty of time to herself. She needed to sit and think about her new life and whether or not she should really try with the whole soul mate thing, even if Emma was absolutely positive that it would be exactly how everything else in her life was: that he would realize that she wasn’t enough or that she wasn’t lovable and that he would leave, just as many other people have.

“I just don’t know what to do, Elsa,” Emma muttered, taking a deep breath and flinging her hair back over her shoulder.

“Well, you know that you want this. You’ve told me as much,” Elsa replied, walking around the desk and perching herself on the edge of the desk, reclining in front of Emma. “But, I know that you’re terrified of this. Just take your time in figuring it out.”

Emma nibbled on her bottom lip. “And if he won’t wait?”

Elsa gave Emma a look that said ‘come on, seriously?’ “Of course he’ll wait. He’s your soul mate.”

Emma rolled her eyes and began to turn to exit the office. “Sure.”

“What’s his name?” Elsa asked as Emma strutted toward the door. “You must’ve at least exchanged names, right?”

“Not exactly,” Emma replied as she put her hand on the doorknob.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Elsa asked from the desk.

Emma glanced over her shoulder at Elsa, who seemed to genuinely want to know who Emma’s soul mate was. Emma smirked at her friend and said, “I knew who he was. In fact, you do too. Actually, everyone knows who he is.”

Elsa furrowed her eyebrows. “Dammit Emma. Just tell me. Now is not the time to be cryptic.”

Emma left the office without another word to Elsa. She busied herself by prepping her tables and chatting nicely with Marian and any of her other coworkers that came in. Emma earned a tight hug from Ella (who was always cheerful and it kinda grated on Emma’s nerves because _nobody_ could always be that happy) before Ella skipped away to Elsa’s office.

“Singing tonight?” Ella asked as she quickly stopped at the archway that led to the hallway.

Emma nodded as she reclined against the bar. “Yeah.”

“You’re so lucky you can sing like that. Probably doesn’t hurt your tips,” Ella responded, tapping her silver painted fingernails against the archway. “I would give my firstborn to sing like that.”

Ella skipped past the archway and down the hallway to Elsa’s office. Emma let out a loud sigh of relief because it honestly was exhausted dealing with Ella. Marian met eyes with Emma and chuckled under her breath.

“Yeah, I know. I had to deal with her the day she got engaged,” Marian said, wiping glasses clean of any water or dust remnants.

Emma raised her eyebrows. “I couldn’t even imagine.”

“Hey, Emma!” Olaf called from the front door of the lounge, the short, rotund man waddling toward the piano. “Ready to rehearse your songs for tonight?”

Emma sighed as she slid off of the barstool, walking over toward the stage with her five inch stilettos clacking on the hardwood of the lower dining area. “Let’s do this.”

And that’s what Emma did until the lounge officially opened at six, and which was already packed by six thirty. Emma wasn’t really surprised about the turn out; _Time Out_ just named The Frozen Heart as the hottest up-and-coming lounge in the city with an interview with Elsa. Elsa had called Emma frantically a few days ago about the interview, so Emma had been with Elsa during the interview. And it turned out that the interview did more good than harm, contrary to what Elsa was concerned about.

So, obviously that meant Emma was _swamped_. Each table that the host, that _incompetent_ Greg, brought over must’ve had at least four people per table, which made more work for Emma than she _really_ needed. Her feet were _killing_ her (well, that’s what she got for making the mistake of wearing stilettos to work _again_ ) and she was already exhausted by the time nine rolled around. But, she was thankful for the busy night: it kept her from thinking about Killian and his too-blue eyes that showed every emotion that crossed his mind and the way he _left_.

“Emma, it’s time for you to sing,” Elsa whispered into her ear as she snuck up behind Emma as she was tending a table.

Emma nodded as she gathered the empty glasses from the table of drunken businesswomen. “I’ll be up there in a minute.”

Elsa hurried back to her office since she didn’t like staying in crowds all that much. Emma huffed as she carried the heavy tray back behind the bar, where Marian graciously took the tray to clear it of glasses.

“Give ‘em hell,” Marian said as she began stacking glasses together.

Emma let out a deep breath as she walked up to the stage. No matter how many times she had sung in front of crowds (she graduated with a degree in music, _for fuck’s sake_ ), she was always a little nervous. Sure, the crowd at The Frozen Heart had always been very appreciative and always loved hearing her sing, but Emma was always waiting for someone to disapprove of her singing. There was always someone out there that disapproved of things she did.

(She was simply used to it.)

Emma cleared her throat as she stood on the stage, leaning toward Olaf, who sat behind the piano. “We’re gonna do ‘Chandelier.’ I’m too busy to do more than that.”

Olaf nodded in understanding and cracked his knuckles over-exaggeratedly. Emma turned to the microphone, slightly blinded by the strong lights propped at the edge of the stage, but noticing the eager shifting in seats of the crowd.

“Hi, everyone. I’m glad to see all of you again,” Emma said as she placed her hands on the microphone stand. “I can only sing one song tonight ‘cause I’ve got full tables, but I hope you enjoy this song, nonetheless.”

And Emma began singing. It was kinda silly, but she always liked seeing people’s expressions whenever she started singing-they always look just simply awestruck at her voice. Emma remembered that whenever she began singing, it’d be one of the few times that she could forget the pain of a lonely life and could just imagine that everything was perfect. That’s why she majored in music: she wanted to live that perfect life and help others live it too.

Emma closed her eyes and allowed her hips to sway with the gentle notes of the piano, singing the song that she had practiced for hours and had been stuck in her head for days. She let herself imagine that she was singing in Madison Square Garden, or in Carnegie Hall, singing for everyone to hear. That’s what Emma wanted with her life, but life never really worked out like that for Emma. But, she still hoped for the day that she’d get a chance to showcase her talents for crowds to hear.

Emma opened her eyes again and scanned the crowd, nearing the end of her song. She smiled internally at the faces of the audience, mentally taking a picture to look at on days where Emma felt as though her life was losing meaning. She noticed Ella swaying along to the song as she dropped off drinks to a table in the far back of the lounge. Emma looked at the table, noticing two men sitting there: one man was staring intently at Emma as she sang and the other man seemed very intrigued by the first man’s reaction toward her. Emma subtly squinted her eyes and _holy shit no_.

It was Killian.

Killian Jones was here and listening to her singing and _oh God this was not happening_.

As soon as the final note ended on the piano, Emma hurried off of the stage, willing her legs to walk past her tables-which probably needed tending to-and walked through the hallway in the rear of the lounge, going back to Elsa’s office. She couldn’t deal with her _soul mate_ tonight-well, more like maybe ever. She didn’t want that life (of course she fucking wanted it) and she needed him to keep away from her because she’d only end up hurting him and herself (she needed him to _stay_.)

Emma walked into Elsa’s office and immediately shut the door behind her, collapsing against it as Elsa raised her eyebrows from behind the desk, where she was typing away on the computer.

“Is there something wrong?” Elsa asked, looking over at her friend, slightly worried at Emma’s distressed face.

“He’s here,” Emma said simply and Elsa understood.

Elsa walked from around the desk and placed her hands on Emma’s upper arms, soothingly rubbing her thumbs against her skin. “You alright?”

Emma took a deep breath and shrugged. “I don’t know. I just don’t know what to do. He obviously saw me and I don’t know if he’s gonna try to talk to me.”

“Well, of course he’s going to try to talk to you, Emma,” Elsa responded, smiling politely at her friend. “Knowing you, you probably pushed him away when you two talked. You two have talked, right?”

Emma nodded. “Yeah, kinda. But yeah, I pushed him away when he tried to talk. I just don’t do _this_.”

Elsa gripped Emma’s upper arms a little harder, trying to shake sense into her. “You _can_ do this, Emma. And you want that life. You just have to take a chance.”

There was gentle knocking on the office door and Emma’s heart began beating wildly in her chest. Elsa helped pull Emma from the door, as she was frozen with fear, and Elsa opened the door, revealing a nervous Killian and a disconcerted man behind him.

Elsa’s eyes widened as she looked over to her friend. “ _He’s_ your soul mate?”

Emma shrugged. “What? I told you that everyone knew who he was.”

“But, I didn’t think you meant that _literally_ ,” Elsa responded hastily, then returned her gaze to the two men at her door, spreading an uneasy smile on her face. “Come on in.”

Killian and the man entered the office and Emma began picking at her nails from the nerves filling her stomach. She knew she needed to talk to him, even if she said everything she had to say on Wednesday. But Emma knew she didn’t mean all of those things, that mostly fear had controlled her words, just as it did so often. She did want this kind of life, but she wasn’t lying about how she wasn’t good with _this_ -with relationships and being happy and being _normal_. But looking at Killian’s eyes, _Christ_ Emma wanted to at least try.

“Hi,” Killian said simply, sticking his hands into his jacket pockets.

“Hi,” Emma replied nervously, continuing to pick at her nails.

A silence followed as Emma looked over to Elsa, who was listening quite intently at the awkward exchange. Emma raised her eyebrows, communicating silently that she would _very_ much like for Elsa to leave.

“Oh right,” Elsa said, figuring out what Emma wanted, stepping toward the door. “I’ll go take care of your tables, then. Just close the door when you leave.”

Killian looked over his shoulder at the unknown man and must’ve had the same look on his face as Emma did.

The man rolled his eyes. “Fine, you bloody git.” The man looked around Killian and smiled at Emma. “I’m Liam. My brother decided to be rude and not introduce me. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

Emma smiled politely back at Liam, kicking herself for being so unbelievably dumb about not seeing the family resemblance. “Nice to meet you too.”

“Now, get out, you prat,” Killian grumbled under his breath to who must’ve been his older brother.

Liam sighed as he began to follow Elsa out of the office. “Fine. Don’t hide for too long. Don’t want that Ella girl to miss you.”

Killian rolled his eyes and sighed as his brother and Elsa exited the office and the door shut quietly behind them. It was silent for a few more moments before Killian cleared his throat and itched a spot behind his ear, which Emma reluctantly found quite adorable and endearing.

“So, uh-um-well-”

“Are you stalking me now?” Emma asked, crossing her arms over her chest defensively, raising her eyebrows at the man before her.

Killian raised his eyebrows and wildly shook his head. “God, no. I came here with my brother just to hang out since this is only a few minutes from his place. I had no idea you worked here. I’m not that kind of man, love.”

Emma narrowed her eyes at Killian, even though she could tell he genuinely meant what he said. None of her usual lie detectors were going off as she looked at his blue eyes ( _God_ , they were so blue) and Emma sighed. And dammit she should’ve been annoyed at _love_ , but Emma couldn’t help it-she had missed his lilting accent and bright blue eyes and messy black hair and _what was happening to her_.

“Fine. I believe you,” Emma replied, planting her hands on her hips.

Killian sighed, awkwardly shifting his hands in his pockets. “My brother thought I needed a night out after not leaving my place for the past three days.”

Emma gulped because it sounded like _her_ : lying in bed and just not wanting to move ever since Killian left her apartment after that awful conversation they had. She had only left the apartment to go to work, but once that was over, she’d return home, back to her spot in her bed. She didn’t talk to Ruby or Mary Margaret or Henry; all she did was wallow in her own misery, which was what she did best.

“I’m sure that conversation didn’t go exactly how you imagined it,” Emma mumbled, looking to the white carpeting of the office.

Killian chuckled. “Not exactly. But, I knew it’d be a challenge, since I saw how afraid you were when you saw me that first time.”

Emma nibbled on her lip as she looked up at Killian, clasping her hands together in front of her and shifting awkwardly to relieve the pain in her feet ( _why had she decided to wear stilettos to work that day?_ ). “You saw me panic?”

Killian nodded subtly. “Yeah.”

Emma let out a deep breath, taking a small step forward. “Killian, I wasn’t lying when I said that I’m not any good for you. You need a girl who wants fame and to be chased by paparazzi and I’m not that girl.”

Killian sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Love, not to be a prat or anything, but you don’t exactly know what I like in a girl.”

And Emma knew he was right. She didn’t know a damn thing about Killian Jones-only the things she read in those gossip magazines. All she knew was that he had a thing for flings with hot models and appeared to have a soft spot for Cheetos, since he seemed to have a bag in his hand in nearly every picture taken of him.

Emma sighed and chewed on the inside of her cheek. “I know. I know I don’t have any right to say that. Or had any right to say any of those things back at my place. I’m sorry for all of that. But, I’m telling you the truth-I’m not the kind of girl you want by your side in the limelight.”

_I have a past_ , Emma wanted to say, but no, she couldn’t say it. Not yet. Not when they only just met.

“I understand,” Killian responded and Emma’s heart fell. She knew he wouldn’t chase after her. Nobody did. “But, truth be told, love, this isn’t something I’m going to forget about. I don’t take this whole soul mate business lightly. And I don’t know about you, but I know that even though it may be terrifying to do this, I’m willing to try.”

Emma’s heart swelled, hearing Killian’s confessions. She could see in his eyes that he had been hurt before, that she wasn’t the only person that was afraid and nervous about this whole thing. Killian understood what she was saying and wasn’t pressuring her into anything. And that made all of the difference in the world to Emma.

“Well, um, if you decide to stop by Thursday through Sunday next week and the week after, I may not exactly complain,” Emma mumbled out, afraid to raise her voice any higher.

Killian smiled (and it was a beautiful smile) and his eyes lit up. “Are you telling me your work schedule, Ms. Swan?”

Emma bit on her bottom lip. “Maybe.”

Killian smiled wider, his bright and perfect teeth showing. He took a step closer to Emma, sticking his hands into his jacket pockets again. “You aren’t exactly subtle, are you, love?”

Emma shrugged, beginning to smile because she enjoyed this side of Killian. “I’ve been told that I’m as subtle as a brick to the face.”

Killian chuckled and Emma’s heart did a weird stutter thing that Emma thought she could get used to. “It’s quite endearing.”

Emma felt her face burn with the blush rising to her cheeks. “It was nice to see you again, Killian.”

“It was nice to see you too, Emma Swan,” Killian responded, those bright blue eyes sinking into Emma’s jade eyes.

And in that moment, Emma realized that she loved her name spilling from those lips.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm chugging along on the current chapter and I thought I might as well post this one! So, I hope y'all enjoy :)

Killian came to the lounge every night Emma was working, without fail. Emma would look across the lounge from her spot on the stage and would see his smiling face, just staring at her as she sang. She hadn’t gathered the guts to ask him how he felt about her voice (not like it was important or anything.) But according to the look on Killian’s face-the way he looked absolutely flabbergasted and just so _young_ -Emma thought that he quite liked her voice.

It was this way for the next two weeks: Killian would come to the lounge and watch Emma sing and they’d spend some time talking later-much later, when customers were gone and it was only the two of them in the empty lounge, surrounded by silence and tension that never seemed to ease. Emma didn’t want to feel those things-the tension that came over her in waves, the stutter of her heart whenever he broke into that stupid smile, the way that smile seemed to be only for _her_. Her heart continued to betray her whenever Killian came around, with his perfectly mussed hair and piercing blue eyes and _God that stubble_.

Because of this routine (one that Emma begrudgingly admitted that she looked forward to-because she was still trying to protect the walls around her heart), Emma noticed when Killian suddenly wasn’t there on Thursday night, nearly three weeks after the serendipitous meeting at The Frozen Heart. She tried to ignore the niggling feeling the empty booth left in the back of her neck, the one that said that it was only a matter of time before he got bored with her.

Emma shook her head as she took the stage, trying to shake off the negative emotions the stupid table was giving her (it was _just_ a table, for fuck’s sake.) But even as she sang-something that always gave her great joy-, Emma couldn’t stop the fear from clawing at her, taking hold of her heart and squeezing it almost painfully. She kept wishing that when she’d look back at that booth that Killian would be sitting there, coming in late because something came up. But he never came that night. And Emma did _not_ like the way her stomach clenched at the thought of him giving up on her ( _because everyone gave up on her_.)

“Where’s your pirate?” Elsa asked with a smile when it was only the two of them left in the lounge. She had taken to the nickname because Killian _did_ play James Hook on television and, well, he _did_ dress sorta like a modern-day pirate. When Emma didn’t respond, Elsa looked up from her desk, where she was organizing her papers, and the smile fell from her lips. “What’s wrong?”

Emma shook her head (cursing herself for allowing herself to become distracted by thoughts of _of course he left_ and _you’ll never be good enough_.) “What? No, I’m fine.”

Elsa stood up straight and pursed her lips at Emma. “Tell the truth, Emma.”

Emma sighed and let her arms drop from their crossed position over her chest. “He didn’t come tonight.”

Elsa furrowed her pale-blonde eyebrows. “What?”

Emma sighed again and looked at her friend sternly. “He didn’t come. Got it?”

“Emma-”

“No, I’m fine. I’m just gonna head home,” Emma interrupted Elsa, turning to walk to the cubbies in the corner of the office. Emma was _not_ in the mood for Elsa’s pity and apologies. “See you tomorrow night, Elsa.”

And Elsa didn’t try to stop Emma as she exited the office and left the lounge in her dust, walking down the late night/early morning streets of late July. She walked for what seemed like an hour, just down the sidewalk in her black stilettos with her keys gripped tightly in her hands. She told herself that she shouldn’t care that Killian wasn’t there that night. But she couldn’t silence that niggling voice in the back of her mind, telling her that he gave up on her, that she wasn’t worth the waiting. It didn’t matter that they were soul mates or whatever; he gave up on her because she wasn’t worth it (she was never worth it.)

Emma refused to cry over this stupid soul mate business any more. She had spent enough tears on the sheer stupidity of it and she didn’t want to waste any more. When she was three blocks from the lounge, Emma finally hailed a cab to save her sore feet, which drove her the final five minutes to her apartment.

And if she shed a few tears onto her pillow when she collapsed onto her bed, she didn’t think about it.

<> 

Ugh, Emma was _exhausted_. After falling asleep nearing four in the morning and needing to be up for her eight am shift at the diner, she was bound to be completely drained. Emma couldn’t remember how she had done this five million times before, but all she wanted was to crawl back into her bed and sleep all day. Well, until her shift at The Frozen Heart that night.

She was so tired that as she was pouring a cup of coffee for one of the twenty customers at the diner, she overflowed the cup and burning coffee landed on her hand, nearly making her shout a loud string of curses that would’ve indubitably gotten her fired.

“F-f-f-f-f-f-f-f,” Emma muttered, forcing herself to _not finish that word_ as she put the coffee pot back and hurried back to the kitchen to wash off her now-burning hand. Once she got back into the kitchen, however, Emma allowed herself to let loose her thoughts. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, _fuck_.”

Emma blasted cool water from the faucet and ran her hand under the stream, sighing at the feeling of the pain fading away slowly. She knew she should keep her hand under the water for a while, but Emma had five tables to get back to and she didn’t have time to nurse her burn, even if it’s going to _kill_ in a matter of minutes after leaving the water.

“What happened?” Aurora asked, knocking her hip into Emma’s as she walked back to probably pick up food.

“Burnt my hand on the coffee,” Emma responding, wincing when the pain returned after removing her hand for a few moments from the water.

“Oh,” Aurora said, wincing. “I’ll get your tables for you until you come back. There should be some aspirin and Neosporin in the first aid box in Granny’s office.”

Emma sighed. “Thank you, Aurora.”

“Not a problem,” Aurora responded as she marched off toward the counter, grabbing three plates from the stainless steel counter.

Emma let out a deep breath as she turned off the water and hurried toward Granny’s office, walking around in the cramped area to find the first aid kit attached to the wall. She had gracefully avoided mentioning to Aurora, or actually _anybody_ , about her new view on life. She had avoided the subject with Mary Margaret and Ruby like the damn plague whenever she saw them because they’d be overjoyed at the aspect of Emma finally finding her soul mate when it indeed was not a good thing for Emma. She was still a little leery of it, even if she and Killian were beginning to hang out and _maybe_ she liked him.

No-no she didn’t. He wasn’t at the lounge last night. He gave up on her. Emma did _not_ like him because he thought better of this whole situation and didn’t want to be with her, much like Neal. No, Emma didn’t like him because she was _much_ better off alone, as always.

Emma shook her head of the thoughts as she dry-swallowed two aspirin and quickly rubbed some Neosporin on the red site on her left hand. She hurried back to the dining room of the diner and quickly made her rounds, catching up on what she left behind and what Aurora had taken care of for her. She was hurrying around so quickly that she hadn’t noticed that a familiar man had taken a seat at one of her booths until she came around to take his order.

“Emma Swan,” he said and Emma looked up from her pad as she stood at the front of the booth.

Emma narrowed her eyes at him as she looked at him, trying to recall his name. Then, it hit her. “Liam Jones.”

Liam smiled ( _God_ , he looked so much like Killian that it _hurt_ ) and chuckled. “I thought you worked at The Frozen Heart.”

“I do, but only on Thursday through Sunday nights. This is my day job,” Emma responded, holding her pad tightly because she did _not_ want to ask about Killian. “How haven’t I seen you around?”

“I’ve never been here. I just thought I should stop by for a minute since it’s only a block from my place,” Liam explained, folding his hands on top of the table. “But, I’ll need a to-go order for my wife.”

Emma nodded and held the pad up. “I can take your order now and then take your wife’s when you’re ready to leave.”

Liam nodded and smiled again (and _dammit_ could he stop that because Emma didn’t need to be reminded that Killian was an ass and gave up and _ugh_ why did she even come into work today?) “I’ll have the French toast with home fries on the side. And a cup of coffee.” And Emma must’ve made a face at the coffee because Liam quickly corrected himself to, “I mean, a cup of chocolate milk.”

“I’ll be right back,” Emma said as she hurried off to the kitchen to hand off the order.

She wasn’t able to really talk to Liam for another hour, save for the short period of time she was able to drop off his food. By the time she was able to stop by Liam again, it was nearing eleven o’clock and she only had an hour left of her shift, then she could go home and crawl into bed and just _sleep_.

Emma sighed as she stood at Liam’s table, stacking up his empty plates. “Still need that to-go order?”

Liam nodded as he wiped off his mouth. “A stack of pancakes and a side of bananas and strawberries.”

Emma quickly jotted down the order on her pad and bent to pick up the stack of plates and Liam’s empty cup when Liam spoke again. “You know, Killian feels like a rightful git about missing you last night.”

Emma’s heart stopped and she looked over at the older Jones brother. “What?”

Liam sighed and folded his hands on the table again. “Killian feels bad about not being at the lounge last night. He just started filming again, so he couldn’t make it. He had a night shoot last night. He basically always does.”

Emma let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. He didn’t give up. He just had a job. God, Emma was so idiotic. “Really?”

Liam raised a single eyebrow (must be a Jones thing.) “You look relieved.”

Emma opened her mouth to respond, but she didn’t know how to respond. So she said something that she knew she could actually say: “Lemme go drop off this order for you.”

Emma rushed off before Liam could say something else about Killian and hurt her heart even further. She hated that she was already so wrapped up in a man that she hardly knew. She didn’t give a fuck that he was her stupid soul mate; Emma Swan was not one to go all mushy over a dude.

“What’s wrong?” Granny called from her office doorway with her arms crossed, back from a breakfast with Ruby, her granddaughter.

Emma gulped as she slid the slip onto the counter for the cooks to see the order. Emma shook her head when she met her gaze with Granny. “Nothing. I’m fine.”

Granny raised her eyebrows because she was not one to take lightly to lying. “Emma.”

“I’m fine, Granny,” Emma responded hastily, rushing out of the kitchen to avoid Granny’s judgmental stare.

Emma knew that if she told absolutely anything to Granny, she would go right to Ruby and tell her everything. So Emma was not going to tell her a single thing, especially since this all related to a certain big secret that Emma hadn’t told her two closest friends.

“Emma, sit,” Liam said as soon as Emma exited the kitchen and walked toward his direction. “There’s a lull and I just want to talk for a moment.”

Emma sighed, seeing that there indeed was a lull in business at the moment, and sat across from Liam in the booth. “What is it?”

“Killian’s filming by Chelsea Piers,” Liam told Emma.

Emma shrugged. “And?”

Liam sighed. “And I know Killian wanted to see you last night, but couldn’t because of his filming schedule. So, I was thinking that maybe you’d like to pay him a visit on set.”

Emma furrowed her eyebrows, wringing her hands together in her lap. “Am I even allowed to do that?”

“I’d go with you, obviously, because they know me,” Liam replied, running his hands through his curly mop of hair. “I wouldn’t be able to stay for long because I have a newborn and this is my first time out in days, but I’d go with you just to show you where to go. You’d have to wait in his trailer because obviously you can’t go on the actual set. But, I know it’d mean a lot to my brother if you’d do this.”

Emma sighed and tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. She wanted to see Killian, no matter how hard she fought against her feelings toward him. She knew she cared about him, which did indeed terrify her because now Killian had the power to absolutely break her heart. Which was why Emma struggled with deciding whether or not to visit him on the set. She was still so scared of letting him in all of the way, but Emma knew that she also cared too much to just forget about all of this.

“I have work at five,” Emma responded, which was the truth. But that was the easy excuse to avoid Killian for the day. She needed to sort out her thoughts because her brain was going to explode with all of the conflicting emotions she was dealing with. “I don’t have time today.”

Liam tilted his head to the side (wow, him and Killian were _definitely_ related) and leaned forward, folding his arms together on the table. “Emma, I don’t know what happened in your past that made it hard for you to trust people, but please, give my brother a chance.”

Emma clenched her hands into fists and narrowed her eyes at Liam, sliding her legs to the end of the booth and beginning to stand up. “I have to get back to work.”

“Sorry!” Liam nearly shouted in the almost empty diner, reaching out to keep Emma from leaving. Emma settled back into the booth and crossed her arms over her chest. “Emma, I’m sorry, but please. It would mean a lot to him if you would stop by to see him, even if it was only for a moment. Life hasn’t exactly been kind to him either and finding you-it brought a new meaning to his life.”

“Liam-”

“I know I’m probably overstepping boundaries here, but I’m looking out for my little brother,” Liam continued, relaxing back in his side of the booth. “I know you’re scared; my wife was too when we first found each other. It’s completely normal. But you should give him a chance. And I know you want to because if you didn’t, you would’ve left by now.”

And Liam was right. If Emma didn’t care about Killian or giving him a chance, she would’ve already gone back to work. She hated that apparently both Jones brothers could see through her. Emma nibbled on her bottom lip and looked at Liam, the pure exhaustion in his eyes, and she gave in.

“I get off at noon,” Emma told Liam, uncrossing her arms and plopping them onto the table.

Liam nodded and smiled weakly at her. “Thank you, Emma. I’ll come by again then so I can take you to the set. But I won’t be able to stay because my wife would kill me if I left her alone with the newborn for that long. You’ll just have to sit in his trailer until he comes by.”

Emma nodded and slid out of the booth. “Okay. I’ll go get you your to-go bag.”

Emma walked off before Liam could say anything else. She took a deep breath as she entered the kitchen to pick up Liam’s wife’s food, trying to calm her pounding heart. She would be surprising Killian on set in only an hour-hour and a half at most. She didn’t know if Killian would even be okay with her popping in, even if Liam had asked her too. Even if Liam had said that Killian felt like an ass about missing her last night, she didn’t know if she would be encroaching on Killian’s territory, even if he had been stopping at her work for the past two weeks to see her.

Emma shook her head as she picked up the to-go bag from the stainless steel counter. No, she’ll go. She told Liam she would and she really did care about Killian. She wanted to try, so Emma had to go see him. Even if she didn’t want to admit it to anybody, Emma actually _missed_ Killian.

 “What was that about?” Granny asked with her arms crossed as she stood by her office door (did she even move while Emma was talking to Liam?)

“Uh, nothing,” Emma responded, lying through her teeth because she was _not_ about to tell Ruby’s grandmother about the soul mate thing. “Just an old friend that I haven’t seen in a while.”

Granny raised her eyebrows and dammit she knew that something was up with Emma. “Tell me the truth, Emma.”

“That’s the truth,” Emma replied, walking back toward the dining room of the diner.

Emma heard Granny huff indignantly, but she ignored Granny. If she told anything to Granny, she would indubitably tell Ruby and Ruby would tell Mary Margaret and then everybody would know and Emma was _not at all_ ready for that. Not only would her life become hell for keeping this from her closest friends, but her entire _life_ would go to shit once the media found out that heartthrob Killian Jones found his soul mate and she was just an ordinary woman and here’s where she lives and works and what she looks like and…just no.

No one else could know until everything was sorted out.

<> 

“Here, put this on,” Liam said as he held out a dark grey, zip-up hoodie, just exiting the taxi that drove them from the Bronx.

Emma furrowed her eyebrows as she took the sweatshirt from him, sliding it on over her arms. “Why do I need to wear this?”

“Paparazzi,” Liam said simply as he stared ahead, walking closer and closer to the gathering of trailers on the set of Killian’s TV show. “If anyone were to get a picture of you going into Killian’s trailer, hell would break loose. Knowing Killian, he would _not_ want that to happen. And I imagine that’s the same for you. At least, until everything is figured out.”

Wow, was Emma actually an open book to both Jones brothers? Like damn.

Emma zipped up the hoodie to cover her stark white t-shirt and put up the hoodie to hide her blonde hair. All that was now showing was her bright red, short ( _so short_ ) skirt, which she should’ve thought to go back to her place and change out of because it just screamed ‘Granny’s Diner,’ and her black Toms, which again were part of her waitressing uniform.

“I’m not exactly inconspicuous, Liam, even with this sweatshirt,” Emma murmured as they walked past a security guard, who waved knowingly at Liam. Emma motioned to her skirt (and _God_ why did her uniform have to be so obnoxious?)

Liam chuckled under his breath as he led Emma toward Killian’s trailer, weaving around hurrying PAs and excited extras. “Well, the whole soul mate thing is actually pretty rare, so not a whole lot of people around here will be able to see your fire truck red skirt.”

Emma mentally crossed herself because she’s just _praying_ that nobody could actually see the obnoxious red of her skirt and connected to the small diner in the Bronx. That would lead to a difficult conversation to Ruby and Mary Margaret and probably to death threats of crazy fans who wanted her to disappear.

(Who the fuck made up this soul mate business?)

“We’re almost there,” Liam told Emma as they cut through a small gap between two trailers (Emma wondered for a moment who they belonged to.) “Just a little bit further.”

It was only a few more seconds before Liam must’ve spotted the trailer, leading Emma over to the rather large trailer and allowing her to enter it first. She stepped up the few stairs and swung open the door, revealing a modern, but comfortable interior. Her eyes widened as she entered the trailer and stared at the 52-inch flat screen propped against the wall beside the door, the brown leather couch resting in front of the television, and the elaborate kitchenette on the far side of the trailer. She looked down the narrow room and saw two doors: one of which must be for a bathroom, the other possibly being for a bedroom.

“Wow,” Emma said dumbly as Liam stepped inside and closed the door behind him.

“Yeah,” Liam responded as he immediately walked over to the mini-fridge, grabbing a bottle of water from one of the shelves and tossing it over to Emma. Emma deftly caught it without blinking an eye, earning her a smile from Liam. “He should be back soon-ish. This is around the time he usually has his breaks for a few hours. He typically comes back by himself, but sometimes he’s got Izzy with him.”

Emma furrowed her eyebrows as she opened the water bottle. “Izzy?”

“Isabelle Greene,” Liam responded, as if Emma should’ve known who he meant.

And _wow_ , Emma should’ve known.

Emma’s jaw dropped. “Isabelle Greene? Isabelle Greene comes over here sometimes?”

Liam smiled again as he stood by the trailer’s door. “Big fan, I assume?”

Emma’s heart pounded hard in her chest. “Sorta, yeah. I guess you could say that.”

Isabelle Greene played Emma’s second favorite character on _Never Landing_ (her first being Hook-obviously since that was Killian’s character): a modern-day Tinkerbell. Actually, for the first Halloween after the show premiered, Emma went as Tinkerbell.

(And no, she did _not_ hook up with a guy who had gone as Hook.)

(Okay fine, yeah she did.)

Liam chuckled as he placed his hand on the door knob, preparing to exit the trailer. “Just wait here. He’ll be here eventually.”

Emma moved to unzip the hoodie Liam handed to her, but Liam held up his hand and said, “Keep it. You’ll need it when you leave. And whenever you come back to visit. Gotta be careful about this until you two figure out what’s going on.”

“Thank you, Liam,” Emma said as Liam went to open the door.

“It was my pleasure, Emma,” Liam responded with a smile. “I’ll see you another time.”

With that, Liam left the trailer. Emma sat silently on the corner of the couch as she waited as patiently as she could for Killian to show up. She hoped she wasn’t stepping on his toes by sitting in his trailer, somewhere that’s pretty much his own place. Hopefully he’d excuse her being her since Liam was the one who gave her the idea and helped her get here.

Emma began sipping on her bottled water when her phone vibrated loudly in her purse, on the opposite side of the couch from her. Emma groaned and reached over the leather couch, searching through the main pocket for her phone and _Jesus_ how hard is it to find a phone in her small-ass purse? Emma let out a yelp of success once she finally found her phone and crawled back up to where she was originally sitting. She swiped her screen and tapped in her security code to see that she received a text.

**Henry: you home yet? I’m hungry and wanna go try that new Thai place around the corner.**

Emma snorted (typical Henry) and responded.

_Not home. Busy._

It was only a moment later before Henry texted back.

**You busy during your designated three napping hours? Blasphemy.**

Emma rolled her eyes.

_I’m out._

**Where?**

_If I tell you, I’d have to kill you._

***rolls eyes* oh come on, Emma. Talk to me. Does this have anything to do with your famous soul mate?**

_Goodbye, Henry. Tell me how the Thai is._

**You can’t avoid me forever, Ems. But fine. Be that way.**

Emma rolled her eyes at Henry and tossed her phone back to her purse, relaxing back in the super comfortable couch (seriously, it was better than her own bed). She must’ve dozed off while she awaited Killian’s appearance because she was suddenly startled by the sound of the door swinging open and Emma shot off of the couch, standing awkwardly beside where she was sitting and patted down her skirt where it had ridden up during her short nap.

And then he appeared, looking down at the plate of food in his hands (and the smell of barbecue filled Emma’s nostrils and her stomach grumbled loudly). He looked up and his eyes widened as the door shut behind him. And Emma praised God that he was wearing his character’s everyday clothes: a leather jacket, white t-shirt, and those black jeans that drove Emma insane.

“Emma,” Killian said, shocked at her appearance at his trailer (she didn’t notice the way Killian’s eyes shot down to her exposed legs). “What are you doing here? Wait-I mean _how_ are you here?”

“Liam and I sorta ran into each at my work this morning and he brought me here after some convincing,” Emma explained, tucking her hands into the hoodie’s pockets. “He had to leave right after he led me here, something about not wanting to leave his wife alone too long with a newborn.”

Killian chuckled and scratched that spot behind his ear ( _God_ , that was so endearing). “Jenny would _not_ like being left alone with Amelia for that long. But why else are you here, love?”

“Liam said that you felt like an ass for not making it last night,” Emma replied, shuffling awkwardly in place. She looked up at Killian, who was still staring at her with a look Emma couldn’t place. So, Emma took it as something negative as she reached for her phone and purse. “I knew I shouldn’t have come. I’ll just go-”

“Emma, wait,” Killian asked as he stood in front of the door, holding a hand out to Emma to stop her from leaving. “Stay.”

“I don’t need you pitying me, Killian,” Emma snapped out and _dammit_ she didn’t want to be a total ass to him.

“I’m not pitying you. I want you to stay,” Killian responded immediately, taking her reaction in stride. “Liam was right. I felt like a total arse about missing you last night, so it’s nice to see you, Swan. I have a break until at least six, maybe longer. So, Emma Swan, I would like to hang out with you, if that’s okay with you.”

Emma gulped and a small smile spread on her face, nodding at Killian. “Okay.”

Killian furrowed his eyebrows as he scoped Emma’s figure, making her blush a deep red that would’ve rivaled the red of her skirt.

“Is that my brother’s sweatshirt?” Killian asked with confusion laced in his tone and Emma told herself to calm down because he wasn’t staring at her because of the short-ass skirt she was wearing.

“Uh yeah,” Emma responded, placing her purse and phone back onto the sofa. “He said that we should be careful with paparazzi until we figure things out.”

Killian smiled and chuckled, walking toward the couch. “Liam, ever the wise one.” Killian held out his plate, where Emma could see (and began to drool over) his sandwich and curly fries. “Want to share?”

Emma gulped and chuckled under her breath, looking up at those blue eyes and her heart stuttered. “Honestly, if you let me have some of that, I would not be sharing.”

Killian laughed and held the plate closer to her. “Then, here. I heard your stomach grumble when I walked in. I’ll just eat some of the snacks I have in here.”

Emma heart swelled at the simple gesture as she took the paper plate from Killian’s hands. Killian walked around the couch to the small kitchenette behind them, looking through the cabinets.

“So, what do you usually do after you get off work?” Killian asked, snagging a big bag of peanut M&M’s from the cabinet and hopped over the back of the couch, plopping beside Emma with a loud ‘oof.’ “I’m assuming you don’t always wait for devilishly handsome men to show up at their trailers on set of their television show.”

Emma snorted as she popped a curly fry into her mouth (and _ohmygod_ it was the best fry she’d ever had). “Only on Fridays.”

Killian chuckled under his breath as he threw a handful of M&M’s into his mouth. “But really though. What do you do in your free time?”

Emma sighed and relaxed back in the sofa, resituating herself to slightly angle toward Killian. “With the free time I do have, it’s sleeping. I have work at five Thursday through Sundays and at my day job, I work doubles the other days of the week. So if I have time, I sleep.”

Killian made a face and nodded. “That’s a solid way to spend your free time. Usually, mine is sleeping, watching bloody awful soap operas, and eating my weight in chocolate.”

Emma chuckled and raised her eyebrows at his bag of M&M’s. “I can see.”

“I have an awful sweet tooth, just so you know,” Killian responded, popping another M&M into his mouth. “It’s a good thing I have to actually work out and keep in decent shape for this show. Otherwise, I’d have a problem.”

Emma ate a handful of fries and had to suppress a moan from escaping. _God_ she was just so hungry, but she didn’t want to make things awkward between her and Killian by letting out a sexual sound when they haven’t even _kissed_.

(Why is she thinking about kissing him?)

(Who was she kidding? _Of course_ she was thinking about kissing him.)

“What kind of meat is in the sandwich?” Emma asked around a mouthful of food.

“Brisket,” Killian responded, staring at her with a look that Emma didn’t know how to classify.

And well, that time, Emma didn’t suppress the moan when she bit into the sandwich because _God she loved brisket_.

Killian raised his eyebrows as he chewed on his chocolate. “Enjoying yourself there, Swan?”

Emma nodded, licking the spare barbecue sauce from her lip. “Oh yes.”

(Emma didn’t notice at the slight darkening of Killian’s eyes when she swiped her tongue across her upper lip.)

They sat in silence while Emma chowed down on the sandwich, which completely filled her appetite, and Killian continued to eat his M&M’s. Soon, Emma’s plate was empty, with only stray pieces of fries and barbecue sauce left on it, and she stood up to walk over to the trash can in the kitchenette she had noticed when she first walked in.

“Want a tour, love?” Killian asked from the couch, leaning his head on the back of the couch as he looked over at her.

“Sure,” Emma responded and Killian hopped off of the couch, carrying his bag of chocolate with him.

Killian made a gesture with his arm as he twirled around in his spot beside Emma, leading Emma to laugh at his antics. “So, this is the main area. Little kitchenette with a mini fridge and microwave. Then big TV for my soap operas, as I’ve mentioned before.” Killian led Emma down to the small hallway, shoving open a door on the right. “Bathroom. Nothing special there, really.” Killian nudged open the door directly in front of him. “And here’s the bedroom. The bed’s actually quite comfortable. Handful of times, I’ve fallen asleep on it and nearly missed filming until someone came in to get me.”

Emma followed Killian into the small bedroom, where the queen-sized bed nearly took up the entire space, minus a few things here and there. She looked in the left corner, closest to where she and Killian were standing, and nearly gasped.

“You have a guitar?” Emma asked, looking over her shoulder, where Killian was nodding. “Can I hold it?”

“Go ahead,” Killian replied with a twinkle in his eyes.

Emma smiled widely as she grabbed the neck of the guitar, bringing it over to her arms as she exited the bedroom and found her spot back on the couch. She began strumming on the strings, the muscle memory coming back into work as she held the guitar. She missed the way the guitar sounded as she plucked the strings, or the way it just eased the stress of her everyday life.

“You play guitar?” Killian asked as he sat beside her on the couch, his knee gently brushing hers (and no, goose bumps did _not_ raise where he touched her.)

Emma nodded and looked over at him, where she was struck by his reverent stare. “Yeah. I used to have one, but I had to sell it one month for rent. And I used to have a keyboard, but I had to sell that the next month for rent. So, I haven’t played a guitar or a piano in almost a year.” Emma sighed and shrugged. “Just how life is.” Emma gently nudged Killian’s legs as she laughed. “Now scoot over. I don’t wanna hit you with the neck.”

Killian chuckled and scooted back down where he was originally sitting before his grand tour of the trailer. He waved a hand at her, telling her to continue strumming on the guitar. Emma rolled her eyes at him (stupid, idiotic, attractive man) and her fingers found the notes to “Simple Man” by Lynyrd Skynyrd. Emma noted the soft smile on Killian’s lips as she began singing the lyrics (she swore that she’d make him smile like that as often as she could).

And her face began to flush when she heard his gentle voice join her singing. Emma glanced up at Killian, who was still sitting firmly on the opposite side of the couch. But _God_ it felt like he was right there beside her, the way her body felt on fire. She had known that he could sing ( _of course he could fucking sing_ ), but it was so different hearing it right in front of her than listening to it on her old laptop.

(And no, his voice did _not_ do things to her.)

(God, who was she kidding?)

Emma plucked the last few notes of the song, looking away from Killian’s intense eyes because she just couldn’t handle staring at them anymore. It made her feel things that she hadn’t felt since-

Don’t even fucking think it.

“You never struck me as a classic rock type of girl,” Killian said, raising an eyebrow.

Emma smirked ‘cause she did get that a lot, looking back to Killian. “It drove my parents crazy, but I love me some rock music. Classic rock, alternative, hard rock, soft rock. You name it, I probably have it on my laptop.”

(She wanted to correct it to ‘adoptive’ parents, but that would mean letting Killian in too much and she couldn’t do that.)

(Not yet.)

Killian smiled back at her as he leaned forward, toward Emma and her heart did _not_ start pounding in her chest. “Just who are you, Swan?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“Perhaps I would.”

Emma felt her face blush deeply, but she couldn’t fucking look away from those stupidly blue eyes (the ones that now haunted her every thought and her every dream). He opened his mouth to say something else, but all that came out was a loud yelp and Killian jumping from the couch, looking down at where he was sitting.

“What the hell was that?” Emma asked, furrowing her eyebrows.

Killian picked up Emma’s cell phone and handed it to her. “It started vibrating underneath me. I must’ve sat on it.”

Emma chuckled under her breath as she took the phone from Killian’s hand, ignoring the way electricity flowed up her arm from the small contact of her fingers against his. “It’s Elsa.” Emma swiped the screen and held the phone to her ear. “Elsa?”

“Emma!” Elsa said in a panicked tone.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, what’s wrong?” Emma asked, standing up from the couch as Killian furrowed his eyebrows worriedly, placing the guitar down where she was previously sitting.

“Olaf called off sick-some sort of stupid summer cold. I need you to play piano tonight,” Elsa rushed out and Emma could imagine her pacing endlessly in her office.

“That’s fine, Elsa. Just take a deep breath,” Emma told her friend.

“I already called Anna in to take over your tables for tonight,” Elsa said after taking several deep breaths, and she already sounded calmer. “I just need you to come in earlier than usual so we can figure out what you’re comfortable playing for tonight.”

“I’ll be there as soon as I can,” Emma responded. “Just keep taking deep breaths. It’ll be alright.”

Emma hung up the phone and realized that it was already nearing four. _Shit_ , that nap must’ve been a lot longer than she originally thought.

“I gotta head out. Elsa needs me at work,” Emma told Killian as she grabbed her small purse from the other end of the couch.

“I’ll walk with you, so I can tell security to be expecting you on set every now and then,” Killian responded, but he phrased the statement as a question, as if he was wondering if Emma would be visiting him against on set.

Emma nodded and couldn’t hide the smile that spread on her face. “Okay.”

And Emma’s heart stuttered at how that boyish grin spread on Killian’s face. Killian waved his arm in front of them, signaling for her to exit the trailer first. “Alright.”

Emma stifled a giggle ( _she was not a fucking twelve-year-old girl, dammit_ ) as she exited the trailer, into the muggy outdoors of late July. She wanted to groan as Killian began walking beside her (summer was her least favorite season, just ahead of winter). Emma pushed the sleeves of Liam’s hoodie up her arms and sighed.

“Not the biggest fan of summer?” Killian asked, raising an eyebrow at her as he looked over at her.

“Not at all. I’m sure it’s better in different places, but it’s fucking miserable in New York,” Emma grumbled as she hitched her purse higher on her shoulder.

“I agree with that,” Killian responded as he looked back out to the busy set workers, running around to make sure the show filmed without a hitch. There was a short lull in the conversation before Killian looked back at Emma with a smile on his lips (which seemed to be ever-present whenever Emma was around). “We should probably exchange numbers so there aren’t any more surprises. Although, I must say, it was _quite_ the pleasant surprise.”

Emma elbowed Killian in the side as she took her phone out from the hoodie pocket and handed it over to Killian. “Use that line on all of the girls?”

“Oh Swan, you insult me,” Killian replied, taking the phone from Emma’s hand, as they continued walking. “Who do you think I am?”

“I’ve seen the tabloids. You’re quite the ladies’ man,” Emma laughed out.

“Well, you seem to like it,” Killian said as he held up Emma’s phone, showing off her background.

_Holy fucking God, she needed to go hide in a hole and preferably die there._

Emma felt her face burn with blush from looking at her phone background, which was a decidedly _sexual_ picture of Killian Jones from his latest GQ shoot (which she had obviously made her background long before she realized that their lives were going to weave together like this). He was soaked, head to toe, in a white t-shirt and black jeans, leaving abso-fucking-lutely nothing to the imagination.

(Emma nearly had a heart attack when she first found the picture.)

(Actually, she thought she passed out for a short while after finding it.)

“My, Swan. You’ve gone red,” Killian added, laughing under his breath as he brought the phone back to himself and tapped in his phone number.

Emma was _not_ going to talk about this. “Whatever. You seem to enjoy it anyways, knowing that men and women fawn over you left and right.”

Killian laughed again. “Comes with the territory, love. Especially with how I made my mark in the pilot.”

_Oh dammit_ , why did he have to mention the pilot episode of _Never Landing_? That fucking episode had fueled her sex-filled dreams for _weeks_ after it premiered.

(But she was _not_ about to tell him that.)

Hell, even now Emma was having trouble concentrating after being reminded of the way he hit the punching bag in that thin tank top. Or the way he fought Rufio Rodriguez, sweat dripping down his body as Hook pinned him in the ring. Or when he came out of the showers with just a towel wrapped around his waist to talk to Tink…

“Here you go,” Killian said, snapping Emma out of her thoughts (and wow she needed help), handing her phone back.

Emma looked down at the contact and scoffed at the name. “’Dashing rapscallion?’ Honestly?”

“Would you prefer ‘scoundrel?’” Killian asked, raising a dark eyebrow. Emma pursed her lips at him and he chuckled. “Well, we do need to keep a low profile. I thought it’d be a little suspect if you had my name in your phone, if anyone were to get ahold of it.”

“Aye, aye, cap’n,” Emma muttered under her breath as she put her phone in its rightful place in her purse.

“I’m not a captain,” Killian replied, side-eyeing Emma as they neared the exit of the set.

“On the show, you were, before you left the Navy to come home and go legit as an MMA fighter,” Emma corrected Killian, a smug smile on her face. “What, do I know your character better than you do?”

Killian barked out a laugh. “Wow, impressive.”

“I can be pretty impressive,” Emma responded.

“Yes, you are,” Killian said under his breath, so quietly that Emma almost didn’t hear him.

Emma didn’t have the chance to question what he said, as they had reached the edge of the set. Killian quickly introduced her to a security guard (Anton, or something like that), saying that she was an “old friend” that’d be visiting frequently. After Anton snapped a quick picture of her, Killian sent her off in a cab, bidding her a happy farewell.

And she ignored the way her stomach twisted as the cabbie drove her away from the set, already missing those blue eyes.

<> 

Killian grumbled as he collapsed on his bed in the trailer, dialing the familiar number into his cell phone. Today had been a pleasant surprise: seeing Emma when he hadn’t been able to last night, listening to that bloody beautiful voice again, learning more about the complex woman life had chosen for him. He wasn’t surprised to hear that his brother was the one behind all of this (the git could never stay out of Killian’s business).

“Surprise,” Liam said as he answered the phone. Killian could practically hear that smile on his face.

“Why didn’t you tell me that she was coming over?” Killian asked, staring up at the ceiling of the trailer.

“Well, once you got the text, you would’ve already been back in the trailer-because I know you don’t bring your cell phone to filming-, which means that you would’ve already seen that Ms. Swan was waiting for you,” Liam explained, as if it was completely obvious. “What, didn’t appreciate the surprise?”

“Piss off,” Killian mumbled as he rubbed his exhausted, sore eyes.

“Never,” Liam replied. “And I’m not sorry. I know you felt like an utter arse for missing her last night, so I did you two a favor. A thank you would be nice, little brother.”

“Younger brother,” Killian corrected quickly. “And thank you.”

“There. That wasn’t so hard, was it?” Liam taunted Killian. “I gotta go. Jenny’s taking a nap and Amelia is bound to wake up soon from hers. Still meeting us for lunch tomorrow at our place?”

“Yes,” Killian responded. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Give Jenny and Amelia a kiss for me.”

“Of course. Bye, little brother.”

Before Killian could correct his brother again, Liam ended the call. Killian rolled his eyes as he continued to stare at the ceiling. His heart was still pounding from seeing Emma (in that short skirt, no less) ( _no, stop thinking about that_ ). She reminded him how to be happy, something he hadn’t truly felt since-

Killian let out a deep breath and just as he was sitting back up to head back out to the living area, his phone buzzed. Killian furrowed his eyebrows as he swiped the screen, seeing the text was from an unknown number.

**Saving a song for you tonight, captain.**

Killian’s heart fluttered (another old, _welcome_ feeling) and he chuckled. He’d try his hardest to be there that night.

(And if he arrived there at two in the morning, just as Emma was winding down “Arms” by Christina Perri, where she smiled directly at him, he’d attribute his heart racing to the way he ran to the lounge from down the street.)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to do the once-a-week update, so here's this chapter! I'm not all that far through the current chapter I'm writing, but hopefully that'll be done before next update. Enjoy :)

Killian was so goddamn _tired_.

He didn’t get back to his place until nearing five in the bloody morning (spent all of his time talking with Emma, drinking hot cocoa at a 24-hour diner near the lounge, talking about nothing and everything all at the same time) and well now, he was paying for it. He should’ve been smarter about it, should’ve left much earlier than he had. But Killian couldn’t deny the way Emma’s eyes lit up whenever she laughed or smiled, or the way her face reddened whenever an embarrassing story came up.

God, Killian was already so _screwed_.

He ran his hand over his face as the hot water beat down his sore back (this job was bloody _killing_ him). Even though he was exhausted, Killian couldn’t stop remembering the glint in Emma’s eyes when she first spotted him in the lounge, or the way she tucked her hair behind her ear when she was nervous…bloody hell, Killian was fucked. He’s known her for nearly a month and he was already falling-

Don’t fucking finish that thought.

He didn’t want to think about it. Killian knew it was a matter of time, but it was so _soon_. This was how it was with Milah-fell too quickly, and it destroyed him when things went sour. Not like things would go sour with Emma, of course; she was his soul mate.

But Killian still couldn’t help but be hesitant.

Killian dropped his head against the dark gray tile of the shower walls and yelled at his mind to just _shut up_. He didn’t get nearly enough sleep to deal with these thoughts. Hell, Killian didn’t want to deal with these thoughts _period_. He didn’t want to be reminded that everything he touched broke and he was bloody poison and he didn’t deserve a soul mate or someone as perfect as Emma-

 _Bloody shut up_ , Killian yelled at himself again.

Killian shut off the water and stepped out onto the bathmat, grabbing his towel from the nearby hook and wrapping it tightly around his waist. He sighed as he entered his bedroom and saw that his phone was blinking, telling him that he had a notification. He grumbled as he walked over to his nightstand and gripped the phone, swiping the screen to see that he had a text from Liam.

**Hurry up, pretty boy. I’m bloody starving.**

Killian rolled his eyes and grumbled some more as he hurried over to his dresser, plucking out a pair of blue jeans and a dark red t-shirt. He shrugged on his signature leather jacket and slid his phone into his back pocket after turning the sound on so he didn’t miss anything else from his bothersome brother. Within five minutes, Killian was down on the street just outside of his apartment building on the Upper West Side, hailing a cab, which slowly crept to the curb beside him.

A phone ringing interrupted Killian reaching for the cab. Killian groaned as he reached into his back pocket, taking out the chiming cell phone. He recognized the number as his publicist’s and he praised God that she wasn’t pissed about something because _man_ she was downright _demonic_ when she was angry.

“Jones,” Killian muttered into the phone, taking deep breaths to calm his heart.

“Come down to the office,” Regina Mills spoke over the phone. “Got something to talk to you about.”

Killian sighed. “Alright. I’ll be down there soon.”

Killian waved at the driver, telling him that he didn’t need the cab, as he began walking down the block, seeing as Regina Mill’s office wasn’t too far from his apartment building. As he began walking, he sent a text off to Liam, telling him that he’d be at Liam’s place right after this meeting with Regina. Killian wasn’t about to test her patience by making her wait until after lunch.

He knew he needed to be in at least a decent mood when he met with Mills-that woman could _smell_ fear, he swore. Killian focused on taking deep breaths as he walked to the office of Mills Communications. Killian tried to erase the thoughts of this morning by thinking of his career, his family, everything that has come to be ever since her passing.

(And if he thought about gold flaxen hair,

Or jade eyes,

Or the dent in her chin,

Well, that was his own business.)

When he walked up to the building, three blocks from his apartment, Killian already felt lighter, as though he didn’t have a worry in the world. It was a wonder that just thinking of Emma already made Killian feel like a better man, like he wasn’t terrified of the future that he would have with her. He had always thought having a soul mate would be simple, easy.

Turns out, it’s the most complicated thing in the world.

Killian walked into the building, weaving through the crowded sidewalks and going into the just-as-crowded atrium. Killian sighed as he finally reached the elevators, squeezing into one of the cars just as the doors were sliding shut, pressing the button for the eighteenth floor. He ignored the curious stares of the two other people in the elevator car, even though he had seen both of these people several times in the building.

He guessed that being star struck was a constant thing that never really faded away.

The doors swung open at the eighteenth story and Killian stepped off of the elevator, leaving behind the kind-of-disconcerting stares. He waved politely at the woman at the front desk, a red-headed woman named Lena, as he walked past her, heading toward the rear office, where Regina Mills would be waiting for him.

He walked past the rushing employees and cluttered cubicles, reaching the large black door, behind which was Regina’s office. He gently tapped on the door, but could hear Regina talking animatedly on the phone. So he slowly poked his head through the door, opening it a crack, and spotted Regina focusing on her computer and chatting away on the phone. She spotted Killian and waved him inside, pointing to one of the two chairs in front of her large oak desk. Killian closed the door behind him and sat in the deep black chair (which was ten times more comfortable than the bed he had at his first studio apartment), waiting for Regina to finish her call.

“Ugh,” Regina sighed as she slammed the phone down on the receiver. “Some people are so _incompetent_.”

Great, she was in a bad mood. Regina Mills was _hell_ in a bad mood.

Regina looked over at Killian as he relaxed in his chair. “Well don’t get too comfortable. This won’t be long.”

“So, what is this about?” Killian asked as he straightened up in his chair, under Regina’s intimidating gaze.

“Just saying that keep up whatever you’re doing,” Regina said and Killian furrowed his eyebrows in question. Regina sighed and pushed a stray hair back from her face. “Do I have to spell out everything for you? Your Twitter mentions have skyrocketed, your likes on your Facebook page have increased tenfold in the past three weeks, _and_ tons of articles are pegging _you_ for several new characters in movies. Whatever you’re doing, keep doing it ‘cause it’s making me job a helluva lot easier.”

Three weeks ago. Bloody hell, that was when he met Emma. He hadn’t even really realized how much meeting her had changed _everything_.

“Well, except for that one hiccup three weeks ago with the paparazzi,” Regina commented offhandedly and Killian’s face reddened. “But you’ve made up for that. So, you can go now.”

“Are you saying that you’re proud of me, Ms. Mills?” Killian asked, a smirk spreading on his face because Regina Mills was a _very_ difficult person to please.

Regina pursed her lips at him. “Oh wipe that smug smirk off your face, Captain Guyliner. You can go.”

“As you say, Ms. Mills,” Killian said as he stood from the chair, running his hands over his jeans. “See you another time.”

Regina was too busy picking up the phone for another call to bid Killian farewell. So, Killian headed out the way he came in, waving again at Lena as she sat behind the desk. He headed out of the building and stood by the edge of the sidewalk, hailing a cab, which quickly pulled to the curb for his fare.

Killian hopped into the backseat, telling Liam’s address to the driver as he slid on the cracking leather seat. The car quickly pulled away from the curb once Killian closed the door, peeling onto the slowly filling streets of New York City. Killian grumbled under his breath and rubbed his tired eyes.

“Hey, I know you,” The taxi driver spoke up, looking into the rearview mirror. “Hey! You’re that guy! Aw crap, what is that show! Never something. Oh wait, _Never Landing_!”

Killian spread a smile on his face, no matter how fake it was. Mills would have his balls if he was rude to one of his fans. “That is me.”

The driver began laughing, unable to believe that this was truly happening. “Holy shit, man! Killian Jones, right?”

“Aye,” Killian responded as he relaxed in his seat, the car slowing to a stop at a light.

“Man, my son _loves_ your show. It’s like a freaking religion to him, you know,” The driver continued, paying attention to the street, honking loudly at an idiot cab driver beside them that nearly sideswiped them. “Fuggin’ idiot. Man, you got him wanting to do acting lessons. Thirteen years old and he already knows what he wants to do with his life, because of you.”

Killian smiled again, genuinely this time. He did have a weakness for hearing about young fans. “It’s an honor to hear that.”

“I know I should be happy, right? ‘Cause hell, it took me half my life to figure out what I wanted to do and by then, it was too late. I got stuck with this,” The driver added, glancing back for just a moment at Killian, his tan skin glinting in the plastic between the driver’s seat and the backseat. “I wanna give him everything, you know. But, man, acting classes are freaking expensive.”

Killian looked around the backseat of the cab, spotting the very infamous GQ magazine (the very same one that contained his photos). How convenient.

(He did _not_ smile when remembering Emma’s bright blush when he saw the background to her phone.)

“What’s your son’s name?” Killian asked, shuffling through his jacket’s pockets, finally finding the sharpie he knew he kept in the chest pocket for run-ins like this.

“Dominic,” The driver replied.

Killian scanned through the magazine, spotting the first full page picture of him (and he must say, he looked devilishly handsome) (even if that bloody blazer was far too tight and the jeans were a size too big) and tearing it out of the magazine. He quickly scribbled a note for Dominic and signed it with his flaring signature. Killian slid the partition open that small gap and handed the driver-whose name was Michael, if he could read the man’s license correctly on the dashboard-the signed picture.

“Here. For your son,” Killian told the man, who was clearly happy with the gesture.

“Thanks, man!” Michael said excitedly, speeding through a yellow light. “Dominic is gonna scream when he sees this.”

“It’s not a problem, mate,” Killian responded, noticing the familiar apartment building coming up.

Killian pulled out his wallet from his back pocket and grabbed the things he needed to hand off to the driver. Once Michael pulled up to the curb, Killian handed him the things through the partition and placed his wallet back into his back pocket.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, man!” Michael exclaimed, looking back at Killian through the plastic barrier. “You gave me two hundred dollars for a thirty dollar ride!”

“Keep it,” Killian said with a smile and a shrug. “Use it for the lad’s acting lessons.”

“And this?” Michael asked, holding up a small piece of paper, containing Killian’s contact info.

Killian smiled. “If he ever wants to possibly guest on _Never Landing_ , of course.”

Killian could see that the man was clearly choked up at the gesture, but Killian knew it was for the best. He wanted Dominic to have a chance at this life because it had brought such happiness to Killian. Killian only wanted that for him, even if he didn’t know Dominic.

“Have a good day, Michael,” Killian said finally as he slid out of the backseat and stood up on the sidewalk, slamming the car door behind him.

As Killian walked into the apartment building and pressed the up button at the elevator, he thought about Michael the driver. Killian did sincerely hope that Michael contacted him for Dominic; he wanted the boy to have the chance to follow his dream. Everyone deserved at least a chance. And naturally, because his mind seemed to like to torture him, he was brought back to that day in Emma’s apartment, looking at her terrified eyes, begging for a chance.

Wow, how things have changed.

Now, Killian only hoped he wouldn’t fuck it up, like he fucked up that night all those years ago-

 _Stop_.

Killian took a deep breath as the elevator doors swung open and he stepped onto them, pressing the button for the third floor. The doors closed slowly, hiding staring faces from the lobby since they all obviously recognized him. Killian wanted to smack himself; he should be happy for fuck’s sake. Emma was letting him in, showing him her smile that she rarely smiled (the one he stores away in his memory for lonely nights where rum was his friend and he was haunted by bitter memories of Milah and happiness-) and how she laughed at any bad pun. That made him smile, thinking back to last night when he said a particularly horrid one (he can’t remember what the pun was for the life of him, but he could remember that cheerful laugh and the way tears sprouted in her eyes).

He hoped he’d be enough for her. Be what she needed in her life. He wouldn’t be able to handle it if he just became another person who let her down and made her build her walls even higher.

Killian shook his head as the elevator doors slid open and he walked down the hallway, finding the apartment near the end of the hall and just walking in, just as he had so many times before. He could smell the chili on the stove (Jenny’s specialty) and his stomach growled loudly, alerting Jenny of his presence as she stood at the stove.

“Oh hey, Killian,” Jenny spoke from the stove, looking back to the large pot on the burner. “Chili’s almost done. Liam’s in the nursery. Amelia was up at the ass-crack of dawn, so he’s just making sure she gets back to sleep.”

“If you don’t mind, I’ll go visit my little niece,” Killian responded while tucking his hands into his jacket pockets.

Jenny smiled as she stirred the chili. “Can’t blame you. She’s too precious to pass up.”

Killian shot Jenny a smile and walked toward the door further down in the apartment, about ten feet from the master bedroom and directly across from the main bathroom. His motorcycle boots clunked on the hardwood floors as he cracked the nursery door open, seeing his older brother standing over the little bassinet Amelia was laying in. Liam looked over his shoulder and held a finger over his mouth, telling Killian to be quiet as he approached the crib.

“She finally went to sleep,” Liam said and Killian could hear the exhaustion in his voice.

At least Killian wasn’t alone in that department.

Killian peeked over Liam’s shoulder and saw his little baby niece sleeping soundly, her little fists closed tightly and her chest rising and falling with her breathing. Her brown hair was sticking out in wild directions, which nearly made Killian laugh. But he was pretty damn sure that Liam would murder him if he woke up Amelia.

“Already a hellion? Must be taking after me,” Killian teased his brother and Liam knocked his shoulder back into Killian’s shoulder.

“Piss off,” Liam grumbled as he looked back to his younger brother. “Come on, the chili must be ready by now.”

Liam clasped his hand on Killian’s shoulder as the brothers walked back out of the nursery, heading back toward the kitchen where the chili was indeed finished. Jenny began ladling the chili into each of the three bowls, handing them off to Killian and Liam as they reached her spot by the stove. Liam accepted his with a kiss on Jenny’s cheek and Killian felt a flare of jealousy because he wanted to be able to experience that familiarity with Emma.

“So, how was hanging out with Emma yesterday?” Liam asked as he sat at his usual seat at the table, at the head, closest to the kitchen.

“Fun,” Killian replied, sitting on the side closest to the wall, accidentally scraping the chair against the wall as he moved the chair to sit. “Didn’t do much ‘cause she had to leave early.”

“Why?” Liam asked, mixing the chili with his spoon.

“Work,” Killian responded quickly, pinching shredded cheese from the bowl in front of him and drizzling it over the chili.

“So what did you guys do?” Jenny asked as she took her seat across from Killian, immediately shoveling a bite of chili into her mouth (immune to heat, the bloody dragon).

Killian shrugged as he scooped a spoonful of chili and blew on it gently. “Nothing really. Sat around, ate, I let her play my guitar.”

“And that’s all?” Liam asked, raising an eyebrow (the go-to Jones move).

Killian knew that tone of Liam’s voice and he sighed. “Bloody hell, Liam. We didn’t shag.”

“Yet,” Liam added on, snickering into his bowl of chili.

Killian rolled his eyes and ate another spoonful of his chili. “Piss off.”

“What’s stopping you?” Jenny asked, her bowl already half way eaten. Killian sighed and Jenny quickly added on, “I mean, I agree that you shouldn’t be having sex already. But, something’s definitely stopping you. I can see it in your eyes. What’s going on?”

Damn Jenny and her observant mind.

Killian pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. He was _not_ in the mood to talk about his thoughts about the soul mate thing. But he knew Jenny well enough to know that she wouldn’t drop it until she got her answer.

“Nothing’s stopping me, alright? I’m just exhausted. I didn’t get home until nearly five this morning because I hung out with Emma after I was done filming,” Killian replied and hoped that Jenny didn’t catch the lie.

“And you _didn’t_ shag? I didn’t raise you properly, little brother,” Liam commented and Jenny smacked his arm, spilling his spoonful of chili back into the bowl. “Hey!”

“Drop the sex talk, Liam,” Jenny scolded her husband, which made Killian chuckle as he ate some of his chili. Jenny looked back over to Killian, her fiery red hair falling out of her high ponytail. “You aren’t getting out of this. What’s going on?”

“Nothing.”

“Killian.”

Killian dropped his spoon in his bowl and _dammit fine_. “I’m waiting to fuck up something, alright?”

“What?” Liam and Jenny asked at the exact same time (so married).

Killian ran his hands through his hair, his nails raking his scalp in annoyance. “I always fuck up something, so I’m waiting for it to happen and everything I touch breaks and-”

“Killian, _stop_ ,” Liam spoke up, but Killian did not look up to see his brother’s clenched jaw and flaming eyes. “Where the hell is all of this coming from? For the past three weeks, since this all began, you were excited about finally having this. And now you’re freaking out. Freaking out with reasons that make zero sense. So what the hell is going on?”

“Nothing is going on,” Killian grumbled out as he neared the bottom of the bowl.

“You’re falling in love with her,” Jenny realized, with wide eyes and her jaw slack.

“It hasn’t even been a month, Jenny. That’s be insane,” Killian responded back, even if Jenny hit it right on the head.

“And _that’s_ why you’re freaking out. Because it’s so soon. Because that’s how it was with-”

“Milah,” Killian finished Jenny’s sentence and looked up at his brother and his wife.

“You know that wasn’t your fault, Killian,” Liam stated, the same thing he always said whenever Milah came up in conversation.

“Even if you keep saying that, it doesn’t change the fact that it _was_ ,” Killian replied to his brother, his jaw clenched as he fought the pain that was always associated with thinking about Milah. “I want this, but I don’t want to fuck this up. I _cannot_ fuck this up because if it does, it would ruin Emma. I want this, but the voice in the back of my mind keeps reminding me that I can’t have anything nice and perfect and that this is all gonna go to hell because I’m bloody poison.”

“Killian, I could _throttle_ you right now,” Liam grunted out, rubbing his tired eyes.

“Why? Because I’m telling the truth?”

“Because you are being bloody idiotic!” Liam responded, raising his voice an octave. Jenny placed her hand on Liam’s arm and Liam took a deep breath. “It _was not your fault_. Life just happened and that’s all there is to it. You won’t fuck it up because you will not let yourself fuck it up. I know you well enough to know that you have wanted this more than anything, ever since you were little, and that you will not let this go poorly. And it already sounds to me that you are falling in love with her because you are putting her in front of yourself already.”

Liam picked up his now empty bowl of chili and Jenny’s scraped-clean bowl and the chair legs scraped against the hardwood floors as he stood up from the table. “I’m not dealing with your self-loathing shit again, Killian. It was an accident-you need to see that. If you don’t get past that, then you _are_ gonna ruin this. I don’t wanna be the bad guy, but you need to understand that. You know Milah would’ve wanted you to have this. Don’t disgrace her memory by shooting yourself in the foot.”

Killian sighed as Liam walked over to the kitchen sink, spinning his spoon in the chili that was nearly gone. He knew Liam was right (he always was), but it didn’t tame his wild thoughts. That voice kept screaming at him, telling Killian that he was going to mess everything up and that nothing good could ever stay-

“I don’t want to side with Liam because of how harsh that all was, but he’s right, Killian,” Jenny spoke up, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear. “If you let go of your past, it’ll work out.”

 _Oh bloody hell_.

“I can’t let go because it’s all my fault. No matter what either of you say, I _know_ it was my fault. Imagine having someone’s death on your hands? Someone that you _loved_ , that you would’ve _died for_! I know it’s been two bloody years, but that doesn’t change the fact that Milah is dead because of _me_ ,” Killian ranted, standing up from his chair and wrenching a hand through his hair. “I don’t want to hear all of this optimistic bull shit. Sorry, but I don’t. Yes, I’ve always wanted this and yes, I was excited about this. But now, I’m panicking because it’s bound to go awry because something always goes wrong. So excuse me for-”

“Killian, you cannot think like that! If you think like that, then it will go wrong and you’ll have no one to blame!” Liam replied, his eyes flaming and Killian was _not_ going to deal with this.

“I’m heading out,” Killian told his brother and Jenny as he walked over to the kitchen sink, carrying his empty bowl. “Thank you for the delicious food, Jenny. It was a pleasure.”

“Always,” Jenny replied from the table, clearly wanting to continue this conversation.

“Killian, just please, remember what we said,” Liam said as Killian washed his dish out in the sink. “I know it’s been hard on you since Milah passed, but please, you know she’d want this for you. Don’t let that hinder you.”

Killian sighed and looked over to his brother as he dried off his hands on his pants. “Just-give me time, Liam.”

He kept his head down as he hailed a cab and stated his address, wanting to avoid recognition for now. Even though just the mere thought of Emma had brightened his day, the stupid conversation from earlier was slowly creeping back into his thoughts. He was afraid- _so afraid_ -of mucking things up and it would kill him if he did. He knew that if he screwed everything up, Emma wouldn’t be able to move past it. Emma would shut herself in to never allow anybody in ever again. And it had already been a challenge to get her to even allow Killian in.

No, he wouldn’t fuck things up because Emma deserved better than that.

That woman deserved better.

He didn’t know what had gone on in her life (even during their long nights together, they’ve both avoided the topics of their pasts) but Killian knew he would do anything in his power to make sure that Emma never had to go through more pain in her life. Liam was right: Killian was falling in love with her. It hadn’t even been a month since their lives changed, but Killian knew it. Killian never did anything half-assed, which included falling in love. His single wish, though, was that he wasn’t so goddamn _afraid_ of falling so quickly.

The call from that night echoed in his mind.

Killian mentally shook his head as he fished his keys out of his back pocket, reaching his apartment door. _God_ , he already needed a bloody drink but it wasn’t even two in the afternoon yet. But he decided for just today, he would allow himself to drink this early (something he hadn’t done since Milah’s untimely death).

“There you are!” Graham called from the couch and Killian cursed himself for not remembering that he gave him a key to the apartment. “I was wondering when you’d be back.”

Killian sighed and rubbed his tired eyes, shutting the door behind him and walking toward the steps that led into the living room. “I thought you’d be gone by now.”

Graham shook his head, looking back to the large TV (where he was watching rugby) and sipping on the bottle of Guinness in his hand. “Nope. The exterminator’s still there. Bloody bed bugs.”

Killian sighed as he wrenched off his leather jacket, tossing it over the back of the couch. “Alright.”

“Want a beer?” Graham asked, holding another bottle toward Killian. Killian took it without a word and walked around the couch, sitting beside his best friend. Graham furrowed his eyebrows in question. “Rough day already?”

Killian sighed and ran his hand through his hair. “You have no bloody idea.”

“Wanna talk about it?” Graham asked and Killian had never been so thankful that his co-star understood Killian’s reluctance to talk about his problems.

Killian wanted to. Long nights filming the show led to their close friendship and Killian rarely hid anything from Graham. But he still hadn’t told him about Emma and the whole soul mate situation. And with how his thoughts were poisonous and his worries were killing him…Killian couldn’t burden them on someone who didn’t already know.

He didn’t have the energy to explain it all.

“I’m good,” Killian responded.

Graham sighed and resituated in his seat. “Well, since you won’t talk about it, I’m gonna assume it’s a girl.”

Killian grumbled and sipped more of his beer.

Graham chuckled. “Okay, got that right. So, I think you should grow a set and ask her on a date. I know how you are and how you have always been, so I think that would be good for you. It’ll help you figure out what you want or need and maybe it’ll help her out.”

Dammit, even without telling Graham a single thing, he knew exactly what to say.

Maybe Graham was right. Maybe asking Emma on a date, whatever that would entail, would help calm his thoughts about being a pathetic human being and that everything he touched broke and that he was lower than shit-

Killian sighed. “Alright. I’ll ask her on a date.”

Graham smiled and clasped Killian’s shoulder. “Good. Now, let’s watch guys kick each other’s asses.”

<> 

He didn’t know what he was doing. Killian laid in bed, staring at the ceiling with his cell phone in his hand, _staring_ at his messages. He hadn’t texted her since the day he gave Emma his number and he just kept reading it over and over again: “Saving a song for you tonight, captain.” He’d been doing this ever since Graham left at ten at night, at least a half hour ago. Killian wanted to text her, to ask her on a date, but he was still nervous. He knew he should follow Graham’s advice (since Graham and Liam had something in common: they were always right) but there was still that niggling voice in the back of Killian’s mind saying that he’s going to fuck everything up, that he should just give up before he gives himself the chance to ruin everything-

Killian silenced the voice in his head by just _finally_ typing out the message.

_What are you doing on Wednesday night?_

It took another minute for Killian to gather the courage to send the text, but he ultimately did it. God, when did he turn into a nervous wreck over a woman? Before Emma, he could confidently chat up any woman whenever he wanted to, using his charm and good looks to his advantage. But with Emma…God, she’s changed everything for him.

He fell asleep waiting for a response, remembering that it was indeed Saturday night and that Emma would be working right now. But his phone chimed and Killian jerked awake, rubbing his tired eyes as he looked over at his alarm clock. 12:04 was the time as he reached for his phone and swiped the screen to read the message.

**Working until eight. Why?**

Killian gulped because here was his chance. He couldn’t back out of this. He needed to do this. It was the proper thing anyways: asking your soul mate on a date to get to know each other. That’s how it was with every other woman he’d ever talked to before and after Milah (except after Milah, it wasn’t about dating-it was about fucking to try to forget the pain of losing her). And Emma was infinitely more important than all of those other woman. So, Killian _needed_ to suck it up and just do it.

_I was wondering if you would like to come over to my place and have dinner with me._

Killian threw his phone across the room so he wouldn’t just stare at it, waiting for Emma’s response. He can almost imagine her eyes lighting up at each text and her perfect lips quirking into that rare smile that Killian already loved.

(Who was he kidding? He could imagine those things perfectly.)

He heard his phone chime from across the room, by the door to his master bathroom. Killian took deep breaths to calm the butterflies in his stomach as he stood from his bed and walked over to the corner of the room, where his phone was lying face down on the floor. He groaned as he picked the phone up from the hardwood floor and swiped the screen to see the message.

**As in a date?**

Killian chuckled as he typed a message back.

_Yes, as in a date. Don’t sound so surprised, Swan. So what will it be?_


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW IT'S BEEN LIKE A MONTH. I'M SORRY. The chapter I was writing was taking FOREVER so yeah, sorry. Hope y'all enjoy this one!

What?

Emma reread the text over and over again as she stood in Elsa’s office, taking a breather from her hectic night at the lounge. She honestly couldn’t believe that Killian fucking Jones was asking her out on a date. It shouldn’t surprise her, seeing as they’re soul mates. But still- _it was Killian fucking Jones_.

Emma didn’t even have to think twice about her response.

_I’d be happy to join you._

She didn’t even have to wait a minute before Killian texted back.

**I look forward to your company. Unfortunately, I can’t come to the lounge tonight or Sunday to hear your wondrous voice. I have to have some time to keep this fantastic figure of mine.**

Emma laughed under her breath as she typed out a response.

_So humble, as always. I’ll see you Wednesday then. I’m working a ton this week, so I probably can’t stop by the trailer._

**Then I will see you Wednesday night at my place. Dress to impress. Be prepared to have your mind blown by my fantastic spaghetti and meatballs.**

_Oohhh, I’m so excited that I can hardly wait._

**You’ll have trouble keeping your hands off of me. Though I wouldn’t complain.**

Emma rolled her eyes as she laughed again. Jesus, this man.

_Keep it in your pants, Casanova. I gotta go back to work. Sweet dreams._

**And I will dream of you.**

Emma felt herself blush as she put her phone back into her purse in her cubby. And of course, just then, Elsa walked back into her office after taking care of Emma’s tables for the short five minutes Emma had for break. Elsa narrowed her eyes at Emma’s red face.

“What’s going on?”

Emma nibbled on her bottom lip as she stood from the stool beside the cubbies, running her hands over her chiffon skirt. “Uh, Killian sorta just asked me on a date.”

Elsa’s eyebrows raised as she smiled at Emma. “Really?”

Emma nodded as she walked over to her friend. “Yeah. On Wednesday, we’re having dinner at his place.”

“Are you nervous?” Elsa asked, placing her hand on Emma’s shoulder and stroking it gently with her thumb.

Emma shrugged. “I don’t know. Should I be?”

Elsa smiled and shook her head. “Not at all. It’s just dinner with your soul mate.”

And with that, butterflies shot into Emma’s stomach. Emma whined and tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. “Well thanks. Now I’m nervous.”

Elsa laughed as she dropped her hand from Emma’s shoulder and walked over to her desk, her nude heels clacking on the tile flooring. “And that’s normal. If you weren’t nervous, that would mean that you don’t care, which I know you do.”

Emma sighed and turned to head back onto the floor, where her tables needed tending to. “Elsa, I’m nervous ‘cause I’m going on a date with Killian Jones. Who wouldn’t be nervous?”

Elsa laughed as Emma exited the office. And well, for the rest of the night, Emma couldn’t stop herself from imagining Wednesday night and how she couldn’t wait.

<> 

**How do you feel about garlic bread?**

_Greatest invention ever._

**I knew there was a reason that I liked you.**

<> 

_Anything I need to bring tomorrow night?_

**Just your dazzling smile, love.**

_*rolls eyes* what a charmer._

**You haven’t even seen the best of it yet.**

<> 

**I look forward to seeing you tonight. Prepare to be amazed by my unparalleled cooking skills.**

Emma snorted as she poured a cup of coffee for a customer. The diner was surprisingly slow for seven at night, only a few customers in the entire restaurant. Aurora was tending to her two occupied tables while Emma dealt with the lone man sitting at the bar and the overly affectionate couple in the booth in the corner.

Emma rolled her eyes at the _disgusting_ way the couple made eyes at each other. Shit, even after meeting her soul mate, Emma was still just a wee bit cynical. She probably always would be. But now, with how her stomach tangled up whenever she so much as _thought_ of Killian, Emma thought that maybe her cynicism was fading away.

_God_ , could the clock move any slower? She still had an hour until she got off work and she _still_ had to go back to her place and get ready for this date. And no, her stomach did _not_ twist in knots at the thought of Killian cooking for her or how she kept thinking about how this date could possibly end and wow Emma needed to get _laid_ -

“Emma, could I talk to you for a minute?” Granny asked from the archway that led to the kitchen as Emma finished pouring the mug of coffee.

“Uh yeah sure,” Emma responded, her butterflies in her stomach now turning to wasps because what does Granny want to talk about?

Emma slid the coffee to the man at the counter and walked off, back to Granny’s office by the kitchen as she wiped her hands on the tiny red apron she wore around her hips. She took a deep breath as she walked through Granny’s open office door, looking at her second mother (well, more like first mother-it’s not like Emma’s mother really cared about her anymore).

“Close the door.”

A knot developed in Emma’s throat as Emma shut the door behind her, the click of the door shutting echoing in the quiet and small room.

“Why haven’t you seen Ruby in a month?” Granny asked.

_Of course_ this was about her granddaughter.

Emma sighed and folded her hands behind her back. “I’ve been busy. Ruby knows that.”

“Emma, she is due in September. She wants as much time with you before the baby comes,” Granny responded, standing up from her chair behind the desk. “She misses you.”

Emma wasn’t about to tell Granny the real reason for not seeing Ruby or Mary Margaret for the past month. Emma knew that if she saw either of them, she wouldn’t be able to hide the fact that she’s found her soul mate and then there’d just be cheers and congratulations and Emma didn’t want that. And well, if Emma told Granny about it, there was no doubt in Emma’s mind that Granny would go and tell Ruby immediately.

“I miss her too. I’m just busy right now. I’ll see her again before she’s due,” Emma replied. “I promise.”

Granny sighed. “You better. You may be like a daughter to me, Emma, but I won’t hesitate to make your life hell if you don’t see her soon.”

Emma nodded and chuckled under her breath. “I know, Granny.’

“Good,” Granny said. “Now, since we’re slow right now and I don’t see it getting any busier, I’m letting you leave early.”

“Why?” Emma asked, her eyebrows raising because Granny _never_ let anybody leave early.

“Because you’ve been obviously antsy all day,” Granny replied, resituating her glasses on her face. “So, I’m letting you leave early because you’re making _me_ nervous. Now go. Give that guy hell.”

Emma’s eyebrows raised even higher. “What?”

Granny raised an eyebrow, like Emma shouldn’t even bother trying to lie her way out of this. “It’s obvious it’s a man. No one gets you like that but a guy. A very special guy since even then you never get nervous. So, give him hell. Wear that turquoise dress of yours. He won’t know what hit him.”

Emma smiled at Granny and let her hands drop to her sides. “You won’t tell Ruby?”

“I know how to keep a secret, Emma,” Granny said and when Emma raised her eyebrows again, Granny continued. “Alright fine. But I can tell when you want something to remain a secret, so I’ll do my best.”

“Thank you, Granny,” Emma responded, untying her apron from around her hips. “See you tomorrow.”

“See ya, Emma. And let me know if you need to come in late,” Granny called as Emma placed her hand on the doorknob. “Don’t let it hinder you from staying the night if you want to.”

Emma felt her face blush. “Yeah okay, Granny.”

(And if the thought of staying the night at Killian’s remained in her head as she changed into her favorite bra and panty set-black lace-and the turquoise dress Granny mentioned, well that was her own business.)

(She did not imagine his beard scraping against her breasts as she hailed a cab.)

(And she did not imagine the way that gorgeous head of hair would look between her thighs as she paid the driver.)

(And she did _not_ think of how _amazing_ that sex would most likely be because Killian Jones wasn’t named Sexiest Man Alive for nothing.)

(Dammit, Emma needed to get it together.)

Emma took a deep breath as she stood in front of the apartment door, the same door Killian Jones lived behind. Her stomach was flipping and she placed her hand holding her clutch purse on it to calm it.  She used her other hand to brush down the silk skirt of the dress and brush off stray hairs from the top of the v-neck, sleeveless dress.

She took one last deep breath and knocked twice on the oak door. Her throat knotted as time passed, wondering if she had misread his texts or that he decided to not go through with the date and _God_ she should just go-

The door creaked open and _holy hell_. Killian was attractive in anything he wore (it could be a fucking garbage bag and people would still want to fuck him), but _Jesus Christ he should be illegal right now_. Whoever invented waistcoats should be shot because Kilian looked absolutely _illegal_ in the black one he had on and Emma wanted to faint over the dark red, button-down shirt he was wearing underneath it (with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows- _Christ_ ).

“Emma,” Killian breathed and Emma didn’t miss the way his eyes scanned her body, notably stopping at her waist and her cleavage (which looked _fantastic_ with the deep v-neck and the push-up bra she was wearing). “You look stunning, Swan.”

Emma gulped as she resituated the clutch in her hands, vaguely noticing how she stood maybe an inch or two over Killian in her heels. “You look…”

“I know,” Killian replied, with that freaking smile that drove Emma insane.

(Humble as ever.)

“Come in, please,” Killian said as he stepped away from the doorway, holding the door open for Emma.

As soon as Emma stepped into the apartment, she was hit by the smell of cooking food. Her stomach grumbled and she sincerely hoped that Killian couldn’t hear that, remembering that she hadn’t eaten since around two at work. She took a deep breath as she followed Killian through the front foyer of the apartment, stepping down into the living area, which held a large fireplace that took Emma’s breath away.

“Your place is beautiful,” Emma told Killian as he walked to the left, heading to the other side of the living room where the kitchen was. Emma saw the beautiful maple cabinets and marble countertops, which Emma just wanted to run her hands over. Her kitchen was a _quarter_ the size of this one and she felt a tinge of jealousy.

“Thank you,” Killian replied as he rounded the breakfast bar to go to the stove. “It was my first big purchase after _Never Landing_ took off.”

“I don’t even want to hear how much it costs a month,” Emma said, her fingers brushing the arm rest of his leather sofa.

“You can sit, if you would like to,” Killian called from the stove as he stirred whatever was on the burner. “I’ll grab the wine in just a moment.”

Emma listened to his suggestion and sat down on the couch (and _wow_ , this is better than her freaking bed), relieving the pain in her feet from her nude, patent leather heels.

“Ugh my shoes are already killing me,” Emma whined as she crossed her legs at the knees, looking over to Killian as he cooked (and there was something insanely hot about an already attractive man cooking her dinner).

“Your discomfort is a cross I’m willing to bear, love,” Killian responded from the kitchen and Emma felt her face flush because she would _never_ get used to Killian flirting with her like that. “But, if you want to, you can take off your shoes. Don’t want you being in pain all night.”

“Oh, what a gentleman,” Emma snorted from the couch, relaxing back in the cushions.

“I am _always_ a gentleman, Swan,” Killian replied, arching an eyebrow as he looked over at her.

Emma rolled her eyes as she looked out the window just beside the large fireplace she was sitting in front of, where she could see the expanse of the city she loved through the thick glass of the window.

Emma heard Killian walking around in the kitchen as she continued to stare at the New York City skyline through the window. The city had always enchanted Emma, ever since she was little and lived in whatever group homes she had bounced through. This city had kicked her down again and again, but Emma could never shake the way the skyline looked at night, with its lights showing all of its glory. She had missed it for the short few years she lived upstate, with her adoptive parents, and Emma had never been prouder for choosing to stay here after college, even if it meant cutting all ties from her parents.

If she could even call them that.

“Would you like to go out onto the balcony, Ms. Swan?” Killian asked from the kitchen and Emma looked over to him, seeing that he was holding two wine glasses and a reasonably-sized bottle of wine.

Emma raised her eyebrows as she stared at the bottle, standing from the couch and walking over to him as she left her clutch behind. “Trying to get me drunk, Jones?”

“What? A bit worried you’ll find me even more irresistible after a few libations?” Killian asked as Emma neared him, his tongue this positively _obscene_ thing against his lip and _holy fuck_ that did things to Emma.

Emma rolled her eyes (and hoped that she wasn’t blushing because she did _not_ want to give Killian that power) as she followed Killian over to the double doors that led out to the stone balcony, encased by a short brick wall. “I’ve got work at eight in the morning. I’d rather not have to work with a wine hangover.”

“Valid point,” Killian muttered as he held the door open for Emma, ever the gentleman. “Although I wouldn’t protest to you staying the night because you drank too much.”

Before Emma could respond (and oh yes, she was going to respond-the idiot), she stepped onto the balcony and her breath was taken away as she looked over the skyline, the oranges and reds and yellows of the sunset bringing the city to life.

“Wow,” Emma said simply as she stared at the sunset, the first time she really had stared at it since she could see colors. And it was more beautiful than she could’ve ever thought.

“Yeah,” Killian responded as he stepped behind Emma onto the balcony. “I stayed out here for _hours_ the day we met. I couldn’t stop staring at the sky.”

“I can see why,” Emma whispered, still completely hypnotized by the sky.

“Come, let’s sit,” Killian said, placing his hand on her lower back, the bottle of wine gently hitting her ass as they walked over to the cast iron table and chairs on the balcony.

Killian took his hand from Emma’s back and Emma saw the bottle of wine as he pulled the corkscrew from his pocket. “Moscato? My favorite.”

Killian smiled as he screwed the corkscrew into the cork. “Mine too.”

The cork was pulled out of the wine bottle with a loud _pop_ and Killian poured a liberal amount of wine into each wine glass. He handed one glass to Emma and clinked his against hers, taking a generous sip from his glass.

“This is the best view of New York City,” Emma commented after sipping on her glass of wine.

“Only the second-best view, compared to what I’m looking at right now,” Killian replied, raising an eyebrow at Emma.

Emma felt her face flush ( _God_ how was this man even real?) and hid her face behind the glass of wine. “Is that part of your routine? Bring girls here, take them out on the balcony, and tell them that exact same line?”

“You wound me, love,” Killian said, placing his hand over his chest in mock offense. “That would require me actually _bringing_ women back here.”

“I’ve seen the tabloids, Killian. I know you’re quite the ladies’ man,” Emma consoled, planting her hand on her hip and sipped on her wine because she wasn’t _blind._ Long before she knew about what would transpire between them, Emma would read those God awful tabloids and know just how well he did with the ladies.

“Oh I know I am, Swan,” Killian laughed out. “But that doesn’t mean I bring women back here.”

Emma raised her eyebrows. “You don’t bring women back here?”

Killian shook his head, looking over the distance at the skyline. “I either get a hotel room or I go back to the woman’s place. But I never take them here, in case I somehow get a stalker.”

“Valid point,” Emma admitted, sipping on her wine again, staring back over the distance as she licked the stray wine from her bottom lip.

“Bloody hell, please don’t do that,” Killian groaned out.

Emma looked back over at Killian, noticing his knuckles whitening around the wine glass. “What?”

Killian sighed. “You licked your lip. Just-don’t do that.”

Emma raised her eyebrows and placed a hand on her hip. “Why not?”

(And she did not intend for her voice to come out breathy and sultry and holy shit this was gonna end in bed, wasn’t it?)

“I think you know exactly why,” Killian breathed out, a whole lot closer than Emma remembered him being. His hand gently brushed the skirt of her dress and Emma’s heart quickened because she wasn’t ready for this but _Jesus_ it was all she had been thinking of ever since he asked her out on Saturday night. Emma wasn’t ready for what a kiss would mean between the two of them, but dammit she needed to know the way his lips felt under hers, how his beard would feel against her neck, the way his fingers would make her come over and over again-

“I should go check on the food,” Killian said as he cleared his throat, stepping back and downing the rest of his wine (about half of the glass, which really sorta impressed Emma in a weird way), and then placed the empty glass back on the table and walked past Emma to head back inside.

Once Killian was back inside, Emma took a long, deep breath because she was _not_ going to sleep with Killian Jones on their first date. Emma had stronger self-control than that and she was not going to treat her soul mate as though he was one of her one night stands. But _God_ even with her restraint, Emma’s resolve was weakening with every passing moment and every glance toward his direction.

Emma knew this was going to be a long (and eventful) night as she drank the rest of her wine, staring out as the sky slowly turned purple and red. She listened to the hustle and bustle of the city in the streets far below Killian’s penthouse, up fifteen stories into the sky, as the gentle breeze picked up Emma’s skirt. She took another deep breath, making sure that she did _not sleep with Killian Jones_ , and released it, looking up as the stars began to come out into the darkening sky.

“Sorry about that, love,” Killian called from the balcony doors and Emma turned to see him carrying two plates of spaghetti and meatballs and two bowls, one full of salad and the other full of garlic bread. “Wanted to make sure things didn’t burn. Wouldn’t want to ruin our date.”

Emma hurried over to him, taking the two bowls from his forearms. “How the hell can you do that?”

“I was a waiter for a long time, before I was thrust into the spotlight,” Killian responded and Emma raised her eyebrows at that. She and Killian never talked about how he found himself in _Never Landing_ and she wanted to know how it happened.

“ _I’ve_ been a waitress for a long time and even I can’t do that,” Emma replied, utterly impressed at the somewhat useless skill.

Killian chuckled, a low laugh that brought warmth to Emma’s belly and holy hell she really was going to have trouble with her self-restraint tonight. “I learned how to do it to impress the ladies.”

( _And dammit it worked_.)

Killian placed the plates at their respective spots on the table, quickly scooting away to go back to turn on the balcony lights. Emma placed the two bowls in the center of the table, taking the bottle of wine in her hands and filling each glass up to a generous level. Soon, the balcony lit up with string lights wrapped around the balcony ledge and the pipes that led up to the roof.

It was honestly one of the most gorgeous sights Emma had seen.

After Killian and Emma sat down at the table (after he had helped Emma to her chair-the idiot), they enjoyed eating in silence. It wasn’t a strange thing for them to eat quietly, but Emma couldn’t help but feel uneasy. Even though Emma had hung out with him and eaten with him numerous times, this was _different_. This was a _date_ and Emma hadn’t been on a real date in _years_. Emma mentally shook herself as she bit into the meatball on her fork, telling herself that she was not going to think of Neal when she was on a date (and constantly thinking about banging) her soul mate.

Emma looked out over the city skyline (because she couldn’t resist the view) and finished up the last of her meat ball. “It’s even more beautiful at night.”

“I know.”

Emma looked back at Killian, who was notably _not_ staring at the skyline and was instead just staring at her, as if she was the only thing that mattered to him.

She nibbled on the inside of her cheek and ignored the burning inside of her. “I don’t get a view remotely this good at my place.”

Killian laughed, stabbing his fork into a piece of lettuce. “Oh I remember those old days, living in the Bronx.”

Emma chuckled in response. “How long did you live there?”

Killian relaxed back into his chair, dropping his fork on the plate after he ate the lettuce. “Hmm…well I’m twenty-six now, got cast two years ago in the show, so I lived about one year on my own. But I lived from the time I was eighteen till I was twenty-three with my older brother in his place in the Bronx. I only moved out ‘cause that was around the time Liam and his wife started trying to get pregnant and I just couldn’t bloody take hearing them through the walls anymore.”

Emma threw her head back and laughed. “That sounds awful.”

“It was. Imagine listening to your older brother and a girl you’ve known since you were seven, just fucking like bloody monkeys.”

Emma cackled more because she simply couldn’t help it. She never went through that, simply because her adoptive parents never had sex. But she did hear plenty of Ruby’s one night stands when they were living together during college.

“What do they do? Your brother and his wife?”

“Liam runs a hardware store with an old Navy buddy and Jenny is a nanny. Or more like was, since she’s taking a bit of a break from the family to take care of their newborn, Amelia,” Killian explained, smiling diminutively as he ran his finger around the rim of his glass.

“Beautiful name,” Emma commented, smiling at how his eyes darted over to her, softening just a tad.

“It was my mother’s,” Killian replied and Emma noticed how his hand twitched for a second, as if he wanted to cover his mouth like he was surprised he had said anything. Like he didn’t mean to tell Emma about his past.

“My mother’s name is Diane,” Emma told Killian, noticing how he didn’t want to delve into that part of his past. He smiled at her like he knew what she was doing. “Well, adoptive mother.”

Killian raised his eyebrows and Emma took a deep breath, reclining back in her chair and crossing her now cold arms over her chest. “I grew up in the system. I was in and out of foster homes for as long as I could remember until I was sixteen and I was just sent to live at a group home. That’s when my mother and father saw me playing a piano in the high school I went to. I was very musical and I was quick to learn, so they adopted me and made me practice piano every day until my hands hurt. Little did they know that I was learning how to play guitar and I was falling more and more in love with becoming an actual musician, rather than the pianist they wanted me to be.”

Emma sighed and looked over at the city lights again. “They wanted me to play Carnegie Hall and all that jazz. Sent me to NYU for the best musical education I could get. When I graduated, I told them that I wanted to sing and play guitar and play piano and that I didn’t want to be this world-famous pianist that they wanted me to be. So, they cut me off. Just like that.”

(Like she didn’t matter.)

(She never mattered.)

“Could you excuse me for a second?” Killian asked and Emma’s heart fell.

She nodded wordlessly and Killian left the table and Emma listened as his motorcycle boots clack against the stone flooring of the balcony, before they silenced as he stepped back into the apartment. Emma kicked herself (like actually kicked herself and now her ankle was throbbing from where her heel hit her ankle) for saying anything because now she scared him off like she scared everyone off and _fuck_ she should just go home and forget about the whole soul mate thing because it would never work out anyways-

Her thoughts were silenced when she felt something drape over her shoulders and Emma turned around to see that Killian had placed his signature leather jacket over her and her heart warmed at the stupid little gesture.

“You didn’t deserve that, Emma,” Killian whispered as his hands remained on her shoulders. Emma gulped and looked down at her lap, her blonde hair falling from underneath the jacket. “Your parents obviously didn’t know what they had. If they did…well, they would still have a brilliant, beautiful, and strong woman to call their daughter.”

Emma blushed (for the umpteenth time that night). “You’re just saying that.”

Killian leaned down, his mouth against her ear and Emma did _not_ shudder from the contact (and she did not hear the low chuckle coming from Killian). “I’m just saying that because it’s the simple truth, love.”

Emma turned her head toward him because she was going to definitely say something in response, but everything she was going to say got stuck in her throat when she realized just how close Killian was to her. Her heart started pounding, hard and heavy in her chest because dammit she wanted to kiss him so badly but she didn’t know if she could stop herself in time before she ultimately jumped his bones.

And damn her for noticing Killian’s gaze darting down to her lips. And damn her for staring into those God-forsaken blue eyes that haunted her every thought, ever since the day they met. And damn her for wetting her bottom lip in anticipation.

“We should go back inside,” Killian announced, standing back up and Emma clenched her jaw in frustration because God she was on fire and he barely even touched her.

Emma followed Killian back inside, after Killian insisted that he’d gather up the empty bowls and plates and glasses in just a moment. Emma put her arms through the arms of the jacket, letting the warmth spread over her. She snuck a sniff at the inside of the jacket and _yes_ , it smelled exactly like Killian did: of leather and some distinct cologne that Emma was already obsessed with.

“Make yourself at home. I’ll be just a minute,” Killian said from the doorway to the balcony as Emma stood by the kitchen.

As soon as he stepped away, Emma turned around to face the living area. She smiled as her gaze landed on the upright piano, tucked against the wall beside the steps that led down to the living area. She couldn’t help herself as she walked over to it, unable to deny the pull she automatically had whenever she spotted a piano or guitar. She took a spot behind the piano, sitting gracefully on the piano bench and kicking off her heels so she could play properly.

She began humming the tune to “If I Ain’t Got You” by Alicia Keys as she played the keys accordingly. Her mother hated it whenever she played anything that wasn’t classical music or anything of the like, and this song was a one that she and Diane got into numerous arguments over. But Emma couldn’t deny the soothing melody and heartfelt lyrics, which she began singing into the emptiness of Killian’s apartment.

Emma didn’t notice when Killian returned back into the apartment, carrying the dirty dishes from dinner. And she didn’t notice it when he came to stand beside the piano, watching her play. And she didn’t notice how he smiled at her, seeing how the music seeped into her veins and her blood and her very soul.

Even though Emma was much more of a rock music kind of girl, she couldn’t resist Alicia Keys’ soulful voice. It had taken her a long time to get the piano down perfectly, but now whenever she had the chance, Emma _had_ to play it. She smiled as she sang one of her favorite songs, glancing up as she finally realized Killian was standing beside her.

_Some people want diamond rings_

_Some just want everything_

_But everything means nothing_

_If I ain’t got you, yeah_

Emma didn’t really realize that she meant ever single word of the song until she finished it, looking up at those blue eyes. She wasn’t in love with him-no, it was too soon for that. But Emma knew that she couldn’t live without him. It wasn’t only because he was her soul mate; it was because it was _him_. Killian didn’t treat her like some lowly civilian when he was a huge celebrity. He treated like they were equals. He didn’t push her when she didn’t want to be pushed. Killian _understood_ her, as if he had been through all of it before.

They were like kindred spirits.

Killian took Emma’s hand from the piano keys and helped her up from the piano bench, having her stand toe-to-toe with him. She audibly gulped as she looked up at his eyes and he was _so close_ , his lips just an inch or two from hers. Just one small movement and she would be kissing him, finally feeling those lips under hers, just as she had always wanted to. She could see the slight darkening of Killian’s eyes and Emma knew that he wanted it too.

Emma slowly stepped forward a small centimeter and her heart began pounding again, just as it always did in his company. His hands folded in each of hers and her skin hummed at the contact, even though Emma was nervous that he could feel the sweatiness on her palms. She was sure that Killian could hear her heart slamming against her ribs, but she couldn’t find a reason to care, not with how close she was to those lips and she was just already so caught up in _him_ -

“I think it’s time that you go,” Killian spoke, stepping back from Emma but his hands remaining in hers.

“Why?” Emma asked, taken aback because she obviously must’ve misread something and he didn’t want this and _fuck_ this is bad-

“Because I’m trying to be a gentleman, but I’m having very untoward thoughts.”

_Oh_.

Emma blushed as she stepped closer to him again, smirking because oh she felt powerful now. “Really? Like what, Killian?”

Killian visibly gulped as his hands tightened around Emma’s. “I’d very much like to kiss you, Emma Swan.”

And even though Emma knew that was what he would say, her heart pounded in her chest again. She didn’t trust her voice, so she just whispered, “Then do it.”

And he did it.

Killian stepped forward and released his hands from Emma’s, moving them to hold Emma’s face in his hands as he forcefully kissed her. Emma’s arms wrapped around his waist and she stepped closer to him as his tongue swept across her bottom lip. Emma gasped into his mouth and Killian took the opportunity to slide his tongue into her mouth, tangling her tongue with his in a dance only the two of them knew. The fire that had been building inside of Emma all night was finally burning free, flowing through her hands as they clawed into his waistcoat and through her tongue as she returned the favor.

Killian groaned and his fingers tightened in Emma’s hair, stepping her backward just an inch, as he pulled her head closer to his. Emma bit down on his bottom lip and she heard a muffled ‘ _bloody hell_ ’ as her body was continued to be pushed backwards. Their noses bumped awkwardly as Killian tilted his head to change the direction of the kiss, his tongue darting into Emma’s mouth again. Her heart was hammering against her chest in a bruising rhythm, her breathing heavy because _holy fuck_ this kiss was better than she could’ve possibly imagined.

Emma gasped when her back hit the side of the piano and Killian continued to press himself against her. She could feel the thickness of his erection against her stomach and Emma’s self-control was wavering because never had she wanted to fuck someone more than she wanted to in this moment, with how he was kissing her with reckless abandon, as if it would mean certain death if he stopped. Emma’s hands found their way to the top of Killian’s waistcoat and they were tingling with anticipation as they found the first button.

That was when Emma realized that she needed to stop _now_ if she really didn’t want to pillage and plunder on the first date.

(Even though it was _such_ a temptation.)

Emma pulled her lips away from Killian’s (and she didn’t notice how he chased after hers, unable to stop the kiss), breathing heavily and she should be completely embarrassed about it but she just got the _shit_ kissed out of her and she was going to be on cloud nine for days. “I think I should go. Before we both do something that would undeniably be fantastic, but would be far too soon.”

Killian chuckled and his voice was thick with desire, which sent a bolt of lust down to Emma’s thighs and _fuck_ her self-control was unstable right now. His thumbs caressed Emma’s cheeks as he lifted his head from hers. “Perhaps you’re right. It would be marvelous.”

Emma laughed and looked at those eyes, still dark with hunger. She dropped her hands from the top of his waistcoat and placed them on his waist, in a much safer spot. “Will I see you tomorrow?”

Killian shook his head and her heart fell. “I work late tomorrow, most likely. But, I’ll see you Friday night. I promise.”

“I’ll save you a song, captain,” Emma repeated from that text she sent the first day they hung out at his trailer.

Killian smiled as he stepped back an inch. “And I look forward to hearing it, Swan.”

Emma dropped her hands from his waist as Killian (reluctantly) lets go of Emma. He helps her slide her shoes back on and walk back to the front door with her clutch in hand, where she was sure she had a few texts or missed calls (probably from Ruby and Mary Margaret since she hadn’t seen them in a month). Emma looked back at Killian and began shrugging off the leather jacket he gave to her.

“Keep it. It looks better on you,” Killian told her and damn this man for making her heart beat like this.

Emma nibbled on her bottom lip (and she _definitely_ saw how his eyes darkened that time). “I’ll see you Friday.”

Emma gripped his waistcoat and pulled him forward pressing an insistent kiss against his lips. But she left it just there because she didn’t trust herself with deepening the kiss, especially with how her libido was raring to go.

“Don’t forget about me,” Emma teased as she placed her hand on the doorknob.

“I wouldn’t dare,” Killian replied quietly as he smiled, watching her leave through the door.

(And if that kiss kept her up all night, she was definitely fine by it.)

<> 

Not five minutes after Emma left, Killian left to go take care of himself in the bathroom. He couldn’t get the image of Emma pressing herself against him and the sound of her moans out of his head. Even from all of the thoughts he had of how kissing Emma would feel, his imagination completely failed in comparison to the real thing. He didn’t think her skin would be so soft and that her hair would be so fine between his fingers, or that her lips would be so bloody perfect and that it would bring him to his knees.

It was probably a good idea that Emma had left when she said. Killian knew that his resolve had weakened the instant he saw Emma in that dress, as stunning as she was. He took a deep breath as he relaxed in his bed, folding his hands behind his head as he stared at the ceiling. Killian was completely wrapped around this woman’s finger, already missing her presence, even if she left just a short while ago.

Killian was still surprised that she had told him about her parents, knowing how she liked to keep things locked up inside. He was grateful that she had steered the conversation away from his slipup about his mother and he felt as though she understood that there were parts of his past that he didn’t want to speak of.

Kindred spirits indeed.

Killian moved his hand from behind his head and touched his lips, where they still burned from the contact with Emma’s lips. Once Emma gave him permission to kiss her (he always was a gentleman, even if he wanted something that badly), he couldn’t hold back. And Emma didn’t seem to protest much by it, to be entirely honest.

Killian sighed because he wanted to tell somebody about how his life was changing completely, but he knew Liam and Jenny would be in bed by now (or at least busy with Amelia) and no one else knew the specifics about his relationship with Emma. And he was not going to risk telling someone about their soul mate connection just yet, not when it was so early and their relationship was still fragile.

Killian found himself excited to tell the world about Emma, whenever they came to that point. He wanted to shout it from the rooftops and let it echo throughout the city. He wanted to tell everybody, but Killian knew that it had to wait.

And he’d wait for forever if Emma wanted him to.

(Bloody hell, he was completely under her spell.)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY FOR ANOTHER LONG WAIT! I MEAN IT! I'm on spring break now, so hopefully I'll be writing more and won't have y'all waiting for so long for the next chapter. Enjoy!

“That was when I went to Monte Carlo, for some festival,” Killian told Emma as she swiped through the pictures on his phone, as they sat beside each other at the bar in their favorite 24-hour diner. The only other sounds in the diner were the newest pop songs pumping through the speakers and the waitress muttering to someone on the phone, which she definitely shouldn’t have been doing, but Killian wasn’t one to call out others doing something they shouldn’t be doing during such a dull time at night.

“That’s _gorgeous_ ,” Emma gasped out, staring at the picture of the sunset as Killian had sat on his balcony in his hotel room. The sunset had been slowly drifting toward the coast, where the ocean would meet the bright orb of the sun. Jenny and Liam told him that it was quite the sight to see, but Killian couldn’t see the colors just yet. That would come a little later.

“I brought Liam and Jenny along, for one last big trip before Jenny gave birth,” Killian replied, smiling at the memory. They all had the best time there, although Killian was busier than he would’ve liked to be. “It really was a stunning place to be. Even if I couldn’t really see all of the beauty.”

Emma swiped to the left and ‘awww’ed loudly into the empty diner. Killian smiled as he recognized the photo of the very first picture of him with Amelia, who was only a few hours old in the picture. The tiny newborn was wrapped in a blanket and resting in his arms and Killian remembered it as one of the best moments of his life. “Is this your niece?”

Killian nodded, leaning over his barstool to look at the picture better. (He didn’t notice how a shiver shot down Emma’s spine) (but he did notice how her breathing grew heavy). “Yep. That was just a few hours after she was born. Liam insisted that I hold her, so he took the picture while I did. If you keep going, I’ve got a lot more pictures of her.”

“You said her name was Amelia?” Emma asked and Killian nodded silently, as Emma swiped the screen to show the next picture: Amelia sleeping soundly in her crib her first night home. “My two best friends are pregnant. They’re already going crazy over baby names. Actually…” Emma began saying as she reached for her phone in her purse, plucking it out and scanning through her phone. “Here.”

Emma laid her phone in front of Killian, showing quite the goofy picture of her with her pregnant friends.

“It really isn’t the best photo of all of us,” Emma told Killian, quite shyly to be honest.

Killian smirked as he continued to look at the picture. It was Emma, then her smallest pregnant friend, then the one who looked about ready to pop, standing to the side to show off their stomachs. He had to retain a laugh at Emma’s face in the picture, mouth open and eyes rolling as her other friends had wide smiles on their faces.

“That’s Mary Margaret”-Emma pointed to the woman with the pixie cut and small baby bump-“and that’s Ruby”-Emma pointed to the other woman, with long brown hair and bright red nails. “Ruby is due at the end of September and Mary Margaret is only three months along. Well, four months now. I kinda haven’t seen them recently.”

“When was the last time you saw them?” Killian asked, raising an eyebrow as he looked over at Emma.

Emma sighed and smiled wistfully. “Actually, the day I met you.”

And with that, Killian raised both of his eyebrows.

“I was just coming out of that Target when the paparazzi ran into me and well, you know the rest of that story,” Emma explained, shrugging. “I’ve just been busy, even though we usually have a standing weekly lunch date. But I’ve been ditching that ever since.”

“Why?”

Emma took a deep breath and swiveled in her barstool, her knees bumping into Killian’s and he tried to ignore the electricity shooting up his leg from the small contact. “They’re the kind of people who would’ve congratulated me on finding my soul mate. And as you know, I was not the kind of person that could’ve dealt with hearing that because I saw it as a scary, bad thing.”

Killian gulped as he whispered out, “Was?”

Emma briefly nibbled on her bottom lip (which did _not_ do good things to his imagination). “I know it’s only been a month, but…I’m happy now. I mean, I’m still afraid of all of this, but I’m actually _happy_.” Emma smiled at Killian and he felt as though his heart would explode. “I just haven’t seen them because I guess I’m putting off the inevitable.”

“But you’re ready to tell them?” Killian asked and he hoped that Emma didn’t catch the waver in his voice.

Emma’s eyes lit up and bloody hell it could’ve rivaled the sunset in Monte Carlo. “Yeah. I’m not ready to tell the whole world yet, but I’m ready to tell my friends.”

And Killian would take that. Killian would take that and lock it in his heart because everything was finally coming together in his life. He had his career, a fantastic apartment, dashing looks, but he had always been missing his soul mate. And now it was all weaving together and Killian had everything that he wanted-

“But I think we should head out before the waitress starts taking pictures,” Emma whispered to Killian and he noticed that the waitress was still intently staring at them, as if she was trying to place his face.

“Good idea, love,” Killian responded as they slid off of their stools and Killian placed a ten on the counter to cover their drinks (Emma’s hot chocolate-which he had _no_ idea how she could drink it in this bloody weather-and his chocolate milk).

They exited the diner together and stepped onto the humid sidewalk, watching as lonely taxis drove down the street. Killian glanced down at his cell phone and saw that it was nearing four in the morning.

“Fuck it’s really late,” Killian muttered, putting his phone back in his pocket and rubbing his now-tired eyes. “I’ve got lunch with Liam and Jenny at noon and I gotta get back uptown.”

“Or you could just stay the night at my place,” Emma suggested, a smirk playing at her lips and Killian’s heart pounded.

Killian swallowed and his throat grew dry. “What?”

“You just said that you were getting lunch with your brother at noon. It’d be a waste of money and time going back to your place, since you’d just be coming back here anyways,” Emma explained, holding out a hand to hail a cab (and it really should’ve bothered Killian how quickly a taxi pulled over, probably looking over Emma’s exposed legs and low-cut dress-bloody _pervs_ ).

Valid logic. Dammit.

Killian cleared his throat as Emma swung the car door open and thought that he might as well be as honest as he can be. “We may be tempting the small bit of self-control I do have, Emma.”

Emma looked back at him with a bloody devilish glint in her eyes, like she wanted him to lose control and _shite_ he was fucked. “Oh don’t worry. I don’t bite, unless you’re into that sort of thing.”

 _Bloody buggering fuck_.

This woman was going to be the death of him.

Killian took a deep breath as he sat beside Emma in the cab, shutting the door as Emma told the driver her address. Killian kept his face away from the cabbie, just in case he recognized him and went blabbing about how the heartthrob Killian Jones went home with another woman last night. He knew they should’ve been more careful in the diner, but it didn’t look like the waitress correctly placed his face so he was hoping there wouldn’t be any leaks. He knew Emma wasn’t ready to announce it, just as she had said only a few minutes ago, and he would be damned if she was thrust into doing something she wasn’t ready for just because some crazed fans couldn’t keep it to themselves.

It didn’t take long for the cab driver to reach Emma’s apartment building, which really wasn’t too far from the diner, which was only down the road from The Frozen Heart. He pulled over to the curb and Emma and Killian hopped out of the cab, after a small argument about who would pay the driver (Killian insisted and Emma grumbled out a ‘thanks’). Killian followed Emma into the air-conditioned building, and as she went up the elevator and walked down the hallway. Killian couldn’t help but think about the last time he walked these halls, fresh from Emma’s hesitance and dismay at having a soul mate. Killian shook the painful memory away as Emma unlocked her apartment door and swung it open.

“Go ahead,” Emma told him and Killian nodded silently, doing as she said.

Killian stepped into the dark apartment and Emma flipped the lock once she stepped inside. His heart began pounding because it was hitting him that he was in a small-enclosed space with the girl who he had constantly thought about ever since he first saw her eyes ( _those bloody eyes_ ) and _wow_ he had no idea how this was going to end.

(Actually, Killian thought he knew how it would end and it would end with loud gasps and sweaty bodies and sinful moans-)

Almost _exactly_ like the moan that Emma let out as she toed off her shoes-or should he say death traps.

“Fucking killing me,” Emma murmured out as she tossed them over by her dresser, where the shoe pile was growing to staggering heights. Emma sighed and walked over to her dresser, pulling open a drawer. “Now, I know I have a pair of pajama pants that were a little big on me, so I think they’ll fit you. I swear I put them in this drawer-aha!”

Emma pulled out a pair of fleece, draw-string pants and no-

“I am _not_ wearing those,” Killian said, drawing back as if they were offensive. And they pretty much were.

“What? The roguish Killian Jones can’t be seen wearing pajama pants with little ducklings on them?” Emma asked, raising her eyebrows as she held up the blue pants with ducklings sewn into them.

And, _well_ , it was just far too easy. Killian stepped forward and flashed that predatory grin that brought women to their knees. And looking into Emma’s eyes, he knew that it affected her. “Well, I do prefer to sleep in the nude. But perhaps you wouldn’t enjoy that, so I’ll take the pants.”

Killian noticed the way Emma gulped at his statement, but then it began to backfire as Emma stepped forward, their toes brushing and her voice taking on a breathy tone. “Oh, I’d enjoy it. You just wouldn’t be able to handle it.”

And _fuck_ , Killian was screwed as he gulped, glancing down and looking at the way Emma’s breasts lifted as she breathed. He looked back into her eyes, which were growing darker by the second. “Perhaps you’re the one who couldn’t handle it, love.”

Killian dragged his tongue across his bottom lip and Emma’s jade eyes flashed darker as her lips parted and _wow_ Killian wanted nothing more to see the way she looked on the brink of climax-

“Alright, you can go to the bathroom first,” Emma said as she cleared her throat and stepped back from Killian, pointing to the door on the far side of the room. Emma held out the pants for him and Killian graciously took them, hoping that the material would be baggy enough to accommodate for the growing erection he had in his jeans at the moment. “There’s mouthwash since there isn’t a spare toothbrush, so use that if you need to. Shower is straightforward, again if you need it. Then you probably know how to use a toilet.”

“I wouldn’t mind a quick lesson on the shower, Swan,” Killian said as he raised an eyebrow and he took note of how Emma’s blush spread down to her neck.

“Go on, Loverboy. I’m going to change out here,” Emma teased, nudging him toward the door in the corner.

Killian chuckled as he walked over to the door in the corner of the room, swinging it open and stepping into the smallish bathroom. He took a deep breath as he began stripping down to change into the pajama pants, trying to calm his thoughts and the bulge that was sticking out in his boxer briefs. He did _not_ want to have that when Emma crawled into bed with him, as it would make things a whole lot more difficult.

(Even if he had dreamt of taking that step long before they even kissed.)

He looked himself in the mirror as he tugged his white undershirt over the elastic band of the pajama pants ( _bloody ridiculous pants_ ) and crumbled his button-down shirt and jeans into his hands. He should’ve fucking trimmed his stubble this morning, but _no-o-o-o_ he had to wake up twenty minutes late and bolt to the set to get to filming on time. Now Killian just looked a freaking homeless man with ridiculous pants and _why_ was he staying the night with the woman who tempted every fiber of his self-control-

“Did you fall in?” Emma teased from the opposite side of the door, tapping on it gently with what sounded like her fingernails.

“Ha bloody ha,” Killian grumbled out as he twisted the door knob and swung the door open. And of course, Emma snorted loudly as she saw the fleece pants. “Don’t start.”

Emma looked at him and her shoulders began shaking, as if she was trying to hide her building laughter. “What ever do you mean?”

Killian tried to roll his eyes, but he was just a bit distracted by what Emma called pajamas. He felt a knot develop in his throat as he eyed the thin white camisole and black yoga pants and _Jesus_ he was fucked. A blush spread on Emma’s face as she definitely noticed Killian’s blatant ogling and he mentally shook himself for being so obvious.

“Sorry,” Killian mumbled out as he scratched that spot behind his ear as a nervous tick, stepping around Emma to walk back over to the bed.

“I never thought I’d see Killian Jones blush like a school boy at a girl,” Emma teased as she stepped into the bathroom.

Killian didn’t have the time to respond, as Emma closed the door behind her. But, he wanted to say that _she_ did this to him, that Killian never got so anxious or nervous around other women-which she obviously knew since she said that she’s seen the magazines and tabloids and knew that Killian Jones was quite the lady’s man. Killian wanted to tell her that she was different than all of the other women, but he knew that she wouldn’t go for the “you’re not like other women” speech. Hell, _he_ didn’t go for that speech because that’s so bloody cliché and just demeaning to the other women.

Killian sighed as he placed his clothing on the ground at the foot of the bed and perched himself on the corner of Emma’s bed, awaiting her return. His fingers traced the design of the ducklings on his pants (and he was _never_ going to live this down) (he hoped Emma at least had the bloody decency to not take a picture of him) and it was only a few moments before Emma returned from the bathroom, releasing her hair from the ponytail she must’ve worn in the bathroom.

“What time are you getting up tomorrow?” Killian asked as Emma walked over to the kitchen and he heard the kitchen faucet running for a moment, then Emma returned to the living/sleeping area with a glass. “Just so I know when to get moving so I’m not in your way.”

Emma shook her head as she sipped on her water. “My boss gave me the weekend off, since I apparently work too much. So I don’t work in the morning.”

Killian raised an eyebrow slightly and took note of the tone of her voice. “Sounds like you aren’t too happy about that.”

Emma sighed as she switched the glass into her right hand. “It’s whatever.”

“Emma.”

Emma sighed again and rubbed her eyes (she must be exhausted). “I don’t want to bore you with my own issues, Killian.”

“You won’t be boring me, Emma,” Killian responded and Emma looked into his eyes and he hoped she could see the sincerity in them. “Our lives are intertwined, love. You can tell me whatever it is.”

Emma tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear as she gulped down the last of her water. He could tell that Emma was still nervous about talking about her problems, even she had already told him about her problems with her parents (the bloody idiots-how could they give up someone so brilliant?). Emma chewed on the inside of her cheek and Killian folded his hands together on his lap as he waited.

“It’s just…with her giving me the weekend off, it could make the difference between me making rent or not,” Emma explained finally, letting out a long breath as she looked at Killian. “I usually barely make rent anyways, and with this weekend off, I don’t know if I’ll be able to make it.”

Killian opened his mouth to say something, but Emma continued, now on a roll. “Like, I get that Granny is trying to just give me a break, but I don’t have the money to be taking breaks, you know? She loves me like a daughter, but I don’t think she gets the issues I have already and that I work all the time because I _need_ to. I know Granny thinks it’s ‘cause I want to avoid relationships and blah blah blah, but that isn’t true. Alright fine, it sorta was, but now I don’t really do that since I have you and it’s just so annoying because I don’t wanna make rent late and be threatened by my landlord again with his creepy-ass propositions and-”

Emma sighed and plopped beside Killian on the bed, twisting her cup in her hands. “You probably wanna run now, don’t you?”

“Never,” Killian said, not even a moment later. “Do I need to have a discussion with your landlord and how that’s very bad form?”

Emma chuckled and ran her hand through her hair (and it reminded Killian of the way her gentle curls felt in between his fingers as they kissed after the date, and the way that Killian hasn’t been able to stop thinking about it since). “No, I can handle it.”

Killian gulped because he knew what he wanted to say was going to be a bad idea, but he needed her to know that the option was out there and that he cared for her. “You know, if you need anything, I have more money than I know what to do with.”

Emma smiled weakly at him, but shook her head. “No, I can’t do that. I’ll…I’ll just figure things out. It’s just dumb.”

“I’ve been there before, love,” Killian told Emma, taking the empty glass from her hands as he stood from the bed. “And when I was there, I needed to know that someone was still there. I just want you to know that if you need anything, I’m here.”

Killian stepped into the kitchen and placed the glass gently into the sink. But before he could turn around to go back into the sleeping area, he felt hands on his shoulders and suddenly he was being twisted around. He saw Emma’s fiery green eyes for just a moment before her lips were against his and his hands were wrapped in her hair, tugging on those curls and _bloody hell_ he had been wanting to do this again ever since the date and he hadn’t been able to think straight ever since it and it was _definitely_ showing in the filming-

Emma wrapped her hands around Killian’s shirt and tugged him closer, slipping her hands under the hem and planting them firmly against his muscular back and he could feel the fire building-in his pants (which were growing tighter with each passing moment) and in his heart (which was beating faster than ever before). Emma’s tongue slid across Killian’s bottom lip and his knees damn near gave out under him because _this fucking woman_.

“Should we carry on in the bed?” Emma asked, her voice full of lust and sensuality and _bloody hell_.

“Are you sure?” Killian whispered back, not trusting his voice at full volume. He knew that this was going to go down a certain path that he had been looking forward to, but Killian knew it was just too soon and they only knew each other for the past month and they should _wait_ -

Emma chuckled under her breath, like she knew just how fucked he was, and grabbed his hand, pulling him back toward the bed. “Of course I am.”

Emma gently pushed him onto the bed and Killian scooted up until his head hit the pillows, and without so much as a warning, Emma straddled his hips and bent down to tangle her tongue with his again, stifling the moan Killian released when he felt her hips meet his. His hands found their way underneath Emma’s cami, resting on her lower back and digging his fingers into her skin as she pressed her hips closer to his.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Killian groaned out and Emma took that as an invitation to trail her kisses down his jaw and began kissing Killian’s neck in earnest. Killian dug his fingernails into her back because _holy shit_ he was going to spontaneously combust.

“Enjoying yourself?” Emma asked as her teeth grazed Killian’s ear lobe and she laughed at the shiver that Killian couldn’t hide. Emma pressed her hips firmly against his again and he knew that she could feel his erection digging into her thighs. “It _feels_ like you are.”

Killian took a deep breath, _really_ trying to ignore the way her body felt against his because someone needed to keep their head on straight. “Emma, love, I’m not sure this is a good idea.”

“Oh really? Because I think this is a _great_ idea,” Emma said as she trailed her lips further down Killian’s neck, moving herself down, down, _down_ his body and Killian’s self-control was wavering because this was better than his dreams and he couldn’t _not_ watch the beautiful woman reaching into his pants and taking him in her hand firmly.

“Bloody fucking _hell_ ,” Killian grunted out, fisting his hands around the sheets of the bed. “Emma, this really isn’t- _fuck fuck fuck_.”

Emma licked one long stripe up the underside of his cock and her eyes gleamed with that devilish glint and dammit she was spending way too much time with him. “Problem?”

“Emma,” Killian said as he gulped back the knot in his throat, “we really should stop.”

“Why?” Emma asked, a smirk crossing her lips again as her lips hovered over the tip of Killian’s erection.

Killian let out a deep breath. “Because we just really should.”

(Before he made a fucking mess.)

Emma sat straight up and _shit_ the look in her eyes was of pure rejection and he _really_ should’ve explained that one better. She shuffled back on his legs and pulled his pants back over the softening erection and fuck he was broken by the way her eyes were shining and _God_ he was such a prat.

“I’ll just-”

“Wait,” Killian said as he sat up, placing his hands on Emma’s cheeks to get her to look at him. But no matter how insistently he held her face in his hands, Emma would not raise her eyes to meet his. “Emma, please look at me.”

“No, it’s fine, Killian. Let’s just go to bed,” Emma muttered out, folding her hands on her thighs and staring very intently at them.

Emma moved to get off of Killian, but Killian moved his hands down to her waist to keep her on his lap. “Emma, _look at me_.”

Emma took a deep breath and finally met his gaze and _God_ Killian really was an asshole. “What?”

“I asked to stop because I didn’t want it to be like this.” Killian asked Emma, moving his hands down to Emma’s thighs and stroked her with his thumbs. “Like all this was was a one-night stand and that we’d never see each other again.”

Emma raised her eyebrows at Killian and he chuckled under his breath, scratching the spot behind his ear. “I know, I know. Doesn’t exactly make sense, as you are well aware of, since I’ve had plenty of one-night-stands, as documented in the tabloids. But, I want this to be different because this _is_ different. You are my soul mate and I just don’t want this to feel like it’s something less than it is. I just want to wait for a little bit, that’s all.”

“I just got carried away,” Emma told Killian, a faint blush creeping onto her cheeks. “Sorry.”

“Please, darling, do _not_ apologize,” Killian responded, a smirk spreading on his lips and Emma smacked his shoulder. “I’m not even sorry.”

“Oh I know,” Emma replied and _finally_ a smile reached her eyes and Killian’s heart pounded, in a much different way than it had been not five minutes earlier. “And sorry about the whole withdrawing thing. I don’t take rejection too lightly.”

And Killian took that knowledge and seared it into his brain, stowing it away for a later moment when he wanted to know what happened in her past that made her feel like that-well, besides her bloody idiotic parents because he was sure that they didn’t help this radiant woman in front of him with her issues, as they just left her behind when she didn’t want to do what they wanted and he could murder them for that-

“Maybe we should go to bed now,” Emma commented and began moving from Killian’s lap.

“Perhaps that’s a good idea,” Killian replied as he laid back down, scooting closer to the wall as Emma took her spot beside him.

Emma groaned loudly. “God dammit. The light.”

Killian laughed as Emma stood out of bed and stomped over to the light switch by the archway, which led to the entry hallway. He twisted to lay on his side as he watched Emma return back to the bed, with a small smile on her lips that Killian undeniably wanted to kiss off of her. But he knew that would send them back down the very same road Killian just mentioned not wanting to go down just yet.

Emma sighed as she resituated herself back under the comforter, her back to Killian, and said, “Good night, Killian.”

“Good night, love,” Killian responded, his eyes growing heavier with the exhaustion he’d been fighting all day.

There was only a few moments of silence when Emma spoke up again. “Killian?”

“Yes?”

“Could you-umm-could you spoon me?” Emma asked and Killian could almost see the blush rising on her cheeks.

Killian smiled and chuckled under his breath as he scooted forward, throwing his arm around Emma’s waist and pulling her in tightly. “Of course.”

His eyes began slowly closing, ready to give himself over to slumber, when he felt Emma suddenly press her hips back against him.

Killian groaned. “Swan.”

“Sorry,” Emma replied and he could hear the smile in her voice.

“No you aren’t,” Killian responded because he knew what went on in that mind of hers. Open book and all that.

Emma giggled (and _God_ what a delightful sound it was). “Fine. No I’m not.”

“Bloody minx,” Killian grumbled out and the last thing he heard was Emma’s responding laugh, before slumber took over and thrust him into darkness.

<> 

It was the loud ringing of a cellphone that woke both Emma and Killian up the next morning. It continued to chime in the apartment, the sound of it breaking the peaceful silence, and Killian whined, digging his head further into Emma’s hair (which smelled of vanilla and lavender and it was bloody hypnotic).

“Is that your phone?” Emma asked, her voice still heavy with sleep.

Killian nodded into her hair. “Yes.”

“You should get that.”

“Not bloody likely. Too comfortable.”

Emma laughed under her breath as she stepped out of bed, leaving Killian to grumble and whimper and when did he allow himself to turn into this around a woman? He sighed as he watched Emma walk over to his pile of clothing at the end of the bed (and he did _not_ stare as she bent over to fetch the phone) and Emma glanced down at the ID.

“It’s Jenny,” Emma told Killian and handed the phone over to him.

Killian rubbed his tired eyes and noticed that it was nearing eleven. He yawned loudly as he answered the phone call. “Hey there, Jenny.”

“Killian!” Jenny exclaimed in a panicked tone.

Killian sat up straight in the bed, noticing the loud chatter in the background. “What’s wrong? What’s going on?”

Killian had only heard that tone once before.

When Jenny had called to tell him that his aunt had died when he was filming the show last year.

He could tell that Jenny was on the verge of tears and _fuck_ there was no way this was anything good. “There was an accident. Oh fuck, there was a car accident.”

_Please please please no._

Killian shut his eyes to silence the panic building. “Jenny, please, what’s going on?”

“It’s Liam,” Jenny told Killian and Killian almost had to place a hand over his heart to stop the pounding because this couldn’t be happening; he couldn’t be going the same way Milah did and please _no_. “There was an accident and we’re at the hospital right now and he’s in surgery and just please come Killian.”

Killian flung the comforter off of himself and rushed off of the bed. He began pacing because _this couldn’t be happening_. “Which hospital?”

“New York Presbyterian,” Jenny responded back and he could tell she was sobbing over the phone now. “Just please, hurry, Killian. I can’t do this by myself. Please.”

Killian pinched the bridge of his nose and clenched his jaw, forcing himself to remain strong because he knew Jenny would need him when he got there. “I’ll be there as soon as I can. Just focus on Amelia right now. Don’t think about it, alright? Just stay at the waiting room and I’ll be there soon.”

Killian hung up the phone and he could feel the panic setting in. Liam couldn’t be dead. No, it was impossible. Liam was invisible. He had been in the Navy for years before settling down with Jenny and nothing ever happened to him. No, Liam _had_ to be okay. He couldn’t be dying the same way Milah did, with crushing metal and screaming and blood everywhere-

“Killian, what’s going on?” Emma asked as she stepped in front of him, placing a hand on his cheek.

“It’s my brother. He’s in the hospital. I’ve gotta go,” Killian rushed out and wrenched his hand through his hair because _this can’t be happening again_.

“Oh my God. Alright, do you want me to go with you?” Emma asked, as if it was the first thing that came to her mind.

Bloody hell, he was already half in love with her.

“Please,” Killian responded and he hated the way that his voice sounded so utterly _broken_ , like a bloody ragdoll.

“Alright. Go shower and then we’ll head out,” Emma told Killian and her thumb stroked the apple of his cheek. “It’ll all be okay, Killian. He’ll be okay and everything will be okay.”

Killian nodded, even though he knew that nothing was ever okay and that this would be the end of him if Liam was gone and he couldn’t go through his pain again. Especially with what happened with Milah and _fuck_ he was going back down the rabbit hole and he was never going to be the same if Liam was dead-

Killian just hoped that Emma would be there to help pick up the pieces.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've barely started on the current chapter I'm writing, but I figured I'd just post this since I don't know when that'll be done. And well...sorry for the ending...

Emma couldn’t breathe.

Sure, it wasn’t her own flesh and blood in the hospital. But she was shaken. Liam, the man who helped her get over herself and talk to Killian after she had thought he had given up on her, was in the hospital. It sounded like Killian didn’t know how bad Liam was (he only muttered something about surgery as he walked to the bathroom for his shower) and Emma hoped for his sake that Liam would be fine. She didn’t know if she’d be able to help him if everything went to shit and he was gone.

But Emma wouldn’t leave him. No, she couldn’t do that. She’d be with him like he was with her when she told him about her parents and how she only hoped he’d be there when she told him about Neal.

(Not that she was planning on telling him yet. But Emma wasn’t dumb; she knew it’d come up sooner or later.)

Emma sighed as she wrenched her hand through her tangled hair, knowing that she might as well get dressed while Killian was showering. Her heart ached as she walked to her dresser, remembering the devastation in his eyes. She knew that if Liam passed, Killian would be irreparably broken.

Emma only hoped that she’d be able to help him pick up the pieces.

Emma plucked out a pair of denim shorts (since it was nearly August) and a blue, button down blouse. As she unbuttoned the top two buttons of the shirt, she heard rapid knocking at her front door. Emma grumbled because she just _knew_ it would be her landlord, even if rent wasn’t due until Monday and it was way too early to deal with his creepy ass comments about how he could completely forget about her rent if she’d just come over and-

Emma shook the repulsive mental image from her mind and walked down the entry hallway, taking a deep breath as she opened the door and _oh shit_ -

“So you are still alive,” Ruby commented, her arms crossed over her bulging belly. “Thought you fell off the face of the earth or something.”

“Ruby,” Emma said and looked over her shoulder to see a demure and timid Mary Margaret. “Mary Margaret. Hi.”

“Hi? _Hi_? Is that all you’re gonna say to us?” Ruby asked, clearly incensed by Emma’s aloofness toward them. “We haven’t seen you in a month, Emma.”

Emma sighed and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “I know. I’ve been just been busy. But right now is _really_ not a good time, guys.”

“Horse shit,” Ruby grumbled as she pushed her way past Emma, stepping into the apartment. “We’re talking now.”

Emma sighed again and looked at Mary Margaret, who shrugged apologetically. “Fine.”

Emma allowed Mary Margaret step inside as she stroked her growing pregnant belly and Emma shut the door loudly. She was happy that it sounded like Kilian was done with the shower at least; she did not want to deal with Ruby and Mary Margaret accusing her of another one night stand, even though that’s precisely what it usually was.

Emma stood by the archway as Ruby and Mary Margaret stood over by her bed. Mary Margaret’s hands were folded in front of her and Ruby’s were placed on her hips-two significantly different stances with one shared meaning: we need to talk. Emma knew this was going to be a long talk and she _really_ did not have the time for this.

“Where the hell have you been?” Ruby asked and Emma wasn’t surprised that Mary Margaret didn’t speak up-she wasn’t one for confrontation.

“I’ve been busy,” Emma responded simply, tucking her hands into her pockets.

Ruby rolled her eyes. “Look, we’ve already talked to Henry.” Fear gripped its cold hand around Emma’s heart. Did he tell them about Killian? “He said he hasn’t seen you for a month either and we know that’s not like you. And it definitely sounded like he was hiding something. I could freaking smell it on him.”

Emma was so fucked. Even though Henry didn’t tell them about Killian (which she’d have to freaking _kiss_ him for), they were definitely onto her. They knew something was up, even though it wasn’t entirely unheard of that she would drop off the map for a month at a time when work got to be too much. Emma’s heart pounded because she knew she had to tell them, but standing in front of them now, Emma couldn’t find the strength to do it.

“I know, I know. Work’s gotten hectic,” Emma repeated and she did _not_ like the way Ruby’s eyes widened.

“Emma, _work is always hectic for you_!” Ruby exclaimed, wrenching her hands through her hair, clearly aggravated by Emma’s excuses. “If you don’t want to hang out with your pregnant best friends, fine! Just tell us so we don’t look like fucking idiots trying to get ahold of you!”

Emma’s eyebrows furrowed. “You think I don’t want to hang out with you two?”

“Clearly you don’t. Which I get because you don’t want to surround yourself with people who are pregnant and have soulmates, which you obviously have issues with,” Ruby responded, taking a deep breath and Emma’s heart broke at how Ruby’s eyes were welling up. Ruby never got emotional and it always tore at Emma whenever she saw any slight show of emotion.

But it was Emma’s turn to get angry. “Are you two fucking serious?! You two have been my best friends since freshman year! You two have been with me through _everything_ -the good, the bad, that awful period of time when I had bangs”-Ruby and Mary Margaret laughed and yeah they definitely should-“So why should everything suddenly change because you both have everything that you want? All I want is for you guys to be happy. I promise that I’m not avoiding you two because I’m sick of the pregnancy talk-even though I totally am.”

“So why have you been avoiding us?” Mary Margaret asked, her voice full of sadness and _wow_ Emma really shouldn’t have done this to two pregnant women, with all their hormones.

Emma sighed and scratched the back of her head in a way that made her know she was spending _way_ too much time with Killian. She knew she needed to just tell them because Killian was here, undoubtedly hiding in the bathroom, and she even told him last night that she would do it. Emma couldn’t keep delaying the inevitable as it was staring her right in the face.

She took a deep breath and cleared her throat, turning her head toward the bathroom door. “You can come out.”

Emma saw the confused looks on Ruby and Mary Margaret’s faces as Emma said the words, but they glanced over to the bathroom door as it cracked open. Emma’s heart pounded as Killian slowly stepped out of the bathroom, his hair still wet from the shower and neatly dressed back in his clothes from yesterday. _Jesus_ she was always struck by how fucking attractive he was.

“You’re…” Ruby began saying and her voice trailed off and yep Emma expected this.

Killian scratched that spot behind his ear and _God_ how was he so fucking adorable but fucking hot at the same time? “Yeah, I am.”

“Holy _shit_ ,” Ruby gasped out and Emma eyed the heaving of her chest and the way she swayed unstably on her feet. “Holy _shi-i-i-i-it_.”

“Jesus, Ruby,” Emma said as she stepped over to her friend, gripping her arms and slowly angling her over to the corner of Emma’s bed. She did _not_ want a pregnant woman to be fainting in her apartment, especially this far along. “You need to sit.”

Ruby sat safely on the corner of Emma’s bed, her head dropping into her hands. She sneaked a peek between her fingers every so often, as if she couldn’t believe that Killian Jones was standing in front of her, which Emma completely understood.

Ruby was the one who made Emma watch _Never Landing_ on that fateful night. They cuddled together on the couch at Ruby’s place (where she had just moved into with Victor a week or so previously) and…well, they both became quickly obsessed with the plot. Just the plot. (Ugh, who was she kidding? It was the hot-ass guys on the show). They pulled Mary Margaret into it the next week and it became a regular thing between the three of them-go over to someone’s apartment and watch the show while drinking wine and eating crap (which obviously they couldn’t exactly do anymore).

“Ohmygod, this is real,” Ruby mumbled out, her eyes peeking over her fingers and her voice muffled from her hand. “Ohmygod, you _cannot_ surprise a pregnant lady like this, Emma.”

“You’re the one who surprised _me_ ,” Emma quickly reminded her friend, rubbing her friend’s shoulder as Ruby breathed slowly to rest her heart.

“Emma, I don’t mean to be blunt, but why the _hell_ is Killian Jones in your apartment?” Mary Margaret asked, looking over at Emma and she could see the curiosity in her stare.

Emma looked back at Killian, who was still standing awkwardly by the bathroom door. She knew she needed to tell them now, but her heart was pounding and Ruby was _literally_ on the verge of going into labor if she dealt with any more surprises-

“You can do it,” Killian spoke with a smile on his face, holding his pajamas in his hands.

Emma took a deep breath and without wavering, she said-

“I mean, Christ, Emma had _dreams_ about you. This is _insane_ ,” Ruby decided to speak up and holy hell Emma was going to shrivel up and _die_ -

“ _Ruby!_ ” Emma hissed at Ruby because Killian _did not_ need to know that. And now she could hear the low snickering coming from Killian and _this was not happening_. “What the hell?”

“I mean you two fucked so-”

“ _We did not fuck_!” Emma added, running her hand through her hair. “He’s only over here because he’s my soul mate, for fuck’s sake!”

And holy shit, Emma could hear a pin drop in the silence that followed.

Ruby and Mary Margaret stared at her with dumbstruck faces, their mouths slack-jawed and eyes wide.

“He’s your _soul mate_?” Mary Margaret gasped out, her hand falling onto her pregnant stomach.

Emma simply nodded and had to quickly reach out for Mary Margaret as her knees gave out. Emma did _not_ want to have two pregnant women collapsing at her apartment, so she helped Mary Margaret sit beside Ruby on her bed.

“Breathe, you two,” Emma told her friends, kneeling down to their level as she glanced back at Killian, who was shuffling on his feet.

“You have a soul mate?” Mary Margaret asked again and Emma sighed, rubbing her eyes as she looked back over to Mary Margaret.

“Yes,” Emma replied, placing her hands on her legs.

“When?” Ruby asked, clearly as dazed as Mary Margaret from the news.

Emma sighed and tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. “Remember when I left that Target in a huff ‘cause you two were pissing me off?”

“About the whole soul mate thing? Yeah,” Ruby responded and Emma wanted to laugh at how ridiculous her life was. Not ten minutes after arguing over soul mates, Emma happened upon hers.

“Some paparazzi knocked me over just outside of there,” Emma spoke, a smile spreading on her face at the memory.

“And I helped her up,” Killian finished the memory and Emma looked over her shoulder at him, meeting his smile with her own. “And life gained a whole new meaning after that.”

Emma heard sniffling and she turned to face back to her two friends, who were now tearing up at hearing the story. Emma should’ve expected two pregnant women to cry over hearing this news, especially with how Emma had fought the idea for so long.

Emma sighed. “Guys, please don’t cry.”

“We’re just so happy,” Mary Margaret told Emma, wiping away a tear from her cheek. “We never thought it would happen, with how stubborn you are.”

Emma snorted. “Well, it happened. But I wasn’t kidding when I said now wasn’t the best time. I gotta head out with him, but we’ll talk-”

Killian cleared his throat from behind Emma and she looked back over at him. “I know you three have a lot to talk about, so I should just be going now.”

Emma stood from her spot on the floor and stepped toward him as Killian held out the pajamas to her. “Are you sure?”

Killian nodded and scratched that spot behind his ear. “Yes. I’ll see you sometime this week?”

“I’ll see you in a few minutes. I’ll come to the hospital straight from here, alright?”

And she didn’t expect to see the way Killian’s eyes shift from sadness to adoration. It was as if Killian didn’t expect her to come along, now that Ruby and Mary Margaret had arrived. But no, she wasn’t going to let Killian go through this alone. When she was young and had dealt with her own share of pain and struggle, all Emma needed was someone to help her. And she wanted to help him, more than she would’ve ever admitted it to anybody.

“Thank you, lass,” Killian said softly, his voice low and husky, as if he had been touched by Emma’s insistence.

“It’s not a problem, Killian,” Emma responded, smiling at him because _God_ the way he looked at her made her feel as though she could conquer the world.

Killian stepped away to leave the apartment, but Emma gripped his shirt before he was too far away and pulled him back, pressing a gentle, but insistent kiss on his lips. Emma listened to the gasps coming from Mary Margaret and Ruby, from their places on the bed, but she swept her tongue across Killian’s bottom lip and she no longer cared about anything else.

Killian pulled back slowly, his eyes shut because he was just as fucked as she was. “I’ll see you soon, love.”

“Of course,” Emma responded as she released Killian’s shirt and let him walk out of the apartment.

The door slammed shut, echoing throughout the apartment as Emma turned back to Mary Margaret and Ruby, who continued to stare at her with their jaws dropped. Emma scratched the back of her head and put her hand into her pocket, waiting for her friends to just snap out of it and say what they wanted to say.

“Holy shit,” Ruby muttered, her eyes shooting up to Emma’s face.

“You’ve said that already,” Emma responded, sighing and running a hand over her face. “Come on. Say what you guys want to say.”

“Well, what I wanna know is why were you going to the hospital with him?” Mary Margaret asked, slowly standing from the bed.

“ _That’s_ your big question?” Emma questioned, raising her eyebrows and huffing. “Well, his brother was in a car accident this morning and we were gonna go over there to see what was going on because Killian is _freaking_ out.”

“Then why didn’t you go?! This can wait!” Mary Margaret exclaimed, rushing over to Emma and placing her hand over her pregnant belly again.

“You’re over here now, so let’s just get this over with. Killian insisted.”

(Even though Emma wanted to do nothing more than to rush to the hospital and remain at his side.)

“Well, I have a pressing question,” Ruby said as she stood from the bed and slowly walked over to Emma and Mary Margaret. In a stage whisper, Ruby asked, “Is he a good kisser?”

Emma smacked Ruby’s upper arm as both Ruby and Mary Margaret began laughing. “God dammit, you two.”

“But really though. Is he?” Ruby asked again as her laughter calmed down.

Emma huffed and she could feel the blush beginning to rise onto her cheeks. Ruby began laughing again as she pointed at Emma’s face.

“You are bright red! He is a good kisser, isn’t he?!” Ruby asked, clearly excited about embarrassing Emma to no end.

“Yes, alright! He really is!” Emma exclaimed in a huff and Mary Margaret and Ruby clapped excitedly.

“Now, is he a good fuck?” Ruby asked and Emma smacked her arm again. “Alright! Fine! Sorry!”

“We haven’t had sex yet, Ruby,” Emma replied and she felt another blush creeping onto her cheeks. “Even though I kinda jumped his bones last night.”

In unison, Mary Margaret and Ruby’s jaws dropped open, in a way that was really almost comedic.

“Spill. Now,” Mary Margaret squealed out, her eyes lighting up in a way Emma hadn’t seen in quite some time.

Emma sighed and felt her blush darken. “Well, he said something last night that made me realize that he really cared. That even though he’s this huge celebrity and I’m a girl that can barely afford rent for my studio apartment, he cares about me and doesn’t see me as someone below him. And so, I kinda got overwhelmed and kinda just jumped him.”

There was more to it than just that, but Emma didn’t want to overshare, even if she’d been close friends with these girls for almost ten years. It was the way he looked at her when he thought she wasn’t looking; it was the way he made her laugh so hard that her stomach hurt; it was the way her heart soared every time she saw that she had a text from him. It was _everything_ and Emma wanted more.

“And you _didn’t_ fuck?” Ruby asked, raising an eyebrow.

“No. He said that given our past records with one-night-stands, that he wanted this to be different,” Emma explained, tucking her hands into her pockets. “And I agreed.”

She heard a sniffle and it looked like Mary Margaret had begun crying again. Emma took a hand from her pocket and reached for Mary Margaret’s hand, squeezing it gently as Mary Margaret laughed the tears away and wiped her cheeks.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Freaking hormones,” Mary Margaret mumbled and met Emma’s eyes. “I’m just so _happy_. It’s been a long time coming and it’s finally here and you deserve this _so much_ , Emma. You always have, even though you always pushed against it.”

“And that’s why I needed time from you two,” Emma began saying, because she knew she needed to explain the long break to her closest friends. “Because you both know how much I resented the whole soul mate thing and I just needed time away from you two because I knew both of you would be so excited and I just had to get through it on my own, without hearing ‘congratulations.’ Only Henry and Elsa know and they understood how I felt. I was just afraid that you two would’ve ignored how I was feeling about it and would’ve just wanted to throw me a party or something.”

Mary Margaret sighed and rubbed her thumb across Emma’s hand. “As much as it pains me to say it because I missed you so much, you were probably right in taking that time for yourself. But now that you’re back, can we go back to our regularly scheduled Wednesday lunches?”

Emma laughed and smiled and _God_ she missed her friends. “Of course.”

Emma quickly hugged Ruby and Mary Margaret, wrapping her arms around their waists and her stomach bumped into the large bellies of her pregnant friends. “Oh but, you two _cannot_ tell anybody.”

Mary Margaret jumped back and placed a hand over her chest, as if Emma just told her that she had to shave her head bald. “I can’t tell David?”

“You can tell him that I have a soul mate. But you _cannot_ tell anyone who it is. We’re trying to keep it on the down low until we want to come out with it,” Emma explained, looking over Ruby and Mary Margaret. “It’s only been a month, guys. Give us time to get to know each other before the entire world is in our business.”

Ruby nodded. “Totally understandable. I get it. I will take it to my grave.”

“And that means you don’t tell Granny who he is,” Emma told Ruby and Ruby huffed.

“Fi-i-i-ine.”

“Now, if you guys don’t mind, I gotta get to the hospital,” Emma reminded her friends and she walked over to the closet and gripped the leather jacket Killian gave her just after their date.

Ruby’s eyes widened as she pointed to the jacket. “Is that-”

“Yes, it is,” Emma responded with a sly smile as she led her friends from the apartment.

“Oh we have so much to talk about, bitch,” Ruby said as she followed Emma and Mary Margaret out of the apartment. “We’re splitting a cab so we can talk.”

And that’s all Ruby and Mary Margaret did as they rode with Emma toward the hospital. They asked every single question they could think of about her newfound relationship with Killian, most of which Emma couldn’t even answer, as they were _definitely_ personal questions. But as the cab drove closer to the hospital, Emma could feel her stomach churning.

She was scared.

It wasn’t even a family member that was in the hospital. Shit, Emma had only met the guy twice. But, Liam had been a huge part of Killian and her finding their way back to each other when life was pushing them apart. Emma couldn’t even imagine the fear coursing through Killian right now (although she could see an inkling of it when he was at her place, looking as scared as a child whose world was falling apart). She didn’t want Killian to be afraid-she wanted him to feel strong, as though he could face whatever may come.

But she knew how it felt to have fear grip her heart tight, so Emma couldn’t expect Killian to feel any differently as she did.

But Emma swore to herself that she would be there for him, if Liam only had a mere scratch or if things came out for the worse.

She took a deep breath as she entered the nearly empty waiting area, spotting Killian with his head in his hands and his leg jiggling wildly as his nerves take over. She felt tears prick behind her eyes because _God_ it already hurt her so much to see him in pain like this. She noticed a woman sitting beside him with a small baby wrapped in her arms and Emma assumed that it must’ve been Jenny, Liam’s wife and soul mate and _God this hurts_.

Emma stood awkwardly by the archway that led into the waiting room, not wanting to disrupt the personal moment between him and his sister-in-law. But, just then, the woman looked up at Emma and nudged Killian with her elbow. And he looked up and Emma’s heart wrenched because _there’s so much pain_.

And in just a moment, Killian was standing up and strode over to where Emma was standing, wrapping his arms around her waist and burrowing his face into her neck. Emma instantly wrapped her arms around him, stroking his hair at the nape of his neck and she could _feel_ him shaking from the anxiety of Liam’s accident.

“You came,” Killian whispered out and her heart twisted at the hurt behind his tone.

“Of course. I told you it’d just be a minute,” Emma replied, pressing a kiss to his temple and she felt Killian relax in her arms.

“I just wasn’t sure you’d still come. I thought you’d get caught up with your friends,” Killian murmured and Emma swore she could hear him smelling her hair. But she couldn’t find a problem with it.

Emma shook her head and pulled away, placing her hands on either side of Killian’s face, stroking the apples of his cheeks as she said, “I told you I’d be here. I wouldn’t leave you to deal with this on your own. Unless you want to, of course.”

Killian shook his head and his lips thinned into a line, dropping his forehead against hers. “No. I want you here.”

“You must be Emma,” Emma heard and looked around Killian, dropping her hands from his face and seeing the woman who was sitting beside him earlier.

Emma took in the woman’s bright red hair and strikingly green eyes, and the small bundle in her arms. “Yes, I am.”

The woman smiled weakly at Emma and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “I’m Jenny, but I’m sure you already knew that. It’s nice to finally meet the woman Killian has talked all about.”

Emma giggled at the way a blush filled Killian’s cheeks as he scratched that spot behind his ear. “Bloody hell, Jenny.”

Jenny laughed softly, but then Emma saw Jenny’s eyes tear up. Jenny sniffled and wiped her eyes to stop any tears from falling. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. Any word on how he is?” Emma asked gently, wrapping her hand around Killian’s, lacing her fingers through his and _God_ it felt like they were made for each other.

(And they really were.)

Jenny shrugged and sniffled again, looking down at her sleeping daughter (Amelia, Emma remembered). “He’s still in surgery. The doctor hasn’t said anything else.”

Emma nodded and rubbed her thumb along Killian’s hand. “What happened, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Jenny sighed and her chin quivered, looking down at her newborn. “He was just-uh-riding up to the store for a minute before Killian came by for lunch. Something he always did. And his taxi got t-boned by some jackass who ran a red light.” Jenny bit down on her bottom lip as she began to cry. “Got hit on his side. Both drivers were completely fine, except for a few scratches and bumps. And _my husband_ is the one who has to pay for it.”

Killian stepped over to his sister-in-law and pressed a kiss to her forehead, to which she leaned into because _God_ it must’ve been so hard for the both of them, especially with Jenny having just given birth, judging by the size of the baby in her arms. His hand tightened in Emma’s and she squeezed back, letting him know that she was still there and always will be.

“He’ll be fine,” Killian said, pulling back from Jenny just an inch for her to look up at him. “He’s a stubborn arse, so you know he’ll fight. He’ll be just fine.”

Jenny laughed and nodded and sniffled, running her hand up and down the baby in her arms. “Ain’t that the truth.”

They all returned back to chairs, where they patiently awaited any news from the doctors. Well, not so patiently waited as Killian couldn’t stop jiggling his leg and Jenny kept chewing on her lip. Emma couldn’t blame them for acting on nerves like this, since she was the same way when her father had gone into the hospital for heart surgery when she was twenty. And with how close she was to her father who wasn’t even blood, Emma imagined it was even worse for Killian and Jenny.

But all Emma could do was rub her thumb over Killian’s hand, which she was still holding. Every time she would do this, Killian’s leg would slow its jiggling and he’d relax, breathing slowly and deeply. It made her happy that she could help Killian in this way, unable to help in any other way in this situation where no one had control.

The baby in Jenny’s arms began to fuss when the third hour came around and Jenny took a minute to go to the bathroom to feed her (even though Emma insisted that she could feed her out here-it was a freaking hospital so Emma was sure people could deal with a breastfeeding mother). But Jenny headed off to the bathroom anyways with the diaper bag in hand, leaving Killian and Emma to themselves.

“How are you doing?” Emma asked him, whispering gently as she looked over at him, as he stared unseeingly at the far end of the room.

Killian sighed and visibly gulped, looking down at their joined hands. “I don’t know.”

“I’m sure the doctors will be coming in any minute now,” Emma assured Killian, rubbing her thumb along his hand. “He’s going to be fine.”

“I hope so. If he-if he isn’t, I don’t know what I’m going to do,” Killian responded and Emma noticed how his hands began shaking and how his leg began jiggling again. “He was practically a father to me when we moved here and if he’s…”-Killian took a deep and shaky breath-“if he’s gone, I won’t have anything.”

And Emma’s heart wrenched as she tightened her hand in his. “You won’t be alone. You’ll have Jenny and Amelia and all your friends from the show.” Emma gulped and continued shakily. “You’ll have me.”

Killian looked over at her and smiled weakly (but at least it was a smile). “Thank you for coming.”

Emma smiled back toothlessly and shrugged. “I wouldn’t wanna be anywhere else.”

Killian leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss against Emma’s lips, but pulled away before it could change into something more (which was a good thing because Emma’s self-control was still slightly compromised from the night before). He leaned his forehead against Emma’s and took a deep breath, his fingers tightening around hers again.

“Looking awfully cozy, you two,” Jenny teased as she walked back in from the bathroom, a smile finally spreading on her lips.

“Come off it, Jenny,” Killian sighed as he pulled away and relaxed back in his chair.

“Wanna hold your niece?” Jenny asked Killian as she walked over toward them. “My arm’s killing me.”

Killian shook his head and stood from his chair. “I’m gonna head down to the cafeteria. I need something to eat and drink and this place is driving me crazy.”

Jenny raised her eyebrows. “You sure _you_ should be going into a crowded place?”

Killian sighed and ran his hand through his hair. “The security already know I’m here, so hopefully they can keep people from snapping pictures or asking for autographs.”

Jenny nodded, her arms moving up and down as she held Amelia in her arms. “Alright. Let us know if you need help or anything.”

Killian leaned down and pressed a kiss against Emma’s forehead, then headed out of the waiting room. Emma wanted to follow him, but she knew he needed at least some time to himself, even if he wanted her here. Besides, Emma thought she should at least be there for Jenny, in case a doctor comes around. With her being Killian’s soul mate, she should at least try to be there for his entire family. So Emma sat in her chair as Jenny took the one beside her again, holding a now alert Amelia in her arms.

“You’re already so good for him,” Jenny commented, out of the blue and Emma’s eyes widened as she looked over at her. Jenny laughed as she looked down at Amelia, who cooed and flattened her hand against Jenny’s face. “Don’t give me that look. You can’t be surprised. You know just as well as everyone does that he didn’t have the greatest reputation. And things have changed since he met you.”

Emma opened her mouth to respond, but she really didn’t know what to say. She knew that things were obviously different since they had met, but it was a whole different thing actually _hearing_ it from someone on the outside. Especially from such a huge person in Killian’s life, just as Liam had done last week at the diner.

“He’s a lot happier. Before, he was more of the brooding type, to be entirely honest,” Jenny explained, tracing her finger down Amelia’s cheek. “But now, he just smiles. It was something Liam and I hadn’t seen in some time. Not for three years.”

Emma furrowed her eyebrows. “Three years? Why?”

Jenny pressed her lips into a line and shook her head as she looked back at Emma. “I shouldn’t have said that. I really shouldn’t say anything.”

Emma went to ask about whatever happened three years ago, but just then there was a gentle tapping on the doorway to the waiting room and Emma and Jenny both looked up. A doctor was standing over by the doorway and began walking toward them. Jenny darted up, holding Amelia close to her chest as she met the doctor half way. Emma hurried to join Jenny, shoving her hands into Killian’s jacket pockets and stopping just beside Jenny, who looked more emotional than she had during the last few hours.

“You’re Jennifer Jones?” The doctor asked and Jenny nodded immediately.

“Yes,” Jenny replied, clearing her throat of the thickness. “Yes, I am. Is Liam okay?”

The doctor nodded and a huge weight had been lifted off of Emma’s chest. Jenny let out a sob as she pressed a kiss to Amelia’s head, which was resting on her shoulder. “I’m Dr. Shelley and I operated on your husband. He’s just fine. His left wrist has been broken and he has three broken ribs. There was some internal bleeding, which we stopped in surgery, but we need to keep him in for a little while, just to monitor his healing. We also need to monitor for any concussion symptoms that may arise. But given that everything heals properly, he’ll be just fine.”

“Oh thank God,” Jenny sighed out, wiping tears from her cheeks. “When can I see him?”

“He’s still under the anesthesia, but he should be awake sooner rather than later,” Dr. Shelley responded. “You can sit in his room, if you would like.”

Jenny nodded. “Yes please.”

“I can show you where he is, if you’d just follow me,” Dr. Shelley added as he held an arm out to Jenny.

Jenny nodded again, but looked over at Emma. “Could you take her? I just want a few minutes alone with him.”

“Of course,” Emma found herself saying before she even thought about it. Emma held out her arms and gently took Amelia from Jenny, placing her against Emma’s chest as the baby accustomed to the new body.

“She should be asleep soon. She’s been up for a while,” Jenny assured Emma, smiling emotionally at her. “And the diaper bag is over by my seat. Just have Killian call me if you need anything, alright?”

Emma nodded and smiled, hopping around with Amelia cooing in her arms. “I’ll be fine. Both of my best friends are pregnant, so this is good practice for me being a future aunt.”

Jenny laughed quickly and took a step toward the doctor. “Thank you, Emma.”

Jenny and Dr. Shelley walked away and Emma looked down at the dozing baby in her arms. A gentle tuft of dark brown hair tickled Emma’s chin as she looked at Amelia, and she hadn’t yet seen her eyes, but Emma bet that she had the trademark Jones blue eyes. Emma slowly walked back to her original seat and sat down gently, trying to not jostle the baby too much. Emma rubbed her hand over Amelia’s back slowly and she had to retain a giggle at the anchors covering her white onesie.

(Probably a gift from Killian.)

As Emma looked down at Amelia, who was slowly drifting into slumber, she couldn’t help but imagine the possible future she had with Killian. Looking down at this nearly-black-haired baby, Emma could see herself running around with black-haired children of her own, with surprisingly blue eyes (as blue as the sea, of course) and _dammit_ she wanted that. More than she really ever knew.

(Not like she’d tell anybody that.)

Emma had been holding Amelia just for a few minutes when Kilian returned to the waiting room. He furrowed his eyebrows (in that ridiculously adorable way that made Emma weak) and held out his hands in confusion, which were holding bottles: one of tea, one of water, and a bottle of Mountain Dew.

“Where’s Jenny?” Killian asked and Emma stood, cradling the soundly sleeping baby and trying not to jostle her too much as Emma walked over to Killian. Emma smiled at him as she stood just a foot or so from him.

“Seeing Liam,” Emma told Killian.

Killian’s jaw dropped slightly. “He’s okay?”

Emma nodded. “He’s fine.”

Killian let out a long breath, as if he’d been holding it all morning, and he placed the bottles on the nearby table (stacking on top of the aged magazines that were probably older than even Amelia was-)

He hugged Emma, tighter than ever before, but still being careful of Amelia in her arms. Emma felt him taking deep breaths and she knew he was barely holding it together, seeing as today was probably a nightmare for him. All Emma could do was wrap her free arm tightly around Killian’s waist, flattening her hand against his back (his muscular, toned back-)

(Now was _not_ the time for that.)

“Where is he?” Killian asked, his face in her hair.

Emma pulled away and shrugged, taking his hand in hers. “I don’t know. But Jenny said she wanted some time alone with him. That’s why I took Amelia.”

Killian nodded and scratched the back of his head. “Understandable. She was a wreck when I got here and Amelia was crying ‘cause Jenny was crying. It was just a lot.”

Emma nodded, dropping Killian’s hand and rubbing her hand over Amelia’s back. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here sooner.”

Killian shook his head and stepped forward, trailing his hand down Emma’s cheek (and she tried to ignore the way her skin lit up like the goddamn Fourth of July). “Don’t be. You needed some time with your friends. I’m just glad that you’re here now.”

Emma smiled weakly at Killian (and _fuck_ she was already so screwed) and nodded at the drinks on the table. “Bought us all something?”

Killian chuckled and took his hand from Emma’s cheek (and she mourned the loss of the warmth), scratching behind his ear. “I figured I would get something from the vending machines. Easier than buying something at the counter so I could keep my head down. Tea’s for Jenny ‘cause she drinks that stuff like water, the Mountain Dew’s for me since I have a weakness for it, and the water’s for you since I didn’t know what to get for you.”

Emma took the bottle of water from the table, beginning to step back to sit back down in her chair. “For future reference, I prefer Dr. Pepper.”

Killian smiled at her as he took the other two bottles and walked with her back to the chairs. “Good to know.”

They sat together in silence for quite some time, just listening to the sound of Amelia’s gentle snoring (which honestly almost made Emma giggle because _damn_ that baby was probably gonna sound like a freaking freight train when she was older). She enjoyed being able to just _sit_ there with Killian, not being worried about what they needed to talk about and if she had BO-

(Which she actually was worried about because for the life of her, she couldn’t remember if she put some deodorant on that morning and _God_ what if she smelled-)

“Looks like Amelia enjoys your company,” Killian stated after about a half hour of silence, halfway through his Mountain Drew and trying to burp under his breath.

(As if she’d be offended-the woman who could belch with the best of them.)

Emma laughed under her breath and slowly unscrewed the cap of her water bottle, being careful of the sleeping baby. “I’m gonna have to get used to it. Knowing Mary Margaret and Ruby, I’m gonna be over all of the time, helping them with their babies. Our Wednesday lunches will turn into weekly talks about their babies’ bowel movements.”

Killian chuckled, his chest shaking from the movement (and dammit Emma needed to get her libido in check). “I cannot say that that’s not what happens. I’ve been through it. And I am _still_ going through it.”

And Emma wasn’t sure why she even brought it up, but it’s out of her mouth before she can catch herself. “I’m sorry about the whole thing last night.”

A blush crept onto Killian’s cheeks and she mentally captured the image, tucking it away into her pocket. “No need to apologize, love. It was my pleasure, having a beautiful woman such as yourself practically _attack_ me, even if I had to end it.”

Emma rolled her eyes because _this man_. “Oh, I know you enjoyed it.” Emma mentally shook herself of the memories invading her senses-the way he felt against her when she rolled her hips, the way his mouth gasped when her nails scratched down his scalp, the way his lips knew exactly what to do even though they’ve only just kissed recently…

“I just wanted to apologize for jumping you like that,” Emma added quickly, looking down at Amelia, whose fist was curled tightly against her mouth (and she was probably drooling all over Killian’s jacket, but something told Emma that Killian wouldn’t care).

“If I may ask, what prompted it?” Killian asked, raising an eyebrow as he looked Emma’s way.

She took a deep breath and gathered her thoughts, then looked back over at Killian. “You said that you were there for me.”

“Continue.”

Emma sighed and sipped on her open water bottle. She didn’t want to explain her whole tragic backstory (‘cause come on who wants to hear about all of that?) but she opened the can of worms and Emma could never deny Killian anything.

(Dammit.)

“You said that you were there for me. And once you get to know me, you’ll realize that that’s a _big_ thing for me,” Emma explained in a quiet tone, unable to even look up at those damn blue eyes. “I realized that you cared and that this was completely different than everything in my past and I just got caught up in it because it’s something that’s _so_ important and different for me to have someone who cares for me like that, other than Mary Margaret or Ruby.”

“Emma,” Killian replied just as quietly and Emma took a deep breath before looking up at him and seeing him so close to her. “I hope you get used to it. Because it isn’t going to change, Swan. I care now and I always will.”

Emma’s breathing hitched and she tried to calm her voice as she asked, “Not gonna question me about my past?”

“You’ll tell me when you’re ready. I’m not going to push you, since I know how we’ve both avoided the subject about our pasts,” Killian responded and Emma breathed out a sigh of relief. “Now, a man could get used to the way you jump on him after he shows how much he cares.”

Emma rolled her eyes because _of course_ and laughed. “Oh I’m sure you could.”

“A man could get used to the way you jump him _anyways_ ,” Killian continued, a devilish smirk spreading on his lips.

“Maybe you should,” Emma whispered, not even aware she was saying it until Killian’s eyes widened.

A cell phone chime broke their intense staring and Killian sighed as he pulled away and reached into his pocket, grabbing his cell phone and looking over the text he just received. “Jenny says we can go back to the room now.”

“Shall we then?” Emma asked in a low tone, knowing her voice was going to be all breathy and embarrassing if she spoke any louder.

Killian nodded, even though he looked quite put out that their moment was interrupted, even if the text was about his brother. “Do you want me to take her?”

Emma shook her head as she slowly stood from the chair, Amelia still snoring on her shoulder. “No, I’m good. We shouldn’t wake her up anyways.”

“I’m pretty sure Jenny would have our asses if we did,” Killian joked with a smile, though Emma wasn’t sure he was actually joking. Jenny did seem the type to bite someone’s head off if they even stirred her baby.

(Then again, so did most newborn mothers.)

Killian gathered the bottles and walked with Emma toward the exit of the waiting room, turning down the hall to the right. He followed the signs, pointing him toward the direction of the room Jenny texted him, as Emma continued to run her hand down Amelia’s back. Emma noticed how Killian walked faster than he usually did, not being able to wait to see Liam any longer. He hurried down the hall, weaving his head around to look at every room number they passed. Killian finally stopped in front of an open door and Emma saw Jenny standing by the foot of the bed inside the room. Emma looked up at Killian and she noticed how he looked uneasy and nervous. Emma took her free hand and placed it on his upper arm, squeezing it to let him know that she was there. Killian took a deep breath after glancing down at her and stepped into the room.

Killian stopped at the doorway and Emma stepped around him to see Liam lying in the bed, covered in bandages and with a large cast on his right hand. It wasn’t a second later that Killian rushed over to the bed side and wrapped Liam in a tight hug. Emma looked away (as did Jenny), not wanting to intrude on a personal moment between the two brothers. She knew Killian had been freaking out all day and that he just needed this time to hold his brother, to see that he was still there-even if it was with a few bumps and bruises.

(If Emma was closer, she would’ve seen how Killian was shaking.)

(And she would’ve heard Liam tell him that he was fine, that he wouldn’t disappear like Milah.)

“She looks comfortable,” Jenny said from beside the bed, looking at Emma.

“She’s been sleeping almost the entire time,” Emma responded and stepped toward Jenny. “Do you want to take her?”

Jenny nodded and stepped forward, taking a sleeping Amelia back into her arms. “I was getting anxiety just from leaving her with you. But I guess that’s normal.”

Emma nodded. “So I’ve been told.”

Emma looked back over and saw Killian letting go of Liam, standing up straight but not leaving his brother’s side. Emma noticed the large bandage on Liam’s forehead and a small scratch on his upper lip. Honestly, he looked like hell, but Emma was glad that his injuries weren’t worse.

“Nice to see you still kicking,” Emma stated, smirking as she stood at the end of the bed and tucking her hands into the jacket pockets.

Liam chuckled, and then grimaced as he held his ribs. “Ugh, don’t make me laugh. It hurts. Everything hurts. Bloody idiot, not paying attention and completely blind-sided us.”

“What did the doctor say?” Killian asked, placing his hands in the back pockets of his jeans.

“Keeping him overnight just to monitor him and hopefully he can head out tomorrow,” Jenny replied, looking down at Amelia, who continued to be oblivious to the world as she slept. “He won’t be able to do anything really until his ribs heal, which could take a while.”

“I’ll be fucking useless,” Liam grumbled, prodding at the new cast on his wrist.

Killian swiped at Liam’s shoulder, making him stop playing with the cast. “Don’t do that. You listen to the doctors, Liam. For once in your bloody life, listen to the doctors. Don’t need a redo of the leg breaking incident when you were fifteen.”

Liam laughed and winced at the pain in his ribs. “God dammit, that hurts. But that was a great one, even though you probably barely remember it.”

“Dad yelling at you for jumping off of the roof for a fifth time after hurting your ankle? How could I forget?” Killian asked, a smile spreading on his lips and it looked so much better than the brooding that seemed eternal on his face earlier.

Liam sighed. “Well, I would’ve done anything back then to keep my mind off of Mum.”

Killian nodded and Emma noticed how he seemed sullen, which didn’t surprise Emma. Emma had assumed that Killian’s mother had passed on, even though she didn’t know the specifics of it. She was curious, of course, about what had happened, but Emma would be patient with him, just like he was being patient with her about revealing her past.

“So, who’s going to sneak me in some McDonald’s?”

(There was a collective groan from Killian and Jenny, complaining about Liam’s utter obsession with the American staple.)

(And Emma just laughed, not noticing the way Killian looked over at her and his eyes twinkled because dammit he thought he was already in love with her.)

<> 

“Ugh, I just wanna sleep,” Killian grumbled as they walked into his apartment, shuffling his feet along the hardwood flooring.

Emma rubbed her tired eyes and shrugged off the leather jacket, thanking God that Elsa allowed her to take the night off. Emma couldn’t imagine singing or waiting on tables when she was this exhausted, so she was grateful when Elsa gave her the night off without much fuss, understanding Killian’s need to have her with him at the hospital. And Emma was doubly grateful when Killian suggested going uptown to stay the night at his place, since she didn’t have work in the morning and she was secretly wondering how his bed felt.

(Among other things, of course.)

“Is there anything you want to eat or drink?” Killian asked as he tugged off his boots, looking over his shoulder at Emma.

Emma shook her head. “No. I’m too tired.”

“Thank God,” Killian huffed out with a tired smile as he walked back over to Emma, who was standing awkwardly in the middle of the foyer. “I really was not up to making something. Alright, I probably have something for you to wear. Come with me.”

Emma followed Killian to the door that led to his bedroom, right off the foyer, and Killian (ever the gentleman) held the door open for her. Emma hid a smirk as she stepped into the cozy bedroom, eyeing the matching hardwood floor (which must go throughout the apartment) and the rather large king-sized bed resting against the far wall. Killian flipped on the light from the switch behind her and Emma gasped, looking at the dark wood furniture and the gorgeous artwork he had nailed to the walls, all revolving around the same theme of the sea.

(Looked like he took his character to heart.)

“I’ve always had a love for the ocean,” Killian told Emma, smiling as he stood beside her. Emma looked over at him and he was staring at the artwork of ships sailing across the oceans, of the little sailboat perched on his dresser, of the miniature ship’s wheel resting on one of the nightstands. “If I wasn’t so busy all of the time with the show, I’d be out on the sea on a boat.”

“Maybe you’ll take me one day,” Emma stated with a smile on her face and Killian looked down at her, his smile matching hers.

“Of course, love.” Killian scratched behind his ear and pointed over at his dresser, which he moved to quickly. “I should have a shirt in here for you. Unfortunately, I probably don’t have pants for you.”

“That’s not a problem,” Emma told Killian as he bent over to shuffle through his dresser. (And she was not admiring the great view of his ass). “I can just sleep in my underwear. Or maybe nothing at all.”

Killian knocked himself into the dresser and cleared his throat, and Emma laughed at his actions. He grabbed a shirt and turned around, running his hand through his hair. “Bloody hell, Swan. You’re going to kill me.”

Emma laughed again and held out her hand as Killian tossed the thin t-shirt to her. “Well, fine then. Turn around if you don’t want to see me change.”

“That’ll be the best for the both of us,” Killian replied, beginning to turn around as he traced his tongue along his bottom lip. “Although it’d be quite the treat.”

Emma rolled her eyes as she dropped the leather jacket onto the bed. “Trying to keep your self-control?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact,” Killian said, his back now facing Emma. “I’m _trying_ to be a gentleman.”

 _Well, I don’t need a gentleman_ , Emma thought to herself as she shrugged off her shorts and shirt.

It only took Emma a minute to change into the baggy t-shirt Killian handed her, which just grazed the tops of her thighs. She decided to keep her bra on because she might as well try to make it easier for Killian to retain the self-control that she so wanted him to lose.

“Alright, done,” Emma murmured, gathering her clothes in her arms as Killian turned around. She heard a sharp inhale and she noticed Killian’s hands tightened into fists. “What?”

“I didn’t think about how you’d look in one of my shirts,” Killian spoke through a tight voice.

Emma smirked, but she felt a blush rise onto her cheeks. “Still got ahold of that self-control?”

Killian visibly gulped. “Yeah, I think so.”

“Then there shouldn’t be a problem,” Emma responded with a raise of her eyebrows, walking over to the side of the bed and gripping the comforter (of course Killian made his bed). “You gonna change?”

Killian nodded. “Your turn to look away.”

Emma rolled her eyes as she slid into the bed (oh God, the extremely comfortable bed) and turned to face the wall, her back facing Killian as he changed into his own pajamas. She tried to ignore the rustling of his clothes as he stripped out of them, but dammit did Emma’s mind wander, just as it always did when it came to this man. She knew he had a well-toned body-not too muscular, but not lanky either-and a gentle dusting of chest hair that scatter over his stomach and led down to below the pant line (thanks to his many shirtless scenes on _Never Landing_ ) (God bless that show), but she wanted to _feel_ the muscles ripple under her hands, to _feel_ how that chest hair scraped against her palms or her breasts.

Emma took a silent deep breath because dammit she needed to calm her thoughts before she did something that they really shouldn’t be doing so soon. She’d had plenty of one night stands, but Emma wanted to wait for Killian, even though she couldn’t deny that she’d been imagining how it would be long before she even met the guy.

(And of course she didn’t imagine it was Killian when she was fucking nameless men. That’d only make things weirder.)

(Ugh fine, they’re already plenty weird.)

Emma had been lost in her thoughts that she didn’t notice Killian flicking off the lights and scooting into bed behind her. Emma only noticed it when she felt his arms wrap around her waist tightly, pulling her into him like they slept the night before. Emma smiled because they fell into this intimacy so easily and Emma didn’t want it to go away. She knew she’d always have her issues, believing that she’d never be enough and that he’d leave. But when things were like this (when he was holding her like that), Emma could believe that everything would be perfectly okay.

“Good night, Swan,” Killian murmured against the back of her neck, pressing a gentle kiss beside her shoulder.

“Good night, Killian,” Emma responded, snuggling closer into the pillow.

<> 

She woke up because of the grumbling.

Emma furrowed her eyebrows and took a deep breath, remembering that she was in Killian’s apartment and that he was seemingly talking in his sleep. She turned quickly in her spot on the bed to see Killian lying on his back, splayed out as he twitched in his sleep. Emma stared for a moment, seeing if he’d continue mumbling as he slept, but nothing happened for a few seconds. But just as she was laying back down to return to her slumber, Killian mumbled again, his voice louder than before. Emma couldn’t understand what he was saying, so she perched herself on her elbow and looked at him, waiting for him to speak again.

(It was her curiosity, not her being creepy. She swore that.)

It was only a few more seconds later that he muttered again. And this time, Emma’s heart froze in fear and anxiety.

“Milah.”

That was notably _not_ Emma’s name and oh _fuck_ what was she doing here when Killian is dreaming of _another woman_? Emma bit down on her lip and swore that that was _not_ what he just said, but just then Killian muttered it even louder, his voice tight and breathless and sounding more like a sex dream than anything else.

“Milah.”

Emma’s heart shattered as she swung out of bed, slowly as to not wake up Killian (oh _God_ her soulmate was dreaming of another woman) and she dressed herself back up again. She shook her head and bit down on her lip, forcing herself not to cry in his apartment, not to give him the tears that he was probably waiting for.

Oh fuck, she had been played all this time. She thought that he actually _cared_ , that he was actually different than Neal and her foster families and her mother and all of the other people in her life that didn’t give a shit about her. Emma tried to breathe, but every time she tried to inhale, a knot developed in her throat and the urge to sob grew. She notably left Killian’s jacket on the back of his desk chair, pushed into the corner of the room beside the dresser.

 _God_ , she was such a fucking idiot for believing that Killian Jones would care about some lowly waitress that could barely afford her apartment and had been left behind dozens of times before.

“Emma?” Killian croaked out, his eyes slowly opening as he sat up in bed. His eyebrows furrowed as he saw Emma standing beside the desk, her hands shaking as she forced them together. “Emma, what are you doing?”

Emma bit down on her lip and shook her head, a tear leaking out of her eye. “I’m sorry. I have to go.”

“Wait, wait, wait, what’s going on?” Killian asked, his voice much more alarmed now that he was awake and hopping out of bed. “Emma, what’s wrong?”

Emma kept shaking her head, stepping back toward the door. He could have his life with this _Milah_ if he wanted it. “No, I can’t. I have to go. I’m sorry, Killian.”

“Emma, talk to me,” Killian said urgently, stepping toward Emma.

Emma stepped back and shook her head again, more tears streaking down her face. “No. No, this isn’t going to work. I’m sorry, but I can’t do this. No, I have to go.”

“Don’t go! We can talk about whatever’s bothering you. What happened, Emma?” Killian asked, his voice panicked.

Emma left the apartment, ignoring Killian’s cries that were begging her to stay, to just forget about how he was muttering another woman’s name as he slept. And Emma gave herself credit for making it all the way to her apartment building elevator before she broke down crying, unable to believe that she was again alone in the world.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so I'm still nowhere near finished with the next chapter, so I thought I'd post this. I don't know when the next update will be, but I won't be surprised if it isn't until May, when I'm done with school. But enjoy!

He didn’t know what he did. He was completely at a loss for words, which was a rarity for him-anybody who knew him would say that. As he sat on the edge of his bed in the still night, Killian thought about Emma’s abrupt departure. He didn’t know what happened; just out of the blue, she was gone.

Bloody hell, he wanted to help her. He wanted to see her. But she had said things that made it impossible for him to chase after her. Killian knew he couldn’t chase after her (even though that was all he wanted to do). He knew he needed to give her time to sit and think.

All Killian could do was wait and think and remember how she looked walking out the door.

 _Bloody hell,_ Killian thought as he plopped back onto his mattress and stared at the ceiling.

He wanted to know what triggered Emma. All he knew was that he was sleeping, having a nightmare about losing Milah all over again, and then he was jarred awake by Emma’s departure. He shook his head, trying to forget the pain the nightmare had caused-the way it had reminded him of how the phone rang in the middle of the night, when she was supposed to be driving to meet him on the stormy night.

How it was all his fault that she had been in that accident.

And how Killian had been terrified that Liam had left the same way.

Killian took deep breaths to calm his pounding heart, overwhelmed by the events of the day and the sudden disappearance of Emma. She had said things that worried him- _scared_ him-and he didn’t know what to do. He was utterly alone at the moment-Liam at the hospital, Jenny probably asleep or caring for Amelia, Graham probably off fucking some unknown woman…

Killian sighed. He just didn’t know what to do.

All he knew was that he didn’t want to lose Emma, not when he had just found her. But he knew that he had to give her time.

 _I can’t do this_.

Killian groaned and ran his hands over his face. This was going to be a long night.

<> 

“What are you brooding over?” Liam mumbled out, his mouth full of the hospital pudding.

Killian sighed because for fuck’s sake, he _just_ sat down. Jenny laughed at Killian’s exasperated face and even Amelia let out a loud coo at Killian’s dismay. He was glad to see that at least some people found joy in his pain.

“Nice to see you too,” Killian grumbled in response.

Liam rolled his eyes and slid his now-empty pudding container back onto the little table in front of him. “Passive, aren’t we?”

“I’m not brooding.”

Both Jenny and Liam shot him a look that called him out on his bull shit. Killian sighed again and shrugged out of his jacket (which had been notably left at his apartment by his fleeing soul mate). “Emma left during the night. She isn’t answering my texts or calls and I know she isn’t at work.”

“What did you do?” Liam groaned out, leaning his head against the back of his pillow in a frustrated move.

“Nothing!” Killian exclaimed in response and ran his hand through his hair. “I don’t know what happened. One minute, we were sleeping and the next minute, she was marching out of my apartment, crying. I don’t know what happened.”

“Well, why didn’t you go after her, you daft dimbo?” Liam asked, raising an eyebrow at his little brother.

Killian huffed and muttered out, “She said that she couldn’t do this.”

There was a deafening silence that followed. Killian looked down at his lap when he could no longer bear the feeling of his brother’s and sister-in-law’s eyes staring at him.

“Just like that?” Jenny asked.

Killian nodded without looking up. “Just like that.”

“You said you both were sleeping before it happened?” Liam asked and Killian looked up to see his brother looking at him curiously.

Killian nodded again. “Yeah, why?”

“And let me guess: you had a dream about Milah last night,” Liam stated, as if it was a fact.

And it was.

“So?” Killian questioned.

Liam sighed and rolled his eyes. “Killian, what do I always make fun of when it comes to you?”

“Everything,” Killian and Jenny said at the same time.

“Bloody hell, Killian, you _talk_ in your sleep,” Liam reminded him and _oh fucking hell._

Killian growled and slammed his head against the back of his chair. God, he was such a fucking idiot. “She heard me say ‘Milah’ in my sleep.”

“And how is that going to look to your soul mate when you’re muttering your dead girlfriend’s name in your sleep?” Liam asked, raising an eyebrow as he folded his hands together.

“She doesn’t know,” Killian muttered as he continued to stare at the ceiling and Liam and Jenny’s eyebrows raised in unison.

“You haven’t told her about Milah?” Jenny questioned, furrowing her eyebrows at Killian.

Killian sighed and ran his hand over his face, lifting his head from the back of the chair. “We’ve steered away from conversations about our pasts. Milah hasn’t come up.”

Liam let out a loud exhale and collapsed his head against his pillow. “Well, then this is a whole lot worse.”

“How has Milah _not_ come up?” Jenny asked, clearly flabbergasted as she held a very awake Amelia. “You mourned her for, what, _three whole years_ before Emma came along? Did you just suddenly forget how broken you were when she died? When Emma popped into your life, were you just like ‘oh, here’s the real thing. I can get over Milah now?’”

“Of course bloody not!” Killian cried out, frustrated at the whole situation. Jenny may be callous, but she brought up an excellent point. “Like I said before, we’ve avoided the subject of our past. She clearly doesn’t want to delve into hers, just as much as I don’t want to delve into mine because I do not want to face that pain again. So excuse me for wanting some peace before I pour my entire bloody heart out to her.”

Killian sighed and ran a hand over his face. “I don’t want her to see that part of me. I don’t want her to see that I’m a broken man. I don’t want her to leave me after seeing that because she deserves better than that. She always will.”

“Well, now you’re in a much worse situation because you _didn’t_ tell her,” Jenny scolded him, cradling Amelia and slowly standing from the chair to walk around the room to rock Amelia. “You have to see her.”

Killian sighed. “Jenny, she said that she couldn’t do this. I don’t want to scare her by making her face it.”

“Well, you’re gonna have to make her face it,” Jenny responded, her face turning as red as her hair.

Liam sighed and held a hand up to his wife, looking over at her as she stood by the window, which overlooked the Bronx. “Alright, Jenny. Just let me talk to him alone for a sec.”

 _Oh hell_.

Jenny let out a loud exhale as she carried Amelia out into the hall, probably continuing to pace out there. Liam looked over at Killian, from where he had been staring at Jenny on the opposite side of the bed. Killian was not ready for this lecture from Liam (and he _knew_ it would be one).

“How are you feeling?” Liam asked in a soft voice and Killian had to step back mentally, unprepared for this route.

“What do you mean?” Killian responded and Liam raised an eyebrow, staring at his little brother because _come on_. Killian sighed and ran his hand through his hair-which was probably messier than usual. “I’m fine. Other than Emma taking off, I’m just peachy.”

Liam rolled his eyes and huffed. “Killian, I was just in a car accident, which is the very same way Milah died. You aren’t fine.”

Killian clenched his jaw because he did _not_ want to discuss this. Period. “I’m fine.”

“Killian, you _dreamed_ about her last night. You _are not fine_ ,” Liam pushed. “I remember your nightmares right after she died and if it’s anything like those, you are probably as far from fine as you can be. Especially with Emma hearing you say her name when she had no idea who Milah was, and then leaving right afterwards, saying that she couldn’t do this anymore. Come on, little brother. Talk.”

“What am I supposed to say?” Killian asked, exasperated because _God_ he did not want to be having this conversation.

“Was the nightmare the same?”

Killian sighed and absentmindedly scratched his arm. “Yes. Screaming, blood everywhere, Milah shouting for me. It’s like I was in the bloody car with her.”

Liam heaved a deep sigh. “Killian, you need to tell Emma. You _cannot_ live with this on your own. You shouldn’t live with this on your own.”

“It’s my problem, Liam. I’ll live with it however I want to.”

“God dammit, Killian!” Liam shouted out, his heart rate monitor going haywire for a moment before Liam calmed himself, taking a few deep breaths. “Little brother, you _cannot keep blaming yourself_. It was not your fault.”

“You weren’t the one who called her that night, begging her to come over,” Killian growled out, hating whenever conversations turned this way. “You weren’t the one who convinced her, even though it was storming outside and one in the morning. You weren’t the one who waited an hour for her, when it was only a fifteen minute drive at most. _I was_. I killed her, Liam.”

“No, the drunken idiot that ran that light and hit her car killed her,” Liam said bluntly and Killian flinched back. But Liam continued, “And from what I know, he’s still in prison, serving his time for precisely that crime. I remember Milah- _God,_ I do-and she was the kind of woman that wouldn’t have come over if she didn’t want to. She _chose_ to drive that night.”

“You have no right,” Killian murmured, his hands clenched into tight fists.

“You have to face this for what it is. She chose to see you that night and unfortunately, that played a hand in her death. But _you_ did not force her to come see you. _You_ did not drive your car into hers. _You did not kill her_. And since you’re still stuck on Milah’s memory, you are damaging the relationship you have with Emma, your bloody soul mate. I don’t think I need to say this, but I’m going to: Milah would’ve wanted you to be happy, Killian. She would’ve wanted you to continue on and not live in this rut that you’ve carved out for yourself.”

Killian hated it, but he knew Liam was right. Even though he’d gotten the role a year after her death, Killian hadn’t really been living his life. He’d been bedding random women the entire time, up until he met Emma, but that was only to dull the grief he was still experiencing from Milah’s death. Not to mention the insane amounts of liquor he had been gulping down, which had put quite the dent in his bank account.

But Killian couldn’t stop thinking about one part of Milah’s death that continued to haunt him to this day.

“Her son was left without a mother, Liam. Her husband was left without his wife, the love of his life,” Killian murmured, looking down at his hands. “If I hadn’t even walked into her life, she’d still be alive and her family would still have her.”

Liam sighed. “Killian, you don’t know that. Besides, you can’t blame yourself for meeting her. You met her at, what, the restaurant when you were waiting and she just happened to be a customer? Killian, if you wanna go that far back, blame the person who took her there in the first place. Then blame the owner of the restaurant. Then blame the parents of the owner.”

“That’s just ridiculous, Liam,” Killian grumbled.

“And you see my point, then,” Liam responded and Killian looked up to see that stupid shit-eating grin on Liam’s face, knowing that he got his way. “You cannot blame yourself. Once you stop blaming yourself for her death, you’ll be able to keep this relationship with Emma. Once you tell her, things will be easier. For the both of you. Maybe that’s the step you need to be able to open up about both of your pasts, because that’s kind of a pretty big thing to talk about.”

Killian sighed and _bloody hell_ he hated it when Liam was right. “Fine.”

And Liam smiled even wider ( _bloody idiot_ ). “Very well. Could you sneak me in some more McDonald’s?”

<> 

Emma didn’t want to budge from her spot underneath her covers. She hadn’t moved from her bed since she returned from Killian’s apartment at two in the morning, except for a short pee break when she woke up again at eleven. But since then, Emma had ignored the growling of her stomach and the vibrating of her phone. She just laid in her bed, wallowing in her own misery (God, she was fucking pathetic).

She just couldn’t wrap her mind around how her life just fell apart the moment she heard Killian mumble that name.

 _Milah_.

Her stomach clenched as she remembered the way Killian said the name. All breathless and...Emma sighed and forced herself to stop thinking about it. She didn’t want to cry anymore-she already cried enough that day. She cried over the lost chance of a future with Killian; she cried over the pain of being pushed to the side yet again; she cried over the loss of _him_.

Because _dammit_ as much as Emma wanted to hate Killian, she _missed_ him. She missed those ocean blue eyes, that stupid smirk, the way he made her heart pound in her chest. She missed everything about him, even if it had only been less than a day since she’d seen him. But she knew it was done-Emma had said as much herself-so it made the grief that much worse.

Her phone began vibrating again and Emma huffed, reaching down and wrenching her phone from its place under her covers. She recognized the number on the screen and her heart lightened for once that day.

“Dad?”

“Hey there, sweetie,” Emma’s adoptive father said over the phone in that hearty tone Emma had missed. “How’ve you been?”

“Ummm,” Emma began saying, her chin quivering and her heart pounding. She sniffled over the phone and Emma heard her father’s desk chair squeak audibly as he sat up straight in his chair.

“What’s wrong?” Her father asked, his voice tightening in that way that called Emma’s memories from high school and college when he grew defensive of any boy that even gave Emma attention.

(He absolutely despised Neal, way before he dropped Emma like a bag of trash.)

Emma shook her head, even though she knew her father couldn’t see her. “Nothing. I’m fine, Dad.”

“Emma Marie Swan, what is wrong?” He asked again and Emma’s hands began shaking.

“Dad, I found my soul mate, but everything’s all wrong,” Emma told her father and she couldn’t stop the tears from slipping out of her eyes.

“Oh sweetie,” Her father cooed and _dammit_ she missed him so much. She hadn’t seen him since the day her mother disowned her and practically forced Emma’s father into siding with the mother. The only time they spoke was when Diane was on one of her insane trips to Europe or South America. Emma hadn’t spoken to him for about three months.

“And Dad, I _miss_ him but it won’t work because I’m this girl who can barely pay rent for her crappy studio apartment and he’s this big-shot actor and I just don’t know what to do because I wanna go back to him and talk to him but it won’t even be worth it because it probably isn’t meant to be anyways-”

“Emma, stop,” Grant Hammond spoke to Emma and Emma stopped her rambling. “I know you’re afraid. You have been since that asshole. But this is your _soul mate_ , honey. I don’t want to sound like that hopelessly optimistic friend of yours, but things will work out.”

“But Dad, he said another woman’s name while he slept,” Emma croaked out, furiously wiping at the tears that keep fucking spilling onto her cheeks. “He has some other woman besides me so I just can’t go back to him because it’ll hurt even more.”

Emma could feel the rage over the phone that her father was feeling. When he found out about Neal’s sudden departure, her father couldn’t so much as sleep without vibrating in fury.

“I wish you weren’t upset,” Emma’s father muttered out and Emma sunk deeper into her bed. “I wish I could help, Ems. I want you to talk to the man because maybe there’s an explanation, but I-I just don’t know. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, sweetie.”

Emma took a deep breath. “I wish you were here. I miss you, Dad.”

“I miss you too, Emma. Maybe I can sneak away some day. Make up some excuse for needing to be in the city for a day or something.”

Emma huffed out a laugh. “You know Diane would find out. She has connections everywhere.”

Grant sighed. “That she does. I wish I was down there, Emma. I really do. But you know how my case load is.”

Emma laughed again. “Well, that’s what you get for being one of the best lawyers in Buffalo, Dad.”

And he let out that loud belly laugh that wrenched Emma’s heart because _she missed her father_. “Oh I guess so.”

Emma furrowed her eyebrows and sat up in her bed as she heard her apartment door flinging open, banging against the side of the hallway inside her apartment. She was hurrying to stand from her bed, looking around for any sort of weapon (where the hell was her bat when she needed it?) when she saw Henry pop into the archway leading to the sole room of the apartment.

“What are you doing here?” Emma asked Henry, holding the phone away from her mouth.

“What’s going on, Ems?” Her father asked over the phone.

“Uh, Henry just walked in for some unknown reason,” Emma replied and Henry mouthed ‘sorry’ to her from across the room.

“Ah, tell him I say ‘hey.’ And I’ll call you another time, Emma. I love you.”

“Love you too, Dad.”

Emma hung up the phone and tossed it onto the bed behind her, then she held out her arms in a confused stance. “What are you doing here?”

“I was coming in to see if you had tape,” Henry replied shyly, scratching that mop of hair. “I thought you were at work.”

“One: that key is for _emergencies_ , Henry. And two: Granny gave me the weekend off since I’ve been working so much,” Emma explained, plopping back down on the edge of her bed. She rubbed her tired eyes and wondered why the hell she was still so exhausted. It wasn’t like she had done anything all day.

Henry furrowed his eyebrows and tucked his hands into his front pockets. “You okay?”

Emma sighed and looked at Henry because she _did not_ want to explain this again. “I just talked to my dad about what’s bothering and I’m really not up to talking about it again.”

Henry jutted out his bottom lip and _dammit_ he made the best puppy dog faces. Emma sighed and groaned at the same time, turning out some strange, strangled sound. “God dammit, Henry. Fine.”

So Emma explained everything, starting with Liam’s accident and all the way to Emma crying her way home early this morning. But when Emma ended the story, she didn’t exactly get the response she had been expecting.

“You have to go talk to him.”

Emma crossed her arms over her chest as she stood from her bed. “Ex _cuse_ me?”

“You have to talk to him, Emma,” Henry repeated, standing his ground. “There’s gotta be an explanation.”

“Henry, _he said another woman’s name in his sleep_!” Emma responded angrily, her nails digging into her bare arms. “I don’t have to do shit!”

“Emma, this is your _soul mate_. You can’t just give up-”

“Get out. Now, Henry!” Emma yelled, her hands shaking because _how fucking dare he_.

“Emma, you have to have faith! Come on!” Henry responded, stepping toward her and taking his hands from his pockets. “You have this thing that you’ve wanted for so long and you’re running away from it at the first sign of trouble. You can’t just disappear from his life, like you can’t just make him disappear from yours. You _need_ to talk to him.”

Emma stood there, her nails continuing to dig into her arms because _he was supposed to be her friend_. Henry took Emma’s silence as a cue to continue. “Not every guy is going to be like Neal, alright? Not every guy is going to up and leave you. Who knows? Maybe he muttered the name of his mother or something?”

“His mother’s name was Amelia,” Emma immediately responded, before she realized what she was saying. Henry’s eyebrows raised and Emma looked back down to the ground. “He said ‘Milah’ and it sounded like it was _quite_ the dream, Henry. It’s done.”

Henry sighed and ran his hand through that mop of hair. “You still should talk to him, Emma. He at least owes you an explanation, even if you believe it’s over.”

And _dammit,_ Emma knew Henry was right. She knew that she was more than likely overreacting at the small mention of this other woman’s name as Killian slept, but Emma had been treading carefully around Killian. She didn’t want to face another heart break like the one Neal had left behind when he left her behind, only sending her a postcard a few weeks later with a proper apology (as proper as you can get on a postcard). Emma wanted this life with Killian, but she was still so _defensive_ and afraid that everything will go sour and that he won’t want her when she reveals her horrid past.

Fuck, Emma needed a therapist.

Emma sighed and huffed and crossed her arms over her chest. “Well, I work at five so I don’t have time.”

Henry sighed and rubbed his eyes. “Fine. Fine. But you need to talk to him.”

Henry turned to exit the apartment but Emma spoke up. “Wait.” Henry turned back around with his eyebrows raised. “Don’t you want tape?”

Henry laughed under his breath. “Right, yeah. Crap drawer in your kitchen?”

Emma nodded as Henry strode over to her kitchen. She heard rustling in the kitchen as Henry looked for the scotch tape that she knew was in there. She heard an excited “Aha!” and Henry walked back out to her living area holding the small thing of tape.

“Making something for your class?” Emma asked as she sat back down on her bed.

Henry nodded. “Yep. Making a poster for the planets. Starting that unit tomorrow.”

Emma nodded as her friend exited her apartment, going back to his place to work on his poster to help teach his little second-graders. She sighed and plopped back onto her bed, staring at the ceiling and thinking about the fucking awful mess surrounding her life right now. She was angry at Killian for muttering some other woman’s name while he slept; she was angry that her heart was still betraying her by thinking that Killian was still her one and only; but lastly, she was angry that Henry was fucking right and that she needed to talk to Killian, even if Emma strongly believed that they were over.

She’d been burnt in the past and she wasn’t going to risk it again. Even if he was her soul mate.

Even if she wanted to trust him with her whole heart (which she already did).

Emma grumbled as her phone started buzzing beside her on the bed. She was _done_ with her daily fill of outside communication, but her phone just kept ringing and ringing and _ringing_.

“Hello,” Emma muttered out, rubbing her eyes (which were sore and tired for really no reason at all).

“Hey Emma,” Elsa spoke over the phone and Emma could hear her heels clacking on the tile floor of her office.

“Do you need me to come in early to work?” Emma asked as she began to sit up on her bed, groaning under her breath at just the struggle of it.

“Um no. Actually, that’s why I’m calling. I’m giving you the day off again,” Elsa said uneasily.

“Elsa, come on!” Emma whined, running a hand through her hair. “I’m fine.”

“I just think you need more time to see Liam. I know you were pretty shaken yesterday and you should be there for Killian,” Elsa explained and Emma felt her heart quiver.

(Oh how things had changed.)

“No I don’t. Please, Elsa. Let me work tonight,” Emma stressed, sighing because she knew Elsa wouldn’t give in. Elsa was timid, but very stern when it came to the lounge.

“No. I already asked Anna to take your tables today,” Elsa responded swiftly. “Just enjoy the night off, Emma. Alright?”

Emma didn’t even respond as she hung up the phone. _Ugh,_ her day just kept getting shittier. She just wanted to stay in bed and not move for the next week-or preferably, the next year. And she hated the way that her mind told her that she should go see Killian, and go curl up at his side. But Emma shook her head as she plopped back onto her bed, staring up at the ceiling, knowing that wasn’t possible.

Ugh everything was fucked up and Emma didn’t know what to do.

Well, correction: she knew _exactly_ what she needed to do, but Emma couldn’t find the strength to go do it because her freaking stubbornness was much stronger than anything else in her personality.

Emma wanted to go see Killian, to get the answers that she desperately needed, but at the same time, she didn’t want them. She didn’t want to hear the details of Killian sneaking around her back with another woman, but Emma deserved to know, even if it was all over between them now because of this utter betrayal. She knew there was a small chance that there was a huge misunderstanding and that everything was not what she thought, but Emma wouldn’t place her hope in that basket, knowing that it would just break her heart further when she found out that it wasn’t true and that Killian really was with another woman while dating (were they dating?) his soul mate.

Emma found that if you kept your expectations low, you were never hurt when they came out to be true. That’s what she did throughout her foster families, with her grades in high school and college, and it was something she did with her relationships (until she had been fooled into trusting and believing that even though he wasn’t her soul mate, that they’d be happy together forever, and then having the rug ripped out from beneath her). And again, she had been tricked into thinking that finding her soul mate would mean that everything would be easier, and that nothing could possibly damage _that_ , but alas, she was now lying in her bed, heartbroken because life never worked in her favor.

Great, now she was wallowing in her own fucking misery. God, she was so pathetic.

Her apartment door creaked open and Emma sat up in her bed, confused because she’s had enough people just walking in here like it was their own place. Emma groaned when Elsa appeared in her archway, holding a paper bag from _holy shit was that her favorite bakery_?

“What are you doing here?” Emma asked, planting her socked feet on the floor as she sat on her bed.

“Well, you sounded upset when we were on the phone, so I thought I’d drop by and bring you a bear claw,” Elsa said as she walked over to Emma and handed her the bag. “Enjoy.”

Emma didn’t even feel embarrassed as she dug into the paper bag and tore into her favorite pastry. Elsa had seen worse from her, so it didn’t matter. Emma ate the whole bear claw before she even asked what Elsa wanted. She just wanted to live in ignorance for a little while longer.

“Better?” Elsa asked as Emma had her final mouthful of bear claw.

Emma nodded and with her mouth still full, she said, “Better.”

“So, gonna tell me what’s wrong?”

Emma sighed and wiped her sticky fingers on her pajama pants. “I’ve already explained it to two people today and I’m not feeling like explaining it again, Elsa.”

“Fine. But you know what you need to do, then?” Elsa asked as she crossed her arms over her chest.

Emma sighed again. “Yes, I do. But I’m not doing it right now.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m not.”

“Emma.”

“It doesn’t matter, Elsa.”

Elsa uncrossed her arms and planted her hands on her hips. “Of course it matters, Emma. Now, what’s wrong?”

“It doesn’t matter because it’s over, Elsa.”

Elsa furrowed her eyebrows. “You and Killian?”

Emma nodded and ran her hand through her hair. “He said another woman’s name when we were sleeping last night. So yeah, we’re over.”

Elsa opened her mouth to obviously say something, but Emma held her hand up to stop Elsa. “No. I don’t want to hear anything else, alright? Henry already gave me a lecture about going to see him, just to at least get answers even though it’s done. And my dad couldn’t really give me any advice on it. I just want you to not say anything and to just sit here with me, okay? Because, Elsa”-Emma’s voice broke and her chin quivered-“I’m really upset.”

Elsa didn’t say a word. She just sat beside Emma and put her arm over Emma’s shoulder, pulling her tight against Elsa’s body. Emma tried to avoid crying on Elsa, as she was wearing a very fancy business suit and Emma didn’t even want to know how much it cost, but Emma couldn’t help but shed a few tears (like she hadn’t cried enough that day).

“I don’t wanna say this, but Emma-”

“Henry has a point,” Emma finished Elsa’s statement, wiping whatever tears spilt over as she sat up. “I know he does. And I know I need to see him. But I just...I don’t know if I can, Elsa.”

Emma didn’t mention the way her heart screamed for him, wanting to see those blue eyes and that dazzling smile and to hear that low chuckle and delicious accent. She wanted to see him, to be near him. But Emma knew it would hurt her, so here she would sit on her bed with only her misery as company.

“But you need to do it. Do you want me to come along? I don’t think the lounge will need me tonight,” Elsa asked, curious and worried for her friend.

Emma shook her head. “No. You should be at the club. I’ll deal with this on my own.”

“Are you going to go see him now?” Elsa asked, rubbing her hand up and down Emma’s back.

Emma shrugged and her phone vibrated in the background. Emma sighed and plucked it from her blankets. “I don’t know. He’s probably seeing his brother still and-what the hell?”

“What?” Elsa questioned, furrowing her eyebrows again.

“I got a text from a number I don’t recognize. Hold on,” Emma muttered to her friend as Emma opened the message.

**hi emma. its jenny. killian told liam and i all about what happened and i just want to tell you to go talk to him. i mean it when i say that its not at all what you think. im serious. hes back at his place, so you should really see him tonight. god knows his schedule is insane during the week. just please talk to him. he feels awful and he’s going down this self-loathing hole that he likes to retreat to. i don’t mean to make you feel bad or anything, but please talk to him. you two are soul mates and that means the world to him. just talk it out.**

Emma sighed. “Shit.”

“Who’s Jenny?” Elsa ask, peeking over Emma’s shoulder at the message.

“Killian’s sister-in-law,” Emma responded and rubbed her eyes. “Well, I guess I should go over there now, huh?”

<> 

Emma took a deep breath as she stood outside of Killian’s apartment door. A half hour after she had received the text from Jenny and a quick shower later, she was just standing there, trying to gather the courage to just knock on the door. She’d been standing there for a few minutes because she was not ready to look at him, to feel the betrayal again.

But Henry, Elsa, and Jenny were right. She needed to talk to him.

Even though Emma knew it was over, she deserved to know what was going on at least.

And well, the more she put off talking to Killian, the more painful it would be for her. So with hesitance, she knocked on the door three times, and then tucked her hands into the light jacket she was wearing over her thin cami and jean shorts. Emma knew that Killian was home-from Jenny’s text and the movement she could hear inside of the apartment-but she was growing nervous because it seemed as though nobody was coming to the door.

Emma was about to walk away from the door when she heard the hinges creaking as the door opened. But it wasn’t Killian standing behind the door, it was _holy fuck-_

“Can I help you?” Graham Humbert asked, raising his eyebrows as he took Emma in.

Emma gulped because _holy shit_ of course he was over there because everyone knew that Killian was close friends with his co-star. “H-Hi-ummm-is Killian here?”

Graham smirked and leaned his chest against the door, blocking her view into the apartment. “Well, I can’t necessarily answer that, even for a beautiful woman.”

 _Jesus_ , were all foreign men like that?

“Who is it, Graham?” Emma heard Killian ask and Graham moved himself away from the door. Killian stood just in the foyer, as though he had come from his bedroom from just the left of where they were standing. “Emma.”

Emma gulped again and shuffled awkwardly in the hallway of the building. “Hi.”

“Ignore the large oaf in my apartment and come in,” Killian suggested and Emma stepped inside of his apartment, assaulted with the memories of their last meeting here (urgent kisses and eager hands). “I’m sure you already know Graham Humbert.”

“William Smee on _Never Landing_ ,” Emma said, her throat dry. She tried to clear it but holy hell she’s much more starstruck by Graham than she was with Killian (then again, Emma was too busy running away to even be starstruck). “My friend Ruby is actually obsessed with you on the show.”

Graham chuckled and ruffled that dark mop on his head, while Killian sighed. “Well, is your friend single by chance?”

“Actually, she’s seven months pregnant with her soul mate/husband,” Emma explained and Graham deflated.

“Well, that’s a shame if she’s as pleasant as you are.”

“Alright there, Graham. Could you give us a moment?” Killian spoke up, looking over at his friend with an alert glance.

Graham noticed the stare and he stuttered as he stepped back toward the living room, “Oh right. Yeah. I’ll just be in the living room.”

Graham turned and strode down the three steps, into the living room and impressively hopping over the back of the couch to plop onto its cushions. Killian sighed at his friend’s theatrics and held out an arm, signaling Emma to head back to his bedroom where they could talk privately. Emma kept her hands tucked tightly in her jacket pockets (she still did not trust herself around him, even if she was heartbroken by his soft mutterings of ‘Milah’) and stepped through the open door, into his bedroom. She heard the soft closing of the door and Emma turned around to see Killian walking over to her with a sad smile on his face.

“Hi,” Killian said simply and her anger and sadness came barreling back.

Emma clenched her jaw and let out a long breath. “You don’t get to ‘hi’ me, Killian.”

Killian sighed and rubbed his hand over his beard as he stepped toward Emma in a small step. “I know. And I’m sorry about that, Emma. I didn’t mean for that to happen.”

“You mean you didn’t mean for me to find out that you were sneaking around behind my back?!” Emma asked in a tense tone, trying to keep her voice down for Graham’s sake. “That you were seeing some other woman because apparently I wasn’t good enough for you?!”

(She never was.)

(She never would be.)

(That was the one thing that she learned from Diane-she couldn’t believe she had ever called that woman her mother-and from Neal and from countless foster families that decided not to keep her, that she wasn’t worthy.)

“Emma, please, just listen to me,” Killian said, stepping forward again, only about two feet from Emma. “I am _not_ seeing anybody other than you, love. I would never do that.”

“Then who the hell is Milah?” Emma asked and she ignored the way sadness flickered across Killian’s eyes. “I deserve that much, even if we’re done.”

Killian shut his eyes and Emma could tell that she had hurt him with her words. “Emma, please. I’ll explain everything, I promise. Just understand before that this means me digging into a part of my past that I’d rather forget about.”

“I have parts of my past I don’t like, Killian. I understand that. But, you muttered another woman’s name when you were sleeping, so I will continue to assume you are sneaking around behind my back until you tell me otherwise.”

Killian sighed and ran his hand through his hair because he knew he had no other choice. He walked past Emma and plopped down on the end of his bed, propping his elbows on his knees as he looked up at Emma, who had moved to lean against the wall across from him.

“Umm”-Killian sighed again and Emma could see the trouble Killian had in gathering his words (and her heart wrenched because of course she still cared, even if she was angry at him and knew it was done)-“it all started almost four years ago. I was a waiter at a restaurant just down the road from Liam’s place, since I was living there at the time. And it was just like any other normal day at first, but then I met this woman while she was at one of my tables.”

“Milah.”

Killian nodded. “Aye. And I was just immediately struck by her beauty. Actually, I almost spilt water on her lap because I got distracted by her eyes.” Killian laughed under his breath and looked down at his folded hands. “But I wasn’t the only one who had been attracted immediately. She came in more and more often and one day, she gave me her number.”

Killian laughed wryly again and itched that spot behind his ear. “I was so excited that I had female attention that I didn’t even bother to think that I shouldn’t do it. That I shouldn’t go near her.”

“Why?” Emma had to ask, her voice quiet.

Killian visibly gulped as he looked back up at Emma. “Because she was married. With a son, as I soon learned when she had brought her family into the restaurant. After we had begun our affair.”

Emma’s stomach dropped. Oh God, he had an affair with a married woman?

“I wanted to break it off after I learned about her family. I didn’t know she was married when it began because she was always kept her ring around her neck, saying that it was because it was easier to keep her personal life out of her work. Safer, even. But…” Killian sighed and sat up straight, “but she said that she needed me. That her husband basically ignored her, even though he loved her, and that she just needed someone because her life was becoming suffocating. And I didn’t admit it to her, but I needed someone too.

“It went on for about seven months and Emma, I fell head over heels for her,” Killian continued and Emma could see the truth in his eyes. _Oh God_ , this didn’t end well, did it? “And she did too and she said that she was going to leave her husband and take her son with her and that we’d live together, happily ever after. For once in my life, I knew where my future was going. I didn’t care that we weren’t soul mates. I just cared that we were _happy_.”

And that statement rung true to Emma. Even though Neal and her obviously weren’t soul mates, Emma was _happy_ with him. And he was with her, at least up until he jumped ship three years ago. Emma had settled with him because she didn’t know if she would ever find someone like her friends had, seeing as finding your soulmate actually was a rare thing that not many people had.

But then Killian swept into her life and nothing was the same.

“And one night, I-I called her because I had a nightmare. A really awful nightmare,” Killian continued, obviously steering around what the nightmare was about and Emma didn’t try to ask him about it. “I called her at one in the morning and I begged her to come over. She said that she couldn’t, that it was late and that she couldn’t just sneak out. But I just kept asking her and she eventually relented.”

Emma saw Killian’s hands shaking and _no_ this really didn’t end well at all. “Killian, what happened?”

Killian looked back to his hands and Emma could hear him taking deep breaths. Her heart twisted because he was in so much pain and even if Emma hated him right now, she couldn’t stand looking at him like this. Emma dropped to her knees and placed her hands over his own, urging him to look up at her.

“Killian, talk to me,” Emma whispered and Killian finally looked back at her, his eyes filled with unshed tears.

“It was storming badly that night, Emma. I didn’t think anything of it, but an hour had passed and I was growing worried. And that’s when I got the call from a nearby hospital, where an old friend of mine worked, telling me that Milah had been in a car accident. She was dead on arrival.”

Emma’s heart dropped into her stomach.

She died in a car accident.

That explained him having the dream and his completely shot nerves at the news of Liam being in an accident.

Oh God, she was an awful person.

“Killian-”

“A drunk driver t-boned her because he ran a red light, Emma,” Killian continued, sniffling softly. “And I couldn’t go to the funeral because I was the secret. I never got to say goodbye to her. It was my fault she died that night.”

“Killian, no it wasn’t,” Emma quickly assured him, tightening her grip around Killian’s hands because at this point, all was forgiven. It was just a huge misunderstanding. She just wanted Killian’s pain to end. “Killian, the man who hit her is the one to blame. You weren’t the one that drove the car and I’m sure you didn’t force her to come see you. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“But don’t you see, Emma?” Killian said, his voice tight and he just sounded so _ruined_. “ _I_ am the reason her son doesn’t have his mother anymore, that her husband doesn’t have the love of his life anymore. I did _everything_ wrong.”

“Then she did too, Killian. She made those choices. You cannot blame yourself for everything in that relationship,” Emma told him bluntly. He needed to know the truth. He needed to hear it, even if it might hurt him.

Killian clenched his jaw and turned his hands to hold Emma’s tightly in his own. “I mourned for three years, up until I met you, Emma. I never thought I could get over her, but that was until I met you.” Emma’s heart sped up and squeezed Killian’s hands as he smiled weakly at her. “You changed _everything_ , literally. And I mucked it all up.”

Emma shook her head, her blonde hair falling in waves over her shoulders. “You didn’t screw it up. I thought you were cheating on me, Killian, and I didn’t even think to hear your explanation about why you were saying another woman’s name in your sleep. _I_ screwed up because I was being so stubborn in believing that nobody could care about me that I didn’t even think about the fact that you _did_.”

Killian released Emma’s hands and moved to cup her face with his hands. He leaned his forehead against hers and their breaths mingled and Emma _missed this_ , even if it had been less than twenty-four hours since her departure.

“Please forgive me for keeping Milah a secret. Please forgive me for making you think that you weren’t good enough because-bloody hell, Emma-you are _more_ than good enough. You are more than I deserve.”

Emma nodded and her heart hurt because even with all of the pain he had gone through with Milah, Killian could still love with his whole heart and believe in true love and soul mates and he deserved someone so much better than Emma, someone less broken.

Killian pulled her face to his and pressed his lips against hers and if Emma was standing, her knees would’ve given out. She gasped and Killian slipped his tongue between the seam of her lips and tangled his with her own. Emma clawed at his upper arms because _Jesus_ this man could kiss. Emma bit down on his bottom lip and he let out a low groan that left Emma thrumming in desire.

“Perhaps we should stop before it gets too difficult to,” Killian suggested, with his lips only an inch from Emma’s.

Emma nodded. “Probably a good idea, especially with Graham just outside.”

Killian chuckled and pulled away. Emma opened her eyes (which had slipped closed during Killian’s passionate kiss) and saw him smiling at her for the first time that day.

“Killian, I don’t want you to hide anything else from me, alright?” Emma told him, her hands reaching up to his wrists to rub the skin there with her thumbs. “No secrets. You don’t have to come right out and say everything right now, but if it comes up, no lies and no secrets.”

Killian nodded. “Of course, love. Anything you say.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a long time coming for this chapter, and I'm really sorry about that. I had an insanely busy last month of college, but now I'm graduated and hopefully, I'll have more time to write during the summer when I'm not working. I just finished this chapter last night, so I really don't know when the next chapter will be up, but I hope you enjoy!

It was already a slow day for Emma. Even though she arrived at her usual time of eight in the morning, the diner was much slower than it typically was. It was a Thursday in early August, so Emma didn’t understand why no one was in for breakfast or lunch. Even their usuals were noticeably missing from their places on the bar or in their booths. She had been wiping down the long bar (for the fifth time that day because she had nothing else to do) when the door chimed. Emma looked up and smiled, seeing Ruby, Mary Margaret, and David walk into the diner. They hadn’t been able to meet for their usual Wednesday lunch the day before because Mary Margaret and David had a doctors’ appointment, so Emma was excited to see her friends for the first time since Saturday morning. Emma looked through the window, that led to the kitchen, and saw Granny nod at her as she manned the stove, telling her that she could take her break even if she was done working in an hour. Emma looked back at her friends and told them to go take a seat at one of the booths as she checked on the orders of her two tables.

A few minutes later, Emma slid into the booth, sitting beside Ruby and plopping her head onto the table (which she knew was clean since she had cleaned it off for fifteen minutes during the diner’s lull).

“Tired?” Ruby asked, running her hand over her bulging stomach.

“Super tired,” Emma responded, her voice muffled by the table.

“Well, I’m with you in that boat. This one kept me up all night,” Ruby muttered as she looked down at her pregnant belly lovingly. “Victor was at the hospital, on call, so at least it didn’t bother him.”

“That reminds me,” Emma said and sat back up, looking at Mary Margaret and David across the table, “how’d the appointment go?”

“Well,” Mary Margaret began saying with a smile and David’s arm tightened around her shoulder, “we can find out the sex of the baby next appointment.”

“That’s so exciting!” Ruby exclaimed loudly, that grin spreading on her face. “Are you guys gonna find out?”

David shrugged and Mary Margaret looked over at him with so much love in her eyes (something that Emma had always been jealous of, but now she was _happy_ ). “We haven’t decided on that yet. We’d like a surprise, but we all know this one”-David nudged Mary Margaret, who flushed deeply-“so we’re not sure.”

“Well, that’s still exciting,” Ruby replied, sitting up in her seat. “Victor and I wanted to keep it a secret, but we’ve already got the names ready and the nursery is almost done and the little one will be here soon.”

Ruby smiled toothlessly and looked down at her belly, her hand still stroking her bump. Emma smiled because her friends were so happy and Emma was finally there with them and this could be her _future_. Emma knew it was far too early to even consider having children, but...it was nice to see where things could end up if things went well with Killian and they didn’t have any more misunderstandings like the one from Saturday night.

(And she couldn’t stop herself from imagining a black-haired, green-eyed little girl in her arms.)

(Or maybe a blonde-haired, blue eyed little boy.)

(She’d be happy with either, honestly.)

“So, how’s the future Mr. Swan?” David asked from across the table, then leaned over, saying, “or should I say, Mr. _Killian_ _Jones_ -Swan?”

Emma glared over at Mary Margaret, who was notably staring at the table at a _very_ interesting speck stuck on the laminate top. “What did I fucking tell you, Mary?”

“Wha-oh right, yeah. Sorry,” Mary Margaret replied when she looked back up at Emma. “But, I was just so excited and it sorta slipped out.”

Emma looked over at Ruby, who was in absolute glee at the exchange. “You tell anybody?”

Ruby shook her head. “Are you kidding? I’m as loyal as a dog, honey.”

Emma sighed and looked back over to David. “Don’t tell anybody, alright? It’s only been a month and we don’t want the entire world in our business yet.”

David zipped an invisible zipper over his mouth. “My lips are sealed.”

“How are things with you two?” Mary Margaret asked eagerly, sitting up in her seat and scooting forward.

“Fine. Just like they were on Saturday when I told you both about it,” Emma replied because she did _not_ want to go into the mess that was Saturday night and all of Sunday.

Emma didn’t want to even think about the pain she went through on Sunday, or the pain she must’ve put Killian through. They didn’t talk much after what he had told her because nothing else really needed to be said, so Emma just went home and left Killian with Graham at his place. But Emma knew she should’ve talked to him about what she put him through (because she was such an ungrateful bitch toward him and it wasn’t fair to the man who she may indeed be falling in love with).

( _Fuck_ , did she really just think that?)

“Have you seen him since then?” Ruby asked, moving in her spot to lean her back against the cold tile wall and perching her leg up on the booth (and Ruby was lucky that Granny was her own grandmother because she wouldn’t let any other customer do that).

“Only Sunday night,” Emma muttered, looking down to the table to trail her finger along the laminate top.

“What was that?” Ruby asked alarmingly.

“What was what?” Emma asked as she looked back up at her, furrowing her eyebrows.

“You’re hiding something. I can smell it on you, all pungent and sour and shit. What happened?” Ruby asked and _dammit_ she really was like a goddamn dog.

Emma groaned under her breath and ran a hand through her loosening ponytail, reaching up to untangle it and to fix it. “No offense, but I really do not want to talk about it anymore. I already explained it to Henry and to Elsa and to my dad-”

“Your dad?” Mary Margaret questioned, furrowing her eyebrows. “I thought you two rarely talked anymore.”

“I mean, we don’t but he called me Sunday morning,” Emma responded, her hair now piled in a messy bun on top of her head. “It’d been a while since we talked and it all sorta spilled out. You know how my relationship is with him. As long as Diane isn’t around, it’s all good.”

Emma more than hated her adoptive mother after deciding Emma wasn’t worth caring for after Emma decided to live the way she wanted to live, not wanting to follow Diane’s plan for her. Emma didn’t want to play piano in Carnegie Hall or go to Broadway. Emma just wanted to _sing_ and entertain. But dear old Diane didn’t like that plan, so decided to completely cut Emma off from her entire life.

Emma hadn’t heard from Diane since that day, four years ago.

And Emma still had trouble thinking that she was capable of being loved, of being cared for, even if she’s seen her friends doing just that time and time again. Even Killian cared for her, through fights and miscommunication.

But sometimes, Emma missed having a _family_. Sure, her father still talked to her and loved her. But Emma missed having family dinners and family pictures and having a mother to talk to, even if Diane had always been blunt and borderline rude to Emma whenever she tried to break free of Diane’s rules.

Sometimes, Emma wondered if it was a mistake to ignore Diane’s direction and to just go her own way. It definitely made things more difficult for her because she was hardly able to pay her rent and to even _eat_ in the same month. Sometimes, Emma believed that she should talk to Diane, to apologize and see if she could get help following the path that Diane wanted…

“What happened? Like, I mean it looks like everything’s all good now, but what happened?” Ruby asked, crossing her arms over her stomach.

“If she doesn’t want to talk about it anymore, she doesn’t have to,” David spoke from his place across the table. Emma smiled weakly at David (who was honestly like a second father to her, even if he was her age) and he smiled back in response.

“Maybe when we’re not in the middle of a diner,” Emma explained, crossing her arms on the table. “I’d rather not let everybody know my business, thank you very much.”

Ruby obnoxiously rolled her eyes. “Oh fine.”

“Now, back to you two,” Emma said, looking over at Mary Margaret and David with a smile. “Decorating the nursery any time soon?”

“Oh please. She’s already gotten started on that,” David murmured and Mary Margaret elbowed him in the side. “What? Is that not true?”

“You make it sound like I’m obsessed or something,” Mary Margaret replied, her hand resting on the small bump growing under her clothes.

“Again, is that not true?” Ruby questioned, raising an eyebrow as Mary Margaret flushed a brilliant shade of red.

Mary Margaret tucked her short hair behind her ear. “Shut up, you two.” She looked over at Emma and smiled again. “Oh, and we’re gonna have dinner next Friday night, so _he’s_ welcome to come along. Just so you know.”

Emma raised her eyebrows and looked at David, who had his arms crossed tightly over his chest. “So you can interrogate him, I guess?”

“Oh Emma, do you really think so low of me?” David asked, that playful smile spreading across his lips.

“My mistake,” Emma snarked back with a laugh.

“Hey, can we get some help over here?” A man called from the opposite side of the diner and Emma looked over at him. She had never seen him nor his friend before at the diner, but that didn’t change the fact that she was on break.

“Sorry, I’m on break right now. But someone will be with you in just a minute,” Emma replied from across the room and turned back to her friends.

But then the guy continued on, “It’s your job to help us out, sugar tits. So, go into the kitchen and cook me some pancakes.”

_Oh hell no._

Emma saw David clench his hands and she almost stood up to go smack the ass across his face, but Ruby had other plans, tucking a leg under her to sit a little taller and eyeing the asshole from across the room, who was now laughing with his buddy.

“Hey, asshole!” Ruby called across the room as Emma almost stood from the booth. The men looked over at Ruby, dumbfounded looks on their faces. “Yeah, you assholes! You better show some goddamn respect to my friend here, alright!”

The men scoffed and turned back to talk to each other, not noticing that Emma hadn’t left the table to go “make their pancakes.”

“I’m not done talking to you, dickwad!” Ruby shouted again, ignoring the stares coming from the other customers. The men looked back over at Ruby as she sat higher in her seat. “You can go find another fucking place to eat. My grandma owns this place and she’d rather not have your fucking pig money!”

“Excuse me?” The man who had spoken to Emma began to stand, crossing his arms over his chest as his friend had just done.

“Oh what are you gonna do?” Ruby asked loudly, sitting up further to expose her belly over the table. “You gonna hit a pregnant woman? I fucking dare you.”

The guys grumbled and began walking toward the door, the customers in the diner moving to stare at the assholes leave.

“I hope you aren’t fucking married or have any daughters because you disgust me! And if you do have a wife or daughter, I hope for their fucking sakes that you treat them with respect because no woman deserves to hear that shit, no matter who they fucking are!” Ruby continued as the men swung the door openly angrily and left the diner.

There was a loud applause that erupted in the diner after the men left, the customers looking over at a very angry and flustered Ruby, who was slowly returning to sitting normally. Emma looked over at Ruby with raised eyebrows and Ruby took a deep breath.

“Granny doesn’t need money that comes from assholes like that. She’d be glad of what I did,” Ruby told Emma, nudging her in the side. “If she had heard what they were saying, she would’ve kicked them out too.”

“For disrespecting staff?”

“For disrespecting _you_ ,” Ruby specified with a smile.

And Emma finally remembered that she had her own family in New York City and she didn’t need her good-for-nothing adoptive mother in the picture.

<> 

Emma huffed as she tossed her purse and keys onto her bed, peeling her shoes off of her sweaty feet because _God_ it was freaking hot outside. Even with the air-conditioning pumping through the building, Emma was sweating from her short trek outside. She really did hate the summer; she preferred the bitter chill of fall, with the golden leaves in contrast to the green grass and the pumpkin-flavored everything that pop up in all of the cafés around her.

Emma pulled her phone from her purse as she plopped onto her bed, looking through it to see if she had missed any texts or calls while she was at work. She knew that she hadn’t, as everybody knew her schedule because it hadn’t changed really for the past year. But she did see that she had one text from Killian:

**Good morning, beautiful. I hope to see you tonight at the lounge. Save a song for me.**

Butterflies fluttered in Emma’s stomach and _oh Lord_ she was already in so deep with this man. After everything had been explained and revealed on Sunday night, Emma felt closer to Killian. She knew it had taken a lot out of him to talk about his past-a painful one, at that. She knew she would’ve been in the same boat if Killian had asked her to talk about her own past, even if he knew a small part of the pain that lingered there.

Emma knew that the topic of her own past would come up again, but dammit she wanted to stay in this little bubble for just a little while longer. She knew Killian wouldn’t be scared off by her past-she wasn’t scared by his and he seemed like the sort of man who could handle whatever life threw at him, a man who wouldn’t run off because life got a little bumpy. But, Emma was still a little afraid to tell him about Neal’s departure and her bitch of a mother.

Old habits die hard, apparently.

Emma suddenly remembered that Mary Margaret and David had invited Killian for dinner that next week, so Emma began typing into her text box to ask Killian if he would like to join them for, what she liked to call, “family dinner.” As she was halfway through the text, her phone began vibrating in her hands, telling her that a call was coming in. The caller ID popped up on the screen and Emma saw that it was her father calling her again. She didn’t think it odd that her father was calling twice in a week, so Emma swiped her screen and answered her phone.

“Hey, Dad,” Emma chirped into the phone, standing from her spot on the bed and tucking her thumb into the waistband of her skirt (where it was freaking digging into her hip and wow she needed to watch what she ate-)

“Hello, Emma.”

Her heart stopped and she froze as she stood in the middle of her apartment. No, this wasn’t happening. It couldn’t be-

“What is it, Emma, sweetie? Cat got your tongue?”

“Hello, Diane,” Emma gritted out, her teeth clenched because this woman was the last person Emma wanted to talk to. Period.

“Is that how you talk to your mother?” Diane asked sweetly, even though Emma knew that her high-pitched voice was just a mask for the monster underneath.

“You aren’t my mother. You never were. So, what do you want?” Emma replied, beginning to pace around her small apartment because her nerves were now taking over. Her stomach was churning because whenever Diane spoke, condescension came dripping out.

“I just wanted to see how my daughter was doing,” Diane said and Emma could hear the familiar creak of her father’s desk chair as Diane sat in the chair. “Are you a big shot musician now, Emma? Just like you wanted to be.”

Emma took a deep breath because this is exactly what Diane did: manipulated Emma’s words and talked down to Emma condescendingly, as if Diane knew better. She could make Emma feel horrible about her life in just a word, spoken in that sweet tone that made people believe that Diane was just an innocent, perfect woman that only wanted the best for her adopted daughter. The adopted daughter that turned her back on Diane and ungratefully went her own way.

Diane laughed over the line when Emma didn’t respond. “I take your silence as a no. And I should know, I had completely forgotten about you until Grant left his phone here when he went to work and saw that you two had talked every so often.”

Emma’s hands curled into a fist, her knuckles white as she held her phone to her ear.

“So, sweetie, how has life been for you? I haven’t talked to you in _ages_ ,” Diane asked and Emma could imagine her tucking a piece of her perfectly coiffed brown hair behind her ear.

“That isn’t my fault,” Emma spat out, her face turning red because this was fucking typical Diane: turning everything around to make it sound like Emma had ruined their relationship by following her heart. “You were the one who decided that since I didn’t want what you wanted, that I didn’t deserve a fucking family, _Diane_.”

“Sweetie, I was just looking out for you. If you had only allowed me to help you…oh Emma, you could’ve been in Carnegie Hall by now, playing piano for the wealthy. You could’ve been on _Broadway_ ,” Diane let out a long sigh, as if she was imagining the potential future Emma could’ve had. “But look at you now, working as a waitress in some diner that you’ve been at since college.”

“I’m working at a lounge now, too. I’m singing, just like I wanted to,” Emma replied, even though she knew that she was playing right in to Diane’s hands. But this woman had to know that Emma was happy with her life, that she was where she wanted to be.

“And how is that going? Still able to barely afford that ghastly apartment?” Diane asked and Emma _fucking knew_ that Diane would do this: make Emma feel like shit for denying Diane the ability to control Emma’s life. “Oh yes, you are very successful, Emma.”

“I have a soul mate who cares about me and that’s all that fucking matters!” Emma exclaimed and _shit_ she shouldn’t have told Diane that because she’s going to twist it and turn it around and make Emma question everything in her goddamn life.

“Oh, lucky you! But no man is going to want a lounge singer who can barely afford her own rent,” Diane said venomously and even though Emma knew it would go this way, she couldn’t help but feel her heart grow heavy because Diane was right.

Killian wouldn’t want some woman who barely makes enough money for her rent, to even _eat_.

“See, Emma, if you had only just let me help you, you could be happy with your _soul mate_ ,” Diane continued, spitting out the word like it was a curse. “But, no. You had to be ungrateful and decide that you knew best. Maybe that Neal boy had the right mindset, getting away from you. Maybe he could tell that you would never amount to anything substantial. Oh, what wasted potential. You could’ve really been something, Emma. I wanted what was best for you-”

“No! You wanted what was best for _you_ -”

“But, we can’t change the past,” Diane continued, as though Emma hadn’t even said anything. “Oh well, I hope you have a nice day, sweetie. Don’t be a stranger.”

There was a click over the line as Diane hung up the phone. Emma stood in her apartment, not moving because this woman will do whatever it takes to make Emma question everything and now…now, Emma didn’t know what to think. Or what to believe. Because Diane was right, as she always was…

Emma gritted her teeth and threw her phone across the room, clattering against the wall and to the floor. It was probably broken and Emma did not have the money to deal with a broken phone, but she couldn’t find a reason to care. Her life was shit and Diane had just reminded her that she couldn’t be happy with a life like this.

Emma dropped to the ground and curled her legs up to her chest, wrapping her arms around her legs and cried because she could never be fucking happy, no matter how hard she tried and how much she wanted it.

Life could never allow her to be happy. That had been showed throughout her entire lifetime, through countless foster homes and a loveless adoption (except for the father that cherished her every word), a relationship with a man she loved but didn’t love her back, and a dead end job at the diner she had been working at since her freshman year of college. She wanted to be happy ( _God,_ she wanted it) because she had her soulmate and life was going _so well_ and Killian was _more_ than Emma could’ve ever wanted-

But no. Diane had to remind Emma that she couldn’t be happy with how her life was, with how she could barely afford her rent and even keep herself alive. After all, that was Diane’s job as Emma’s adoptive mother: make Emma feel like absolute shit about her life and how she should’ve allowed Diane to take the reins.

Emma sat on the ground, just allowing her tears to fall because life wasn’t fair and she couldn’t change it and Killian wouldn’t want a woman who couldn’t afford to _live_. He wouldn’t want to support Emma their entire life. He’ll leave, because he even though he has riches Emma couldn’t even imagine, who would want to have some lowlife spending all of their money? He’ll leave because he’ll get sick of supporting her, of _being_ with her-just like everybody else.

She just hoped it wouldn’t hurt too much when he left.

<> 

“I can’t believe Angela is pregnant with Bruno’s baby, who is actually her half-brother!” Graham shouted sarcastically from his spot on the couch.

“Ha ha,” Killian grumbled out, draining the last of his water from the bottle and standing from the couch. “You’re so hilarious, Humbert.”

“Come on, Killian. Why do you watch this shit?” Graham asked, popping a piece of popcorn into his mouth.

“He enjoys it, Graham, so don’t hate on him,” Izzy spoke from the other side of the couch.

Killian looked over at his close friend from by the little kitchenette counter and said, “Thank you, Izzy.”

“He can’t control the fact that he has awful taste in TV,” Izzy continued and they laughed together, Killian rolling his eyes as he reached up into the cabinet and grabbed his precious M&M’s. “But seriously though, why do you watch soap operas?”

“There’s nothing else on at this time of day,” Killian responded, sighing and leaning over the back of the couch, resting his forearms on the frame.

“Anything else is better than that,” Graham mumbled and chewed on another piece of popcorn.

“If you two are going to piss and moan about what I watch, you can leave,” Killian said with finality.

A few moments of silence followed Killian’s statement. The only sound was Graham’s popcorn and Killian’s loud eating of the M&M’s, which he had shared gratefully with Izzy. They had another two hours before their next scene, which really wouldn’t take long. Or at least, it shouldn’t. It was shocking how many times they had to stay late because of something as trivial as different lighting or different enunciations of the script.

But Killian was hoping to get off the set before midnight that night. After all, he did want to see Emma tonight.

The sudden chiming of Killian’s cell phone shattered the silence and Killian furrowed his eyebrows as he reached into the baggy pocket of his basketball shorts (they had just filmed a scene at the Never Landing Gym and thank God for that because Killian didn’t want to deal with his usual black skinny jeans on a hot day like that day).

“Hello,” Killian answered the phone, perching it on his shoulder as he leaned back over the back of the couch.

“Jones, who the hell are you bringing to my wedding?” Regina asked over the phone in her usual angry voice.

“Ah. Hello, Regina. It’s nice to speak with you, too.”

“I don’t have time for pleasantries. Who are you bringing to my wedding?” Regina asked again and Killian smirked as he could feel the tension radiating off of Regina in waves. “It’s in three weeks, Killian. I need to have the place cards written up and it takes time. Who are you bringing?”

“Alright, alright. I have someone in mind. I just need to ask her,” Killian replied quickly because he didn’t want an angry Regina on the phone with him. “I’ll tell you tomorrow.”

“ _Please_ tell me it isn’t one of your model sluts-”

“No, no, no. No, nobody like that,” Killian replied quickly, standing up from his place behind the couch. Graham and Izzy looked over at him and Killian held up a finger to tell them to wait. “No, she’s not someone you’d know.”

“Hmm, an unknown actress then?” Regina asked and her voice raised in pitch, telling Killian that she was curious about who he would bring.

“Not exactly. But, I’ll get back to you tomorrow once I ask her. I’ll hopefully be seeing her tonight, so I’ll ask her then,” Killian responded, running his hand through his hair.

Regina sighed over the line. “You’re lucky you’re pretty.”

Killian chuckled and moved his phone into his hand, holding it to his ear. “I’m well aware, but thank you, Regina. Tell Robin that we must get together again at some point to relive his bachelor party.”

He could practically hear the eye roll from Regina over the phone. “Sure, Jones. Call me no later than five tomorrow. Or I’ll have your ass.”

“I don’t think your fiancé would appreciate that.”

Regina hung up the phone and Killian’s heart pounded because there was no way Emma would even consider going to a huge Hollywood wedding when they haven’t even considered letting the world know about their soul mate status. He wanted to bring her to this wedding, to show her off to all of his colleagues, but he knew she’d be more than terrified of that.

He was going to still try, but he was trying not to get his hopes up for something that might be a pipe dream.

(He imagined how she would look in a sleek black gown and her hair down in a cascade of waves, a smile wide across her red-stained lips.)

(And how they would look together, dancing across the floor, with him in a stuffy tux and she would have the radiance of a thousand burning suns.)

“What was that about?” Graham asked, turning around slightly to look back at Killian.

“Just Regina wondering who my date is going to be to her wedding,” Killian responded, sticking his phone back into his shorts pockets.

“Who are you gonna take?” Izzy asked, her position mirroring Graham’s.

“You’re gonna take that girl, aren’t you?” Graham asked before Killian could even open his mouth to respond. “The girl that came over on Sunday.”

Killian sighed because now Izzy knew and well, she really wasn’t the best at keeping secrets and following the rules. And with the look on her face, Killian was really in deep shit.

“What girl?” Izzy asked quickly, her eyes darting between Killian behind the couch and Graham on the opposite side of the couch from her. Her eyes finally landed on Killian and she turned around on the sofa, resting on her knees. “Killian, who is he talking about?”

“God dammit, Graham,” Killian mumbled under his breath, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“You can’t keep her a secret forever,” Graham replied, turning in his spot and pulling his leg up to rest on the leather couch.

Oh, Graham had no idea how true that was.

Killian sighed and dropped his hand from his nose, looking between Graham and Izzy. He really fucking hoped that Emma wouldn’t be upset with him for telling Graham and Izzy about their…whatever it was…because Killian knew he couldn’t handle that pain again. It felt as though his soul was being ripped out of his chest when Emma had misunderstood Killian’s nightmare as some sort of dream with Milah. He didn’t want to feel that anger toward him again.

“She’s your girlfriend,” Izzy states and Killian chuckled wryly because was that what they were? Sure, they’re soul mates, but they had never actually discussed their relationship status.

“Something like that,” Killian replied and Graham furrowed his eyebrows.

“Um, with the way you were looking at her and she was looking at you for the two seconds I saw you two together, I’d say you _are_ that,” Graham told Killian and his heart pounded because she looked at him like he looked at her? Because Killian knew that he looked at Emma as though she was the sun and the stars and the sunset and everything good and perfect in this universe.

And she looked at _him_ like that?

“There’s more to it, isn’t there?” Izzy asked, folding her hands over her lap and furrowing her eyebrows.

 _Dammit_. He really hoped Emma wouldn’t be angry with him.

Killian sighed again. “Well”-he scratched that spot behind his ear-“we’re soul mates, actually.”

And immediately, Izzy jumped off the couch and shouted “What?!” while Graham just sat there, completely dumbfounded.

“You both cannot tell _anybody_!” Killian replied immediately, his voice tight. He looked back and forth between Izzy and Graham and saw that they understood. “I mean it. She is not ready for the entire bloody world to know. So I mean it when I say _nobody_ can know.”

“How long has it been?” Izzy asked, crossing her arms over her chest, as if she was suddenly cold in her tank top.

“A little over a month,” Killian replied simply and Izzy’s jaw dropped.

“And you _kept_ that from us the entire time,” Izzy said and Killian felt horrible because he really told Graham and Izzy _everything_ (well, nothing about his past and Milah, but that was something he’d rather keep to himself).

(And to Emma.)

“I should be sorry, but I’m not, Izzy,” Killian spoke and Izzy’s arms tightened around her waist. “When we first met, she _ran_ away from me. She was bloody terrified of this whole thing. It took us a few days to even decide to give this a shot. And it took us another two and a half weeks to even share numbers. We need time to get to know each other, Izzy, and it’s probably going to be a little while longer to even come out with it to the whole world.”

“He’s right, Izzy,” Graham said, turning his head to look over at Izzy, who was tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear. “They needed some time to themselves. They still do.”

Izzy sighed and kneeled down onto the couch, leaning over the back of the sofa on her forearms. “I know. It’s just…we tell each other almost everything.”

Killian stepped closer to the couch, sticking his hands into the pockets of his shorts. “I know. But we just wanted to keep it to ourselves for a bit. Liam and Jenny and one of Emma’s friends were the only people to know until last week, when Emma finally told two of her closest friends. We just would like to keep it quiet for a little while longer.”

Izzy nodded in understanding. “We won’t tell anybody.”

“Thank you,” Killian mumbled, grasping his phone in his hand and pulling it out of his pocket again. “Now, I need to tell Emma that another two people know and that I would like her to accompany me to the wedding.”

Killian quickly typed out his text, knowing that Emma was probably in her scheduled nap at the moment and he did not wish to feel the wrath of waking her up when she already slept so little.

**Hello, Swan. I thought I should tell you that Graham and Izzy are now aware of our status. Worry not: they promised to keep it a secret. And when I see you tonight, I have something to ask of you. I look forward to seeing you tonight, love.**

And when he returned to the set three hours later with no response from Emma, when it was nearing six and he knew she would’ve seen her phone during her trek to work, a knot of anxiety set deep within Killian’s chest.

He knew something was wrong.

<> 

It was nearing midnight when Killian reached The Frozen Heart, tugging the door open and stepping into the air-conditioned building. To his luck, Elsa was standing at the front tonight and she quickly ushered him to his usual spot in the very rear of the lounge. It was very busy that night, waitresses and waiters weaving around the packed tables, but Killian could not see Emma anywhere. Elsa seemed to have noticed Killian’s curiosity, as she kneeled down beside him as he took his place in the booth placed against the wall.

“She’s just in the bathroom right now,” Elsa told Killian and he let out a breath of relief. But Elsa’s face continued to look rather nervous and Killian furrowed his eyebrows, scooting further down the booth to allow Elsa to sit beside him. Once there was enough room, Elsa sat down beside Killian and shyly tucked a piece of her hair, loose from her long braid, behind her ear. “I think something’s wrong.”

“Why?” Killian asked quietly, keeping his face turned away from the crowd so nobody could see the famous Killian Jones talking intently with a woman, even if she was the owner of the lounge.

Killian was well aware of how rumors spread, quickly like a fire that cannot be doused with water.

Elsa sighed and began fidgeting in her seat-crossing and uncrossing her legs, nibbling on her bottom lip, and playing with the end of her braid. “She’s just-she’s not herself today. She just looks _empty_. I don’t know what happened. I asked her if she wanted to leave early, but she’s not having it.”

Killian knew that would probably explain as to why she hadn’t responded to his text, but it still made him nervous. He never enjoyed seeing Emma in pain or angry, even when they first met. And after the month of knowing each other, that hadn’t changed. Killian didn’t want Emma to be sad about anything and he desperately wanted to know what was wrong. There was a niggling fear in the back of his mind that she was angry at him again.

“She’s going to be singing soon, but after that, I want you to try to talk to her,” Elsa told Killian, beginning to slide back to the edge of the booth to go back to work. “She’s going to brush it off, which I’m sure you already know. But keep asking her. Try to get her to leave early because I don’t want her to work herself to death when she’s already struggling with something. Tell her I’ll cover for her and just…talk to her. Please, Killian.”

And Killian didn’t waste a moment before nodding his head and murmuring a quiet “Yes” to Elsa. Elsa smiled politely at Killian as she stood from the booth and walked back toward the front door to greet any new customers. Killian reclined in his seat, trying to hide his face in the shadows of the low lighting. He eyed the lounge, looking at the rushing waitresses and loud guests, and wished that Emma wasn’t upset.

He may not know what was wrong, but Killian still wished Emma wasn’t distressed by whatever was bothering her. He was going to take Elsa’s advice, but he knew Emma would fight it. Even if it had been only a month of them knowing each other, Killian _knew_ Emma. He knew she tried to hide her pain behind a smile and a quick banter.

He knew because that’s how he was.

And when Killian finally spotted Emma walking out of the bathroom, seeing exactly what Elsa meant when she said that Emma looked empty, he knew he had to find out what was bothering her. It wasn’t to quench his own curiosity; it was to help take the burden off of Emma’s shoulders, because she did not deserve to bear it on her own.

She took the burden of Milah’s death off of his shoulders.

Killian wanted to do the same.

He watched Emma as she stepped onto the small stage, saying something to the man behind the piano. She didn’t say anything before she began singing, a soft tune that Killian hadn’t heard in quite a while. Emma began singing “Skyscraper,” gripping the microphone stand tightly in her hands. He noticed that Emma spotted him in the back of the room, as if she expected him there.

(And she did, because Killian always tried his hardest to be here Thursday through Sunday night to watch her sing.)

He could see the pain behind Emma’s eyes and he wanted to kiss away the frown lines in her forehead and on the sides of her mouth. He wanted to pull her close and just let her lie there because if anybody deserved a peaceful life, it was Emma. He may not know much about her at this point in time, but Killian could see that she had a hard life. He could see it in the way that she carried herself, from what she said the very first time they talked in her apartment, from the hardness behind her eyes.

Emma had known pain and Killian wanted to kiss it all away.

Killian noticed that the talking amongst the customers had ceased as they all listened to Emma sing. He noticed that that happened whenever Emma took to the stage, but this time, it bothered Killian. Sure, he loved the fact that these customers could hear Emma’s voice, but they weren’t listening to the pain behind it. They were blinded by the fact that she had a gorgeous voice, one that could easily belong on the radio, and weren’t hearing the _agony_ that accompanied each note. They weren’t seeing how Emma was pouring her entire soul out with each lyric.

Killian’s heart pounded and a knot twisted in his throat because _what happened_?

The song came to an end and a low applause swept over the crowd. Killian could see that Emma was still emotional, even as the pianist began playing the notes to the next song. He knew that whenever he was feeling emotional over something, he would play his guitar or just sing to help get the emotions out. And with how Emma began singing “Human,” Killian could see that that was what Emma was doing. He listened to the lyrics and he could tell that something was making her question everything.

Maybe it was someone or something from her past.

A voice in the back of Killian’s mind whispered _it could be you._

His eyes never wavered from her form as she stood beside the piano and sang. He wanted to talk to her, to hear about what happened during the few days he hadn’t seen her. They were soul mates; he should be there to help Emma with whatever problems she may face. He _wanted_ to hear about what was bothering her. He wanted to ease her worries, to smooth the frown line on her forehead with his thumb and have her to curl close around him.

Just like how Emma took care of him when he told her about Milah.

The song ended (far too soon for Killian’s liking, as he could listen to Emma sing for _hours_ and _days_ ) and Emma hurriedly walked off of the stage, applause filling the room. Killian wanted to stand up and speak with her, but he knew it would be far too busy to do so without drawing attention to themselves. But as Killian glanced back at the front door and noticed Elsa nodding at him, Killian decided that this was the best chance he was going to have before Emma’s work day ended.

Killian turned his head back to see Emma ducking into the hallway that led to the bathrooms in the lounge. Killian quickly stood from the booth and followed her into the hallway, only ten or so feet from his table. And it was as if Emma had expected him to follow her, as she stood two feet from Elsa’s office door at the end of the hallway.

“Emma,” Killian murmured as he walked toward her, stopping a foot shy of her. He kept his back toward the hallway so nobody would recognize him as the celebrity heartthrob he was.

“You’re here,” Emma replied just as quietly and Killian saw a certain type of pain in her eyes.

“Of course I am. I wouldn’t miss this for the world, darling,” Killian responded and Emma finally- _finally_ -smiled politely at him. It was a small little thing, but Killian would take it. “Emma-”

“I need to go back to work,” Emma said quickly, clearly avoiding the topic of her pain because she knew Killian could see it well. Emma stepped to walk around him, her heels clacking on the tile floor of the hallway.

“Emma, please talk to me,” Killian said lowly, catching Emma’s arm in his hand as she tried to walk around him to return to work. “Something is bothering you.”

Emma slowly shook her head and looked up at Killian. He could see unshed tears building behind her eyes and his heart broke because he wanted to know who the hell hurt her. “Not here.”

“Is it something I did, love?” Killian asked, his voice cracking on the last word because he couldn’t bear another fight with Emma.

Emma immediately shook her head, turning to face him fully. Killian’s hand dropped from her arm and Emma squeezed it in her hand before he was able to let go. “No. Of course not, Killian. Why would you think that?”

“You didn’t answer my text from earlier. I thought I must’ve done something wrong again since you always have your phone on you,” Killian replied and he noticed Emma gulp, her throat bobbing with the action.

“Well, uh, my phone is sorta broken at the moment,” Emma replied tightly and he was sure that this was somehow connected to her despair. “So, it isn’t you.”

A weight lifted off of Killian’s chest, but questions still needed to be answered.

“Then who is it, Emma?” Killian asked, twisting his body an inch to look at Emma. “Elsa is worried. _I’m_ worried. What is it?”

Emma’s jaw visibly clenched and she looked everywhere else besides Killian’s eyes, like some sort of caged animal. He recognized the look she had on her face and Killian hated that he had put it on her face. But this was how Liam got Killian to talk, no matter what. This was all Killian knew.

“I can’t do this here, Killian,” Emma responded and he saw her gulp again as tears built up behind her eyes. “Not right now.”

“Look, Elsa told me that she’d cover for you if you decided to leave early,” Killian told Emma, turning just a few inches more to face Emma head-on. “It’s your decision as to what you want to do, but I’m letting you know that the option is there if you need it.”

Killian could see the internal fight behind Emma’s eyes. He knew that she was the type to just ignore her pain and just continue to work as if it wasn’t there. But Killian hoped for her own sake that she would just give in this one time, as to not work herself to the bone and to the brink and have her suddenly break.

Emma sighed and tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear, where it had fallen into her face. “I’ll talk to Elsa. Wait for me outside.”

Killian nodded and leaned forward, pressing a gentle kiss to Emma’s forehead before he walked back down the hallway and through the busy lounge. He stepped outside, the humid night sticking to his skin, and Killian reclined against the brick wall beside the front door of the lounge. He knew Emma didn’t like missing work because missing this money could mean the different between her having a place to live and being suddenly homeless.

But her well-being had to come first.

It was a few minutes later that Emma came walking out of the lounge, with her purse high up on her shoulder and her hair tossed up into a high bun with wisps of her hair flying in the gentle wind of the night. As she and Killian walked to the curb of the sidewalk to await a taxi, Emma muttered that Elsa would be taking her tables for the night. Killian already knew as much, but it seemed to help Emma rest easy, knowing that Elsa did not find a problem with Emma having to leave early.

The taxi ride didn’t take long to drive only a few blocks uptown to where Emma’s apartment was. They sat on opposite sides of the cab, with Killian’s head down so the driver didn’t recognize him. But he sneaked peeks over at Emma, who was staring at the tangled mess of her hands in her lap. She seemed still relatively uneasy about whatever was plaguing her mind and Killian only hoped that he could help ease her mind.

Killian didn’t like seeing Emma in pain and he hoped he could help her, as she helped him.

The taxi pulled up to the sidewalk just outside of Emma’s apartment building and they exited together, only after Emma practically threw the money at the driver so Killian wouldn’t pay. They walked in silence into the building and into the elevator, which slowly took the two of them up to Emma’s floor. The apartment building was practically empty, other than the security guard in the front lobby, so Killian wasn’t too worried about keeping his head down.

The jingling of Emma’s keys echoed in the empty hallway as they stepped off of the elevator and turned right to walk toward her apartment. Not too far down, Emma slid her key into the lock of the apartment door and swung it open. She allowed Killian to walk into the apartment ahead of her, who stepped into the front hallway where his motorcycle boots clacked against the hardwood flooring. Emma’s heels matched the sound as she walked in behind him, locking the door with a flip of the deadbolt.

Killian walked into the main room with Emma trailing behind him and he heard the sudden clatter of her heels as she kicked them off, sending them across the room toward her bed. Killian turned around to watch Emma toss her purse onto her dresser, just beside the archway where they just came through. He could see the pressure building behind her eyes with every little movement. It felt as though she was trying to put off the inevitable conversation about whatever was bothering her.

And Killian was sure that that was what was happening.

Emma moved to the front of her dresser to take off the necklace and rings she was wearing, avoiding any eye contact with Killian. Killian turned to look at her because she needed to talk at some point.

“Emma,” Killian said simply and Emma turned, walking two steps over to Killian and pulling on the lapels of his leather jacket to crash her lips against his.

Killian knew that she was doing this to avoid the discussion of her worries and that he should _not be doing this_ , but with how her lips felt against his, he simply couldn’t help but kiss back in kind. His hands lifted up to cup her face and his fingers tangled in her loose bun as her fingers tightened around the smooth leather to press herself closer to him. Emma moaned against his mouth as his tongue trailed against her bottom lip, quickly sucking it into his mouth to nibble on the soft skin there.

He had to stop, but dear God, Killian was not strong enough for that.

Killian was becoming lost in the gentle press of her lips against his. He wanted to remain in this moment forever, hearing Emma’s low moaning and feel her tongue slide against his eagerly. Her hands slid down to beneath his jacket, wrapping around his waist as she pressed herself against him more forcefully. It was with the press of her hips against Killian’s that jerked Killian from his thoughts and fantasies (because _of course_ he was thinking about how Emma would sound with him buried deep inside of her-)

Killian pulled his lips from Emma’s, noticing the way she chased after them, and said, “Emma, please talk to me. What happened?”

Emma’s fingers tightened around Killian’s shirt from underneath his jacket and she let out a deep breath, sighing with the weight of the world on her shoulders. “It’s Diane.”

Killian furrowed his eyebrows because he knew that name-“Your adoptive mother?”

Emma nodded and stepped back a small step, letting Killian’s hands fall from the sides of her face. “She called me today, using my dad’s phone.” Killian tilted his head in confusion, which Emma noticed, and she continued, “I still keep in contact with my dad. Not very often, but we talk still. And well, he apparently left his phone at home when he went to work today and Diane saw that we had been talking.”

Emma took her hands from Killian’s waist and quickly crossed them over her chest tightly, her eyes glancing to the ground. “And she just reminded me that I can’t be happy with a life like this and that I’m a goddamn failure at everything and that Neal had just the right idea when he left-”

Neal?

“Wait, wait, wait, Emma-”

“And no man wants a girl who can barely afford her rent and is some lowly lounge singer and will never amount to anything,” Emma continued rambling, angrily wiping at the tears coming down from her eyes. “Because Diane is always right and you won’t want to support me for the rest of our lives and you’ll eventually get sick of me wasting your money and won’t want me around anymore, even if you’re my soul mate, so why even fucking try-”

Killian stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Emma, pulling her against him and pressing a kiss to the side of her head because this woman still had such a hold over Emma’s life and Emma did not deserve those things that wretched woman said to her. Emma immediately wrapped her arms tightly around Killian’s waist, burrowing her face into his neck as she took deep breaths to calm the tears building behind her eyes.

“It’s just not fucking _fair_. I haven’t talked to the woman in four years and she still has this control over my life and I _hate_ her because whenever I talk to her, I end up feeling like this and I just wish she never came into my life,” Emma muttered into Killian’s neck, letting out a deep sigh. “I’d rather still be an orphan than have that _bitch_ as my mother.”

“Emma, to be entirely honest, you shouldn’t believe an ounce of what that woman said,” Killian murmured against her head.

“Why? She’s always right, Killian,” Emma said in a defeated tone as her arms tightened around Killian’s waist.

“Because if this woman was so daft as to think that she should abandon a brilliant woman like you simply because you wanted to follow your own path in life, then she obviously has no idea what she’s talking about,” Killian replied and he felt Emma snort against his shoulder. “I’d like to think that I know myself better than Diane, and I know that I would _never_ abandon you, Emma.”

“Even though Diane is right?”

Killian pulled back and moved his hands to cup Emma’s face. He looked into Emma’s jade eyes, still shining with unshed tears. “She isn’t right, Emma. For the month I’ve known you, I know that you are capable of doing _anything_. And I want to be by your side when-”

“If-”

“ _When_ you reach your dreams,” Killian continued, stroking Emma’s cheeks with his thumbs. “And whatever Diane said is not going to stop me from wanting to be with you. It wouldn’t bother me if I had to support you”-Emma opened her mouth to retort, but Killian continued-“but it also wouldn’t bother me if you made more money than I did. All that would matter to me-all that matters to me _now_ -is that you’re happy.”

Emma’s eyes glittered in the bright lighting of her apartment. “You mean that?”

Killian nodded and smiled politely at her. “Aye.”

Emma leaned forward and kissed Killian again, a gentle press of her lips against his. She pulled away before it could devolve into heavy breathing and eager hands.

“Well, now we need to figure out what to do about my broken phone,” Emma sighed, taking her hands from Killian’s waist and tucking her hair behind her ears.

“I’ve got a few spare ones at my place,” Killian said, shrugging. “You could use one of those.”

“Are you sure?” Emma asked, nibbling on her bottom lip.

Killian nodded. “Yes, I’m sure. I’ll grab one in the morning and drop it off at your work possibly. I don’t film tomorrow.”

Emma furrowed her eyebrows. “You don’t film tomorrow?”

Emma opened her mouth to undoubtedly ask more about what was currently going on with filming, but Killian pulled away and walked back toward the bed to strip off his boots. He laughed under his breath and said, “I can’t give you any spoilers, love. You know that.”

Emma laughed (and her smile weakened Killian’s knees so much that he had to sit on the corner of her bed to regain his strength) and walked over toward Killian. “Thought I’d at least try.”

Less than a half hour later, they were tangled in bed together, Emma’s back pressed against Killian’s front as they slowly fell to sleep. Killian knew there were clearly still aspects of Emma’s past that he didn’t know (especially about this Neal fellow), but he knew it could wait. All that mattered in this moment was that the weight was lifted off of Emma’s chest and that she was no longer worried about what that wretched woman had said.

So Killian slowly fell asleep with the scent of Emma filling his nostrils and her soft skin against his.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY THAT THIS WAS ANOTHER LONG WAIT. Even though I'm officially a college graduate and have a lot of time on my hands now, my muse doesn't like to cooperate with me. Here's hoping the next update doesn't take as long. ENJOY.
> 
> Oh, and this chapter has a little bit of sexiness in it, so watch out :P

Emma was awakened by the strong arms wrapped around her middle and the soft snoring in her ear. She didn’t want to move, in fear of waking Killian, but there was one issue with their sleeping arrangements.

She was _sweating_.

Not even a cute sweat, Emma noticed, but a drenched sweat-with a bead of sweat rolling down her neck and very noticeable sweat stains along the neck of her cami. She made a mental note to remind herself to buy a freaking fan because she really didn’t have this issue when she was sleeping alone. She didn’t want to move because she really did miss the feeling of a man spooning her, but _damn_ it was far too hot to even be cute anymore.

Emma looked over at the clock sitting on her dresser and saw that it was nearing seven in the morning. Well, it was time for her to get up anyways to get ready for her shift at the diner. So Emma moved as slowly as she could from the bed, Killian’s hands tracing her bare stomach as she slid from the mattress, and slowly stood on the ground. Emma looked down at Killian, smiling at how peaceful he looked while he slept. She just wanted to run a hand through his matted hair (probably damp from sweat, honestly), but Emma retained the urge.

Emma knew that if she did that, she would have quite the time getting out of her apartment on time.

She tiptoed over to her bathroom, in the far corner of the room, and took her usual ten-minute shower, which did wonders for removing the sweat and grime from her skin and making her feel as though she wouldn’t melt as soon as she stepped outside of her air-conditioned apartment building. Emma went through her usual morning routine: tossed her hair up into a high ponytail, washed her face, brushed her teeth, and plucked the annoying stray hairs from her eyebrows. With her towel still wrapped snugly around her chest, Emma stepped back into the main area of the apartment, where she saw a newly-awakened Killian blinking sleepily at her from across the room.

“I was wondering where you went,” Killian mumbled, his voice deep and throaty from his interrupted slumber.

(Emma had _dreams_ about that freaking voice, and how it would sound coming from in between her legs first thing in the morning-)

“Just to the bathroom. I have to leave for work soon,” Emma replied, walking over to her dresser. She gripped the top of her towel and before she unwrapped it, she decided not to be too evil to Killian (who would probably just spontaneously combust if she stripped in front of him without a warning). Emma looked over her shoulder and said, “Shut your eyes, Jones. Unless you want to get an eyeful.”

Killian chuckled from his place on the bed, but Emma saw him flop onto his back and shut his eyes tightly. “It would be a pleasure, of course, but I feel as though that may be a bad idea, seeing as you have to go to work soon.”

Emma blushed as she looked back to the dresser and dropped her towel. She waited to hear the sudden gasp from Killian, but it seemed like he was indeed being a gentleman and was continuing to cover his eyes like she had asked him to. Emma tugged on her normal work uniform-a white, v-neck t-shirt and a short red, pleated skirt-without a peep from Killian. She was honestly surprised; she was sure that being bare naked in front of a man whom she knew was very attracted to her would lead to him sneaking a peek or two. Lord knows that that’s what Neal did, time and time again.

“Done?” Killian asked from his place on the bed and Emma turned around to see him still with his hand over his eyes, and with those stupid little duckling pajama pants peeking out from beneath the blanket.

(She was wondering how he hadn’t just torn those off in this heat.)

(Frankly, she was sorta depending on it.)

( _Wow_ , she needed to get laid.)

“Done,” Emma replied and Killian looked over at her as his hand dropped from his face. His eyebrows raised and Emma rolled her eyes. “You’ve seen me in my work uniform before, Killian. It’s nothing new.”

“Doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy it each time I see it,” Killian responded and his tongue did this _stupid_ thing, trailing across his bottom lip and a hot jolt of desire settled in Emma’s belly.

Oh shit, she needed to go to work before she did something dumb.

Emma rolled her eyes again. “Alright, Casanova. You need to get up so I can get to work soon. Are you gonna shower?”

Killian shook his head as he tossed the blanket off of him, standing from the bed and stretching his arms high above his head. (And damn his shirt from pulling up, exposing his stomach and the dusting of hair that trailed below the elastic band of the pants.) “I have to get home and get ready for a workout session with my trainer.”

(And Emma _did not_ imagine Killian fighting with the guy, with sweat dripping down his bare back and how his ass would look in those shorts-)

“Would you like to join me at my place for lunch after your shift ends at work?” Killian asked as he grabbed his jeans from the floor beside Emma’s bed.

Butterflies fluttered in Emma’s stomach because they hadn’t really hung out at his place since the first date (and Emma didn’t know if she could trust that her libido would remain in check). “Of course.”

(Emma really was a freaking masochist.)

Killian smiled and made a little twirling motion with his hand. “Now it’s your turn to give me privacy, love.”

Emma rolled her eyes and turned around to face the wall behind her dresser. She heard Killian shuffling out of the pajama pants and pull on his jeans and _damn_ she was tempted to see what he was packing-

 _Jesus Christ_ , Emma needed to get ahold of herself.

“What would you like to eat?” Killian asked as he continued changing into his pants.

“Chinese,” Emma said far too quickly.

Killian chuckled and Emma heard the zipper of his pants being pulled. “You can turn back around, love.” Emma did so as he ran a hand through his hair. “So, Chinese?”

Emma nodded, stepping to beside her dresser to pull on her black Converses. “Oh yeah. Chicken lo mein, crab rangoon, and wonton soup.”

“I’ll take note of that,” Killian said, smiling at Emma. “I’ll have it ready by 12:30. Is that fine?”

Emma nodded, hurrying over to her closet beside the bathroom to yank a black dress free from a hanger. “Yeah. I’ll just bring my lounge uniform with me to change at your place.”

Emma grabbed the knee-length, black cotton dress and a pair of black, pointed-toe flats, shoving them both into a small shoulder bag. It only took a few minutes to grab everything she needed (including her broken phone, which she would leave a little early from Killian’s place to switch phones before work), but they were soon heading out of the apartment building and into the humid heat of early August. Killian pulled the bill of the old baseball cap Emma had grabbed on their way out of the apartment (a freaking Yankees hat-she didn’t even _watch_ baseball) and slid a pair of sunglasses over his eyes.

With the hat and sunglasses on, no one would be the wiser.

She quickly hailed a cab, which pulled to the curb rather quickly (she swore it was the skirt-it was _always_ the freaking skirt). Emma heard Killian murmur “ _bloody perverts_ ” under his breath, but she couldn’t help but agree. She couldn’t even count the number of times the cab drivers made obscene comments because of her outfits for both jobs.

(But hey, if it made it easier for Emma to hail a cab in this freaking city, she couldn’t complain.)

(Alright, she could a little.)

It only took a few minutes for the taxi to reach the curb just outside of the diner. Emma grabbed her bag and looked over at Killian, who had taken to running his thumb over her bare knee while they sat together in the cab. She tried- _really_ tried-to ignore the goosebumps that raised wherever he touched her.

But to no avail.

“I’ll see you later,” Emma murmured, aware that the clock was still running for the cab.

Killian nodded and smiled politely. “See you later, Swan.”

Before she exited the car, Emma quickly leaned over and pecked a polite kiss onto Killian’s cheek, feeling the scratch of his beard under her lips (which she could _really_ get used to). She noticed a blush rising on his cheeks as she slid out of the car (her freaking thighs sticking to the hot leather of the car and _damn_ she really hated the summer). The cab pulled away as soon as Emma stepped onto the sidewalk just outside of the diner and she hurried into the air-conditioned restaurant.

When Emma walked in, she saw Granny washing down the bar counter, which was probably already clean since the diner wasn’t even open yet and wouldn’t be for another half hour. Granny looked up from the counter and peered at Emma over her rectangular glasses. Emma stopped in her tracks because Emma knew that look-hell, she had faced that look during the few times she stayed at Granny’s place with Ruby and would sneak back in at three in the morning after a busy night of drinking and dancing to find Granny waiting for both of them in her recliner.

Emma never liked that look.

“Emma, could I talk to you in the office, please?” Granny asked as she dropped the dirty rag into the sink behind the counter.

 _Oh hell_.

Emma begrudgingly followed Granny to the back of the diner, waving at the cooks in the kitchen as they prepare for the day. Granny allowed Emma to enter the office ahead of her and loudly shut the door as Granny entered behind Emma. Emma gripped her bag tightly in her hands because she didn’t knw what Granny was going to be saying and what if she was _fired_ and holy shit Emma couldn’t afford to look for another job-

“Elsa emailed me last night,” Granny spoke as she walked around her desk and _shit_ Emma knew where this was going. “She said that you weren’t yourself and that you left early.”

Emma sighed and her grip loosened slightly on her bag. “It was just an off-night for me, Granny. It’s nothing to worry about.”

“’Nothing to worry about’ my ass, Emma,” Granny grumbled out, peering over her glasses in that motherly (or grandmotherly) way. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing, Granny. I promise,” Emma replied. “Everything’s fine now.”

“I swear, if it has something to do with this guy you’re seeing-”

Emma stepped forward immediately and shook her head. “Granny, it has nothing to do with him. In fact, he helped me last night with it.”

Granny raised an eyebrow because she was clearly still unbelieving of Emma’s story, so Emma took another step and placed her hands on the desk in front of her. “I promise, Granny, that everything is fine. The guy helped me deal with it. I’m completely fine now.”

Emma found herself smiling as she thought about last night and how Killian had reassured her over and over again that Diane was full of shit and that he would never leave her. He would be there if she ever made something of herself, which Killian strongly believed would happen. He wanted her to be _happy_.

She may have only known him for a month, but it wasn’t too hard for Emma to picture a future with him.

(Engagements and weddings and _children_ -)

“Alright, I believe you,” Granny responded, huffing as she shuffled around papers on her desk. “I was thinking I may have to cut back your hours here, which I did not want to do.”

Emma shook her head wildly because she couldn’t afford to have her hours cut. “Please don’t. You know I need as many as I can get.”

“I won’t cut them, but if you start to worry me, I won’t hesitate to do it, Emma,” Granny told Emma, stepping around her desk to stand beside Emma. “You’re like a second granddaughter to me. I don’t want to watch you crash and burn.”

Emma nodded and wrapped her hands around the handles of her bag as she stepped away from the desk to stand across from Granny. “I understand.”

“Good,” Granny said walking toward the door just behind Emma. “Now get to work. We’ll be opening soon and we gotta finish getting everything ready.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Emma murmured as she shoved her bag into her usual cubby behind the door.

<> 

It was nearing one and Emma was _of course_ running late to Killian’s. But Aurora showed up a half hour late and Emma couldn’t just leave Granny in the middle of their rush, so Emma had to cover until Aurora showed up (with red-rimmed eyes and she wondered if there was another fight with Philip about Mulan).

But now, she was standing outside of Killian’s apartment, hoping to God that he didn’t think that she ditched him because Lord knows she would never fucking do that. Not to this extremely gorgeous guy that made her believe that she could actually be successful at anything she put her mind to.

(Not to the soul mate that she was slowly falling in love with.)

(Not that she’d admit to it.)

Emma knocked on the door three times and she could hear the television in the background, so she was aware that Killian was definitely home and it was just a matter of whether or not he would allow her in because she was _so late_ -

“Come on in,” Emma heard Killian call from inside of the apartment and she let out a deep breath that she didn’t know she was holding.

Emma stepped inside of the apartment, still alarmed at the utter grandeur of the place and _damn_ this apartment’s rent was probably more than she earned in a freaking _month_. She sighed (and groaned internally because _ddaaammmmnnn_ ) when she saw Killian standing by the island in the kitchen as she stepped down into the living area, wearing sweatpants- _tight_ sweatpants-and a loose t-shirt.

“I was afraid you backed out on me,” Killian said from beside the mountains of Styrofoam boxes on the island.

Emma shook her head as she dropped her bag on the living room chair, just in front of Killian. “No, no, no. A coworker showed up late, so I had to stay until she got there.”

“Was everything alright?” Killian asked, furrowing his eyebrows as he turned to face the island with Emma at his side.

(And her heart swelled because Killian _cared_ , not only about her but about her coworkers and her friends and _dammit_ she really was falling in love with him.)

Emma shrugged as she snagged a set of chopsticks from beside the plastic container of wonton soup. “She didn’t say. But I know she’s been having issues with her boyfriend/soul mate.”

“Why’s that, if you don’t mind me asking, love?” Killian asked and Emma actually enjoyed that Killian was being so interested by her rather dull life.

Emma chuckled under her breath as she grabbed her box full of crab rangoon and lo mein. “Well, Aurora-my coworker-sorta has _two_ soulmates.” Killian’s eyebrows shot up as he grabbed his own food from the counter. “Yeah. One male and one female. Philip and Mulan. Aurora really wants to try to be in a polyamorous relationship with both of them because she does love both of them. But Philip is a bit traditional.”

“Who would’ve thought soul mates would be complicated?” Killian murmured and Emma rolled her eyes at the sly wink Killian shot at her as he began walking over to the large leather couch.

“It’s been a big issue with them, especially recently since Philip was offered a job upstate and Aurora doesn’t want to leave Mulan behind,” Emma explained as she took the opposite end of the soda, leaving plenty of room for Jesus between her and Killian.

(She did _not_ need the temptation.)

“Has Philip talked to Mulan on his own? Just the two of them?” Killian asked, arranging his food on the coffee table just in front of them, a large ornate oak table that was without a single speck of dust.

Emma shrugged. “I don’t know. Aurora keeps most of it close to the chest, honestly.”

“Well,” Killian began saying, lifting a half-empty glass of water from the coffee table in a toast, “here’s hoping it all works out in the end.”

Emma’s mouth quirked into a small smile as she held her hand up as if she was holding an invisible cup. “Cheers.”

Killian furrowed his eyebrows as he placed his glass back down onto the table. “I should probably get you something to drink.”

Emma laughed as Killian stood from the sofa. “That’d be nice.”

Killian walked over to the fridge (and Emma definitely stared at his ass in those sweatpants) and quickly grabbed a drink from inside of the door. He looked back over at Emma and made a motion to throw the bottle over to her. She held her hands open after she placed her piles of food onto the coffee table and Killian gently tossed the bottle across the room. Fortunately, it landed in Emma’s hands-only after an awkward almost-miss and some bobbling to not have it fall to the ground. Killian laughed loudly and Emma shot him a look, to which he only laughed louder at. She looked down at the bottle and saw that it was Dr. Pepper.

“You remembered,” Emma murmured, oddly touched by the small favor. It’s the small things that got to Emma. It was always the small things that reminded her that maybe-just maybe-she was loved and cared for.

“Of course I did,” Killian replied with a smile as he walked back to the couch and sat beside her, planting his feet on the wooden beam going across the coffee table’s legs.

And her heart stuttered because it really was the small things that counted.

When she was with Neal, he’d remember how she liked her coffee (just a dash of vanilla creamer) and how she couldn’t sleep unless all of the doors were closed in her apartment. He remembered how she’d always choose onion rings over French fries and how she liked a back massage after particularly long days at work.

She always thought that those things meant he loved her. But he just left without a second look. So what did Emma know about love?

“All right there, Swan?” Killian asked and Emma jerked her eyes to meet his, his brow furrowed in concern.

Emma cleared her throat and scooted to the edge of the couch to begin eating her food. “I’m fine. Just starving.”

Killian chuckled and moved up to match Emma’s position on the couch. “Well, I hope I purchased enough food for you, then.”

Emma dug into her wonton soup without another word and they ate in silence for the next half hour or so. She didn’t dare look up to meet Killian’s eyes because she didn’t want to see the concern in them, the absolute worry for her. It had been a while since anybody other than her close group of friends and her bosses had actually cared for her well-being. Emma knew that she needed to get used to it because Killian wasn’t going anywhere, but it was still hard.

It was hard to unlearn years of feeling like nothing and lower than shit, to finally feel like she actually _deserved_ this life with Killian.

That she deserved happiness and love and everything that came with it.

Emma was just slurping the last of her chicken lo mein when Killian flicked on the television, a soap opera immediately popping up. Emma rolled her eyes and sighed indignantly, to which Killian chuckled at.

“Apparently nobody approves of my taste in television,” Killian murmured, relaxing back against the couch and crossing his leg on top of the coffee table.

“Does that honestly surprise you?” Emma asked, raising her eyebrows as she slid her empty Styrofoam container back onto the coffee table and patting her now-full stomach.

“Not exactly,” Killian replied, glancing over at Emma. “Liam always told me that I had poor taste in television.”

“Gimme,” Emma said as she reached over and snatched the remote from Kilian’s hand and she really tried to ignore the way electricity shot up her arm when their skin met. She didn’t meet Killian’s eyes because she knew that all her restraint would go out the fucking window if she looked into those deep blue eyes. “As the guest, I get to choose what we watch, and it isn’t this shit.”

Emma began flipping through the channels, staring intently on the television while Killian watched on. She eventually chose _The Princess Bride_ , which she had nearly missed while moving through the channels at a fast pace. Emma smiled as she recognized Westley and Inigo’s swordfight on the Cliffs of Insanity, and she curled her legs underneath her to watch intently.

“Did Liam tell you?” Killian asked, sitting up straight and Emma looked over at him with her eyebrows furrowed. “ _The Princess Bride_ is one of my favorite movies.”

A smile spread on Emma’s lips and she let out a gentle laugh. “Really?”

Killian lifted his eyebrows as he looked at Emma. “He didn’t tell you? You just picked this movie of your own will?”

“Yeah. It’s my favorite movie,” Emma replied, continuing to smile because Killian continued to surprise her. “Ever since I was little.”

Killian smiled genuinely, wide and carefree and Emma found herself falling even more in love with him.

(Not that she’d ever admit it to anybody.)

“It was the one constant I had in my life when I was younger, so it’s kind of a special movie for me,” Emma murmured quietly and Killian reached his arm out to her, leaning across the entire couch. She furrowed her eyebrows at him as his hand reached hers and her skin burned when he laid his hand over hers. It was such a small and simple contact, but her heart pounded and she tried to keep her breathing normal.

She didn’t want Killian to know that she actually had a thing for small gestures of affection like this.

Killian lifted his hand from hers after a few moments and Emma felt the loss instantly. But instead of pulling his hand back, he lifted his arm and gently curled his fingers in a beckoning gesture. Emma gulped because she was sitting on the opposite side of the sofa for a reason and she did not trust her restraint to remain intact if she moved any closer to him.

“I won’t bite,” Killian smirked and a shiver shot down Emma’s spine as he repeated the words back to her that she said all those weeks ago when he first stayed the night with her. “Unless you’re into that.”

Emma let out a breathless chuckle and scooted down the couch into Killian’s arms, relaxing her head against his shoulder and his scent (the one mixed with cologne and leather and just _him_ ) invaded her senses and she never wanted to move from this spot. His hand lightly rested on the bare skin of her arm and his thumb moved in gentle circles, soothing Emma and keeping her memories of the unstable childhood at bay.

“Oh I almost forgot to tell you,” Emma said, sitting up slightly to look up at Killian and _wow_ she should not have done that because he was only a few inches from her and his gaze shot down to her lips and _man_ she was not leaving today without tasting him again-

“Mary Margaret is having a dinner next Friday,” Emma continued on, shaking her head free of the hypnotizing thoughts. “And you’re invited. And I know you might be filming, so don’t worry about it if-”

“I’ll be there,” Killian responded simply with a smile.

“But what if you have to film?”

“I’ll be there. Recently, I haven’t been filming Friday nights,” Killian replied and Emma found that very intriguing, as most of the scenes on the show for James Hook were night scenes at the gym or at the ring or at his regular bar. Killian must’ve seen the curiosity in Emma’s face because he chuckled with a wide smile. “No spoilers, remember?”

Emma sighed and groaned at the same time. “Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

“So, I’m assuming it won’t only be us two and Mary Margaret at this dinner,” Killian stated, running his hand through his hair as he looked down at Emma.

Emma shook her head, snuggling closer to Killian’s side (and she didn’t hear his sharp inhale at the movement). “Nope. Ruby will be there with her husband, Victor, as long as he doesn’t get called into the hospital. And then Mary Margaret’s husband, David, will be there, who’s more of an overbearing father than anything else. So prepare to be interrogated.”

Killian chuckled and looked back to the television, watching Westley fight with Fezzik. “I take it that I won’t win him over with my impeccable wit and charm?”

Emma rolled her eyes as she laughed under her breath. “Probably not. He’s _very_ overprotective of me. It’ll be nice when Mary Margaret gives birth because then I might finally get him off my ass when he has a real child to be protective of.”

“Oh it won’t change a thing. My older brother is still an overbearing prat and Amelia was born two and a half months ago,” Killian explained and Emma internally groaned because she didn’t need David on her back for the rest of her life.

“Well, David’s borderline insane when it comes to checking out boyfriends or whatever. He’s gonna ask you your favorite color, the toothpaste you use, and maybe even ask for you medical records.”

Killian laughed, his arm tightening around Emma’s shoulder. “I think I can handle myself.”

“Oh I’m sure,” Emma replied, looking back to the television. “You’ve probably dealt with plenty of parents and friends of girlfriends. Right?”

“Not particularly. Milah was the first woman I was that serious over,” Killian said solemnly and Emma wished she could take back her words. “For reasons I’ve already explained, I couldn’t exactly meet her family or friends.”

“If it makes you feel any better, you won’t be meeting my parents, so you won’t have to worry about that,” Emma told him with a wry chuckle, folding her hands in her lap.

“To be entirely honest, Swan, I don’t think I would like to meet the woman who told you all of those horrendous things last night. If I ever had the displeasure of meeting her, I think we would have quite the exchange of words.”

Emma snorted and looked up at Killian, who was gazing down at her. “What? Are you gonna defend my honor to Diane?”

“It would be my pleasure,” Killian murmured back and Emma felt her face flush and she needed to distance herself from this bastard because her restraint was gonna fly out the goddamn window.

Emma took a deep breath and push herself up from the couch, leaving the warmth of Killian’s arms. She began cleaning up the numerous Styrofoam boxes and plastic bowls from their takeout to throw away. Even though she was a guest at his place, Emma felt as though she should at least do _something_ for him, since he had already done so much for her.

And there was a little bit of _something_ that she wanted to do to him.

Emma picked up the mess and carried it over to the kitchen, reaching the trashcan that was stationed beside the doors that led out to the balcony. The hairs on the back of her neck tingled, telling her that Killian was staring at her. And with this short skirt on, Emma knew exactly what he was staring at.

“Could you not stare at my ass?” Emma asked as she dropped the trash into the trash can, and then turned around to see Killian relaxing on the couch and his tongue doing that fucking sinful thing with his lip.

“It’s quite difficult not to when you’re wearing that skirt,” Killian replied, his eyes dragging over Emma’s body and she felt herself blush. It felt like she wasn’t wearing a stitch of clothing, with how he was leering at her.

(She enjoyed that way too much.)

Emma raised her eyebrows and stepped forward slowly, placing her hands on her hips. “Oh, you should see the tips I get from the guys. Granny knew what she was doing when she enforced this as our uniform.”

Killian raised his eyebrows for a moment, an emotion crossing his face. But he schooled it back to just a slight interest in his eyes. “I see.”

Emma raised her eyebrows as she walked a few steps closer to Killian. “Is that jealousy I sense in your tone?”

“What if it was?” Killian asked and Emma’s heart pounded because she could nearly see his eyes darken as his tongue poked against the inside of his cheek in that _obscene_ gesture. “What if I was jealous of the men you serve at work, who leer at you and think indecent thoughts about you with that short skirt and low-cut shirt?”

Emma wanted to respond that he would just have to deal with it, that it was simply part of her job to wear skimpy outfits in order to get tips and that wasn’t going to change. But her heart pounded and well…two can play at this game.

“Well,” Emma began saying, stepping forward again as she smoothed her hands down her skirt and looked Killian in the eyes, “I’d have to say that it’s just natural to feel that way. Especially with how _you_ look and how you wear those tight, spandex shorts and no shirt when you fight on the show.” Emma stepped closer again and noticed Killian gulp as his eyes ran over Emma’s form again. “And how you look when you just walk out of the shower, with a towel wrapped tightly around your hips. I swear, I nearly came at just the _sight_ of you in the pilot.”

Emma saw the way his eyes darkened as her shoes brushed his socked feet. Her eyes shot down for just a moment and she could see what her words were doing to him, a slight bulge burgeoning within his sweatpants. She gently bit down on her bottom lip and placed her hands on her hips again, her tongue swiping across the seam of her lips when Killian nearly groaned at the sight.

“I’ve seen what women say online. What _men_ say about you. About how you’re just so gorgeous, with a body that could turn a nun into a prostitute and a face that could a straight man gay,” Emma said as she stepped forward again, her legs widening to stand on either side of Killian’s legs. “I’ve seen what they said about how they just wish that the show was on HBO, just so they could see just a little bit more of you.”

Emma sighed and tilted her head to the side slightly, noticing the reddening of the tips of Killian’s ears and the high blush on his cheeks. She smiled gently because _she was doing this to him_. “Even before I met you, I was jealous of the women in the magazines, the ones hanging on your arm and the ones who had the pleasure of marking your skin. But now, since I know just how our lives weave together, I find myself even more jealous than before. Because now, when I see what the men and women are saying online, I know they’re talking about my _soul mate_ and well…I don’t exactly share well with others.”

(A side effect from her time in the various foster homes and being pushed around by the bigger kids, who would steal her toys and food and she would go to sleep with a growling stomach-)

Killian’s Adam’s apple bobbed up and down with a large gulp. “You don’t have to share me, Emma.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Why not?”

“Because I’m yours.”

Her heart pounded and everything froze because he said _what_?

Killian’s tongue darted and wet his bottom lip in a subconscious move, his hands reaching out toward Emma’s hips and tugging her down onto his lap where she now straddles him. “I’m entirely yours and you don’t have to worry about anybody else because nobody else even _compares_ to you-”

And Emma didn’t allow him to finish his sentence because she was surging forward, pressing her lips against his because even after the month of knowing him, she felt as though she was complete and loved and she knew it was too soon to tell but-

But she was falling hard.

Killian wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her tightly against him. He groaned into her mouth as she nibbled down on his bottom lip and the sound sent a bolt of desire straight down, where it rested deep within her. Her hips ground down against Killian’s and she gasped because _Jesus Christ_ -

“Is this a bad idea?” Killian asked, grunting it out as his fingers dig into Emma’s back.

“Probably, but fuck it,” Emma replied against his lips, grounding her hips further into his and _oh yeah_ this was a bad idea. But with how Killian’s hardness hit her exactly where she wanted him, Emma couldn’t find any reason to stop.

And Killian seemed to agree with Emma’s response, lifting his hips up to meet hers and Emma gasped into his mouth. Killian swallowed the sound and swept his tongue into Emma’s mouth, groaning when Emma responded in earnest. His hands creeped up the back of Emma’s shirt and her skin burned at the small of her back, where his hands flattened against her skin.

It didn’t take long for them to begin losing their breaths, but Emma couldn’t stop. Not with how his beard rubbed against her lips and how his nails scraped down the long expanse of her back (not too high to hit her bra-after all, Killian was _still_ a gentleman) (even if they were dry-humping like teenagers on this couch). She could feel his thick erection resting in between her legs as she rubbed herself against him continuously, and she could hear his groaning with each thrust (which did _not_ help her libido at all). At this point, all Emma wanted to do was rip his clothes off and just _give in_ to the utter attraction between the two of them.

But she couldn’t do that just yet.

No. Just as Killian had said before, they should save the big moment and make it meaningful, given their track records with one-night-stands. They shouldn’t waste it on just fucking on the couch.

(Even if she was _extremely_ tempted to do just that.)

But she’d be insane if she didn’t at least take advantage of this little encounter first.

Emma moved her lips down Killian’s jaw, kissing her way to his neck, where she began to suck a large mark. She felt her panties grow wetter at his low moans and how his fingers dug into her lower back with each graze of her teeth. Emma could feel his cock grow harder with every movement of her hips against his and the feeling of her mouth hot against his skin.

“Not too hard, love,” Killian grunted out, his voice gravelly and low (which sent shivers down Emma’s spine and she was _really_ impressed with how she hadn’t just torn his pants off by then).

“Oh? Why not?” Emma asked, pulling away from his neck and pressing her hips against his again. Killian dropped his head against the back of the couch with a groan. “You seem to enjoy it.”

Emma saw the bobbing of his Adam’s apple as Killian gulped, staring at the ceiling as Emma nibbled on her bottom lip innocently. “Because then, the makeup artists will notice it when they have to cover it up for filming. And we both know that’ll start some rumors.”

Killian lifted his head from the back of the couch and noticed Emma chewing on her lip. His eyes fell shut at the sight. “Bloody hell, don’t do that.”

Emma giggled ( _giggled_ -what the hell was wrong with her?) and slanted her mouth back over Killian’s, drawing out a long moan from Killian. Their teeth clattered against each other as Killian wrapped his arms tightly around Emma’s waist, bringing her closer and _closer_ to him. Every inch of Emma felt as though it was on fire and she didn’t know she could feel so _alive_. With Neal, every little thing was different. Everything felt muted. But with Killian-with her _soul mate_ -it felt as though she was sensitive to every little thing he did to her.

Which is why she gasped when Killian’s hands moved to her upper thighs, cupping her just below her ass from underneath her skirt.

And why she gasped when his lips closed over the pulse point on her neck.

And why she barely noticed the ringing of a phone in the background.

Killian mumbled against Emma’s neck, “Shit, that’s my phone.”

Emma made to move off of his lap, but he tightened an arm around her waist as Killian reached for the coffee table with his free hand. Emma tightened her hands on Killian’s shoulders as he moved to reach for his ringing phone, afraid that she would fall off his lap as he leaned to reach his phone.

“Don’t worry. I won’t let you fall.”

Emma smiled at Killian’s words and she was happy that he couldn’t see her face at the moment because of course he meant he wouldn’t literally let her fall, but Emma couldn’t help but think about how he meant that for other instances in their relationship. He won’t let her fall without being there for her. Killian won’t run away.

He wasn’t going to leave her.

Killian sighed as he sat back on the couch and swiped the screen of his phone to answer the call. “Hello, Regina.”

Emma’s eyes widened because his publicist must be on the phone with him and she had heard many stories from the tabloids that she was actually the Devil.

There was a reason that the tabloids had dubbed Regina Mills as “The Evil Queen.”

“Yes, I know…Yeah, I’m about to do that…Regina, now is not a good…”-Killian sighed and Emma swore she could hear Regina raving about something related to a wedding-“Can I call you back in a few minutes?...Yes, she’s right here. Just give me a minute, alright?”

Killian rolled his eyes and ended the call, tossing his phone to the other side of the couch. “I suppose you’re curious about what that was about.”

“I mean, only if you want to talk about it,” Emma replied, her hands sliding from Killian’s shoulders down to his stomach.

Killian took a deep breath and scratched that spot behind his ear (which still killed Emma every time he did it because it was just so _endearing_ ). “As you may know, Regina is getting married.”

Emma nodded. Every magazine had been talking about it for the past six months, ever since the pictures of Regina wearing the engagement ring had been leaked. “To Robin Hood. The lead singer of The Merry Men.”

Killian nodded back. “Yes. And since I’m her most favorite client”-Emma rolled her eyes and laughed-“I was invited to attend the wedding. And I’m allowed to bring a date.”

 _Date_?

Emma’s stomach churned because _holy shit_.

“And I was wondering if you would like to be my date to the wedding?” Killian asked quietly, turning his gaze downward to look at their now tangled hands.

Emma gulped. She wanted to say yes- _God_ , did she want to-but it would be their first outing together and this was a _big_ outing. Nobody knew about their soul mate status and she wanted to keep it that way for a little bit longer. They had only been together for just over a month and Emma was scared to go public. He was this big shot actor, who has men and women thrown at him from all sides and there was no way she could compete with that, even if Killian said earlier that he was all hers-

“Emma, you don’t have to go if you don’t want to,” Killian told her and Emma could hear the disappointment in his tone.

She didn’t want to let him down. And she knew that there would be hundreds more of these kind of events since her soul mate was a celebrity. Emma had to suck it up. She had to shove her nerves away and dip her toe into the life of stardom.

“I want to go, Killian,” Emma replied steadily and Killian lifted his head to look at Emma again, his eyes bright and _she wanted to make him happy_. “I’m just nervous.”

“I won’t leave your side, darling,” Killian stated, squeezing her hands in his. “I promise you.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about,” Emma responded and Killian tilted his head slightly, asking her silently to continue. Emma sighed and shifted around on Killian’s lap, trying to regain feeling in her legs. “Nobody knows about us being soul mates, Killian. And everyone is gonna see that you have a date and it’s gonna get out that you had a girl with you at this wedding and _nothing_ is gonna be the same-”

“Emma,” Killian said as Emma began to ramble, releasing her hands to cup her face in his large hands. Emma gulped and looked Killian in the eyes ( _oh those eyes_ ). “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to. I’m not going to force you into a situation where you’re uncomfortable.”

“No, I want to go, Killian,” Emma repeated, fisting her hands into the fabric of his t-shirt. “I just don’t want this to get out yet. It’s only been a month and I need more time than that.”

“I’ll tell you what: I’ll go see Regina tomorrow morning and talk to her about all of your worries. But to do that, I have to tell her about our relationship. Is that alright?” Killian asked.

Emma nodded. “But I don’t want her to feel pressured to fix all of these things for me. I’ve read what they say about her in the magazines and I know she’s kind of a lot to handle.”

“I’ll just have to butter her up, is all,” Killian replied, rubbing his thumbs along the apples of Emma’s cheeks. “I’ll take care of it, love. Don’t worry. She’ll understand wanting to keep the soul mate thing quiet for now. She’d do anything for soul mates.”

“Thank you, Killian,” Emma murmured, smiling politely at him. He smiled back just as gently and leaned forward, pressing a small kiss to her lips. When Killian’s lips left hers, Emma leaned her forehead against his and took deep breaths. “I have to go soon. I need to change my phone and everything before work.”

Killian nodded and sighed. “I know.”

But they didn’t move. Emma didn’t move from his lap, even though her legs were officially numb, and Killian didn’t make a motion to help her off of his lap. They just sat there together, breathing their shared air and just sitting in silence. Emma had missed the comfort of just sitting quietly with someone, without feeling like she needed to fill the space with empty words.

It was a while before Emma decided that she really needed to get going, not knowing how long it would take to switch phones before she had to head to work. She edged herself off of Killian’s lap, planting her feet onto the floor before she allowed herself to stand up. Emma ran her hands over the wrinkled fabric of her skirt, and she noticed how Killian followed her hands’ movements.

Emma laughed and placed her hands on her hips. “If you look at me like that, I’m not gonna be able to get my phone fixed.”

Killian smirked at her and she hated how her heart pounded inside of her chest. “It’s difficult not to when you’re wearing that skirt.”

Emma chuckled under her breath and stepped away because that’s _exactly_ how their entire dry-humping session began. She mumbled about going to change into her work uniform and she grabbed her bag from the coffee table. Emma headed up the short steps into the foyer and turned down the short hallway beside the kitchen to sneak into Killian’s bedroom, the third door in the hallway. She locked the door behind her as she tossed her bag onto the bed, dropping her head against the door. Emma took a deep breath because _holy shit_ her heart was still hammering.

Her skin still tingled wherever Killian’s hands touched her and Emma wanted to keep that sensation in her memories for the rest of her life. She wanted to remember his deep groans and how his bulge hit her exactly where she needed him, creating delicious friction which nearly drove her insane. Her core was still throbbing with how much she wanted him- _needed_ him-but Emma knew that she wouldn’t be able to look him in the eye if she did _that_ here.

(She’ll save that for when she’s locked in her apartment late that night, with only her memories and her hand for company.)

Emma shook her head free of the memories and hurried into her work clothes. She really had no idea how long it would take to switch over everything from her phone to the new one, so she wanted to give herself plenty of time before she had to go to work. And well, Emma also just needed to get the hell out of this apartment before she jumped Killian and threw her self-control out of the window.

Emma ran her hands over the black, cotton dress as she looked in the mirror, rearranging her hair so it didn’t look like she had just been thoroughly fucked (and _dammit_ she wanted to be). She pulled her hair up into a half-up hairstyle and arranged her blonde waves over her shoulders. Once she decided she looked presentable, Emma gathered her things in her bag and exited the bedroom, walking through the hallway and back out to the living area, where Killian stood with a phone in his hands.

“Here’s one of my old phones,” Killian told Emma, taking the steps up to meet Emma by the foyer. He handed her the phone and Emma looked down at it, noticing that it was a relatively new model that had only come out about six months ago. Emma guessed she shouldn’t be surprised when her celebrity soul mate had already replaced this still somewhat new phone. “I keep a drawer of them in the kitchen, in case I break mine or something happens.”

Emma nodded and looked back up at Killian, smiling gratefully at him. “Thank you.”

Killian nodded and scratched that spot behind his ear. “It’s not a problem, Swan. I have a drawer full of phones and I’m not doing anything with any of them. It’s in better hands with you.”

Emma laughed under her breath as she dropped the phone into the bag of her clothes. “As long as Diane doesn’t decide to call me again, the phone will be safe.”

Killian stepped closer and Emma’s heart shot up to her throat. Even after their dry-humping session, she was still affected by his proximity to her.

(She hoped that never went away.)

“I’ll see you again soon,” Killian said to Emma, his hand reaching out and grabbing Emma’s. His thumb stroked the back of her hand and butterflies began flapping around in Emma’s stomach. “I can’t make it to the lounge tonight because I’ve been somewhat neglecting my workout schedule, but I’ll be there tomorrow night.”

Emma nodded and smiled, leaning close and brushing a gentle kiss against Killian’s lips. With her lips thoroughly on fire, Emma pulled away and noticed Killian’s darkened eyes. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

And then Emma left the apartment with Killian staring at her ass, yet again.

<> 

 _Bloody buggering hell_.

That woman was going to be the death of Killian. He was sure of it. With her tight and revealing uniforms and that heart-stopping smile, Killian was surprised that he hadn’t dropped dead already. He continued standing in the foyer, looking at the door as if Emma was going to walk through it again. Even though she had left not two minutes prior, Killian already missed her golden hair and how it tumbled over his hands when she was writhing on top of him on the couch-

Killian felt his sweatpants tightening yet again and he dropped his head back, staring at the ceiling because even though he had imagined that exact same situation, his dreams had completely paled in comparison to the real thing. Killian thought he could handle how Emma moaned and moved against him, but he was _wrong_.

Killian rushed back to his bedroom and through it to his attached bathroom. It wasn’t two seconds later when he pulled his pants down and freed his growing erection, hardening from the memories of Emma straddling his hips and how her mouth felt against his neck-

He cursed under his breath as he wrapped a hand around his length, beginning to slowly stroke himself while remembering how Emma felt against him and he only imagined she would feel with him buried deep inside of her. His hand began moving quicker, his fantasies taking on a life of their own. Killian could see Emma taking him into her mouth, making him come with only her tongue and that’s what did him in. His release spurt into the toilet and he breathed heavily, trying to ease the pounding of his heart.

“Fucking hell,” Killian murmured under his breath as he ripped himself a few pieces of toilet paper and cleaned himself off.

After he tucked himself back into his pants and washed his hands, Killian could hear the distant ringing of his cell phone from the living room. He grumbled under his breath and hurried back out to the living room before the call went to voicemail. He knew it was more than likely to be Regina and he made the mistake of not answering one of her calls before.

It took him a month and about twenty apple turnovers to win her over again.

“Hello,” Killian answered the phone, a tad too breathlessly for his liking.

“What happened to calling me back, Jones?” Regina asked and Killian sighed because _shit_. “I have a hundred guests coming to this wedding and I need your date’s name so I can get these place cards made.”

“I’m sorry,” Killian replied and _she was not going to like this_. “Would you be able to meet me tomorrow morning to talk about it, by chance?”

Killian heard the creaking of Regina’s office chair as she probably stood in her office. “Killian, just tell me her name.”

“Regina, I need to talk to you about it before I tell you,” Killian told her. “It’s important.”

Regina sighed over the line. “Because I had an actually decent day and my manicure has yet to be chipped, I’ll be nice and listen to you. But first thing in the morning. If you are not here at ten sharp, then we’re not talking and I’m sending off the names without you or your date’s names. Got it?”

“Understood. Thank you, Regina,” Killian responded, letting out a deep breath. “I’ll be there first thing tomorrow morning.”

Regina hung up the phone without another word and Killian tossed his phone onto the couch, just hoping that Regina will agree to hear him out and help him bring Emma to the wedding.

(And if he drifted off to sleep on the couch with the image of Emma in a flowing white dress, that was his business.)


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW IT'S BEEN ANOTHER LONG WAIT. AND I KNOW THAT I SUCK. BUT HERE'S A 12,235 WORD CHAPTER. HAVE FUN
> 
> also i have just outlined the rest of the story and it looks like there will be four more chapters and then an epilogue, unless i suddenly need to add something. Enjoy!

Killian woke up to the loud chiming of his alarm, waking him up at 8:30 in the damn morning. He had never been a morning person, but it was important that he talked to Regina this morning. Killian wanted Emma to come to the wedding, but he had to make sure that Emma would be safe if she attended the wedding. He agreed that it was too soon for them to go public with the news that they were soulmates and now, Killian just had to work on making sure that Emma wouldn’t be forced into going public about it.

He sighed as he quickly got ready for the day. He took a shower to wash away the grime from his late night work out, which he did after he woke up from his nap on the couch. Killian had been worn out from his shenanigans with Emma and trying to keep his self-control in check that he just passed out only a minute or two after he spoke with Regina. But once he woke up, Killian went down the street to his 24-hour gym and ran on the treadmill until his libido was back to normal.

After his shower, Killian quickly dressed and walked out to his kitchen to eat breakfast. As he ate a bowl of cereal (Lucky Charms, of course), his thoughts drifted to Emma. He dreamed of her last night (as he always did) and he was still haunted by how she felt against him the day before. Killian knew it was far too early to be having these thoughts, but he still remembered how her lips tasted and how her moans sounded and how her teeth felt against his neck. He had to get himself under control before he met with Regina, so Killian tried as hard as he could to calm his mind by thinking about the script for his upcoming episode.

It was an hour later and Killian walked into the offices of Mills Communications, his hands holding a container of apple turnovers. Killian knew that Regina would see through his gesture immediately, but it did help ease her temper just a bit. He smiled and nodded at the redhead behind the main desk as he took a seat in the waiting area. He knew from experience that Regina meant ten sharp and that if he arrived early, she’d probably tear his head off. So Killian relaxed in the comfortable leather seats in the entry way, drumming his fingers against the plastic container.

“How are you today, Mr. Jones?” The redhead, Lena, asked, batting her eyelashes at him.

“I’m well. Just waiting for my appointment with Ms. Mills,” Killian replied simply, reclining in the chair to grab his phone from his pocket, where it had vibrated.

He pulled his phone from his pocket as Lena asked, “How’s filming?”

Killian smiled as he looked up at Lena. “Very good.”

He looked back to his phone and saw that it was a text from Emma. He opened the message and smiled when he saw a picture of one of the hundreds of posters plastered across New York City, advertising for the new season of _Never Landing_. It showed him and Peter standing face to face in their fighting attire, with the premiere date across the bottom.

**Do I need to be jealous? Because it looks like you and peter are up to more than just fighting ;)**

Killian snorted because that exact same thought had gone through his and Jeremy’s mind as they shot the pictures. Jeremy, the twenty-year-old lad who played Peter on the show, made kissing noises behind the scenes and it took them far too long to finish the shoot because Killian continuously broke into laughter.

_Of course not, love. What would happen to him and Tink then?_

And as soon as he sent off the message, he realized that at the end of the previous season, Tink and Peter were not an item. He dropped his head against the back of the chair because _of course he just gave her a bloody spoiler_.

**What do you mean? In the season finale, tink caught him with wendy at his apartment when she was going to surprise him by coming home early from LA and she stormed out before peter could explain that wendy was there to talk about the upcoming fight with Michael.**

Killian sighed and began typing a response, but then his phone vibrated in his hands again.

**KILLIAN, DO PETER AND TINK GET TOGETHER?!**

Killian mentally groaned because he was a fucking idiot.

**KILLIAN JONES, YOU TELL ME NOW. MY ENTIRE LIFE DEPENDS ON THIS.**

Killian sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose and he just hoped that Emma would be able to keep the spoiler a secret from Ruby and Mary Margaret.

_They get together, Emma. But you cannot tell ANYBODY. Even MM and ruby. I will be murdered if word got out._

**I promise I won’t tell anybody, but damn this just made my day.**

_Glad to be of service._

Killian put his cell phone back into his pocket, noticing from the time on his cell phone that it’s ten. He groaned as he stood up, his knees cracking as he began walking around the main desk and back toward Regina’s office, in the far back of the floor. The office was relatively dead, being that it was a Saturday morning. There were a few workers in their cubicles, bent over their computers and coffees. Killian’s hands tightened around the plastic container as he walked past the last few of the cubicles and stood in front of Regina’s large office door. He took a deep breath and gently knocked on the oak, hearing a stern ‘come in’ only a few seconds later.

Killian stepped into the office and shut the door behind him, seeing Regina sitting behind her desk as she typed away at something on her computer. She glanced over at him, noticed the apple turnovers in his hands, and a little smirk spread on her lips. Killian was finally able to breathe because Regina smiling was usually a good sign.

“Apple turnovers, Jones?” Regina asked as she loudly hit the ‘enter’ key and swiveled in her chair to face Killian. “Trying to butter me up?”

Killian smiled toothlessly as he stepped toward the desk and took a seat in one of the two leather chairs in front of Regina’s desk. He slid the container onto Regina’s desk, past her nameplate and the glass apple sitting just behind her computer. Regina crossed her arms over the desk after she tucked a piece of her hair back into her long black hair.

“So what is it?” Regina asked, uncrossing her arms and bringing the container closer to her, eyeing the turnovers through the plastic. “You couldn’t explain this to me over the phone yesterday? Did you just want to see my face so badly, Jones?”

Killian chuckled under his breath and scratched the spot behind his ear. “Well, it’s something I should tell you face to face.”

“As long as you aren’t bringing that singer you were spotted with two months ago-Ursula, or whatever her name was-I’ll be fine,” Regina responded, looking back up at Killian with her eyes narrowed. “This isn’t about her, right?”

Killian shook his head because he had honestly completely forgotten about Ursula until Regina mentioned her. His entire world revolved around Emma now. He didn’t need to think about other women.

“It isn’t about her.”

“Good. Now who the hell are you bringing to my wedding?”

Killian straightened up in his chair and thought that he might as well just get to the point. “Her name is Emma Swan.”

Regina furrowed her eyebrows. “I’ve never heard of her.”

“Well, she isn’t an actress or singer or one of my ‘model sluts,’ so you wouldn’t have heard of her.”

Regina smirked again for just a moment, then leaned forward on her desk. “Well, who is she then?”

“My soulmate.”

Regina’s eyebrows shot up. “Your soulmate?”

Killian nodded, folding his hands together in his lap. “Yes.”

“Well I have to say that I didn’t see that one coming,” Regina told Killian, shifting in her chair. “So why couldn’t you tell me this on the phone yesterday?”

Killian sighed and reached to scratch the back of his neck. “Emma would like to go, but she has some worries.”

“About what?”

Killian let out a deep breath as his hands folded together again. “I don’t expect you to change anything for your wedding to fit our needs, of course, but Emma isn’t exactly ready to go public with the news yet.”

Regina nodded silently and Killian continued on. “We only met just over a month ago. And we still need some time just to ourselves before the entire world knows about us. Emma is a waitress at a diner and a lounge singer during the weekends and to say that she is self-conscious about this is an understatement.”

“What is it that you need help with?” Regina asked and Killian was honestly surprised that this was going so well.

Killian resituated himself in his chair and crossed his legs at the knees. “We just need to know if there will be some sort of privacy where we won’t have to worry about our status being leaked to the world.”

Regina nodded again. “To tell you the truth, you are not the only guest who has expressed concern over their privacy. With how the media is clamoring over my wedding, it’s understandable. There will obviously be paparazzi trying to get in and sneak some shots. Even if my guests had no problem with those nuisances, I was not about to ruin my wedding day because of those fucking dogs.”

Regina relaxed back in her chair, but continuing to sit up straight against the leather of her office chair. “So, I have already set up a security detail around the property that will be there for the entire day. From three hours before the wedding until three hours after the reception, no paparazzi will be able to set _foot_ on the property. If they do, they will get taken down and be arrested for trespassing.”

Regina cleared her throat and drank from her red thermos for a moment. Killian took the empty moment to calm his heart because _she was helping them_ and he couldn’t be happier that everything was falling into place.

For once in his life.

“The wedding photographer and everyone who will be working at the wedding-waiters, waitresses, caterer, the band, all of them-have signed NDAs,” Regina explained and Killian raised his eyebrows for a moment because Regina was very serious about the privacy of her guests. “If any of them talk about the guests or their dates or anything, I can have them sued.”

“What about your guests? They’ll all see me with Emma and I can’t have her be in disguise or anything.”

Regina smirked. “My guests understand the importance of privacy. The only ones I would honestly worry about are my cousins. Since they aren’t in show business, they don’t exactly understand the need to keep things secret. But I’ve been planning to have a talk with them, since you aren’t the only guest who wants to keep something secret. And well, if they decide to go against what I say, they’ll just have to deal with me.”

Killian let out a deep breath and smiled as he looked across at Regina. “I’ll talk to Emma tonight and I’ll let you know how she feels.”

Regina nodded and turned toward her computer. “Call me before eight. I have dinner with Robin and his son tonight and I don’t want to be interrupted.”

Killian nodded in understanding and swiftly stood from his chair. He pulled his phone from his pocket as he began to slowly walk to the door, noticing that Liam had texted him during his conversation with Regina.

“Oh and Killian?” Regina called just before Killian exited the office. He furrowed his eyebrows and turned back around to face Regina, confused because Regina _never_ used his first name. “Congratulations.”

Killian smiled, his heart warming at the simple statement, and he marched out of the office to head to Liam’s for their Saturday lunch.

<> 

“I talked with Regina.”

“ _What did she say?_ ”

“Apparently she already has everything under control. All workers have signed NDAs and there’s a security detail, so no paparazzi are getting into the party. And she’ll be having a talk with her nosy cousins about not taking pictures of the guests.”

“ _Aren’t you worried about the cousins?_ ”

“Not at all. They’ll have to deal with Regina’s wrath if they break their promise. That’s a heavy punishment and nobody wants to face that.”

“ _So is this happening then?_ ”

“That’s why I called. I just want to make sure you want to do this before I give Regina our word. You don’t have to come if you don’t want-”

“ _Killian, like I said yesterday, I want to come. I was just nervous. But it sounds like the Evil Queen has got everything under control. I want to go to the wedding_.”

“Alright. I’ll call her now. In three weeks, we’ll be attending the wedding of Regina Mills and Robin Locksley.”

“ _Now comes the time for me to panic about what I’m wearing.”_

“I’m sure you’ll still be the most beautiful woman there.”

“ _Kiss ass._ ”

“And it’s a glorious ass to kiss.”

“ _See you later?_ ”

“Of course.”

<> 

The week blew by quickly with Emma and Killian swamped with work and trying to sneak in short meetings with each other. Emma had dashed down Killian’s attempt to visit her at the diner during one of his lunch breaks from filming, since she knew the crowd there and knew that they’d go crazy if a celebrity like Killian came strolling in.

And they’d go even more insane over the fact that he was Emma’s soulmate.

They found time in the dark of the night to see each other, after the lounge closed and their drunken clientele staggered their way home. More often than not, Killian would crash at Emma’s place, curling around Emma’s back and pulling her close against him. It was in these moments that Emma allowed herself to face the fact that she was falling in love with him.

With how his throat would catch with a snore against her neck. With how he would wake up with his hair all disheveled and lines against his cheek from the pillow. With how his voice would be an octave deeper and he would brush a kiss against her cheek as he would leave to return to his apartment.

Especially with how he looked at her like she was absolutely _everything_ , even though she was a lowly commoner to his royalty.

She would shake those thoughts away as soon as Killian left her apartment, urging herself to forget about that because she couldn’t already be in love with the man. It had been a month and a half and that was not enough time to get to know someone. Especially someone who had his name up in lights and probably had more secrets than Emma. She would take a shower to help wash away the thoughts and would get ready for work, keeping herself busy to keep the thoughts at bay.

And that routine worked for Emma every day. That is, until Friday came and she sat in the bathroom to get ready for dinner at Mary Margaret and David’s place, with Killian sitting on her bed just outside. As she looked at herself in the mirror-with only one cat-eye finished-she was reminded that he was meeting her friends that evening.

The friends whom she called _family_.

Emma planted her hands on either side of the sink and took deep breaths, keeping her eyes even with the matching stare in the mirror. _God_ , she was falling in love with that man and she still had all of these fears about everything. She was afraid of the fame tearing them apart and of crazed fans sending her death threats and what if he grew tired of her and of supporting her-

“You alright in there, Swan?” Killian’s voice called from just outside the door and Emma jumped, looking over at the door.

Emma cleared her throat and looked back at herself in the mirror. “Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”

“It’s been almost twenty minutes. I was growing worried.”

Emma’s heart pounded and she smiled softly at herself. He cared, more truly and deeply than anybody ever had.

 _Everything will be fine_ , Emma told herself.

(She hoped it would be.)

“Makeup and hair takes a little while, Killian. Just give me a little longer,” Emma replied and shook off her worries, leaning closer to the mirror as she held up her liquid eyeliner.

And true to her word, it took just a few minutes longer for Emma to exit the bathroom with her makeup bag in hand and her hair perfectly curled over her shoulders. She typically didn’t dress up for these dinners, but it was their first one in a month and a half and she was introducing Killian to David and Victor. So Emma decided that she should at least try for once.

“Wow,” Killian stated simply from the corner of Emma’s bed, where he sat patiently with a gray zip-up hoodie in his arms.

Emma snorted as she walked over to her dresser and placed her makeup bag beside the television. “I’m not even dressed yet, Killian.”

“You still look stunning, Emma,” Killian responded and Emma could feel a blush rising on her cheeks.

“Well now it’s time for you to shut your eyes while I get dressed,” Emma murmured as she opened a drawer of her dresser and pulled out a thin white tank top and a pair of her favorite jeans.

“Of course,” Killian replied and Emma heard the plop as Killian relaxed back on her bed.

Emma didn’t turn around to check to see if he was actually covering his eyes (at this point, Emma didn’t even care ‘cause her libido was so high that a strong wind could probably cause her to come at this point). She stripped off her diner clothes and kicked them into the corner of the room, and then tugged on the clothes she had laid out for dinner. Once Emma had the tank top on, she told Killian that he was allowed to look again. Emma walked over to the closet as Killian sat up on the bed and she heard Killian murmur ‘ _bloody hell_ ’ under his breath.

Emma looked over at him with the closet door open and raised her eyebrows. “What?”

“Please tell me you are not wearing only that scrap of clothing you call a shirt?”

Emma snorted and looked down and she suddenly realized Killian’s issue with the shirt. He could clearly see the outline of her black lace bra through the thin white fabric. While it was quite fun playing with him, Emma knew that dinner was starting in a half hour and now was _not_ the time to tease him.

“Please. David would have a conniption.” Emma turned back around to grab a flannel shirt from the closet, which she shrugged on quickly and buttoned up the shirt up to the third button. “I wasn’t kidding when I said he was like a father. Once during college, I allowed Ruby to dress me up for a party our sophomore year and she chose this red tube dress and David nearly had an aneurysm when he saw me in it. He threw a hoodie and sweatpants at me.”

“I’m sure that was a sight to see,” Killian said and Emma turned around, arranging her hair over the shirt again.

“Down boy,” Emma taunted with a smile as she walked over to him, patting his shoulder. “We have to go soon and being late with sex hair would not make a good impression on David.”

“What about Victor?”

Emma snorted and stepped away, going back to find her tall black boots in the corner of her closet. “He’d just give you a high five and ask you how it was.”

Killian raised an eyebrow as he stood from the bed, shrugging his hoodie on. “Really?”

“Oh yeah. He and Ruby were definitely meant to be together, that’s for sure.”

Emma zipped her boots up and as she stood back up from the floor, Killian moved to stand in front of her. As she stood in her studio apartment, Emma was hypnotized by Killian’s eyes (as she had been ever since she first saw him on TV) and was just so unable to believe that _he_ was the one that the universe chose to be completely hers.

“Thank you for coming,” Emma murmured softly, curling her hands in the soft material of his sweatshirt.

Killian smiled softly at Emma and gently ran his fingers down her cheek. “Of course, love. I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.”

Emma subconsciously leaned into his touch, chasing his hand as it began to fall away. Seeing Emma’s want to be touched, Killian curled his hand to cup her cheek and his fingers tangled in the stray hairs from her curls.

“But still,” Emma continued, looking up into his eyes and shocked-as always-to see the love and devotion behind them. “It means a lot to me that you’re here for this. You may not be able to meet my parents, but my friends are like family to me.”

Killian nodded. “I understand. I’ll be on my best behavior tonight. I promise.”

Emma smiled at him and leaned further into his touch. “Thank you.”

Killian leaned in and pressed a gentle, soft kiss against her lips. Emma sighed against him and opened her lips just a bit, her hands tightening in the fabric of the sweatshirt. And just like every time they kissed, Emma’s lips burned and tingled from the pressure of his lips against hers and it was something that Emma wanted to keep implanted in her memories for the rest of her life.

(Dear God, she was in deep with this man.)

“We should go,” Killian murmured against Emma’s lips, his hand moving down to thumb at the dent in her chin.

Emma nodded and pressed her forehead against his for just a moment. “I know. Before things get a little heavy.”

Emma cleared her throat and pulled away, mentally shaking her head as she walked to the kitchen to grab the cherry pie Mary Margaret had asked her to make for the night (or pick up from the nearby grocery store because Emma did not have time to bake _pie_ ). When she returned with the container in her hands, Killian had his hood up and a six pack of beer in his hand. He had insisted on bringing something to the dinner that night, even though Emma reminded him quickly that two of the six people there were pregnant. He had let out a defeated sigh, but Emma told him that David and Victor would greatly appreciate the beer anyways.

The two of them walked down to the street together, tight against each other’s sides. Emma dared to reach down between them and wrap her hand around Killian’s, his hand a warm cradle around Emma’s forever chilled skin. She glanced over at him and noticed Killian smiling under the shadow of his hood. It was during these moments in public that Emma felt safe displaying affection-with his face hidden and nobody aware of the fact that she was walking with American royalty.

“You’re so cold,” Killian murmured under his breath as they stood on the curb with Killian’s hand in the air, the six pack swinging with the effort.

“You haven’t noticed?” Emma asked as a cab slowly pulled to the curb in front of them.

“To be fair,” Killian began and reluctantly let go of Emma’s hand to open the car door to allow Emma in first, “most times we’ve touched, I’ve been rather distracted.”

Emma rolled her eyes because he was such an ass but he was completely right. Emma slid into the cab and rested the pie on her lap while Killian joined her in the backseat. She stated the address to the driver, who quickly drove off toward the destination. Killian and Emma fell into a silence, mainly because Killian was nervous about talking loudly in public-in case a fan overheard him and recognized his voice. But as the driver pulled away from the curb, Emma reached for Killian’s hand again and linked her fingers through the gaps between his. His thumb stroked her hand as the driver drove through the intricate city blocks and weaved around sluggish city buses.

Emma allowed herself to become lost in the warmth of Killian’s hand and the warmth that he provides to her life. Things would have been vastly different if she hadn’t run into him that day-if she had chosen to turn left instead of right outside of that Target. What if she had crossed the street and walked far away from the crowd of paparazzi nearby? What if they had met months, maybe years later?

They were soulmates-she was sure that someday, no matter what, they would’ve found each other. But how would she have reacted if it had taken another year or two for them to meet? Would she have been more open to him sooner, the pain of Neal’s departure no longer a stinging wound in her heart? Or would she have run away, always the lost girl who was never wanted nor loved?

Would Killian have been just as patient, or would he have left like so many before him?

(Something told Emma that he would always wait for her.)

“We’re here, love,” Killian murmured quietly and Emma was jerked from her thoughts, turning her head to the right to see the bright lights of Mary Margaret and David’s apartment building, standing out against the slowly darkening sky.

Killian tossed the money to the cab driver (which they had previously agreed on that they would swap turns on who pays) and he stepped out of the car. He offered a hand to Emma as she slid to the edge of the car and Emma graciously took it, stepping onto the curb and keeping the pie even in her free hand. Her hand remained in his as they walked into the apartment and took the stairs up to the second story. Emma dragged Killian down the hall after they reached the second floor and they walked to the very far side of the hallway, where apartment 103 was placed with a giant oak door. Emma glanced over at Killian and rubbed her thumb against Killian’s hand. Killian looked over at her and smiled politely, raising their joined hands and pressing a kiss against the back of Emma’s hand.

“Ready?” Emma asked, exhaling shakily because David _had_ to like him and everything would fall apart if he didn’t-

“Of course.”

Emma turned the door knob and entered the large apartment, seeing Ruby holding a full wine glass while talking with Victor in the front room. Ruby immediately turned around to the noise of the door opening and a wide smile spread across her face as she hurried to her friend and wrapped Emma in a tight hug.

“I was wondering when you two would get here,” Ruby said to Emma as she pulled away and took a hearty sip from her wine glass.

“Ruby, you are literally eight months pregnant. What are you doing with the wine?”

“Oh calm down, Ems. It’s just grape juice,” Ruby replied as she took another sip and stepped over to give Killian a tight hug, which appeared to have caught him by surprise. “And it’s great to see you again, Killian. It seems like you get more attractive every time I see you.”

“And to you as well,” Killian spoke while a blush tinged the tips of his ears and held up the beer when Ruby pulled away. “I couldn’t come empty-handed, although I must admit that I forgot that you and Mary Margaret wouldn’t be able to drink.”

“We’ll just drink enough for the both of them. And I’ll take that,” Victor spoke up, not even fazed by the fact that a TV star was standing just a foot in front of him, and took the case from Killian’s hand. “I’m Victor, Ruby’s husband.”

“I suspect you know who I am,” Killian said as he shook Victor’s offered hand firmly.

Victor smiled and laughed, wrapping an arm around Ruby’s waist and tugging her closely. “This one can’t keep a secret to save her life. And, well, you’re kinda famous.”

“Hey!” Ruby exclaimed and elbowed Victor in the side, to which he laughed at. “I didn’t tell Granny, did I?”

“You better not have,” Emma stated and moved the pie into her other hand. “I don’t want to deal with her wrath if she finds out about it and I didn’t tell her.”

“You better tell her soon. She’s gonna want to grill him and you know it,” Ruby said and took another drink of her grape juice.

“Speaking of grilling,” Emma said as she sighed and began to step around Ruby while looking over at Killian, “I need to talk to David before he has the chance to interrogate you.” Emma placed a hand on Ruby’s shoulder, covered by a red cable-knit sweater, and leaned over to her ear. “And for the love of God, take it easy on him.”

Victor snorted as Emma pulled away from the group with the pie in her hands. “I don’t think Ruby has that setting.”

Emma chuckled under her breath as she hears Ruby smack Victor’s shoulder with the back of her hand. But Emma left them be as she walked around the TV stand propped against the wall that was shared with the kitchen and turned quickly through the archway that was immediately around the corner. Emma slid the pie’s container onto a nearby counter and turned to the right to walk through the small kitchen and step into the dining room, where David and Mary Margaret were setting up the table. They were laughing at something that had just been said between the two of them and Mary Margaret’s hand fell to her slowly growing baby bump as she noticed Emma enter the room.

“Oh you’re here!” Mary Margaret spoke excitedly and hurried from the opposite end of the table to hug Emma. Emma’s hands fell on Mary Margaret’s back, feeling the soft chiffon of her emerald button-down and smelling the overwhelming stench of that perfume David got her (that Emma secretly hated, but she wasn’t about to tell that to a pregnant woman who was full of hormones). “When did you get here?”

“Like two minutes ago,” Emma responded and Mary Margaret pulled away to allow David to hug Emma. “Killian’s in the living room with Ruby and Victor.”

“You’re sure that was a good idea?” Mary Margaret asked with a gentle smile spreading on her lips.

Emma snorted as she pulled away from David and ran her hands over her now-wrinkly shirt. “I told them to play nice.”

“I don’t think they even know what that means,” David murmured while chuckling and Mary Margaret laughed as she moved back to the opposite end of the table to finish setting up the plates and silverware for dinner. “Let’s hope they don’t scare Killian off.”

Emma rolled her eyes as she tucked her hands into her back pockets. “Killian can hold his own against them. It’s you that I’m worried about.”

David gasped and placed his hand on his chest, as if he was shocked that Emma was so worried about him. “Me?”

“David, for once in the eight years that I’ve known you, can you just not interrogate the guy that I’m seeing?” Emma asked (or pleaded, really). “He’s a good guy and doesn’t treat me like dirt. I just really care about him and he cares about me, so can you at least _try_ to not freak him out?”

“Do you think I’d honestly do that, Emma?” David asked and with how the mirth faded from his eyes after Emma spoke, she could tell that he genuinely did not mean any harm. “Emma, he’s your soulmate. I’m not going to ruin that for you just because I’m protective of you. Since you like him, I’ll like him. I promise.”

“Like you liked Neal?”

“Neal was a completely different story,” David explained, placing his hands on Emma’s shoulders. “You loved him, but I just got a weird vibe from him. He was always kinda dodgy and he said ‘dude’ way too much. Guy was a stoner, Ems.”

“Yeah well, Killian isn’t Neal, so no interrogating.”

 _Killian wasn’t Neal_.

Emma smiled internally because _he wasn’t Neal_. And with how David’s face lit up and how Mary Margaret looked like she was about to start crying, they noticed what Emma said too. And with how Emma had been stuck on Neal’s betrayal for the past three years, avoiding love and all that it meant, it meant everything to them that she was admitting that Killian wasn’t Neal.

David smiled simply and nodded. “No interrogating.” David allowed his hands to fall from Emma’s shoulders and Emma let out a deep breath. “But Emma, if this guy is a Steelers fan, we’re gonna have some problems.”

Emma rolled her eyes because _of course_ David found all Steelers fans to be “morally bankrupt,” as he told Neal during the first few years they dated. Emma suspected that that was one of the reasons that he didn’t like Neal; Neal was a _huge_ Steelers fan.

“Now I’m gonna go back to Killian before Ruby traumatizes him with some story about me from college-”

“Like the one about how you puked in the middle of the 300-person lecture hall the day after your 21st birthday?”

Emma felt her face burn and she quickly hurried out of the dining room with David laughing in the background and Mary Margaret smacking him on the shoulder. She was preparing herself to see Killian hurrying out of the front door because Ruby really did not know how to keep her mouth shut and she would _totally_ tell him that story and he probably wouldn’t even be able to look at her the same way ever again-

“And she just _bleeeggghhh_ all over her desk and there was this collective gasp from the entire lecture hall and I was _mortified_ , let me tell you, and I had told her that morning to not go to her eight am lecture because she was so hungover but she clearly doesn’t listen to me and-”

“Ruby!” Emma hissed when she walked into the living room and _of course_ David had to be right and Ruby _had_ to be telling that God-forsaken story and _God_ this was horrifying-

“What?” Ruby asked as she looked at Emma from where Ruby sat on the sofa next to Victor, while Killian sat on the loveseat beside the sofa and listened intently. “He wanted to hear about some of your stories, so I was just merely obliging.”

“So you choose the most embarrassing one?!”

“Um _duh_ ,” Ruby replied, as if her choice was completely obvious. “He’s hearing the worst of your stories now so when something just as bad happens, he won’t be scared.”

Emma threw her head back to stare at the ceiling because _this was not happening_. They hadn’t been there ten minutes and Ruby was already embarrassing the hell out of her and she just wanted to curl into a ball and never come out again-

“Oh it’s alright, love. I have my fair share of embarrassing stories as well,” Killian stated and Emma dropped her head back down to look at him, to see the way he was smiling at her and his eyes twinkling with adoration.

She was already so deep with this man.

“Actually,” Killian began saying, crossing his legs at the knees while relaxing against the leather loveseat, “our first table read for _Never Landing_ actually ended almost exactly the same way.”

Ruby gasped and wiggled excitedly on the couch, while Victor laughed next to her and said, “I’ve got to hear about this.”

Killian turned to Ruby and Victor and began speaking animatedly about how the night before his first table read for the fresh new show he had just been cast in, his older brother decided that it would be a great idea to celebrate by going on a bar crawl and getting him “ _absolutely bloody pissed_.” And as Killian told the story, Emma sat beside him on the loveseat, just completely struck by him because he noticed how embarrassed she was by the story and decided to tell his own embarrassing story.

God, he actually cared and it didn’t scare her and she just wanted to kiss those lips and taste his laughter on her tongue, not caring about who was around because there was no reason to hide around her friends-

“Well the table is set,” Mary Margaret spoke from the archway that led into the kitchen, with David standing beside her. “Are you all ready for dinner?”

Ruby groaned loudly as she stood from the couch, with the assistance of Victor because her pregnant belly was getting out of control. “Oh yeah. I’m starving.”

Emma quickly stood and dragged Killian up with her, her hand tight around his. She walked with him over to Mary Margaret and David and she took a deep breath as she took note of David’s stance, his arms crossed over his chest and his jaw set.

“Hello, Mary Margaret,” Killian greeted her friend and quickly leaned in to press a kiss to her cheek. “You look radiant tonight.”

“And you look very handsome,” Mary Margaret replied as Killian leaned back. She leaned toward David and pressed a hand to his upper arm. “And this is David.”

“David, this is Killian,” Emma spoke, her voice weak and _God_ she really shouldn’t be so nervous because David promised he’d take it easy on Killian but she just couldn’t help it at this point.

Killian stepped forward and offered his hand while saying, “It’s nice to meet you, David.”

And for one miserable moment that felt like an eternity, David just stared at Killian, as if he was sizing him up for some sort of competition. Emma’s heart pounded because what the hell was he doing and she could almost feel Killian’s nerves skyrocket because David just wasn’t making any motion to shake Killian’s hand-

“Nice to meet you too, Killian Jones,” David finally said after what felt like hours of just silence. He reached for Killian’s hand and firmly shook it, letting go after a second or two. “Now, Killian Jones, who’s your favorite football team?”

 _Jesus Christ_ , he was already going to do this? He couldn’t just let it be for another twenty minutes or something? And Emma didn’t even warn Killian about how David was very religious about his New York Giants and this was going to end poorly-

“New York Giants, of course,” Killian responded and Emma’s heart damn near exploded out of her chest.

A wide smile spread across David’s face, nearly reaching his ears, and clapped a hand on Killian’s shoulder while letting out a laugh. “I think we’re going to get along just fine, Killian Jones.”

 _Oh Jesus_.

<> 

For the next few hours, they all sat around the large dining table at Mary Margaret and David’s apartment, eating and laughing together as if they were a large family. Mary Margaret made a dinner fit for an army (one thing she learned from Granny when she, Emma, and Ruby had spent a long winter break during their senior year of college), a large pot roast with salad and roasted potatoes for sides. The dishes were passed around the table, each person taking what they wanted from the serving platters and immediately digging in.

Killian seemed to be overjoyed by Mary Margaret’s dinner, eagerly eating everything that was sat in front of him. Emma laughed to herself as she watched Killian shovel pot roast and steamed carrots into his mouth. He caught her staring at him (of course he did) and a blush traveled up to the tips of his ears while he scratched the spot behind his ear.

“I suppose I should be just a little bit more elegant?” Killian muttered to Emma quietly, leaning over his chair to speak into her ear.

Emma huffed out a silent laugh and smiled, turning her head to look at Killian. “Just a little bit. It looks like you haven’t eaten in a week.”

“With my workout schedule, it feels like it’s been that long.”

“What is your workout schedule like?” Victor asked curiously from directly across Killian, slicing into the meat with his knife and fork. “To keep in shape like that for such a huge TV show, how do you do it?”

“A lot of discipline and also a very large calorie intake,” Killian replied simply, stabbing a potato with his fork and quickly shoveling it into his mouth. “I’ve been slacking a bit on my workouts recently, to be honest.”

Emma stared down at her plate because it was not news to her that she was the reason that Killian had been neglecting his workout duties as of recently. And it seemed as though Ruby knew that very fact as well because she snickered from across the table and Emma looked up to see Ruby raising her eyebrows and sipping from her grape juice in the wine glass.

“Oh I bet you have,” Ruby murmured into the glass and Emma reached her feet under the table to quickly stomp on Ruby’s foot.

Which naturally Ruby dodged.

(Fucking wolf senses.)

“Ruby!” Mary Margaret hissed at her spot beside Ruby and Emma, sitting at the head of the table. “Not appropriate.”

“ _Jesus_ , you two,” Emma grumbled, her face turning a bright red as she looked up at her two closest friends. She loved them to death, but _dear God_ they would probably cause her to die prematurely just from embarrassment.

“Yeah I’m with Emma,” David added on, at the opposite head of the table and beside Killian and Victor. “Let’s not talk about that.”

“Agreed,” Killian murmured under his breath to Emma because even though he and David were getting along magnificently, he didn’t want to tempt the man into strangling him to death for something that has yet to actually happen.

“How about you two tell the story of how you met?” Ruby asked as she placed her glass back down and reached over the table to put more potatoes onto her plate.

“You guys already know the story,” Emma replied.

“Not me and Victor,” David interjected, folding his hands over his now-full stomach. “What’s the story?”

And Emma smiled as she recounted the story to David and Victor, butterflies fluttering in her stomach like they did whenever she just _saw_ Killian. Their hands wrapped together in between the arm rests of the dining chairs and her heart swelled because she never thought she would have this life, with a soul mate at her side and surrounded by her family. Killian smiled at her as his thumb rubbed against her hand, as if he knew what was going through her mind.

(And he probably did.)

(After all, she was an open book to him.)

“How completely in character of Emma,” Victor stated and Ruby smacked his shoulder, leading him to let out a loud ‘ _ow_.’ “Damn. Sorry.”

“How about you and Ruby tell your story?” Emma asked, raising an eyebrow at Ruby.

“Easy. I cut my hand on some broken glass at Granny’s diner and I went to the ER and he was my doctor.”

Emma smiled as she quickly remembered the story of how Ruby cut her hand. “Ah ah ah. You’re forgetting a part. You got cut because you fell while serving a glass of water and cut your hand when you landed on the broken glass. And you fell because you were-”

“Checking out the new waiter,” Ruby muttered under her breath and sipped on her grape juice again.

“How completely in character of Ruby,” David murmured and sipped on his bottle of beer (from Killian’s six pack that he brought along).

“What about a story from you and Mary Margaret, mate?” Killian spoke up at last, his hand continuing to hold Emma’s.

“Oh our meeting was as plain as it comes,” David replied, twirling the beer bottle in his hand. “But our _engagement_ was quite the story.”

Emma’s heart lurched at the memory because to this day, it still hurt to think about the circumstances surrounding their engagement. But David and Mary Margaret met eyes and she knew that they were going to launch into the story. Emma’s hand tightened within Killian’s and he squeezed back, the warmth of his hand flowing through her hand and toward her heart, where it settled as David opened his mouth to speak.

“It was the year after we graduated from college. We were living together in this small studio apartment a few blocks from here”-to which Ruby, Emma, and Mary Margaret laughed at because they had some fantastic memories at that apartment-“but it didn’t matter because we were at least together.

“There was this ring that I had been saving up for at least a year and I had finally gotten it,” David continued, his eyes darting up to meet Mary Margaret’s from across the table. “And when I got home that night, I was gonna propose. But my mom called me and she was sick at the time and she wanted me to come see her, so I packed a bag and kissed Mary Margaret good bye and flew to my mom’s beach house in the Bahamas. While I was there, which was only for a week, I had my phone off because it would’ve been too expensive to use it anyways so I just kept it off. And when I got home, that when I saw all of the voicemails that I had. Turned out that Mary Margaret had fallen into a coma the day after I left and the hospital had been trying to get ahold of me the entire time.”

David sighed and Emma’s hand tightened in Killian’s because even though everything ended up perfectly well in the end, Emma hated remembering the time that she almost lost a friend that she called a sister. “The doctors were completely flabbergasted and had no idea what caused or if she would even wake up. All they could do was monitor her and keep her comfortable. Once I got the voicemails, I drove straight to the hospital and they showed me where she was. And I was just terrified because she was wired up to all of these things, just asleep and nobody knew why.

“I stood there, looking at her and just afraid because I didn’t know what was going to happen. She was my soul mate and she was in a coma that no one could figure out. And she had this huge thing covering her mouth to help her breath, in case something happened. And I just couldn’t stop myself from leaning over and kissing her forehead.”

“And I woke up while he kissed me,” Mary Margaret spoke as she stood from her dining chair, walking around the table to slip into David’s lap. “He didn’t waste another minute before pulling the ring out of his pocket and asking me to marry him. The doctors were completely confused and chalked it all up to magic. We called it our True Love’s Kiss.”

“And we got married a year later,” David continued with a smile, looking up at Mary Margaret and moving his hand to rest over her growing baby bump. “And we’re starting a family and I didn’t think I’d have this because I thought I would never see her again.”

Mary Margaret ducked her head and kissed David, which honestly grew a little out of hand quite quickly with Mary Margaret moaning against David’s mouth-

“Hey hey hey. This is like watching my parents kiss,” Emma whined, laughing gently to hide the thickness in her throat. Mary Margaret and David pulled apart, while Mary Margaret turned bright red.

“Have you _seen_ your parents? Watching them kiss was probably actually traumatizing,” Ruby joked and Emma kicked her from underneath the table.

“And thank you Mary Margaret and David for making me feel inadequate as a soul mate,” Victor teased, patting Mary Margaret’s arm.

“Hey, it’s not our fault you proposed with a prescription pad,” David teased Victor while running his hand down Mary Margaret’s cheek.

Emma snickered under her breath because _that_ was a story which Ruby had complained about for months following her engagement. The idea was cute, but Ruby was more of a hot-air-balloon-and-fireworks kind of girl. In the end, Ruby was happy that she was engaged (of course), but it took her some time to get over “will you marry me?” on a prescription pad.

“Is this how most of your gatherings are?” Killian asked quietly as he leaned over to whisper in Emma’s ear.

“Not exactly,” Emma responded with a smile. “We’re missing a vulgar comment from Ruby, a statement about hope or optimism from Mary Margaret, some sort of fatherly lecture from David, and David threatening you if you break my heart.”

“Well we already got the vulgar comment-”

Emma snorted and shook her head at Killian. “Oh no. That was tame. You’ll know when it’s the vulgar comment because there will be a collective groan from everybody and Victor covering his face.”

“Who’s ready for Emma’s cherry pie?” Mary Margaret asked the group as she began to stand from David’s lap.

“Oh I’m sure Killian has had a bite or two of that,” Ruby spoke and there was a simultaneous groan from the group. David muttered to himself about how he didn’t want to hear that and Mary Margaret walked around the table to smack Ruby’s shoulder.

Emma dropped her face into her hand, matching Victor’s pose from across the table, and Killian leaned over to her again. “Was that the vulgar comment?”

“Oh yeah.”

“Figured as much.”

Emma stood from her chair and Killian quickly joined her, running his hand along her lower back as they began to walk toward the kitchen, where everyone else had already gone. Even with layers of clothes blocking her skin from his touch, Emma could feel the electricity sparking. It was as if her body was coming alive just from the small touch of his hand against her lower back.

A half hour or so later, Emma helped David carry in the dirty plates from their dessert. She left Killian in the living room with Mary Margaret, Ruby, and Victor, and she was hoping that it wouldn’t be a mistake. She wished that Ruby had already had enough of embarrassing her that night and that Ruby would finally just let her be. But Killian still hadn’t run out of the apartment screaming, so Emma figured that things were going relatively well.

There was a clatter against the counter when David returned from the dining room with a pile of plates, silverware, and glasses, placing them on the laminate countertop. “Go on back to the living room. I’ll clean up.”

“No, no, no,” Emma replied quickly, taking a dirty plate from the pile and turning on the water to begin cleaning. “You and Mary Margaret cooked. Let me clean.”

“How about you wash and I’ll put them into the dishwasher?”

Emma sighed and gave in. “Sure.”

David smiled and moved to the side to open the dishwasher while Emma began washing the dishes, tuning out the quiet chatter coming from the living room.

“I like him,” David told Emma as she handed him the first clean plate. “He seems like a good guy.”

Emma nodded as she scrubbed a sponge against the next plate. “He is.”

“And he obviously cares about you,” David continued. “You should see the way he looks at you.”

Emma’s heart pounded because she wasn’t clueless about the way Killian looked at her. She had caught him every once in a while, staring at her like she was the only light in his life. It would make her stomach erupt in butterflies and tears spring to her eyes because nobody ever looked at her in that way. None of her endless foster families, not Diane, and not even Neal.

“Shit, even the way _you_ look at _him_. It’s meant to be.”

“Not all soul mates work out, David,” Emma told David as she handed off the plate. “Look at my parents. Diane makes my dad’s life _hell_ and they’re soul mates.”

“Don’t say that. You two will work out. You love him, right?”

Emma let out a deep breath and nibbled on her bottom lip. She didn’t know if she loved him. She knew that she cared more about him than she had about anyone else in a long time and that she was definitely falling in love with him. But Emma didn’t know if she was _in love_ yet. There was still an insecurity looming over Emma’s head, telling her that it wouldn’t last and that ‘soul mates’ didn’t always mean forever and that he’d eventually tire of her.

No, loving him would give him the power to completely shatter her heart.

Emma shrugged wordlessly and David sighed as she handed him another plate. “Emma, don’t do that. Don’t start doing that silent thing when I know you’re overthinking everything. Do you love him?”

“I don’t know,” Emma hissed out and dropped the sponge into the sink, where the final plate rests, along with the glasses and silverware. “I don’t know if I do. It’s only been a month and a half at this point.”

David raised his eyebrows as he took the somewhat-cleaned plate from the dirty water in the sink and put it into the dishwasher. “Sounds like you’re panicking.”

Emma huffed and began furiously washing off the glasses and silverware. “David, I’m not dealing with your shit right now.”

David sighed and took the handful of silverware from Emma’s hands and put it into the dishwasher. “Fine. But you know if you do love him and he breaks your heart, I’ll castrate him myself.”

Emma snorted as she put the glasses on the top tier of the dishwasher. “Oh really?”

David nodded as he shut the dishwasher and turned the dial for it to begin running. “Yep. I’ll cut off his balls, shove them down his throat, cut off his dick, and then beat him to death with it.”

Emma raised her eyebrows and leaned against the counter behind her. “Nice to know you have my back.”

David placed his hand on her shoulder and smiled. “Always will.”

And that’s when Emma heard it. Her very own singing voice, singing “Somewhere Over The Rainbow.” _Sonofabitch_.

Emma hurriedly marched out of the kitchen and into the living room, turning to see her friends and Killian blasting her old Youtube from the television, thanks to the laptop that was hooked up to the TV. She watched as her little eighteen-year-old self sang on the stage of the largest lecture hall at NYU. Emma almost couldn’t bear watching it, but when she looked over at Killian, he seemed to be completely entranced by her singing.

Once the song ended, Emma placed her hands on her hips and stared at Mary Margaret, Ruby, and Victor. “What the hell are you guys doing?”

“Showing Killian some of your old Youtube channel,” Ruby replied immediately, sliding her empty wine glass onto the nearby end table. “He _did_ say that he enjoyed hearing you sing.”

Emma sighed because of course Killian said that, which did not embarrass him in the slightest as he met Emma’s gaze and smirked. “Well, if you’re gonna show him some songs, choose the good ones, at least.”

Emma walked over to the loveseat, where Killian was sitting. He scooted over just a little bit for Emma to sit down beside him. Emma stole the wireless keyboard and mouse from Ruby’s hands and quickly scrolled through the other videos she had posted all those years ago. She hadn’t put one up ever since Neal left and Emma had honestly completely forgotten about the channel.

But with how Killian smiled whenever she sang, she couldn’t deny him this.

They spent the next hour just looking through the videos on the channel and Emma _really_ had forgotten about how many videos she had posted in five years. A great many of them featured Ruby and Mary Margaret singing background for her (surprisingly, Mary Margaret really was quite the rapper), and a few random friends from college that she had lost touch with over the years.

Whenever Emma glanced over at Killian, all she could see was his smile. She wrapped her hand around his as they sat together on the couch, watching her old awkward singing videos. Emma groaned when her bang phase came on the screen in the form of at least twenty videos and Killian tugged her close, wrapping his arm around her shoulder and pressing a kiss to her temple. It made her happy to see that he seemed to be gaining some sort of pleasure out of her pain.

Soon, midway through the video of Emma singing “If I Were A Boy,” she dug her face into Killian’s shoulder because she didn’t think she could handle any more embarrassment. Killian chuckled under his breath and ran his hand over Emma’s shoulder.

“They aren’t bad, Emma,” Killian murmured into Emma’s hair. “You’re very talented.”

“It’s like my past is coming back and punching me in the face,” Emma groaned out.

“It’s a blessing that you haven’t seen the home videos of me when puberty hit,” Killian replied, chuckling again. “That was a rough time.”

“But do they exist?” Emma asked, sitting back up to look at Killian with raised eyebrows.

Killian gently laughed under his breath as he scratched behind his ear. “I shouldn’t have told you that.”

“Probably not,” Emma snickered out.

And just like that, her past came back to haunt her.

“ _Hey, Ems! How about you sing me a song?_ ”

Emma froze and jerked to look at the television screen, seeing _his face_ across the screen. Everybody looked over at Emma, gauging her reaction. Even Killian could sense that something was wrong as he looked at her struggling to hold back tears.

“ _Oh come on, Neal. I’m tired. I had a long day-_ ”

“ _Please_?”

Emma watched her twenty-three year old self crawl into bed beside Neal and he turned his camera to aim it down at them, recording Emma as she began to sing “Halo.” Her entire body was shaking because she hadn’t thought deeply about Neal since at least a month ago and now, he was right in front of her.

The video called back memories of breakfast in bed and giggling as he tickled her senseless. She remembered jumping into his arms after they were officially graduates from college and celebrating all night long in their small apartment (where Emma still lived). She remembered how he liked his coffee black and how he would snore like a fucking freight train.

She remembered the heart-stabbing pain when he left her that night three years ago.

Emma didn’t waste another moment before hurrying off the couch and rushing down the hall, going into Mary Margaret and David’s bedroom and throwing the door closed behind her. She ignored Mary Margaret’s calls of her name and locked the door as soon as it shut, needing her privacy because her past had to come back and punch her in the face, just as she joked with Killian not two minutes earlier. Whenever she thought she was happy and perfectly content, life had to knock her to the ground and kick her in the ribs.

There, she collapsed on the bench in front of Mary Margaret and David’s bed, dropped her head into her hands, and cried.

<> 

The room was silent and Killian’s thoughts were pounding in his head. He didn’t know who the man was on the television, whose face was frozen in a smile on the screen when Ruby hastily paused the video after Emma’s exit. But he recognized the look on her face as one that he’s had many a time, whenever something reminded him of Milah. She was haunted by this ghost of her past, just like Killian was.

“Well shit,” Victor muttered under his breath as he brought his beer bottle up to his lips.

“Emma,” David said as he walked down the hallway, disappearing into the shadows as he stopped at the door. Killian couldn’t hear exactly what he was saying, but it sounded like David was trying to get Emma to open the door, to come back out and act as if nothing had happened.

But Killian understood her pain and her panic and knew that acting as if it never happened would not solve anything.

Killian stood from the couch and ran his hands over his jeans as he walked down the hall, placing his hand on David’s shoulder and nodding at him.

“She locked the door. I don’t think she wants to talk to anybody,” David told Killian.

“Give me a moment,” Killian replied and David nodded silently, returning back to the living room and leaving Killian in the dark hallway.

Killian cleared his throat and stepped closer to the door, hearing Emma’s sobs through the thick wood. His heart wrenched because he didn’t like hearing her cry like that. He didn’t want her to be in pain.

“Emma, love, I’m not going to tell you to open the door or to come back out because I know you’re upset,” Killian began saying, taking a deep breath. “All I’m going to say is that I understand. I may not know who that man is, but I can see that he’s causing you pain and I want you to know that I understand what you’re feeling. And that if you ever feel like talking, I’m _right here_. And I’m not leaving.”

The crying had subsided and Killian wondered what was going on on the other side of that door. But as soon as he thought that, he heard the click of the doorknob turning and unlocking. He looked as the door cracked open and he took that as a sign for him to come into the bedroom. Killian stepped into the room and shut the door behind him, staring down at Emma, with tear tracks down her cheeks.

He didn’t waste a moment before wrapping Emma in his arms and pulling her close, pressing a kiss to the top of her head as she sighed deeply in his arms. They just stood there for what seemed like hours, just swaying to a silent tune and listening to the bustling city outside of the building.

“I’m sorry about that,” Emma muttered into his shoulder.

“Don’t worry about it, love,” Killian replied, tightening his arms around her. “Like I said before, I understand. You don’t have to explain it to me.”

“But I want to, Killian,” Emma said as she pulled away and took a deep breath, crossing her arms over her chest as she tossed her hair over her shoulder. “His name was Neal. We started dating my sophomore year of college and I fell head over heels in love with him.”

Emma moved back and sat down on the edge of the bench in front of the bed, Killian moving forward with each of her steps backward. She took another deep breath and Killian noticed how her arms tightened around herself. “We were happy. Even though we weren’t soul mates, we loved each other. Or…at least _I_ loved him.”

And Killian understood. Soul mates weren’t an easy guarantee to happiness. Even though the phenomenon was relatively rare, there were still many documented soul mate couples who don’t stay together. Whether it be irreconcilable differences or some sort of betray of trust, not all soul mates remain together.

And with the soul mate thing not being a guarantee and even remaining with said soul mate an even worse possibility, many people just settle with those they fall in love with, not caring on whether or not they were soul mates. Killian had that with Milah and it seemed as though Emma had that with Neal. Killian would not fault Emma for falling in love with a man who wasn’t her soul mate, especially since Killian had done the exact same thing with Milah. But his heart still twinged with jealousy at the thought of Emma with another man.

But she was happy with Neal, so Killian could not be angry.

“We lived together after we graduated. For a year,” Emma continued, sighing. “And I thought we were happy. But the night after that stupid video was filmed, Neal went out for a pack of cigarettes and never came back.”

Emma sighed again as she stood up, her toes brushing Killian’s as she stepped forward. She kept her head down as she continued speaking. “I didn’t hear from him for two weeks. _Two weeks_. I thought he had fucking died or something ridiculous. After the third day, I called the cops to file a missing person’s report. But they quickly called that off when they saw his bank statement, seeing that Neal was perfectly alive and buying food and clothes all over Mt. Vernon.” Emma shrugged, defeated. “I just figured he had grown tired of me, just like everyone else in my life had.

“But then after those two weeks, I get a postcard. _A fucking postcard_. From Tallahassee. And all it said was ‘sorry. Met my soul mate. Don’t hate me.’ Three years and all I got was a fucking postcard.”

If Killian ever had the displeasure of meeting Neal, he was going to punch the ponce right in the teeth.

“The man who I loved up and left me the moment he met his soul mate. So I thought ‘hmm I probably just don’t deserve to have anybody so let’s not even try anymore,’” Emma continued, wrenching her hand through her loose curls. “And that’s why I ran the first time I met you, because I didn’t want this because I thought it would all fall apart. My parents are soul mates and my mother is this controlling _bitch_ toward my father, who doesn’t deserve that. They’d be better off not being together, so I thought that’s how it would be between the two of us.”

Emma’s chin began to quiver and Killian just wanted to hold her close again, to shield her from her pain. But he knew that she was not done, so all he did was take her hands in his and rub his thumbs across her skin.

“But it didn’t turn out that way and everything’s better than I expected and I was actually happy until that fucking video came back into my life and it just reminded me that I can’t always be happy-”

“Emma,” Killian said as he moved his hands to cup her face, running his thumbs against the apples of her cheeks, “you can be happy. You helped me accept my past and use it to grow. You helped me not be haunted by Milah’s ghost. So, I’m here to help you and to tell you that Neal is a bloody wanker and I’d gladly punch him in the family jewels if I ever met him.”

Emma laughed and it was such a glorious sound to him that Killian couldn’t stop himself from leaning down and kissing her. Her laughter turned into a moan as his tongue swiped across her lower lip and she reciprocated in kind, her hands twisting around the fabric of his hoodie and pulling him closer to her. They stood there together, kissing each other as their breathing grew heavy, and it felt as though they were meant to be together. That they wouldn’t be just some other couple that didn’t make it.

Killian was determined to make sure that they would make it, as long as Emma wanted him.

“Can we go home?” Emma asked against her lips, her voice hoarse.

Killian nodded because he did not trust his voice and wrapped his hand around Emma’s to tug her out of the room. They didn’t spend long saying their goodbyes-Killian only shaking hands with Victor and David as Emma hugged Mary Margaret and Ruby. He could see the concern on their faces, watching Emma as if she was a cannon loaded for fire. He didn’t appreciate how they were treating her like she was a bomb, treading lightly around her in case she decided to explode. Emma had demons in her past, just like anybody else in the world, and he wanted to keep her safe from them.

Killian protectively put his arm over Emma’s shoulders and she waved goodbye as David opened the apartment door for them, giving Killian one last stern look before they left. It didn’t take them long to catch a cab and return back to Emma’s apartment with Killian’s hood drawn tight around his head. Emma kept tight hold of his hand in between her cold ones as they entered the apartment building and traveled their way up to her apartment. There was only silence between them, words not needing to be spoken after Emma’s confession to Killian. He knew that she was still vulnerable and that she would be until she accepted the fact that Neal happened and that he had no control over her life anymore.

Killian still had that problem with Milah to this day.

But it became gradually easier to handle with Emma at his side.

And he hoped that he could ease Emma’s trouble with his constant presence.

They entered Emma’s apartment and not a moment after Emma flipped the deadbolt to lock her door, Emma jumped into Killian’s arms and kissed him, as though it would be the last thing she ever did. Although Killian knew that this was Emma’s way of deterring the conversation, he couldn’t stop himself from wrapping his hands tightly around her thighs to keep her up and from carrying her over to the bed that they shared.

Killian placed Emma on the bed and hovered over her, continuing to kiss her as she wrapped her legs around his hips. Killian dropped from his hands down to his elbows just to be closer to Emma, his hips dropping against Emma’s core and he reveled in how Emma sharply inhaled and pressed herself closer. Emma swept her tongue against his and he groaned and he was losing this battle with his self-control.

But then Emma’s lips tightened against his and that’s when he heard it.

A sniffle.

Killian pulled back and saw tear tracks down Emma’s cheeks. “Oh Emma.”

He moved off of Emma and pulled her into his arms, stroking her hair and pressing kisses against the skin he could reach. She sniffled against his shoulder as she gripped his hoodie tightly in her hands and he wished he could take away all her pain. It physically pained Killian when he saw her cry and suffer over an ex-boyfriend who hurt her in ways that Killian couldn’t imagine.

Milah did not choose to leave Killian. Neal chose to leave Emma without a word. And Killian could not understand the pain that must accompany that knowledge.

“Could you sing for me?” Emma asked, her voice muffled against his shirt.

“Of course,” Killian responded at once. And it didn’t take him long to figure out what song he wanted to sing for her.

 

Killian cleared his throat and began to sing “You And Me” by Lifehouse as he held Emma tightly in his arms, keeping her safe from the darkness in her mind. His soft voice carried throughout the small apartment and Emma’s sniffles slowly faded away as he sang. She began to hum along under her breath as Killian sang the lyrics of one of his favorite songs and Killian smiled because his Emma was back.

(At least for now.)

 _Something about you now_  
I can't quite figure out  
Everything she does is beautiful  
Everything she does is right  
  
'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do, nothing to lose  
And it's you and me and all of the people  
And I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you

And as the song slowly drifted to a close, Emma’s face pulled away from Killian’s shoulder and she looked up at him with watery eyes.

“Did you mean it?” Emma asked simply. “The song? Did you mean it?”

“Every word.”

Emma smiled politely and Killian pressed a small peck to her lips, pulling her closer to him and slowly falling asleep with his arms around her.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for another long wait. i didn't realize it had been nearly two months until i saw the date on the fic when i logged on to put this up. this is more of a filler chapter, as the next chapter is gonna be a doozy with Regina and Robin's wedding. i can't promise when that'll be up because in these coming weeks, i have some birthday fics to write, which need to take precedence right now. but i'll work as hard as i can on that chapter because i know it'll be really long. enjoy!!  
> PS. there's some smuttiness at the beginning of this chapter for your troubles. but if that isn't your thing, it isn't too much so you can easily skip it.

Killian stirred awake, his arms automatically tightening around Emma, who was still sleeping soundly against his chest. He slowly moved his head to the side to look down at Emma, whose hand was fisted tightly in his hoodie, which he didn’t take off the night before. Actually, the both of them were still wearing the clothes they had worn out to the dinner at Mary Margaret and David’s apartment. They were both a bit distracted at first to change, and after that, they had just simply fallen asleep together.

Killian’s heart hurt at the thought of the pain Emma went through the previous night. If something of Milah’s had suddenly come back into his life like that, he would’ve acted much the same way. He could not fault Emma for her reaction and all Killian wanted to do was to make sure that it never happened again. He wanted to keep Emma free from any pain because he cared for her too much to see her like that.

He lo-

No, he wouldn’t complete the thought. Not until they had more time together and everything would certainly work out. Because much like Emma, Killian wouldn’t be able to take another heartbreak. Milah’s death very nearly killed him and if Emma decided that she couldn’t be with him…Killian didn’t know what he would do.

Killian mentally shook his head and looked back down at Emma, whose head had slowly moved up to his shoulder. Looking at Emma as she slept, Killian smiled because she looked so much younger and carefree. The worry lines in her forehead were faded away and Killian couldn’t stop himself from reaching over with his free hand to gently brush the small indents in her skin and trapped a stray curl in between his fingers.

Not two seconds later, Emma’s eyes slowly opened and she began to smile as she blinked away the last of the sleep from her eyes. Killian traced his thumb down her cheek and thumbed at the dent in her chin.

“Good morning, love,” Killian muttered and Emma scooted closer to him, sending a shot of warmth into his heart.

“’Morning,” Emma muttered back, her voice thick and heavy with sleep and Killian found that he wanted to hear that voice every morning.

(Even though Killian didn’t want to believe that he was in love with Emma, his mind betrayed him every time.)

“Do you have work this morning?”

Emma shook her head against Killian’s shoulder. “No. Granny gave me the morning off. She usually does whenever I have those dinners. She knows her granddaughter very well.”

“Granddaughter?”

“Yeah. Ruby.” Emma sat up a bit and furrowed her eyebrows as she looked down at Killian. “You didn’t know?”

Killian shook his head. “No, I didn’t.”

“I guess there’s a lot for you to learn, huh?”

Killian smiled as he said, “I think we’ve got plenty of time.”

Emma smiled down at him. “I think so too.”

Emma quickly kissed Killian in a gentle peck and moved from her spot on his chest, standing on her hardwood floors and stretching as much as she can. Her flannel shirt pulled up as she lifted her arms over her head, exposing a small bit of her stomach. Killian’s stomach flipped at the exposed skin, wondering how the hell he’s been able to retain the small bit of self-control he does have.

“Want some breakfast?” Emma asked, a smirk playing on her lips as she caught him staring at her.

“Sure,” Killian murmured as he sat up in the bed and sat against the cold wall behind him.

“I only have eggs and some bread. Hope that’s okay,” Emma replied as she stepped over to the fridge that sat outside of the kitchen, swinging open the door to peer inside.

“That’s perfect, love,” Killian said, reaching for the remote that was perched beside the pillows at the top of the bed.

Killian heard Emma rummage around in the kitchen and the telltale sizzle of an egg hitting the hot skillet. He flipped on the television that was perched on top of Emma’s dresser, against the opposite wall from the bed. The scent of cooked eggs and slightly burnt toast filled the air as Emma began humming a quiet tune from the kitchen. Killian smiled as he recognized the melody as the song he sang to her last night, as she laid crying against his shoulder.

He was happy to see that her demons were at bay, allowing her to return to the Emma he grew to care about. Of course, Killian would always care for her, even when the demons come screaming, but he was happy to see that she was back to her regular lovely self. His heart was overwhelmed as he saw her walking out of the kitchen, holding two plates full of scrambled eggs with cheese and buttered toast, because he was so under her spell. Killian looked into her eyes and smiled as he took the plate, observing the sly smile Emma returned to him.

“Actually, could you hold my plate for a minute?” Emma asked quickly and Killian graciously took the plate from her hand. “I need to take off this shirt. It’s too hot.”

And with Killian gulping back a knot in his throat, Emma stripped off the flannel shirt she wore the night before, revealing the white tank top she wore underneath and the very clear outline of her black bra.

Buggering fuck.

“You gonna be okay there?” Emma asked, raising her eyebrows and her voice taking on a teasing tone.

Killian silently cleared his throat as he offered Emma’s plate back to her. “I’m fine.”

Emma laughed under her breath as she took a seat next to Killian, the lines of her legs pressed against his side and Killian had to mentally cross himself to retain any sliver of self-control he had left. They sat in silence as they ate their respective breakfasts, watching whatever show was on the television. It was pleasant, not needing to fill the silence with mindless talking. They just allowed the television noise to fill the silent spaces and sat side by side. Killian’s hair rose with every small brush of Emma’s arm against his, even if he was still covered by the long-sleeve hoodie he wore the night before.

Killian glanced over at Emma every so often, noticing how quickly she ate the food in front of her, barely taking a breath between each bite. He wondered why that was, or if that was just simply the way she ate her food. Deep down, it didn’t matter to Killian, whatever little quirks Emma had. He would stand by her side through everything, thick and thin.

No matter what strange little things she did.

“Do you like it?” Emma asked quietly as she moved to cross her legs, resting her now empty plate in her lap.

Killian nodded as he finished the final bite of his eggs. “It was very good, Emma. Thank you.”

“Neal always seemed to enjoy my breakfasts,” Emma replied, so quiet that Killian almost didn’t catch it. “Or really, whenever I cooked.”

Killian reached over and took her hand, rubbing his thumb across the back of her hand. “Are you feeling better from last night?”

Emma shrugged and looked up at Killian, smiling for a brief second. “I’m not sure. I think I feel better, but I don’t know if I’ll ever be completely okay.”

Killian nodded because he understood what she meant. He’d never completely be over Milah’s sudden death, but with time, the pain slowly began to fade away. He knew that’s how it would be for Emma. “I’ll be here to help you, if you want me to.”

Emma smiled weakly at Killian again and nodded. “I want you to. And-umm-thank you for last night. I know it may seem like I still have feelings for him, but I don’t.”

Killian nodded, continuing to run his thumb along Emma’s hand. “I know. I understand, Emma.”

“I was just caught by surprise.”

Killian nodded again. “It’s happened to me, as well. There’s nothing you need to apologize for.”

“Just-thank you for all of it. For coming along and having dinner with us and not forcing me to explain myself. It meant a lot to me, Killian,” Emma stated, moving on the bed to face Killian and her crossed legs knocking into Killian’s.

“It was my pleasure to be there,” Killian replied with a smile. “Even though according to your standards, it wasn’t quite a typical meal.”

Emma snorted. “Well you missed David threatening you and giving me a lecture. So that’s three out of four.”

“When you two were in the kitchen, Mary Margaret gave a long speech about hope and always knowing that you’d find you soulmate,” Killian added.

“Then it was a typical dinner, I guess.”

“Just out of curiosity, love-how exactly did David threaten me?”

“Just that if you break my heart, he’ll cut off your dick and balls, shove the balls down your throat, and then beat you to death with your dick.”

Killian’s eyes widened almost comically. “That’s quite imaginative.”

“Only way David knows how.”

“Although if I ever do break your heart, I think I’d practically beg for all of that.”

Emma blushed, a beautiful shade of rose rising high on her cheeks. “You don’t mean that.”

“But I do.”

And Killian did mean it. Even though he was keeping himself from mentally uttering those three little words, Killian knew that if he ever made the mistake of breaking Emma’s heart, he would beg for punishment. He would beg for someone to rip his heart out and stomp on it until he was left a quivering mess of a human because Emma deserved nothing but love. If Killian ever unintentionally hurt her again, as he had with withholding his history with Milah…he didn’t know what he would do.

Emma gulped and silently took the now-empty plates, carrying them over to the nearby kitchen. Killian heard the clattering of the dishes in the sink and he was honestly caught off guard when Emma reappeared as a siren straddling his lap, heat immediately running through his veins. She didn’t waste a minute before ducking her head and catching Killian’s lips in between hers, a moan tearing its way past his throat.

Killian’s hands gripped her hips, his fingertips turning white from the pressure. His hips bucked up to meet Emma’s denim-clad core and she gasped into his mouth, allowing Killian to sweep his tongue into Emma’s mouth. He swallowed her groan and in a move that impressed himself, Killian pinned Emma underneath him on the bed. He couldn’t stop himself from rubbing his aching cock against her, listening to Emma’s high-pitched moaning and allowing her sounds to drive his motions.

Killian trailed his lips down to Emma’s neck, his teeth grazing her soft skin as her nails drag down his clothed back. He wanted to bite down, to suck her skin into his mouth, to mark her as his for everyone to see. But Killian tried to keep his wits about himself, so he drew his mouth further south to the neckline of Emma’s thin tank top.

“Jesus Christ,” Emma murmured out in a husky tone that sent a bolt of desire down to his tightening trousers.

“No need to be formal. ‘Killian’ would suffice.”

Emma laughed as she pushed Killian into a kneeling position. Killian furrowed his eyebrows until he noticed Emma moving into a sitting position and stripping off her tank top, exposing the black lace bra she had been taunting him with since the previous night.

“Two can play at that game, love,” Killian practically growled out as he pulled his hoodie off and his shift over his head.

As soon as the shirt fell into a heap on the floor, Killian noticed how Emma gulped and how her green eyes darkened as they trailed up his exposed stomach and chest. And-well-Killian couldn’t resist his own opportunity to bask in the glory and perfection that was Emma Swan.

“I feel like this is a bad idea,” Emma spoke, her eyes firm on Killian’s.

“If you don’t want to do any-”

Killian’s statement was cut off by Emma tugging his head down to her with her hands on either side of his head, drawing his lower lip in between her teeth. With that, Killian tumbled down, hovering over Emma as they laid in bed with her legs hitched up around his hips. Emma’s nails scratched down Killian’s bare back and he groaned into her mouth, propping himself up on his elbow to slowly drag his fingers down Emma’s stomach.

Her breathing hitched when his fingers ran across the edge of the jeans she was still wearing from the night before. Killian’s eyes darted up to hers, silently asking for permission to continue further than they have before.

“Yes,” Emma whispered, her throat bobbing with a heavy gulp and Killian bent back down to kiss her.

Killian unbuttoned her jeans and began tugging them down her hips at an agonizingly slow pace. Emma lifted her hips for a moment for Killian to peel them past her hips and when she settled back down, Killian propped himself up on an elbow by Emma’s head, bending down to kiss her as his fingers slowly moved past her lace underwear. With every small step of the way, Killian would meet eyes with Emma and make sure that she wasn’t rethinking the whole thing.

Killian prided himself on being a gentleman, especially when that meant continuously checking on the comfort of Emma.

“Um, just take it slow,” Emma told Killian quietly. “It’s been a while?”

Killian raised an eyebrow as he looked down at Emma. “How long’s a while?”

Emma shrugged and muttered, “Six months-ish.”

Killian’s eyes widened for a moment because _six months_? But he schooled his face back to neutral so he didn’t offend Emma. “I can take it slow.”

And he noticed how Emma gulped at his words and his fingers moved through her trimmed curls, finding her wet and _wanting_ and this may have been a bad idea when Killian was eternally two seconds away from just fucking her.

But no. They agreed that they would take it slow and that’s what Killian would do.

“Jesus Christ,” Killian groaned as he dropped his head to take Emma’s lips between his, his fingers gently pressing and finally sliding into her warm heat. Emma moaned into his mouth and his cock grew harder at the sound and the feeling of her warm and tight around his fingers.

He began slowly thrusting his fingers, listening to Emma’s moaning to spur him on. His cock was painfully hard, but with how Emma’s breathing hitched and how her nails continued to scrap down his back, he didn’t want to stop until Emma found her release. She choked out another moan as Killian swept his tongue across her lower lip and he couldn’t stop himself from gently biting down on the plump lip. Her hips pressed up against his hand as his fingers slowly pumped inside of her, his palm grinding against her clit, which made Emma gasp into Killian’s mouth.

“Oh _fuck_ ,” Emma groaned out and Killian wanted to always hear her voice like this -heavy with lust and desire. He wanted it tattooed inside of his mind, so he would never forget the way Emma Swan sounded when she _wanted_.

His lips trailed down to the tops of her breasts, which were spilling out of her bra in an agonizing fashion, and he bit down on her soft flesh. He listened to her mewls of pleasure as he sucked down on her breast and his fingers began working harder and faster against her, his palm continuing to rub against her clit with every motion.

“ _Killian_ , ohmygod,” Emma whined out as her hips pressed against his hand again and Killian could feel her beginning to tighten around his fingers.

“Come for me, Emma,” Killian rasped out, his erection digging into Emma’s side and he thought he would surely burst. “I want to feel you come around my fingers.”

And it seemed as though his words pushed her over the edge, her mouth dropping open in a silent gasp and her hips bucking up into Killian’s hand. His pants grew painfully tight as she rode his fingers and he was going to need to relieve this pressure building in his cock before he combusted. Emma placed her hand over his and pushed it away, breathing heavily as her head dropped against Killian’s propped-up arm.

“Holy shit,” Emma muttered as her chest rose and fell. “Holy _shit_.”

“I take it that you enjoyed yourself?” Killian asked, still painfully hard in the tight confines of his jeans.

Emma snorted. “I guess so.”

Killian feigned offense, gasping sharply as he placed his hand on his chest. “’I guess so?’”

Emma laughed into his arm and pinched his side. “Shut up.”

Killian ducked down and pecked Emma sweetly on the lips, pulling back and smiling down at her. “Unfortunately, I have to leave for a work out session with Graham and our trainer.”

Emma’s bottom lip stuck out in a pout and Killian found himself wanting to nibble down on the plump lip. “Okay.”

“I’ll be at the lounge tonight though. I promise.”

Emma’s lips quirked upwards. “I’ll save you a song, cap’n.”

Killian quickly kissed Emma again and slowly stood from the bed, grabbing his button-down and hoodie from the floor beside the bed. He tugged the clothing on and ran his hand through his hair while Emma slid her white tank-top back over her body, not at all hiding the perfect body that lied beneath. He clenched his jaw in an attempt to retain his wavering self-control and remembered that there was something he needed to discuss with Emma before Regina and Robin’s wedding the coming weekend.

“Out of curiosity, have you found a dress for the wedding?” Killian asked while tucking his hands into the pockets of his hoodie.

Emma shook her head as she stepped over to him, thumbs hooked through her belt loops. “No. I’m going with Ruby and Mary Margaret on Wednesday once I get off. We’ll probably go to Macy’s or something like that.” Emma furrowed her eyebrows and slightly tilted her head to the side. “Why?”

Killian was silent for a moment because he knew he had to tread lightly in this coming conversation. “I was actually wondering if you would allow me to pay for your dress.”

Emma nibbled on her bottom lip and sighed. “Killian-”

“I know you want to pay for it on your own. But I want to give you this one thing, Emma,” Killian pleaded, stepping closer to Emma. “You can pay for the next however many meals we have together, or pay for anything until you feel that you have paid me back-which I don’t want you to feel like you do owe me. I just want to be able to pay for the stunning dress that you so choose to wear to the wedding. Because no matter what you wear, I’m sure you’ll look better than the bride.”

A light blush filled Emma’s cheeks and she smiled (and his heart jumped at the beautiful sight). “I’ll be sure to tell that to Regina when I meet her.”

“If you want me to disappear and to never be seen again, then go ahead.”

Emma laughed and slowly nodded, easing the tension around Killian’s heart. “Alright. And I’ll pay you back with however many meals it takes to cover the cost of the dress. I promise.”

He wanted her to know that he honestly didn’t need to be paid back, but he knew that Emma wouldn’t want to feel indebted to him. So Killian nodded and smiled. “Of course. There’s a shop in the Upper West Side that I’ve gone to for every suit I’ve needed for any occasion. The woman there is very generous to me and she’s very secretive about her clients.”

Emma raised her eyebrows. “I take it that you’ve used her for more than just your suits?”

Killian felt his ears redden and he scratched behind his ear in a nervous tick. “I’m afraid you’re correct, love. But she’s been very good to me and she has one of the best selections of formal gowns in the city, according to Regina. She has my information on file, so you don’t need any of my credit cards-”

“Oh darn-”

Killian pinched Emma’s arm and she laughed, pulling away. “Sorry, sorry. Continue.”

“She’ll just add the dress to my tab, so to speak,” Killian continued, taking Emma’s hands in his. “The only stipulation I have is that the dress must be black, given Regina’s colors for the wedding and you do _not_ want to start on her wrong side by buying the wrong color. Other than that, buy whatever you would like and treat yourself, love.”

“Ruby and Mary Margaret will enjoy this,” Emma said with a wide smile.

Killian chuckled. “I don’t doubt that. The woman’s name is Celeste, so you’ll have to ask for her when you arrive. I’ll call her this week to expect you around 8:30 Wednesday night?”

Emma nodded. “And you’ll text me the address?”

“Of course.”

“And it just needs to be black?”

Killian nodded. “Can’t afford to have you upstage the bride on her day.”

Emma rolled her eyes. “I’ve seen pictures of Regina. I don’t think it’d be possible.”

“Don’t doubt yourself, love. In my personal opinion, you are far more radiant and much less angry.”

Emma snorted and kissed Killian quickly, but still leaving him breathless from the short contact. “You’re such a smooth talker.”

“Comes with the territory,” Killian responded and he begrudgingly pulled away from her, knowing that he had to leave in order to get to his apartment in time to change and then make it to the gym on time. Graham wouldn’t let him hear the end of it if he was late to another workout session. “I’ll see you tonight.”

Emma walked Killian to the door and kissed him goodbye, lingering on his lips for much longer than he was sure was needed, but he wasn’t one to complain when a beautiful woman didn’t want him to leave. When they finally parted and a final brush of his fingers along the smooth skin of Emma’s cheek, Killian left her apartment with his hoodie over his head and his thoughts filled with Emma’s low moans and blushing face.

<> 

“ _Ugggghhhh_ my God,” Graham groaned as he plopped onto the couch, immediately placing his feet on top of the coffee table that cost almost as much as he made in a month as a waiter.

“Feet off the coffee table,” Killian reminded his friend immediately and Graham groaned again, dragging his feet back down to the floor. Killian rolled his eyes as he reached into his large fridge and pulled out two bottles of beer, handing one to Graham as Killian sat down beside him on the couch.

Graham didn’t waste a minute before twisting the cap off and downing half the bottle, saying hello to the calories he had just burned during the workout session with their trainer. Killian knew that there was another session in the morning, so he really didn’t worry about the empty calories of a beer.

He just desperately needed one after _that_ hell of a session.

“Why does everything huuurrrt?” Graham whined, dropping his head against the back of the couch.

“You would think that you’d get used to the pain after two years, mate.”

“Fuck off. Everything hurts,” Graham whined again and lifted his head up to pull another long drink from the beer. “Wanna watch some rugby? There should be some on soon.”

Killian looked over at the time on the cable box and noticed that it was nearing six. Emma would’ve started work nearly an hour ago and he knew he couldn’t pull a late night at the lounge, with another workout being at eight the next morning. So Killian shook his head and slowly stood from the couch, keeping his legs from shaking too much and placing his half-full beer bottle onto the coffee table.

“What? Why? Got plans?” Graham perused, raising an eyebrow as Killian rounded the couch to head to his master bathroom to shower the sweat and pain away.

Killian sighed because he couldn’t just have some sort of semblance of privacy in his life. “Yes, alright? With Emma, to see her at the lounge.”

Graham hummed under his breath, as if he was contemplating something. “You know, Izzy and I have been curious to go there. Especially Izzy, since she has yet to meet the mysterious Emma Swan.”

Killian sighed again because he knew exactly where this was going. Might as well get it over with. “Graham, would you like to accompany me to The Frozen Heart tonight?”

Graham flashed a wide smile at Killian. “Thought you’d never ask. I’ll text Izzy to see if she’s up for it.”

“Don’t text her until I pass it by Emma. I don’t want her to be surprised when I show up with the famous Graham Humbert and Izzy Greene, alright?”

Graham nodded, clearly pleased with himself, and he quickly flipped the television on, tuning into whatever the hell was on.

Killian walked up the two steps into the foyer, and turned right to head down the hall to head to his bedroom. He fished his phone from the pocket in his basketball shorts and quickly tapped out a message to Emma, hoping that it got to her within a decent amount of time.

**Graham found a way to worm himself into my plans of coming to the lounge tonight and he wishes to bring along Izzy. I hope this doesn’t distress you. If it does, I will gladly kick him out on his arse.**

Killian didn’t see Emma’s response until he returned from his master bathroom, with a white towel drawn tightly around his waist to keep from dripping water from his shower all over his bedroom. He gently shook his head, his wet hair sending droplets everywhere like he was a dog (and he really did need to cut his hair but Cora said that the fans enjoyed the longer hair and the fans were always right), and he reached for his phone.

_That’s fine with me, as long as it doesn’t bring too much attention to us somehow._

Killian nodded to himself because he understood what she meant. She was still afraid of the world knowing about them and he wanted to keep her in his private life for as long as they were able to, or until they decided they were ready. He was just as scared of going public with her as Emma was. And if Killian Jones suddenly arrived with Izzy Greene and Graham Humbert to watch her sing…it could raise some eyebrows.

Especially if people had been noticing him sticking around until late at night and making eyes at the hypnotizing lounge singer.

**Are you sure you want all of them to come tonight?**

But Killian meant _do you want me there tonight_ because even though it’s been nearly a month and a half, he was still nervous with each step. Emma’s never had a problem with Killian coming to the lounge, but he knew how badly she wanted to keep things quiet, which would be difficult to do with Graham and Izzy on his side.

_I’m positive. I want you to be here, killian. Just no direct reference to us, in case someone overhears._

**Of course, love. I can be there within the hour, as long as Graham gets ahold of Izzy.**

_I’ll see you then. Your admirer won’t be there, unfortunately._

Killian chuckled under his breath and silently thanked God. He really wouldn’t have looked forward to dealing with Ella seeing two more main cast members of _Never Landing_.

**What an unfortunate circumstance. I will miss the high-pitched screeching.**

_Don’t say that. Elsa’s sister is taking her tables tonight and she’s nearly as bad as Ella. Good luck with her._

**Save me a song, Swan.**

_Don’t I always?_

Killian smiled as he dropped his phone back onto the bed and turned to his dresser to get dressed for the night. He plucked out a pair of black jeans and reached into his closet to pull on a dark red button-down shirt. As he finished buttoning up his shirt, he could hear the murmuring of voices out in the main area of his apartment. He knew that Izzy must’ve already arrived, meaning that Graham had called her before Killian heard from Emma. Killian sighed, even though Emma had agreed to having them come to the lounge. He just wished Humbert would just bloody listen to him.

Killian stepped out of his bedroom and the high pitched voice coming from the living room confirmed that Izzy was in his apartment. He ran his hand through his still-wet hair and sighed when he saw that Izzy’s feet were propped up on the coffee table, right beside Graham’s.

“Feet off the table,” Killian called out as he stepped down into the living room in his socked feet.

Izzy and Graham groaned at the same time and their feet fell to the floor. Izzy tilted her head back against the couch to look at Killian, her high bun squishing against the leather of the couch.

“We heading out soon?” Izzy asked and Killian nodded, walking over to the right side of the room to slide on his typical boots. “Alrighty then.”

“Just no talking about Emma and me while we’re there, alright?” Killian asked as he turned back to his friends, who were standing from the couch. “She’s afraid that we’re gonna draw attention and that someone could overhear us. So no talking about soulmates or anything.”

Graham and Izzy nodded while Izzy ran her hands over her lime green dress. Killian mentally cursed Graham for inviting her because Izzy was _never_ subtle. With a dress like that, people would be able to see her from across the bloody block. And paparazzi knew that Izzy only wore variations of green.

And Graham always wore the exact same worn-in, brown leather jacket that nearly everybody could recognize.

The night just got a lot more difficult with Killian’s company.

But Killian tried to keep the anxiety down as they travelled to the Bronx to see Emma sing, in the town car that Izzy just _had_ to arrive in and he really didn’t want to draw _more_ attention to them but he had no choice in the matter since it was a Saturday night and all of the taxis were taken-

It didn’t take them long to reach their table at the lounge. Killian sat in between Graham and Izzy in the booth that faced the stage, watching another lounge singer sing to the crowd. The waiters and waitresses were hurrying around and Killian caught a small glimpse of Emma, bent over a table as she placed full glasses of liquor down for her guests. A piece of hair had fallen into her face and Killian’s hand twitched with the want to tuck it behind her ear.

“Is that her?” Izzy asked as she leaned over to speak into his ear. Apparently he wasn’t being entirely subtle as he looked at Emma.

Killian nodded, his eyes following Emma around the room, noticing that her heels did wonderful things for her ass (but he wouldn’t dare say that out loud). Her hair was wrapped in a low bun with that strand of hair continuing to fall in front of her face. And her tight black dress hugged every curve, causing Killian’s thoughts to turn indecent.

“She’s beautiful,” Izzy replied, crossing her legs at the knees.

“That she is,” Killian murmured under his breath, still completely hypnotized by the woman the world graced him with.

A waitress stopped at their table and quickly took their respective orders, hurrying away with a blush on her cheeks after Graham winked at her. Killian mentally slapped himself because bringing Izzy and Graham was a one way ticket to being the most conspicuous group of people in a place where he wanted to be the exact opposite.

Not shortly after the waitress returned with their drinks, Killian noticed Emma taking the stage. The lights shined down on her and she smiled widely, sending Killian’s heart into a frenzy. He could see her every day for the rest of his life and his heart would continue to betray him by pounding so hard within his chest that he was sure that anyone could hear it.

She didn’t waste a moment before beginning to sing and the piano man quickly caught up with her, playing the tune to “Something’s Got A Hold On Me.” Her hips began swaying as she sang, the single strand of hair continuing to lay in front of her face and Killian’s heart twisted because _she was so bloody beautiful_.

Emma smiled brightly and it looked as though she was smiling directly at him, and Killian couldn’t help but smiling just as widely back at her. Graham and Izzy could’ve tried to tell him anything-that Izzy was pregnant or that they were together or that Graham used to be a woman-but nothing would’ve distracted Killian from the sight and sound of Emma singing. From his periphery, he could see that Graham and Izzy were just as hypnotized by Emma as he was, as the rest of the audience was. All talking ceased and even the waitresses were standing around the lounge, completely captivated by Emma.

Killian smiled again because _she was his soul mate_.

The song slowly drifted to a close and an applause erupted, but it was quickly silenced by Emma continuing onto the next song. Killian could’ve sat there for hours, just listening to her sing. And that’s what he did, with Graham and Izzy right beside him. They sat in the booth, unmoving, and just _listened_. They sat there for the next few hours as Emma sang, taking no breaks-except to drink the water offered to her by one of the waitresses. And as her set slowly dwindled to an end, Killian realized that it was nearing ten at night and he needed to get some sort of semblance of a sleep before working out at eight the next morning.

But Emma stepped down from the stage with a smile on her face and Killian couldn’t leave just yet, not until he spoke to her for just a moment. And Killian didn’t have to leave his seat to speak with her, as she immediately headed over to his table with her hands clasped in front of her. His heart began pounding steadily as she walked over to his table with purpose, her legs sky high in those blasted heels she wears (and the ones that give Killian even more indecent thoughts).

“Hello,” Emma stated, standing just in front of Killian, but looking at Graham and Izzy. “My boss thought it’d be a good idea to introduce myself to you three.”

Killian smiled because he knew Elsa hadn’t come out to the lounge since he had arrived. And by Emma’s sly wink, he knew she was making up the story, just so she could come see him. Bloody brilliant, his Swan was.

“Of course. You were wonderful,” Izzy spoke as she stood from the booth, stepping around the small circular table to shake hands with Emma. “I’m Izzy Greene, and that’s Graham Humbert. And this is Killian Jones.”

“Oh I’m aware,” Emma replied with a smile as Graham and Killian began to stand from their booth. “ _Never Landing_ is my favorite show.”

Graham leaned in as he shook hands with Emma and mumbled under his breath, “Smooth excuse there, Emma.”

The low lights of the lounge prevented Killian from seeing the slight blush that filled Emma’s cheeks as Graham released her hand. Graham gently nudged Izzy and announced that they would wait outside, while winking obnoxiously over at Killian. He sighed as Izzy and Graham departed the lounge and Emma stood in front of Killian.

“You’re leaving so soon?” Emma asked and it hurt Killian’s heart to hear the slight panic undertones of her voice.

Killian nodded and stepped slightly forward, continuing to maintain a reasonable distance between him and Emma as to not raise any eyebrows. “Aye. I have a training session at eight in the morning and I do need my beauty sleep.”

Emma snorted and smiled widely and Killian wanted to remember that sound for the rest of his life. “Because you need more of that, clearly.”

Killian smiled back and swayed an inch or so closer. “Clearly.”

Emma offered her hand and Killian gratefully took it, rubbing his thumb across the back of her hand as they gently shook hands. Her hand was soft in his, contrasting against his rough and callused hand. She smiled at him again and it was like the heavens opened up over him and Killian couldn’t believe that the world had graced him with this woman, whom had been through more tribulations than Killian thought was possible and yet she stood ever stronger.

Oh bloody hell.

He was in love with her.

“Do you think it would be inappropriate to kiss you on the cheek, Swan?” Killian murmured under his breath as their hands remained joined, not even slightly scared of the thoughts crossing his mind.

Her lips slightly upturned and his heart jolted and bloody hell _he was in love with her_. “Not at all.”

And Killian leaned forward, listening to the hitch of Emma’s breath as he leaned closer and closer to her. He just barely brushed his lips against the corner of her mouth and he swore that he heard a moan pass Emma’s mouth. And as he pulled away, his nose brushed hers and when they met eyes, Emma’s pupils were blown wide.

“Good night, Swan,” Killian spoke and left the lounge, leading to a restless night in his bed because he was in love with Emma bloody Swan.

<> 

Emma was beyond starving, but she didn’t nearly have enough time to eat. She was already running late, getting off work fifteen minutes later than she usually did because some drunkard had to puke all over the bar counter (who seriously gets that drunk on a _Wednesday_ night?) and she had to run home to change clothing because she was not going to this shop in puke-covered clothes.

She had hurriedly texted Mary Margaret and Ruby to tell them to simply meet her there, in front of the store called Fae (which she thought was a little curious, to be entirely honest). And now, she was standing in front of the store, bright lights emitted through its wall-length windows that look onto the busy Upper West Side streets. Ruby and Mary Margaret both had their hands resting on their pregnant bellies, staring intently at the store and the fancy script spelling “Fae” over the awning, which protruded over the large glass double doors and held itself over the sidewalk.

Nerves bubbled in Emma’s stomach. This would be her first foray into this new world, one which she had only admired from a distance. But, if things went well between her and Killian (and she knew they would and why did she continue to doubt it all-), this would become her life too. She never expected to have this life-never even dreamed that she would have a _soul mate_ , much less one who lived with the paparazzi stalking his every move and walking down the red carpet as if it was a chore.

Part of Emma wanted to leave, to run away from this store and never look back. To pack up everything and go somewhere new, just as she had when she was in the system and would run away from cruel foster families where they treated their children like meal tickets and the fathers would look at her as though she was something to eat.

And well, the glaring ‘CLOSED’ sign hanging on the front door did nothing to squelch those fears.

“You’re sure Killian said 8:30 pm on Wednesday?” Ruby asked, continuing to eye the store.

Emma nodded. “He told me he’d arrange it.”

Emma noticed at least one woman milling about in the shop, with cerulean blue hair and sky high heels. Emma had half a mind to just leave, to tell Killian that the shop wasn’t open and that she’d just find something in her closet to wear to the wedding. But as though the woman was reading her mind, she looked over at the trio and rushed quickly to the door.

“Thank God. I have to piss,” Ruby muttered under her breath and Emma snorted, looking to her right to see her very pregnant friend wincing. “This kid is just resting on my bladder. This kid better be fucking cute.”

The blue-haired lady pushed open the glass door and met eyes with Emma, whom stepped forward quickly to talk to the lady.

“Are you Emma Swan?” The lady asked and Emma nodded quickly. “Alright, hurry in. We’ll be going into the rear of the store. You have no idea how many paparazzi stake out this store. You’re lucky you haven’t been seen and that it isn’t awards season.”

The woman-presumably Celeste-opened the door and ushered the three into the store, quickly shutting the door and locking it behind them. Emma looked around at the stark-white store, eyeing the mannequins dressed in clothing that Emma was sure cost more than a month’s rent at her apartment. Shit, at _Killian’s_ apartment.

“Follow me, please,” The woman spoke as she hurried ahead of Emma, leading her, Ruby, and Mary Margaret into the back of the store.

The woman’s heels clacked loudly against the white tile flooring of the store, which appeared to go throughout the store. Emma noticed Mary Margaret and Ruby staring at all corners of the store, as if it was something they would never see again. Emma restrained herself from thinking those same thoughts, knowing that she so deeply cared for Killian and that she couldn’t leave him as she herself had been left so many times before.

(She wanted to be rid of her fears, but it was those fears that kept her safe all those years.)

(Emma didn’t know who she was without them.)

Killian cared enough for her to have her use his money to buy this dress that she’ll probably never wear again (but she would force herself to wear it time and time again because it was probably going to cost more than she made in a month and she’d have to owe Killian at least five hundred meals and why did she agree to this-) so Emma would do this. She wanted to make Killian happy. She didn’t want to continue to be holed up in their own little world because eventually, they would have to emerge and face the media.

She wanted to be able to live their own lives, unhindered and happily, as if Killian wasn’t some sought-after star and she wasn’t his commoner girlfriend.

“Just back here,” The woman stated as Emma walked through an arch and into a large sitting area, with a small circular platform in the middle that was covered in a white carpet. Along the walls, racks of flowing dresses stunned Emma. It seemed as though Emma wanted to buy every single one of them, just to call her own.

But no, she wouldn’t. Emma would find a dress just for the wedding and would make sure it wasn’t the most expensive one. She didn’t want to be indebted to Killian for the rest of her life, even though he insisted that she didn’t need to pay him back. Even though he was her soul mate, she didn’t like _feeling_ indebted to anybody, no matter who they were.

(Especially if they held her heart.)

“I’m so sorry. I forgot to introduce myself,” The blue-haired lady said as she looked at the three women. She placed her hand over her chest, showing her long painted nails that matched her hair. “My name is Celeste and this is my store. I’ve worked with Killian ever since he needed his first suit for the premiere of _Never Landing_ two years ago, and a matching dress for his date. I’ve picked out some black dresses already for you to try on, so we can get started whenever you’re ready.”

“One question,” Ruby spoke up with a pained face. “Where’s the bathroom?”

Celeste smiled toothlessly and pointed over her right shoulder, at the hallway behind her that was next to a long wall of mirrors. “Down the hall, first door on the left.”

Ruby hurried away, her Converses shuffling loudly against the tile flooring, and there was a loud slam of the bathroom door once Ruby stepped inside. Celeste at first looked annoyed, but quickly schooled her face into indifference, raising her arm to gesture to the other hallway, on the opposite side of the wall from the bathrooms.

“May we?” Celeste asked with a saccharine smile and Emma took a deep breath, walking beside Celeste down the hall as Mary Margaret took a seat on one of the plush, sky blue couches in front of the platform.

Emma reminded herself to breath as she walked along with Celeste, who ushered her into the very first room on the left. In there, Emma gasped as she saw at least ten black dresses, hanging up in a line against the back wall, with the opposite wall just a large mirror. It was as if these dresses were just waiting for Emma to try them on, to deem them perfect for the wedding.

“So, is there any particular one you want to try on first?” Celeste asked as she shut the door behind her and Emma.

Emma shrugged and Celeste plucked the first gown in the row of ten, sliding it off the hanger and into her arms. Celeste told Emma to strip down, and so Emma did. She wasn’t embarrassed by it since she was sure Celeste had seen many women in their bras and panties. The only thing she wished as she took off her pants and shirt was that she had worn a better bra and not the ratty old thing she had for years.

But Emma didn’t notice if Celeste looked at her with contempt or judgement. She just stepped over to Celeste and the woman helped Emma step into the strapless, satin gown. Once Celeste zipped up the back of the gown, Emma looked in the floor-to-ceiling mirror. The dress was more snug than Emma would’ve liked, trapping her breasts in the tight material. It was a gorgeous gown, but nothing about it stood out. It was just a plain satin gown, with a small white belt.

“Do you want to show your friends this dress?” Celeste asked, meeting Emma’s eyes in the mirror.

Emma shook her head. Even though the dress was exactly what she needed to not stand out at the wedding, she just didn’t like it. It was far too bland for her to even consider it.

Celeste nodded as she unzipped the dress. “That’s okay. Let’s go onto the next dress.”

And that continued on through the next nine dresses. Emma would put them on and would decide whether or not to actually show Ruby and Mary Margaret the dress. Through most of the dresses, Emma had deemed them worthy of consideration. But they all were shot down by a raise of Ruby’s eyebrow or the pinching of Mary Margaret’s face. They were down to just the final one, which Emma was looking forward to. Not simply because it really was a gorgeous gown, but Emma was beyond starving and just needed to fucking eat.

Celeste slid up the zipper of the gown and Emma looked at herself in the mirror and for once, in this dress and throughout this entire night, she felt as though she actually would belong at the wedding. She felt as though she would belong in this entire lifestyle, right at Killian’s side. With her long hair piled up into a bun that Celeste helped Emma with, she truly looked like a movie star.

The strapless, black gown hugged Emma’s breasts in a way that she knew Killian would appreciate (hell, _Emma_ appreciated it). It went down simply, hanging to just barely brush her toes, with a slit that went up to her mid-thigh. It fit her perfectly, unlike some of the other gowns. The look was very similar to the first gown, but this gown…it just had the extra _something_ that Emma needed.

“Let’s go show your friends,” Celeste stated, reading the look on Emma’s face.

Emma gathered the material in her hands and walked out of the room in front of Celeste. She walked down the hallway, breathing deeply before meeting Ruby and Mary Margaret at the sitting area. If they didn’t like this dress, Emma just didn’t know what she would do. There wasn’t any time left before the wedding, as it was on Sunday, and this dress was just _the one_.

Emma let out a breath as she stepped onto the pedestal in front of where Ruby and Mary Margaret were sitting. She heard a collective gasp come from the two and Emma smiled because that was it. It was done. She found the gown she would wear to Regina’s wedding.

(A knot formed in her stomach at the thought of spending the evening with these high-class stars because she was sure they would see right through her, seeing her as the poor girl who could barely afford her own apartment and who definitely did _not_ deserve to life this sort of life-)

“Oh Emma, it’s _perfect_ ,” Mary Margaret spoke, tears in her voice as she stood from the couch to touch the soft material of the dress. “And I can tell that you love it too, so this is clearly the one.”

“I’ll go and take care of the transaction,” Celeste spoke from her place beside the couch where Ruby continued to relax.

The woman walked away and Emma turned around to face the wall of mirrors. She could barely recognize herself in the gown, never having worn something so beautiful. Something so _expensive_. Even when she lived with Diane, her mother never had Emma wear something so elegant. It was just one of those things that Emma reckoned she didn’t deserve.

(And she still felt like that, even now, standing in the gown.)

“You’re thinking too hard,” Ruby stated, standing from the couch to stand on the other side of Emma. “What is it?”

_No man is going to want a lounge singer who can barely afford her own rent._

_Maybe that Neal boy had the right mindset, getting away from you. Maybe he could tell that you would never amount to anything substantial. Oh, what wasted potential. You could’ve really been something, Emma._

Emma’s hands tightened into fists and began to shake. Diane was fucking right. She didn’t deserve this life. She never did and she never would. That’s why Diane had cut her off and why Emma never found a family before her. It was why Emma never found love, even when she thought she had it with Neal. Emma didn’t deserve happiness and love and a family. She didn’t deserve to have somebody there for her.

She didn’t deserve a soulmate who looked at her like she was the entire goddamn world.

“Emma,” Ruby repeated, her hand soothingly wrapping around Emma’s wrist to bring her back to the present. “Emma, you deserve this. I know exactly what’s going through your head right now and _you deserve this_. You deserve a guy who makes you happy and you deserve this gorgeous dress and you deserve this sort of life. Don’t talk yourself out of it because I know that’s exactly what you’re fucking doing.”

“But he deserves someone who doesn’t have a past-”

“Emma, everyone has a past,” Mary Margaret spoke up, her hand wrapping around Emma’s fist. “Killian has a past. Ruby has a past. Shit, _I_ have a past.”

“But my past is _horrible_ and he just deserves someone who isn’t fucking broken and a goddamn mess and someone who can actually afford to live and not worry month-to-month about her rent at her crappy studio apartment,” Emma spat out, angry and frustrated tears tracking down her cheeks.

“You love him,” Mary Margaret said and Emma’s heart pounded in her chest because she knew her friend was right. “You love him and that’s why you care so much.”

But Emma just shrugged because denial was a far easier game to play than acknowledging your feelings and possibly getting hurt in the process. “I don’t know.”

(Oh, but Emma did know.)

(She loved Killian Jones. So much that her heart could burst from it.)

Mary Margaret sighed and exchanged a look with Ruby. “I suppose that’s all we’ll get about that.”

Celeste returned shortly thereafter, stating that the transaction was approved and that the dress was officially Emma’s (even though her mind yelled _it’s Killian’s_ ). The trio departed the store with a garment bag in hand and Emma made up some excuse to just return to her apartment, needing to be alone. And Ruby and Mary Margaret seemed to accept the excuse, bidding farewell to Emma and promising to be over at Killian’s apartment Sunday morning to help her prepare for the wedding.

And Emma returned to her apartment, hung up her brand new dress, and curled up in her bed, listening to the growls of her stomach as she slowly drifted off to a restless sleep.

(It wasn’t as though she hadn’t fallen asleep on an empty stomach before and with only her racing thoughts as her company.)


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry for the long ass wait. i've been in a rut for a long time, especially since my mother died back in November. it took me a while to get out of it, but here is the chapter! there's a bit of smuttiness in this chapter, as a gift for the long wait. enjoy!!

“Ow, god dammit, Ruby!” Emma whined as Ruby tugged and teased her hair.

“Stop moving,” Mary Margaret scolded Emma as she tried to perfect Emma’s eyeliner. “I’m gonna stab you in the eyes with this pencil and you’ll only be able to blame yourself.”

“Well tell Ruby that I’m not a doll and I _do_ feel pain,” Emma replied, wincing as Ruby tugged her hair again into an elaborate braid.

“I’m almost done, so stop complaining,” Ruby stated, sliding a bobby pin into Emma’s hair. “Beauty is pain. You’ll do well to remember that, since there’s gonna be red carpets in your future.”

Emma sighed in defeat. She knew Ruby was right. Killian’s star was only beginning to rise and he had more than enough potential to rocket into A-list territory. But a part of her was still nervous about her future in the spotlight. She knew her past would come out and she could only imagine the horrors people would write about her.

But Emma didn’t get through her life without growing tough and thick skin. She was sure she could get through all of that pain in order to remain by Killian’s side. Even with her uneasiness about living a life of fame, she didn’t want to give up her relationship with Killian. She _couldn’t_ give him up. But she did fear how Diane would cash in on her “daughter” being the soulmate of a celebrity heartthrob.

“Don’t look so sad, Emma. I’ll stop tugging on your hair if it hurts that much,” Ruby spoke softly and Emma met her eyes in the mirror. Ruby looked genuinely worried, as if she was the reason behind Emma’s sudden sadness.

“It’s not that,” Emma spoke quietly, swallowing back a knot in her throat. “I’m just nervous. That’s all.”

“You know he won’t leave your side, right?” Mary Margaret says as she slides red lipstick across Emma’s bottom lip. “He won’t be able to keep his eyes off of you.”

“Not like he doesn’t do that already,” Ruby murmured and Emma snorted under her breath.

Emma urged herself to stop worrying, as she didn’t want to waste the wedding by remaining stuck in her thoughts about the future. She was going to have a great time with Killian, dancing the night away with a man Emma was sure was a fantastic dancer. Plus, she was definitely looking forward to seeing him in a suit in the flesh; while Emma had seen countless pictures of Killian in tuxedos for premieres and award ceremonies and photoshoots, she was particularly excited to see one on him in person.

(And then preferably on the floor later.)

“Why did your face suddenly turn red?” Mary Margaret asked and of course Emma had to blush at that indecent thought.

“Having dirty thoughts about your soulmate?” Ruby suggested with a wolfish grin in the mirror.

“Shut up,” Emma mumbled under her breath.

Ruby began practically giggling, hopping on her feet as Emma’s hair remained in her hands. “I knew it. Don’t worry-we won’t tell him.”

Emma resisted the urge to drop her head into her hands, knowing that Mary Margaret would murder her if Emma ruined her makeup she had been painstakingly doing for the past half hour.

“I wonder what your lover is doing while we commandeer his bathroom,” Ruby murmured, tucking another bobby pin in Emma’s hair to hold the second braid in place.

“He said he’d just watch rugby until it came time for him to get dressed and that he’ll use the guest bedroom,” Emma explained, her fingers picking at her nails.

“Don’t do that,” Mary Margaret said as she slapped Emma’s hands, then turned back to Emma’s lipstick. “I bet he’ll look great.”

“I’ll look like a freaking troll next to him,” Emma grumbled.

“Now that’s a load of shit and you know it,” Ruby replied, meeting Emma’s stare in the mirror and twisting the braids together into a bun. “Killian is gonna pop a boner when he sees you.”

“Jesus, Ruby-”

“It’s the damn truth. Don’t try to deny it,” Ruby continued, grinning as her stare glanced down to her hands as they slowly finished Emma’s hair. “I’m expecting a text tomorrow about how he is in the sack.”

“ _Ruby_ -”

“Oh come on!” Ruby whined as Mary Margaret sent a stare toward Ruby. “I just really wanna know. How you haven’t tapped that yet is _beyond_ me-”

There was a gentle knocking on the door, which interrupted Ruby’s indecent tirade. “Ladies, there’s pizza in the kitchen if you would like any. It’s only cheese and pepperoni pizzas, but I thought you three would like something to eat.”

Emma didn’t resist the urge to slap a hand over her face in embarrassment. “Thanks, Killian.”

Emma heard Killian walk away from the bathroom, his feet padding against the hardwood floor of his bedroom until there was a quiet click of his bedroom door closing. Emma looked up at Ruby’s mortified face in the mirror, seeing the reddest Ruby had ever been since Emma knew her.

“Thanks for that, Ruby,” Emma said as her face remained hot from embarrassment, dropping her hand from her face as Mary Margaret looked like she was on the verge of laughing.

“Maybe he didn’t hear it?” Ruby asked, shrugging as she reached for the hairspray on the white marble countertop in front of Emma.

Emma snorted as Ruby began spraying the hairspray around Emma’s head. Soon, Emma’s appearance was finished and Emma barely recognized the woman in the mirror as she looked at Ruby and Mary Margaret’s work. Her hair was back in a braided bun, the braids running along the sides of her head. Her longish bangs were tucked behind her ears and Ruby had teased a little bump into the crown of Emma’s hair. Mary Margaret perfected Emma’s look by tracing cate eyes along Emma’s eyes and spread a matte red lipstick across her lips.

And needless to say, Emma thought she looked hot.

Ruby and Mary Margaret allowed Emma to get acquainted with her new self as they left the bathroom to retrieve some pizza from the kitchen. The longer Emma looked in the mirror, the more she believed she would be able to blend into this new life with Killian. As she looked at herself in the mirror, Emma thought that maybe she wouldn’t look so awkward at Killian’s side as they moved through red carpets and that maybe she would fit in.

But the memory of Diane’s words rang in Emma’s ears and anxiety gripped her heart tightly.

She was afraid everyone would see right through her and see that Emma did not belong in this high-class world. Emma knew her history would come out and that people would be judging her left and right, whispering that they knew all along that she was just some gold digging whore that was clearly using Killian for his money and fame-

“We brought you pizza,” Ruby chimed and Emma took a deep breath, schooling her face into indifference. Ruby and Mary Margaret arrived in the bedroom, standing by the foot of the bed and looking into the bathroom where Emma still stood. “We cut it up for you so you don’t smear your lipstick.”

Emma stepped out of the bedroom and eagerly took the plate from Ruby’s hand, beginning to eat the pizza pieces before she even sat on the bed. Killian and she had to leave in an hour to drive another hour to Regina’s parents’ house, where the wedding was being held. And Emma was sure that she would be starving by the time the reception rolled around, so she ate as much as she could. She didn’t imagine that the entrees would be anything substantial and that by the end of the night, Emma would be back to starving.

Soon, their pizza slices were eaten and Mary Margaret and Ruby began helping Emma into her gown, which they had picked up on the way over to Killian’s apartment. The dress fit just as perfectly as it did earlier in the week at Fae, the black fabric draping over her body and hugging her hips. The top was structured enough and tight and the thigh-high slit left little to the imagination.

Emma knew she looked good in the dress, but she hoped that Killian would enjoy it as well.

“Damn girl, you look hot,” Ruby spoke as the three of them looked in the mirrored closet doors of Killian’s bedroom. “He isn’t gonna know what hit him.”

Emma took a deep breath and ran her hands over the dress, unable to believe that she was about to go to the wedding of the tabloid-dubbed Evil Queen and the lead singer of Prince of Thieves. She was about to enter the life she had only fantasized about, never thinking that this would ever actually happen to the girl who had grown up with nobody to love her and was always alone and was never deserving of anything-

“Well, it’s time,” Mary Margaret said, kissing Emma’s cheek as they ushered her toward the door, only allowing Emma to stop to slide on the four-inch stilettos to go with the dress.

Emma took another deep breath as Mary Margaret pushed the bedroom door open and led Emma down the narrow hallway, turning right at the break in the hallway to walk to the entry way of the apartment. She could hear Killian pacing against the hardwood of the entry way, probably looking impeccable in his suit, and Emma felt nerves bubbling in her stomach. She was nervous about going to this star-studded wedding, but she would do it. Killian deserved to have a soul mate that would be able to attend his events and would stand tall by his side.

Besides, she was just a _little_ curious about how the wedding would be.

After a final deep breath, Emma stepped into the entry way behind Mary Margaret and witnessed the unbelievable perfection that was Killian Jones in a suit. She only first saw his back, his hip slightly cocked as he stood with his hands in his pant pockets and Emma already knew she would have a hard time that night. The black fabric clung to his back and legs, almost like a second skin. From the back, Emma could tell that his hair was sticking up slightly in his signature style.

(Dammit, she was fucked for the night.)

And just then, as he heard Emma’s heels clacking on the hardwood, Killian turned around and Emma swore she blacked out for a second. Yes, his hair was slightly sticking up at the front, and yes, that suit clung to him tightly. But it was the way his gaze landed on Emma and not-so-subtly trailed up her body and landed on her face that made Emma nearly faint. He looked at her as though she was the only thing in this world worth looking at-as if she was the sun, the moon, the stars, and every fucking galaxy out there.

His eyes grew soft when they landed on her face, no longer the curious stare from before. A small smile pulled at his lips and Emma felt her heart swell because it was a sight that Emma wanted to remember forever and watch grace his face again. The butterflies continued to flap around wildly in her stomach, but no longer because of the nerves about the night. They were because of _him_.

(Jesus fucking Christ, Emma loved him.)

“Well, it’s time for us to head out,” Ruby spoke suddenly, looking between Killian and Emma. “Baby Whale is starting to get a little hungry.”

Ruby and Mary Margaret pressed kisses to Emma’s cheeks, but not without a stare from Ruby which told Emma exactly what Ruby was expecting the next day. Emma groaned internally as her friends slowly exited the apartment, leaving her alone with Killian. Her eyes met his one more time and goosebumps raised on her arms from just the intensity of his stare. She could see the struggle behind his eyes, as if he was trying to figure out what he wanted to do. Emma had her own idea of what was probably going through his head because Emma was positive she was thinking the same thing.

Emma wanted to kiss the hell out of him.

(Among other things.)

So Emma stepped the three feet over to Killian, her heels clacking against the floor, and she gripped the lapels of his suit jacket toward her. Her lips met his and it wasn’t a moment later that Killian growled into her mouth, his hands moving up to cup her cheeks. Emma reveled in the way his callused hands felt against her soft skin and she didn’t even _care_ if her lipstick was smeared after this; she just wanted to feel his lips against hers and just forget about the anxiety over the night ahead of her. She wanted to feel his hands roam over her body and push her back into the bedroom and tug her onto his bed-

Killian’s lips pulled away as his thumbs rubbed against Emma’s cheeks. “You look stunning, Emma.”

Emma couldn’t help but snort under her breath because _he_ was complimenting her?

“I mean it, Emma,” Killian spoke, his thumbs on Emma’s jaw to angle her head up to meet his eyes. “You look breathtaking. I’ll be the luckiest man in the room, including Robin.”

Emma swallowed back the knot in her throat and said, “Thank you.”

“Are you ready to go?” Killian asked quietly and Emma realized that he was giving her an out, in case she didn’t want to go. And Emma looked the opportunity in the face, contemplated it because she didn’t want to deal with men and women looking down their noses at Emma and judging her for not belonging in this life-

“Yes, I’m ready,” Emma spoke, nodding and trying to silence her traitorous thoughts.

“You’re sure? Just say the word and we won’t go,” Killian replied, his eyes staring into hers as though he can see her uneasiness.

“Yes, I’m sure. And I’m pretty sure Regina would have your ass if you didn’t show up,” Emma murmured with a small smile on her face, her hands trailing over Killian’s lapels.

Killian laughed under his breath. “That’s not incorrect.”

“So let’s go,” Emma said as she reluctantly pulled away from Killian. “Is my lipstick okay?”

Killian’s eyebrows raised as he looked at her lips. “Surprisingly so, even after you attacked me.”

Emma rolled her eyes as she laughed. “I’m pretty sure you enjoyed it.”

“Oh you have no idea,” Killian murmured as he tucked his phone and wallet into his back pocket of his pants, standing beside the entry way table. Emma felt her face flush as he plucked his keys and he looked back at her, smiling at Emma’s now red face. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re turned on, Emma Swan.”

Emma gulped and took a deep breath, trying to calm herself because she was not about to jump Killian Jones’ at this wedding and possibly ruin his relationship with his manager. Emma grabbed her clutch from the entry way table, which Ruby had placed there when they first arrived to prepare Emma for the wedding, and swayed closely to Killian, inhaling his cologne deeply and looking into the silver flecks of his blue eyes.

“And if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re enjoying teasing me,” Emma replied, seeing his pupils dilate.

“Well I must say you’re correct in that observation,” Killian murmured back and Emma could feel the air charge with electricity between them, urging them to just _fucking do it_. “And you do seem to enjoy it, if I’m not mistaken.”

Emma’s teeth grazed her bottom lip and Killian’s gaze dropped to watch the movement. Emma’s lips pulled up in a gentle smile because she did enjoy seeing what she did to the man in front of her, even if she thought she didn’t deserve him. “Oh I do. Maybe I can tease you back someday and see how much you enjoy it.”

Killian groaned under his breath and Emma began laughing as she gripped the door handle and swung the door open, walking into the tiled hallway outside of Killian’s apartment.

<> 

It didn’t take them long to reach Killian’s car, which was housed in the underground parking garage beneath his building. Emma didn’t even know that Killian had a car, and she was sure that he probably barely drove it as it was, since they did live in New York City. Unless he drove it to filming at Chelsea Piers, Emma was sure that the car hadn’t been driven in a while. Her heels clacked against the cement flooring that ran throughout the single level of parking, Killian walking beside her with a hand in his pocket and the other hand holding his car keys.

Just looking at the cars in the parking lot made Emma feel as though she didn’t belong in Killian’s life. There wasn’t a single car down there that was probably below $30,000. They were all Mercedes’ and BMWs and Porsches. Shit, there was even a blazing red Ferrari down there, which they walked beside when heading toward the far right corner of the lot (and Emma’s feet were already screaming from her heels). Even _touching_ these cars had been a pipe dream to Emma before she met Killian, and now, it was something that was likely and feasible.

And it still scared her.

“Here we are,” Killian announced, clicking his key fob to unlock his car from a few feet away. The lights blinked on a silver and sleek Mercedes coupe convertible and Emma hoped she didn’t somehow damage the car that probably cost more than three years’ worth of rent. “Emma, meet my precious Jolly Roger.”

Emma couldn’t help but laugh as they walked toward the car. “You named it ‘Jolly Roger?’ Aren’t you taking your role just a bit seriously here?”

Killian laughed in response, walking to the driver’s side of the car and carefully opening his door so it didn’t hit the cement wall beside the car. “Well, ever since I was young, I’ve had a fascination with _Peter Pan_ , starting with the book and then the movie. Getting the role of James Hook on a retelling of _Peter Pan_ was just a coincidence. It was only reasonable that I named my car after Captain Hook’s ship.”

Emma laughed, her heart lightening at the story of Killian’s past. She then realized that there was still a lot she wanted to learn about this man. She wanted to know his past, his hopes and dreams, and the fears that kept him awake at night. Emma wanted to know the essence of Killian’s soul, as long as he would allow her.

Emma slid into the passenger seat and slowly sat down on the plush leather, trying to not move too suddenly as to not rip the beautiful dress she was wearing. Killian settled in beside her and turned the car on, the engine purring loudly with power. Quickly, Killian pulled out of the underground garage and turned onto the main road, driving their way to the wedding.

“So are you excited for the wedding?” Killian asked as he smoothly pulled onto the highway and turned on the cruise control for his car.

“I'm more nervous than excited,” Emma replied honestly.

“Why's that?” Killian questioned with a short glance over at Emma.

Emma turned her head to look at Killian with her eyebrows raised. “Are you kidding? This wedding is full of celebrities. These people make more in a week than I do in a year. It's a little intimidating.”

“You'll blow them all away. I'm sure of it,” Killian replied with a smile and Emma felt the butterflies flutter in her stomach.

“I think you have too much faith in me,” Emma murmured as she looked out her window at the passing cars and trees.

“As long as yourself, they'll love you, Emma,” Killian responded hopefully with slighter smile. “And if they don't, well who needs them anyway?”

“You do.”

Killian shrugged. “To be honest, I've got enough money where I could retire right now and live completely happily for the rest of my life. Given that I move to a different apartment. So really, if they don't love you, they can piss off.”

“You can't give up your career for me, Killian,” Emma whispered.

( _I'm not worth it,_ Emma added mentally.)

“I can and I would if I had to,” Killian replied and Emma knew he was telling the truth. Even though she wasn't looking into his eyes, she knew he wasn't lying.

He never lied to her.

(And that's what scared her.)

“So, Emma Swan, I've realized that I don't know too much about your childhood. What did you want to be when you grew up?” Killian asked as he raised an eyebrow at her.

Emma laughed under her breath as she glanced over at him. “Oh God, I wanted to be everything. A teacher, a cop, a beekeeper.” Killian laughed from his seat in the car and Emma continued in with a smile on her face. “But it was usually some sort of entertainer. I always, always, _always_ wanted to be a singer.”

“Well it looks like you accomplished your dream, then,” Killian replied with a smile. “Or did you want your name up in lights?”

Emma shrugged. “It didn't matter to me, as long as I was singing. I mean, I wouldn't say no to a steady paycheck and the ability to live comfortably, given the way I grew up. But I just wanted to sing.”

“And that's what you want to do, still?” Killian asked.

Emma nodded. “What I do at Frozen Heart is what I wanna do. I love being able to sing there. But what Diane wanted… I didn't want that life. I didn't want to be a concert pianist and not have control over my life. Diane was arranging every part of my life fit that route and I didn't want that. I just wanted to sing, just as I airways wanted to. And even though it means that I'm broke as hell constantly, I'm glad I chose my own path.”

“I am too,” Killian responded and smiled at Emma.

“What did you want to be when you grew up?” Emma asked, settling back against the smooth leather of the seat.

“A fisherman.”

Emma raised her eyebrows and snorted. “A _fisherman_?”

Killian nodded with a small smile playing at his lips. “Yes. For some reason, when I was little, I thought that was the coolest job. But then my father took me and Liam fishing when I was five and I was so bored the entire time. After that, I still wanted to do something with the ocean.”

“Then why aren’t you a sailor or something?”

“Because I learned I was a pretty good actor after getting my teacher to believe that I hadn’t done my homework because my dog died the night before,” Killian replied as his smile spread across his face. “After that, I figured I’d give theatre a shot and I actually enjoyed it. Sea is still in my blood, but I enjoy acting as well. Once I’m able to, I want to move into an apartment or house by the ocean. Maybe after I decide that I’m finished with acting.”

“That would be nice,” Emma spoke, memorizing the curve of his smile.

“Maybe you’d like to join me,” Killian murmured, his hand reaching over and finding Emma’s on her lap, where he squeezed her hand within his.

Emma met his eyes and couldn’t resist matching his smile with her own. ( _God she loved him_.) “Maybe I’d like to.”

“I look forward to it, love,” Killian spoke, lifting her hand to his mouth and pressing a light kiss to her knuckles.

“What about your childhood?” Emma asked after her hand was back in her lap, her fingers woven between Killian’s as he continued to drive quickly down the highway. Just after the question left her lips, Killian’s fingers frozen around hers and Emma looked over at him, where he was staring sternly out the windshield. Her heart hurt because she didn’t want to see him in pain. Her curiosity just got the best of her and she just shouldn’t have said anything. “You don’t have to tell me you don’t want to. I just thought-”

“It’s alright, love,” Killian’s soothing voice spoke and he glanced over at her, sending her a small smile. “I was born in London and lived there for quite some time. Liam was the typical overbearing brother, which I’m sure you had gathered. Since he’s ten years older than me, he bullied me around like other older brothers would with a much younger sibling. He was quite the angry teenager…especially when my mother fell ill.”

Emma squeezed Killian’s hand, reassuring him and making sure he knew that she supported him with whatever he said. He looked over at her again and smiled wistfully. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright, Emma. I still remember her, even though it’s not as clearly as I wish it was,” Killian responded, looking back to the road. “She was always sick. After my birth, she was in the hospital for a while, healing from the C-section. When I was four, she found a lump in her breast and was diagnosed with breast cancer. She went into remission soon afterwards, but then she started getting horrendous migraines when I was about six. Then she found out she had a sizeable brain tumor, which they couldn’t do anything about.”

Emma squeezed his hand again, her heart breaking for the man beside her.

( _The man she loved_.)

“Liam was so angry at the world after her diagnosis. Before, with her previous health hiccups, he was upset, but he always knew she would pull through. But with this…he was just so mad at everything and everyone,” Killian spoke quietly, his free hand tight on the steering wheel. “He would lock himself up in his bedroom and not leave. He’d cut school and stay out late and didn’t stop until my father left.”

Emma’s eyebrows raised. “Your father left?”

“The rotten bastard left,” Killian replied, his jaw clenched tightly. “I was too young to understand what was happening. But from what I heard from my bedroom, he said that it was too much for him to handle.” Killian laughed, an empty chuckle under his breath. “My mother was dying and it was too much for _him_ to handle. So he left, late at night. I could hear her weeping down by the front door and Liam was yelling at him, telling him that if he left, he might as well never come back. And he just didn’t.

“So after that, Liam stepped up. He made sure I was dressed and ate before school. He made sure I did my homework and brushed my teeth. He made sure my mother was always comfortable and that she always had her hot tea,” Killian continued. “He started going back to school and making grades. Now that I think about it, it was his own way of making our mother happy, as if he made good grades, she wouldn’t die. Alas, that isn’t how the world is.”

Emma picked up Killian’s hand and pressed her lips against the back of his hand, urging herself to keep the tears at bay.

“She died two months before my seventh birthday, peacefully in her sleep. The wanker of my father didn’t even go to the funeral. A month later, I was in upstate New York with Liam, living with my aunt and cousin,” Killian stated, looking back over at Emma as she lowered his hand back onto her lap. “My Aunt Cassie died a few years ago, but my cousin, Rebecca, still lives in the house. From time to time, Liam and I visit, but we haven’t since Amelia was born.”

“Maybe I can join you next time,” Emma suggested and her heart stuttered at the beautiful smile that spread across Killian’s lips.

“Of course,” Killian replied, his thumb rubbing against the back of Emma’s hand. “Rebecca still doesn’t know about us and she’ll have a fit about not finding out sooner. But she’ll undoubtedly love you.”

“You sure about that?”

“Anyone who doesn’t love you is out of their damn mind, Emma.”

Emma scoffed. “Maybe you should meet Diane. She seems to be able to do that quite easily.”

“The only reason I would want to meet Diane is to ask her how she could disown a radiant woman for wanting to follow her own path,” Killian grumbled out, switching lanes to drive past a slowly crawling van.

Emma’s thumb rubbed against Killian’s hand and she looked over at him as he switched back into the right lane. “My father is much better. I think you two would get along really well.”

“I’d like to meet him someday,” Killian stated, glancing over at Emma with a small smile.

Emma sighed as she turned to look back out the windshield. “Well, that’ll be difficult since Diane likes to keep him on a tight leash. He’s the best lawyer in Buffalo and he can’t find a way to get around Diane’s crazy friends who nark on him whenever they have the chance to.”

“We’ll find a way. I’m sure of it.”

“It’s just…” Emma began, then sighed. She had never really opened up so much about her past before she went off to college, but with Killian’s own story and the way his eyes just always searched within hers for _something_ , she was no longer afraid. “My dad is one of the greatest men I’ve ever known. He’s caring and friendly and happy, but stern when needed and a freaking shark in the courtroom. And he’s also loyal to a fault, which is why he’s still with his soul mate, even though she’s made his life hell and has cut me out of their lives. He only calls when Diane is out of the country on one of her random trips overseas, and even then, he doesn’t talk long. Even when Diane is halfway across the world, she still controls both of our lives and it fucking _sucks_. I haven’t seen him in four years, ever since the falling out with Diane.”

“Was she always so domineering?” Killian questioned.

“Oh yes,” Emma snorted, laughing gently under her breath. “The day after I moved in with them, even before the adoption paperwork was finalized, she had me following a strict schedule of piano lessons. She wouldn’t allow me to do anything until I completed three hours’ worth of piano lessons a day. And if I arrived home late from school, I would have to do an extra hour. I fell behind on homework and hardly had friends because she was so strict about it. It was only when Grant-my dad-laid down the law and made sure that my homework came first that Diane backed down. But even after that, she was still ridiculous about keeping up with my piano lessons. Looking back on it now, I should’ve known what she was trying to pull.”

Killian’s hand tightened around Emma’s in a reassuring grip. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

Even after his past-his father leaving, his mother dying, Milah dying-, Killian apologized to Emma for what she had gone through before she escaped from Diane’s grasp. She could feel the tears building behind her eyes because this man was so full of empathy and apologized over things he couldn’t change from her past. After everything Killian had gone through, he would have every right to have turned into an asshole, someone who was eternally angry at the world.

But all of that pain just made him kinder and gentler and _Emma was in love with him_.

“It wasn’t all bad, I guess,” Emma murmured, turning her head to watch the passing trees out of her window. “There were fancy dinners and dresses and everything I could’ve ever dreamed of as a little girl.”

“Like what?”

“My own bed. No screaming kids and no fighting and everything was _mine_ ,” Emma whispered and she felt the tugging of her hand. She looked over and saw Killian pressing another kiss to the back of her hand, his eyes meeting hers in a quick glance before he looked back to the road. Emma smiled to herself as he settled her hand back on her lap, her heart stuttering in her chest. “They had an absolutely gorgeous house, which is one of the few things I miss actually. It was a beautiful pale yellow, Victorian house, with a turret and everything.”

Killian smiled widely and nodded from his place in the driver’s seat, signaling for Emma to continue. “There was a huge wrap-around porch and I’d always sit out there on Sunday mornings, sipping hot chocolate and just listening to the birds. And then they had this fancy-ass pool and hot tub that I’d hang out in during the summer, when Diane wasn’t forcing me to do my piano lessons. And in the turret, there was this small desk and chair that overlooked the front yard and I could see for miles. Actually, when it rained or snowed, I’d crawl up there to just _watch_.”

Emma settled against her seat as she lost herself to her memories. As a lost girl who thought she’d never have a family to care for her, that house opened her mind to the possibility that she could find people who loved her and cared for her. She’d quickly find out that Diane didn’t care very much for her, but Grant never let Emma fall asleep without telling her ‘I love you.’ And those nights, she would dream of being surrounded by people she didn’t know, all telling her that they loved her and she was important and that they cared for her.

After she left the house and found herself alone at college, slowly those faces in her dreams became clearer. First, Mary Margaret and David’s face appeared. But not so slowly, Ruby and Victor and Henry and Elsa and so many others took their places in Emma’s dreams. For a long while, Neal’s face was among all of them, but after his swift departure and lackluster apology postcard, he disappeared and Emma felt a hole beneath her breastbone.

And she had no idea that she would find another person to replace Neal’s gaping exit.

And now, Killian’s face appeared to her each night, among her friends and loved ones, telling her ‘I love you.’

(Emma only hoped it was true.)

<> 

For the remainder of the drive, they sat in comfortable silence, with Killian’s hand still tightly around Emma’s. She stared out the window at the passing trees and fields, happy that they didn’t need to fill the silence with chatter. She felt comfortable just sitting like this with him, unlike when she was with Neal and always felt the need to fill the silence with stilted conversations. Emma just listened to the quiet lull of the rock station Killian had turned on (the only time Killian had let go of her hand, but had quickly grasped her hand again as the music pumped through the speakers) and listened to his voice as he quietly sang along to the songs.

And from time to time, Emma would sing along with Killian, and the tightening of his hand around hers told her that he enjoyed hearing her voice just as much as she enjoyed hearing his. She would glance over and meet his stare, his lips upturned as he sang and she sang and her heart felt as though it would runneth over. And Emma suddenly had a snapshot of a possible future with Killian, singing lullabies to their children as they fall asleep, black hair against the stark white of their pillows.

( _She loved him_.)

But as they grew closer and closer to the wedding site, Emma’s stomach turned into a bundle of nerves. She would be among celebrities and people with more wealth than Emma could ever imagine. She was sure that they would be able to see that she was not like them in the least, that she was some girl who could barely afford to keep herself sheltered and fed and that she did not belong among their ranks. Emma let out an unsteady breath as Killian pulled off of the highway and she hoped he couldn’t feel the sweat gathering on her hands.

“Don’t be nervous, love,” Killian spoke gently, his thumb rubbing the back of her hand in reassurance. “We’ll have a grand time.”

Emma swallowed back the knot in her throat. “I hope so.”

Emma shifted in her seat as he drove down the road, anxiety muddling her thoughts. She was sure everything would be fine, that the wedding would go off without a hitch and that she and Killian would have an amazing time. But her anxiety twisted her thoughts, telling her that they’ll all see her as a lowly lounge singer and waitress and as someone who does not belong there. Emma took another deep breath and let it out slowly, hoping that she didn’t make an ass out of herself by tripping out of the car or drinking so much that she gets sick or ripping this beautiful dress-

“Here we are,” Killian stated, turning into a long driveway as he released her hand and switched off his GPS on his phone.

Emma leaned forward in her seat, staring out the windshield, and looked out at the green pastures that passed the car as Killian drove by. The lawn was perfectly manicured, which didn’t surprise Emma, given the fact that she was sure that Regina was the ultimate perfectionist-especially for her wedding day. As they drove over the top of the hill, Emma gasped at the sight before her.

A stately Colonial house rested nearly one hundred yards from where Killian was driving. The red brick of the house stood in contrast to the sharp green of the grass. It looked as though it belonged in a different time, a different era where it would’ve held balls and cabinet meetings. A porte-cochere jutted over the front of the house, casting a shadow over the circle of the driveway, which Killian was quickly approaching. Under the shadow, valets stood in their suits and ties in the heat of early September, awaiting any approaching cars.

“This is where Regina lives?” Emma asked, looking over at Killian as he drives along the road and underneath the porte-cochere.

Killian shakes his head as he puts the car in park, unbuckling his seatbelt. “No, this is where her parents live. Her father insisted that she hold the wedding here.”

Emma nodded as her door was opened by one of the valet. She hurriedly unbuckled her seatbelt and stepped out of the car, a hand grasping hers as her heels found the pavement of the driveway. Emma looked up as she stood out of the car and found Killian’s smiling face beside hers. She couldn’t resist smiling back as she smoothed down her dress with the hand holding her clutch. Killian handed his keys off to a friendly-looking valet, who hurried to the car and slowly drove away.

“Who are her parents?” Emma asked as Killian placed her hand on the inside of his elbow, helping her up the few steps to the front door.

“Her father was an advertising executive until he retired some years ago. Her mother is the infamous Cora Mills,” Killian replied, smiling over at her as he placed his hand on the doorknob.

Emma’s eyes widened. She had heard of Cora Mills, the insane casting director that was known for starting half of Hollywood’s careers and was also known for ruining the careers of many more, but she hadn’t made the connection. “I can’t even imagine that childhood.”

Killian chuckled under his breath, the doorknob turning in his hand. “Well, she was the one who gave me my job, so I can’t exactly complain about her.”

Before Emma could respond to that, Killian swung the front door open and revealed a large foyer, with white marble flooring and a stunning chandelier hung beside the spiraling staircase that led up to the second floor. They stepped inside, Emma’s heels clacking against the flooring, and it seemed as though everyone who was anybody in Hollywood had come to witness the marriage of Regina Mills and Robin Locksley.

Emma looked around and recognized various actors and actresses around the room, dressed in their sleek black dresses and suits. Only a handful looked over in their direction, seemingly recognizing Killian as they would politely nod at him while Killian took Emma’s hand and began to walk with her toward the back of the house. Emma kept her eyes down, watching her feet with every step so she wouldn’t trip and embarrass Killian.

(She didn’t need the fellow guests to think anything worse of him bringing her along.)

They moved through the rear living room, Emma’s heels echoing with ever step against the cherry hardwood flooring. She allowed herself to look around, spotting a flat screen television propped over the fireplace on the left side of the room, surrounded by plush couches and chairs. It reminded her of her father’s layout in his own home, to which her heart panged in longing homesickness. She hadn’t seen the man in four years, ever since Diane decided to disown her, and Emma felt as though she would never see him again.

“Is something wrong, Emma?” Killian spoke as he stopped just in front of the large French doors which led out to the patio, raising her hand to his mouth and pressing a kiss to her knuckles.

Emma looked up at him and saw his questioning blue eyes. She merely shrugged and shook her head. “Just a little homesick. That’s all.”

“You’ll see him again someday, Emma. I’m sure of it,” Killian replied and Emma had no idea how this man could be so in tune with the thoughts racing through her mind.

Without another word, Killian opened the glass door and walked Emma through it and onto the patio, where she gasped at the scene before her. She hadn’t seen so much green in a very long time, ever since she remained in New York City after graduation. White chairs were spread out across the lawn, past the granite-tiled patio, with a _chuppah_ placed at the very front, with white chiffon billowing with the wind and red roses circling the rods of the poles. Workers continued hurrying around, setting up tables on the patio, where the reception must be taking place. Killian tugged her away from the door, toward the edge of the fenced-in patio, as he continued to look outwards. Forests and mountains filled the view, with the bright blue sky in a strong contrast against the dark colors.

“It’s beautiful,” Emma spoke quietly, utterly hypnotized by the view. The wind picked up, strands of her hair floating in the wind as she looked at the swaying of the trees and the twirling of the chiffon of the _chuppah_.

(But she didn’t notice Killian glancing over at her with soft eyes, taking in the sight of her flowing strands of hair and wondering what he must have done in his life to deserve an angel at his side.

It was a beautiful sight, indeed.)

“Both Robin and Regina agreed on a Jewish wedding, given that his son was already being raised Jewish and Robin wanted to continue that,” Killian explained, his hand remaining around Emma’s. “Cora wasn’t nearly as agreeable as one would think”-Emma snorted and Killian smiled-“so she won’t be attending today.”

Emma’s jaw dropped as she looked over at Killian. “Cora isn’t coming to her own daughter’s _wedding_?”

Killian nodded as he met Emma’s stare. “She’s overseas, trying to find the next hot star to take Hollywood by storm. She didn’t particularly care for their relationship anyways, so she and Regina had a strained relationship anyways.”

“How could she not approve? They’re soulmates,” Emma asked, as if it was the simplest thing in the world.

(Oh Lord, did she know it wasn’t.)

“Cora wanted Regina to be with this CEO of a security firm, who runs the bodyguards for most of Hollywood. Lots of money, of course, but the man’s a complete prick. And just before their first date together, Regina ran into Robin when she was exiting her building for something to eat,” Killian explained, smiling as he told the story.

“I take it that Cora didn’t like that at all.”

Killian shook his head as the smile faded slowly from his lips. “Not at all. She saw Robin as a messy rock star with an even messier divorce in his past, not to mention that he already had a child from this previous marriage. She didn’t want the Mills name to be associated with him in any way, so she continued to try to set Regina up with Keith Nottingham, the CEO. Until Regina finally had enough and virtually cut all ties with her.”

“I can’t imagine that was easy,” Emma murmured. Emma was sure that Diane would’ve tried to pull the exact same stunt with her, if Emma had remained in contact with her. Or Diane would’ve been overjoyed at the famous soul mate Emma had found and would’ve consistently tried to increase Diane’s own standing.

“They never got along, throughout her entire life. It was just the straw that broke the camel’s back, I suppose,” Killian replied.

“How do you know all of this?” Emma asked, her eyebrows furrowing with the question.

Killian sighed. “When it was all happening, Regina was clearly having a rough time at work. I was there one day when she just blew up at her secretary for not having any pens. So I sat her down and after her drinking three glasses of scotch from her in-office bar, she talked. She just kept going for at least two hours, starting from when she was seven and her mother tried to monitor her eating habits.”

Emma gasped. “That’s _awful_.”

Killian nodded. “Cora Mills isn’t exactly the most pleasant person. I was surprised that after it all went down, Cora didn’t drag my name through the mud. But since I was one of her biggest money-makers, I suppose she couldn’t exactly do that.”

Emma looked back out at the horizon, at the rolling hills of New York. “I guess Regina and I have a little bit in common.”

And not a moment later, Emma felt Killian’s lips upon hers, his free hand resting against her neck as his thumb rubbed her cheek. She felt breathless, her heart pounding and her head dizzy, and not a second later, his lips were gone. Emma heard his quiet chuckle under his breath as she swayed into his space to follow his lips.

“I just had to do that before the wedding is in full swing and we hardly get a moment to ourselves,” Killian spoke quietly. “Let’s go back inside; I have some people I want to introduce you to, if you would be open to that.”

Emma’s heart leapt into her throat, anxiety weighing her heart and mind down. But she nodded because this was something that she had to grow used to, meeting Killian’s famous peers and being in the company of people who make more in a day than she does in a year and hoping that they wouldn’t look down their noses at her.

She would do that for Killian.

<> 

Emma reminded herself to breathe again as she stood in front of yet another actress that was old friends with Regina (Emma had met so many that she couldn’t keep their names straight). Killian talked to her as though they were old friends, sharing jokes and stories about their time with Regina and Robin, but his grip never wavered from Emma’s hand. He always included her in his conversations, no matter who the friend was. Emma continuously tightened her hand around his as her hands shook with anxiety over meeting these celebrities. She had placed her clutch in the closed-off dining room, where everyone else had placed their cell phones and purses, so Emma couldn’t hide her shaking hands.

In the middle of this conversation, just as the woman began talking about her new grandchild, Regina’s father stepped into the living room and announced that the wedding would beginning soon and that they should all take their seats out on the lawn. With the announcement, Killian turned to Emma and smiled, tugging her along with his other hand in his pocket and they walked out of the open French doors, weaving through the endless tables across the two levels of the patio. Emma walked carefully in the grass, trying to keep her heels from sinking into the soft grass, and Killian laughed under his breath, swinging Emma up into his arms as she yelped in surprise.

“People are staring,” Emma murmured at him as she looked up at him from her place in his arms while he walked toward the third row of seats.

“Let them,” Killian responded, glancing down with a smile. “I’m simply trying to save your shoes from an undesirable fate.”

Emma snorted as he navigated the third row sideways, so Emma wouldn’t kick over the chairs in the row in front of them. “Or saving me from looking like an idiot by falling on my face.”

Killian placed her down on a seat next to the aisle seat, which was where Killian took his place, unbuttoning his suit jacket and making sure he still had the _kippah_ on his head, which he had grabbed on his way out to the lawn. “Actually, knowing these people, they wouldn’t blame you. They’d probably laugh and then forget about it, or remember that the same thing has happened to them before.”

“Doesn’t stop it from being embarrassing,” Emma replied, crossing her legs at the knee and smoothing her dress.

“If it did happen, I’d pick you up and if you chose to, we would leave immediately,” Killian told Emma, placing his arm along the back of Emma’s chair. “No harm done.”

She looked over at him and saw that he sincerely meant every word that he said. If Emma wanted to, he would leave the wedding with her, as if it was something he wouldn’t have to think over and question and complain about. He had given her an out back at his apartment, and now Emma knew that she always had an out. If Emma wanted to leave, he would leave-no ifs, ands, or buts about it.

Emma reached over and smoothed her hand down his black tie, feeling the soft silk under her fingers. “I’m happy right where I am.”

Killian smiled at her and butterflies filled her stomach and Emma hoped that feeling would never go away. “I am, too.”

Soon, all of the chairs were filled up, save for a few in the front row. Violinists began playing a soft tune, alerting the guests that the wedding would soon be beginning. The guests all around continued their conversations softly, but Emma and Killian didn’t need to talk. They just simply sat in each other’s company, soaking in the beautiful day and scenery. In the back of Emma’s mind, she wished that she had put some sunscreen on before sitting out in the unforgiving sun for the wedding, but it was too late to worry about that.

In fact, Emma didn’t want to worry about anything. She just wanted to enjoy the wedding and Killian’s company and not worry about the first impressions that were bound to go wrong and how she didn’t belong here and they all probably thought she was some gold-digging tramp-

“Alright there, love?” Killian asked, taking her hand in his as he urged her to look him in the eyes.

Emma gave him a small smile. “I’m fine.”

Killian raised an eyebrow, but before he could respond, the violins grew louder and everyone turned around to witness Robin walking down the aisle. She was surprised that they appeared to not have any bridesmaids and groomsmen, but Emma could respect the decision. They didn’t need extra people up there with them when they married each other. The ceremony was about _them_ and only them.

Emma peered over the numerous heads in her way and spotted Robin Locksley walking down the lush grass of the aisle, wearing a black _kippah_ to match his black suit. He smiled at everyone he passed, gently waving and seeming like a pillar of calm. He passed Killian and Emma and firmly stood at the front of the _chuppah_ , making eye contact with Killian and mouthing something. Killian seemed to nod in response and Robin shot him a thumbs up. Emma furrowed her eyebrows and looked at Killian, who was smiling at her.

“What was that about?” Emma asked quietly as the rabbi began to walk down the aisle to take his spot next to Robin.

Killian leaned over to Emma and whispered, “He asked me ‘is that her?’ He knows about us.”

Emma looked back over at Robin, who was sharing words with John at his side. “So the thumbs up thing-”

“Was him stating that you are a beautiful woman and that he, nor I, have any idea how I won you over.”

Emma felt herself blushing as she turned to look at Killian again, with his eyes soft as he stared back at her. In this moment, she was able to trick herself into believing that maybe- _just maybe_ -Killian was in love with her. But she quickly reminded herself that soulmates didn’t always work out and he would grow sick of her like everyone did and he’d abandon her, just like Diane did-

The violins’ tune picked up and everyone stood and turned to face the back of the aisle. Emma could barely see through the endless shoulders of the guests as the violins continued to play while Regina and her father began to walk down the aisle. She heard gasps and whispers about how stunning Regina looked and soon, Regina appeared in Emma’s vision and Emma learned that the whispers were not false.

She wore a simple white satin dress, with a high neckline and no sleeves. Regina carried a bouquet of red roses in her hands and her father walked by her side with a large smile on his face, her arm linked through his. A small birdcage veil hid most of her face, but Emma could see the happiness in Regina’s large brown eyes, a gentle smile beginning to spread across her face. As Regina walked past Killian and Emma, her dress revealed a dramatically draped back, showing a small apple tattooed on her left shoulder blade. The fabric draped down to Regina’s lower back and moved with every step toward the front of the aisle, and with the look on Robin’s face as Regina walked toward him, he found her to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The guests sat back down as Regina stood across from Robin, handing her bouquet off to her father as he sat down in the very front row, beside the three other members of The Prince Of Thieves. The rabbi began the ceremony, speaking loudly over the steadily blowing wind. Emma looked at Regina and Robin and saw the love pouring into their stares with each passing moment. She felt Killian’s hand wrap around hers and she looked over at him, meeting his stare as the rabbi spoke of love and spending all of eternity loving each other.

(She loved him and she could only hope that this would last.)

Robin and Regina chose to exchange their own vows, triggering most of the guests to tear up at their words. Robin spoke of Regina allowing Roland to become her son and creating their own family together with Roland and how much love their family will exchange in the years to come. Regina spoke of never believing she would find someone she would love and how Robin had brought light into her life and drove away the darkness. And after the words were exchanged, Roland jumped up from his chair in the front row and talked about how he was excited to finally have another mom and have a future sibling or two, which led to laughter from the guests and Regina and Robin smiling.

As the rabbi began to speak again, Emma got a flash of a future she deeply wished for: a simple wedding beside a beach with Killian by her side and whispering words of love and promises of their future together, while Mary Margaret and Ruby and Liam and everyone witnessed their union. Maybe a child with blonde hair and blue eyes that refused to be held by anybody else besides Emma as the waves crashed against the beach and the officiant announced them as husband and wife. Emma’s heart pounded as she was brought back to the present with the shattering of the glass under Robin’s foot and him sweeping Regina into his arms, dipping her down and kissing her.

And with that, they were Mr. and Mrs. Robin Locksley.

(Emma silently hoped to become Mrs. Killian Jones someday.)

<> 

An hour later and the reception was in full swing. In place of where the _chuppah_ and the chairs were during the ceremony, a dancefloor existed there now, with a platform placed against the brick wall of the patio for the band to play the music. The dance floor was nearly filled to the brims of couples and of friends dancing, while Emma and Killian sat together at their assigned table, on the higher level of the patio. They continued to hold hands, not a moment passing where they weren’t touching in some way. Emma felt warmth flow throughout her veins and she knew it was a reaction from Killian’s proximity to her.

He made her feel _safe_ and _warm_ , even when surrounded by people who had nothing in common with her.

And just as Mary Margaret and Ruby had predicted, he hadn’t left her side all evening. He was always strong and safe at her side, reassuring Emma that he wouldn’t leave, which meant more to Emma than he could’ve possibly understood. But knowing Killian, he would try as hard as he could to understand every little thought that went through her head. And she loved him for that.

( _She loved him_.)

Emma tried to remember this every time a stray, demonic thought entered her mind about how she could never be happy for long and he would eventually tire of her and leave her behind when something new came his way. But she tried to not allow herself to believe those traitorous thoughts. She knew Killian better than that. She knew he wouldn’t leave her, as he had told her as much. It was almost as though he loved her as much as she loved him.

(Which was an even scarier thought to believe in.)

“Would you like a dance, love?” Killian asked Emma, pulling her out of her thoughts.

Emma met his gaze and saw him awaiting an answer, with soft but eager eyes. “Of course.”

Killian smiled and offered a hand to Emma as he stood. She gratefully took it and walked down to the dance floor with his hand around hers, ignoring the curious stares of the guests around them. No one had taken pictures of them, from what Emma had noticed, and she hoped their luck would continue, or that nobody was stupid enough to break one of Regina’s rules about no cellphones. But that didn’t stop her from worrying about word getting out about Killian Jones having a new girlfriend, which would inevitably lead to them learning about the exact nature of their relationship.

But Emma pushed those thoughts away, hoping it wouldn’t come to that just yet. She just wanted to enjoy Killian’s arms around her as he swept her into them when they stepped onto the wooden dance floor.

Her hand rested on Killian’s shoulder as his own hand rested on her back, nowhere near being inappropriate or scandalous. Emma looked up at him and he smiled down at her as the band sang a slow song. The couples around them swayed around, matching Emma and Killian’s speed, and Emma just listened and enjoyed the sweet sound of the music.

“Are you enjoying yourself, Swan?” Killian asked, dipping his head to speak into her ear.

Emma nodded as he pulled away and he smiled again at her. “Yeah. It’s a lot more fun than I thought it would be.”

“I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself,” Killian replied.

“Are you enjoying yourself?”

Killian’s smile widened as he spoke, “Emma Swan, we could be in the belly of a whale and I would enjoy it because I have you as my company.”

Emma laughed under her breath and felt a blush fill her cheeks because _how was this man even real_? She didn’t know what she did in her life to deserve a man who cared for her as much as Killian did. And she only hoped that God didn’t make a mistake by sending him to her and that he wouldn’t try to correct this mistake by taking him away.

They continued to sway on the dance floor, navigating through the sea of couples as the band continued to play the slow, voiceless tune. Emma’s hand moved up to play with the ends of Killian’s hair at the nape of his neck, to which he purred and shut his eyes to enjoy the feel of it. Emma smiled at the sight, seeing Killian becoming putty in her hands, and took a mental snapshot of the moment to file away for future reminiscence. His eyes opened and met her stare, sending her a smile that matched her own.

Before she could open her mouth to comment on how he was like a damn cat, the singer of the band returned and the guitarist began a familiar tune, plucking at the strings of his car while Killian smiled in excitement. Emma wanted to groan in annoyance because this song was just so damn cliché, but she couldn’t with how happy Killian looked. Soon, the singer began singing the words to “Iris” by the Goo Goo Dolls and Killian pulled Emma even closer to him.

“I love this song,” Killian murmured as they steadily moved around the floor. Emma shrugged and his eyebrows shot up in surprise. “You don’t like this song?”

“It’s just so cliché,” Emma responded.

“It’s cliché for a good reason,” Killian replied, nodding over to their left. Emma looked over and found Regina and Robin dancing closely together, staring at each other as though there was nobody else around them. “It reminds people of that love that just takes over their entire soul. The kind that makes you stay up at night and think about the person every day. It tells people that that kind of love _exists_ , and when you find it, everything will just make sense.”

Emma gulped as she searched his endless blue eyes and she saw that he meant every word he said, especially as he began to softly sing the lyrics. _God_ , she loved him so much and she could taste the words on her tongue, but it was not the time. Not with all of these people surrounding them and the fear of rejection settling deep within her bones. So all Emma Swan did was run her fingers through his hair and began to sing along with him with every verse.

Killian led Emma around the dance floor, the two of them singing the words of the song together. She ignored any curious glances over at them and just allowed herself to absorb the resonating sounds of the music. Emma let herself take in the warmth Killian offered, moving her body closer to his in the chilly summer night. She felt Killian press a kiss to the side of her head and she slowly closed her eyes to enjoy the feel of his body against hers.

(Robin and Regina danced nearby and Robin smirked, looking over at his new bride after watching his friend dance with his soul mate-someone Robin didn’t think would ever come into Killian’s life.

“They’ll be engaged in six months.”

Regina snorted as she stared back at Robin. “No way. It’ll be over a year. She’s skittish and he won’t push her.”

Robin smiled as he tucked a piece of Regina’s hair behind her ear. “You’re on, Mrs. Locksley.”)

While the music slowly moved to a new song, Emma remained in Killian’s arms, not wanting to move and end this moment. She wanted to remain there, holding onto him and inhaling whatever cologne he had chosen to wear. Feeling his warmth around her helped Emma believe that they were just an ordinary couple, with no fame and money in their way. Maybe as if he was the one she had met instead of Neal, in that coffee shop just off campus while she studied for her English final sophomore year.

(Oh, how different her life would’ve been if _Killian_ had been the one to buy her that hot chocolate.)

“Is it bad that I want to stay like this?” Emma whispered under her breath, into Killian’s ear as his cheek rested against hers.

“If it is, then we’re both wretched human beings,” Killian replied back just as gently and Emma melted just a little bit more into his arms, allowing herself to sway along with Killian as the band continued to play. “Though I can’t say that I would mind.”

Emma smiled and slowly pulled away just so she could look up into Killian’s eyes, witnessing the emotions swim through them as he stared back at her. She could see how much he cared for her, and if she allowed herself to even fathom these thoughts, Emma could see how much Killian _loved_ her. Never in her life had Emma felt so _safe_ and _secure_ and _loved_ than she did as she danced with Killian, with his arm firmly around her waist and his hand around hers as it rested against his chest.

 _God,_ she loved him. So much that it felt as though her heart would burst with the sheer force of it.

But she couldn’t say it. She _wouldn’t_ say it. Saying it would make it true and it would give the world the power to take him away, and Emma was selfish. Emma wanted to keep Killian as long as he would allow it and she would fight with every fiber of her being against any force that attempted to take him away. She wanted him to remain _hers_ for the rest of their lives and for the rest of eternity.

(She wondered if their love would become the stuff of legends, written in the stars and told to future generations.)

(Emma could only hope it would.)

Killian’s forehead dropped against Emma’s as they continued to sway and she was overcome by the overwhelming urge to _just_ _say it_ , consequences be damned. But Emma mentally slapped herself, knowing very well how love had never treated her well in her past and that she shouldn’t be too hasty. She needed to tread lightly, especially in a universe that never allowed her to be happy for long. So instead of allowing herself to speak the words, Emma said something that was much simpler.

“Can I kiss you?” She whispered and Killian’s eyes reopened as he grinned at Emma, boyish and young and _happy_.

“There’s no need for you to ask, Emma. The answer will always be ‘yes,’” Killian responded just as quietly as his arm moved from around her waist to cup her cheek, swiping his thumb against the roundness.

Killian dropped his head down to Emma’s, allowing her to reach up and press her lips against his. It was a simple, small thing, but it ignited Emma’s bones. She wanted to feel his body against hers in the privacy of their own bedroom, with no clothes to dull any sensation. Her tongue swept against Killian’s bottom lip and he pressed even further into her, his fingers finding their ways into Emma’s up-do and loosening the strands of her hair. It felt almost as though they were already back at his apartment and not in the middle of the dance floor at the wedding of his publicist and her soul mate.

Emma slowly pulled away, her heart pounding and her hand firm against the nape of Killian’s neck. She could feel the gentle puffs of Killian’s breath against her cheek as the music picked back up and changed into something more upbeat and quick. The couples around them began dancing in tune with the music and Emma knew that the moment was gone and that it was time for them to leave the dancefloor. She allowed her hand to fall from Killian’s neck and she wrapped her hand around Killian’s, where it remained by her cheek.

“Maybe we should get a drink?” Emma suggested, her voice breathy and husky and not at all appropriate for a wedding.

“Of course,” Killian replied, his hand squeezing Emma’s as he lowered the joined hands down to their sides. He tugged Emma off of the dancefloor and back up the few steps of the patio, weaving around the tables and chairs to the French doors that led back into the house.

When they entered the house, their shoes clacking against the flooring, Killian led Emma over to the bar that had been placed in the far corner of the living room. They moved around the guests that milled about the room with their drinks in hand, navigating it like a maze. There were numerous tables within the large room, made high enough to stand at as the guests drank and chattered among their friends.

Killian had to squeeze the two of them between other couples that continued to stand at the bar long after their drinks had been served. The bartender made eye contact with Killian and he quickly asked for a water and a gin and tonic. Emma smiled because she had barely mentioned once that gin and tonic was her go-to drink and he had somehow remembered.

(It was the small things like this that made Emma believe that Killian loved her.)

It didn’t take long for the bartender to hand the drinks over to Killian, who then turned to Emma and handed her the smaller glass of clear liquid. “Here’s your gin and tonic.”

“I’m surprised you aren’t drinking,” Emma replied as she stuck the thin straw into her mouth and drank a sip of her drink.

“I’m driving, remember? Can’t afford to have any libations. I have precious cargo to keep safe.”

Emma felt a blush fill her cheeks as she drank a little more of her beverage. She caught a sly smile on Killian’s lips as he looked around her shoulder and waved a hand. “There’s Robin and Regina. I suppose we should go and tell them ‘congratulations.’”

Emma nodded and turned around, spotting Regina and Robin at one of the tables closer to the patio doors. Killian wordlessly took Emma’s free hand and led her across the room, marching toward the newly married couple. She noticed how Robin’s eyes never left Regina’s form and Regina’s blood-red lips remained in a wide smile and she hoped that this was the future that was in the cards for her and Killian.

(Please, let the universe allow it.)

Killian and Emma reached the table and Robin stepped from Regina’s side to come around and hugged Killian, slapping his back as the two of them laughed in joy. Emma’s eyes met Regina’s from across the table and Regina offered a hand to her.

“You must be Miss Swan,” Regina spoke as Emma shook her hand, her perfectly manicured, deep red nails in contrast to Emma’s pale skin.

Emma nodded as she released Regina’s hand, already beyond intimidated by the woman in front of her. “Yes I am. You had a stunning wedding.”

Regina nodded subtly and smiled again as her hands clasped over each other on the table. “Thank you. I spent a year on it, so it had to be.”

“She’s also the definition of a perfectionist,” Robin chimed in as he moved back to stand at Regina’s side on the opposite side of the circular table. “It’s one of her more endearing, yet infuriating, qualities.”

Regina elbowed Robin in the side and he laughed under his breath, moving to press a kiss to the side of her head. “I’m only joking.”

“He’s not,” Killian whispered into Emma’s ear as his hand rested on her waist and she snorted, sipping on her drink again. Killian cleared his throat and looked back to his two friends. “So where’re you two off to for your honeymoon?”

“Monaco,” Regina replied simply. “Luckily, my father volunteered to take care of Roland for the two weeks we’ll be gone, starting tomorrow. He’ll be staying at our apartment in the city since Roland’s starting school tomorrow.”

“Not trusting Scarlet to do it, mate?” Killian questioned and Robin snorted, triggering laughter from Killian.

“Oh God no. I’m afraid his brooding would rub off on Roland,” Robin joked. He chuckled lightly and tucked his hand into his pocket. “Actually, Will said that he would-Roland does love his Uncle Will-, but something sudden came up and he has to get back to England tomorrow morning. Regina’s father volunteered a few days ago to watch him, thankfully.”

“Ana?”

Robin nodded and Killian murmured ‘oy’ under his breath as he scratched the back of his head. Emma recognized the name as the famed model, on-again-off-again girlfriend, and soul mate of Will Scarlet. They were currently off again, due to Will’s busy schedule of recording for the band and Ana’s world travels for photo shoots and endless runway shows. And it sounded like they may be on the way back to being on again, according to this new development.

(Whomever said that soul mates were simple needed to be punched in the fucking face.)

“Yeah, he’s catching his flight to Heathrow tomorrow morning,” Robin continued, his hand going up to make sure his _kippah_ was still firmly on his head. “We’ll see what happens. I know he’s wishing for the best, but I don’t know at this point. It’s been five years of back and forth between the two of them.”

“I hope they figure it out. He deserves it,” Killian responded, his hand tightening around Emma’s waist. She looked up at him and she could see that the subject of Will and Ana’s relationship was a sore spot for him, with the tightness of his jaw and the pressure of his hand against her waist.

She wondered why that was.

“Oh shit,” Regina spoke suddenly and ran her hands over her dress, looking over Killian’s shoulder. “My father is about to break out the scotch and nobody needs to see what comes of that. Excuse me.”

Regina hurried away as Robin laughed under his breath, watching her walk away with love in his eyes. It took him a few moments to break out of whatever thoughts he was having, looking back at Killian and Emma with a smile on his face.

“So, how did you two meet?” Robin asked, clasping his hands together on the table.

Emma glanced up at Killian, who nodded at her encouragingly, as if he wanted her to be the one to tell the story. She smiled at him and she looked back to Robin, who was waiting eagerly for the story.

“Well, I was walking down the street one day, just after lunch with my friends, and a hoard of paparazzi came around the corner and one of them knocked me down since they weren’t paying attention to whoever was behind them,” Emma spoke as a smile spread on her face, her arm moving to wrap around Killian’s waist. “And just after I hit the ground, I heard someone say ‘bloody hell’ and deep down, I knew the voice. But it wasn’t until he helped me up and I saw him that I realized who he was.”

Emma looked up at Killian, who was staring down at her adoringly. “And suddenly, the first color I saw was blue.”

“And the first color I saw was green,” Killian added, a smile playing at his lips.

Emma looked back at Robin, who was looking at the two of them intently. “Naturally, I ran away.”

Robin laughed under his breath, his eyes darting between Emma and Killian. “How long ago was this?”

“Two months ago, just about,” Killian replied, his thumb rubbing against Emma’s hip.

“Would this be the same paparazzi incident Regina was angry about for a week?” Robin asked, his eyebrows shooting upwards in curiosity.

Killian laughed under his breath as he reached up and scratched behind his ear. “That would be the one.”

Emma looked up at Killian with her eyebrows raised. “Paparazzi incident?”

“Well,” Killian began as he looked back at her, tucking his hand into his pocket, “after you ran off, I yelled at the paparazzi to fuck off. Needless to say, Regina didn’t like that very much.”

Emma’s eyebrows dropped into a furrow. “Why?”

“Well it meant bad press and a drop in Twitter followers-”

“Not why Regina was angry, ‘cause I can understand that,” Emma interrupted Killian, moving to clasp her hands together around her slowly dwindling drink. “But why did you get angry at the paparazzi? I mean sure, they can be absolute dicks and don’t know personal space, but why?”

“Because my soul mate had just run off and in that moment, the only thing I cared about was finding you,” Killian replied and Emma’s breathing stuttered. “In that moment, I didn’t consider the repercussions of yelling at the paparazzi. Just then, I was simply Killian Jones, the man who would stop at nothing until I found the woman who drew me in with the color of her eyes and completely flipped my world.”

And Emma couldn’t speak. She didn’t know what to say. All she could think was that Killian Jones must be in love with her or he was the greatest actor of all time, because he spoke with such certainty and finality, as if it was entirely true. And her heart pounded inside her chest because she was sure that he did indeed love her and that meant this was all real and something was going to go wrong-

“Aww,” Robin spoke and Killian began laughing under his breath. “How adorable.”

“Piss off,” Killian told Robin as Emma lifted her drink and began to sip on it earnestly. It was the only way to distract her from the thoughts plaguing her mind.

“I mean it as a compliment, Killian,” Robin replied, smoothing his hand over his tie as he peered over Killian and Emma’s heads. “Now, I must go find my bride before she gets swept into conversations with her cousins. They’re all so pesky.”

Robin walked away from the table, moving around Killian and Emma to walk toward the bar. Emma could sense that Killian wanted to say something, with how he shifted from foot to foot and scratched behind his ear. But Emma couldn’t hear anything more regarding to how he felt when she ran away from him that day. She needed to breath and to not think for just a little while.

“I’m gonna go check my phone real quick,” Emma spoke as she placed the now-empty drink on the table, stepping away from Killian’s side. “I’ll be back in a moment.”

She walked away before hearing Killian’s response, exiting the room through the large archway that led into the foyer. At least this would allow Killian time to talk amongst the guests without Emma hanging onto his arm. She wanted him to be able to talk to his friends without her on his side, being the ever present reminder that she was the outsider and that this was his world. She knew that he brought her along for a fun time-and Emma was having fun-but she was surrounded by people who made more in a day than she made in a year.

It reminded her that she did not deserve to live this life and that this was not where she belonged and that Killian belonged with _those_ people and a soul mate who could actually afford to live-

She shook her head, trying to push away the thoughts that plagued her, and she walked toward the archway that led into the dining room. Emma began to pick at her nails as she began to overhear women’s voices speaking in the dining room.

“-probably some gold-digging whore, anyways. She probably doesn’t love him.”

The other woman laughed under her breath. “She’s probably some up-and-coming actress that’ll dump him as soon as she gets her first movie role.”

“Oh poor Killian. He’s clearly in love with the girl. He’s just gonna get his heart broken.”

Emma froze just outside of the archway and ducked to the side, listening to the women’s conversation. Her heart pounded against her ribs painfully because _these women were talking about her_. They were talking about her as if she was this girl who was using Killian and as if she wasn’t his soul mate-

But they didn’t know that Killian was the reason she could see colors. They didn’t know that the world had brought them together and that he cared and she cared and _she loved him_ -

“And did you see her face when she walked in? She was clearly scoping out new connections.”

“That girl is clearly in over her head. I can’t believe Regina allowed her to come with Killian. He’s clearly just trying to get over Ursula and brought the first girl he found.”

The other woman gasped. “Oh my god, what if she’s an escort?!”

Emma’s jaw dropped as the two women began to laugh. People thought she was an _escort_?

“That would be a new fucking low for him, my God. I mean, it would explain all of the bedroom eyes going on between the two of them.”

“Ugh God, it’s nauseating. Even if she isn’t an escort, why would he bring some no-name girl to the biggest wedding of the year? Killian’s lost his damn mind over some girl who’s probably gonna dump him as soon as she hits it big.”

“Maybe after that, he’ll move onto me.”

Laughter filled the room as Emma heard the clacking of heels, heading away from the archway she stood beside. “He’s so out of her league, it’s sad. Come on, let’s go talk to him. Maybe we can get him away from her. She’s been on his arm all fucking night, like a damn puppy.”

Emma listened to the women exit the dining room, laughing as they walked through the doorway that led into the kitchen, the neighboring room to the dining room. She felt her world crashing down all around her. Clearly she hadn’t been the only person to believe that she didn’t belong her; the other guests knew that Emma didn’t belong at this wedding or in this _life_. They had seen right through her, just like Emma thought they would.

She hurried into the dining room and quickly snatched up her clutch, which was resting on the table in the very place she had put it when they arrived at the wedding. After checking that everything was in her clutch (and ignoring the twenty texts from Ruby about how the wedding was going and how Killian was in the sack), Emma marched back out to find Killian. She wanted to leave, to forget about the laughs of the women in the dining room and the ugly things they had said about her.

She wanted to go home and forget the entire night.

Emma held her clutch in her hands, firmly in front of her, as she walked through the foyer and back into the living room. She looked around and saw people laughing and talking, as though they didn’t realize that Emma’s world was shifting and she felt as though she was a fraud. Emma quickly spotted Killian, standing at the same table she had left him at, but with two women in his company and Emma bet her ass that it was the same two women who had been talking about her in the dining room.

And she could not compete with them.

The blonde and the redhead leaned in close, flashing their perfect smiles and fluttering their eyelashes at him. A surge of jealousy swept through her belly and her arms and all she wanted to do was to run, far away from this fucking wedding and why did she even think this was a good idea to come here-

But just then, Killian looked over and met her eyes and a smile spread so widely on his face. The jealousy fell away from the sight of his smile because she could see that Killian was simply allowing them to talk to him to appease them.  Emma attempted to smile back at him, but she remembered what the women had said about her-that she didn’t belong her and she’d break his heart and she was out of her league-

Emma marched over to Killian, her knuckles turning white from the grip on her clutch, and stopped at his side. “Can we go?”

“Of course,” Killian responded immediately, even though his eyebrows furrowed quickly in concern. She knew he could see that she was clearly bothered by something, but thankfully he didn’t ask. “Let’s say goodbye to Regina and Robin and then we’ll head out.”

Killian quickly took Emma’s hand from where it was gripping her purse and pressed a kiss to the back of her hand. He looked over his shoulder at the two women and bid farewell, and then he walked away with Emma on his arm. It didn’t take them long to find Robin and Regina, as they were surrounded by elderly family members on the patio. The newlywed couple shot them grateful glances when Killian interrupted the pleas for children in the future and announced that he and Emma were leaving and they had come to say goodbye.

As Killian talked to Robin and Regina, shaking their hands and congratulating them again, Emma noticed that Regina could see that something was wrong. Regina’s eyebrows furrowed and Emma tried to straighten herself up, to make it not as clear that those women had ruined her night and now her thoughts were plagued with their statements and Diane’s statements and _she wasn’t good enough_ -

“Thank you for coming, Emma,” Robin spoke, his arm tight around Regina’s waist. “It was a pleasure to meet you.”

“Thank you for allowing me to come,” Emma replied, a fake smile spreading across her face. “I had a lot of fun.”

It wasn’t five minutes later that Killian and Emma were back in the car, driving the hour and a half back into the city. It was nearing ten o’clock already and her feet hurt like hell and she just wanted to go to sleep and forget the entire day. She stared out the window at the dark night as Killian drove and found his way back to the highway. She watched the passing trees and the stars high in the night sky, which were bright against the dark expanse of the sky. Emma hadn’t been able to see the stars this clearly since she had moved into the city and it was one of the things she had missed most about living outside of the city.

Looking up at the stars like this reminded Emma of when her life was uncomplicated.

(Well, less complicated. Because Emma’s life was never uncomplicated.)

To keep Emma from becoming lost in her thoughts ( _she wasn’t enough, she didn’t belong_ -), she pulled her phone out of her clutch and checked it for the messages she was sure she had received. Just by turning her screen on, Emma could see that she had ten texts, all from Ruby. Even though Emma knew she should respond to the messages, her heart wasn’t in it. She didn’t want to see Ruby’s incessant texts about how the wedding was and how Killian was in bed-

She just wanted to go home and forget about the night and “ _she probably doesn’t even love him_ ”-

“Emma-”

Emma’s eyes slid shut at the sound of his voice and she shook her head. “Please-just don’t.”

“I wasn’t going to ask you to talk about whatever’s bothering you,” Killian spoke, his voice gentle in the quiet of the car. “I was going to say that when you feel like talking about it, I’ll be right here and I’m not going anywhere.”

And Emma almost believed it. She could almost believe that he would always be there for her and that he cared for her and he possibly loved her. But then the words of the women at the wedding and Diane’s words from weeks ago, which still haunted her every thought, came back to the forefront of her mind and Emma couldn’t believe that this man-who made her the happiest she had ever been-could ever love her like she loved him.

Maybe Emma Swan was just better off alone.

<> 

Emma didn’t speak for the remainder of the car ride; she just stared out the window and imagined a life where things weren’t complicated and everything was easy and she had Killian at her side without any worries. But she gave up on thinking those thoughts because it was no use; it only gave her false hope about her life changing and things being easier. She had learned a long time ago that wishing for these things only hurt her in the end, so Emma tried her best to avoid any wishful thinking in her life.

And when they arrived back at Killian’s apartment, Emma walked straight back to his bedroom to take off the heels that were murdering her feet. She heard Killian flip the lock on his front door and walk behind her to his bedroom, his shoes clacking against the hardwood floor as Emma found his bedroom door and twisted the knob to step into his bedroom. Their footsteps became muted against the carpeted floor and she heard the door close behind Killian.

And…well…she couldn’t exactly blame herself for turning around quickly and tugging him down by his lapels, pressing her lips against his earnestly because it was the only thing she had wanted all night and it was only this way that would help her forget the insulting words of the jealous women in the dining room.

Killian’s arms wrapped tightly around Emma’s waist, tugging her even closer to him. Their bodies were completely pressed together and the need in Emma’s belly was growing, the fire spreading into her limbs and she just _needed_ him more than anything.

“Emma-”

Emma pulled away and shook her head. “Let’s just not talk about it right now, okay? Just please.”

“Actually, love,” Killian spoke, chuckling under his breath as he itched behind his ear, “I have to go to the bathroom.”

Emma snorted and slapped her hand over her face as she stepped away. “Right. Sorry.”

Killian pressed one last kiss to Emma’s lips, and then stepped away with a smile on his lips. And just looking at him like this, with the moonlight pouring through the curtains of his bedroom and that gentle smile on his face, Emma nearly believed that they could conquer the world together.

It felt as if nothing could get in their way.

Once Killian stepped into his master bathroom, Emma plopped onto his bed and bent down to pull her heels off, moaning in relief when her feet were free from the tight confines of the black pumps. She massaged at the red lines on her feet and stretched her toes, the dark red of her toenails in contrast to Emma’s pale skin. She reached across the bed and slid her clutch onto the nightstand on her designated side of the bed. The structure of the bodice of the dress was beginning to dig into her sides, so Emma stood and tried to reach for the zipper in the back of the dress.

“Let me,” Killian whispered in the quiet room as he stepped behind her.

Emma nodded and dropped her hands, allowing Killian to grip the zipper and slowly tug it down. Emma felt his fingers trail against the expanse of her back and with every small touch, Emma’s skin erupted in flames. Her eyes slid shut when Killian’s lips pressed against the length of her neck and her dress fell to the ground in a puddle.

Much like she felt.

“Have I told you how gorgeous you look?” Killian asked, his lips against her neck and his teeth grazing and _Jesus fucking Christ_ -

“You may have mentioned it,” Emma replied breathlessly, her back arching into Killian’s touch as his hands settled on her hips.

Killian turned Emma around and she suddenly faced him, seeing that his eyes were blown black with lust and it told her that he wanted her as much as she wanted him.

Contrary to her thoughts, tainted by Diane and the women at the wedding.

“Then allow me to repeat myself,” Killian spoke, his voice low and husky and full of desire. “You looked absolutely stunning and continue to look absolutely stunning, especially right now with your cheeks flushed and eyes wide. And I cannot believe that I have the privilege of being at your side.”

Emma tilted her head to the side because she couldn’t believe that she had him, that Killian was _hers_ and hers only. It was hard for her to see it with all of the evil thoughts running through her mind, thinking over the rude statements from the bitches in her life and the nagging insecurities she always had from the hand she had been dealt in her life. But with how Killian looked at her, like she was the one who held the stars in the sky, Emma couldn’t doubt what he felt for her.

He hadn’t said it, but Emma knew Killian loved her.

“You mean that, don’t you?” Emma asked quietly, wrapping her arms around his waist and pressing her nearly naked body against his still fully-clothed self.

“Of course.”

Emma smiled gently as she looked into his young eyes. “You think you’re the lucky one.”

Killian nodded subtly and a hand cupped Emma’s cheek lovingly. “I am. And I don’t need to know what happened tonight-unless you want to tell me-, but I just want you to know that I’ll always be here. Whatever happened must have caused you to doubt things, but I don’t want you to doubt anything. Because Emma, you mean so much more to me than anything in my life right now and I don’t want you to ever doubt me.”

Emma noticed Killian’s Adam’s apple bob with a gulp and he shifted on his feet, his other hand coming up to cup Emma’s other cheek. Emma could see it on his face, as clear as day-he was going to say _it_. He was going to confess his love to her and Emma’s heart pounded against her ribs and she couldn’t do this, not right now when her entire life was just twisted and turned from the foul words of random guests at the wedding.

“Emma, I-”

And Emma stood on her tiptoes and kissed Killian, swallowing his words and the groan that came quickly afterwards. She pushed his suit jacket off his shoulders, hearing it fall into a pile on the floor, and his arms returned to wrap around her waist. His nails scraped down her back and Emma couldn’t help but moan into his mouth, gripping his shirt in her hands and tugging him closer.

It didn’t take them long to find his bed, with Emma straddling Killian’s hips and undoing the buttons of his shirt while his tie had been tossed over the desk in the corner of the room. His hips raised to meet hers, leading to Emma gasping against his lips because _Jesus Christ_ it had been a long time since she had felt this good. And with how Killian sounded beneath her, breathless and groaning, she could tell he was enjoying this just as much.

“Fucking Christ, _Emma_ ,” Killian moaned, his hips jerking upwards again and his hands finding each individual bobby pin in Emma’s hair and flinging them elsewhere to allow her hair to fall over her shoulders.

Emma finally finished unbuttoning his shirt and moved it away from his body, slowly removing herself from Killian’s lips and began to kiss her way down his chest and stomach. His coarse chest hair tickled Emma’s lips as she moved downwards, her hands finding the leather belt on Killian’s pants and beginning to unbuckle it. When Killian’s mind caught up with what Emma was doing, she could nearly hear his heart pound even quicker and his breathing grow even heavier.

And when Emma finally unbuckled the belt and quickly undid the button and zipper of Killian’s pants, she met no resistance when she tugged the pants down his legs. She peeked up at Killian and he had propped himself up on a pillow, looking positively sinful with his hair sticking up wildly and his teeth biting down on his bottom lip.

“You know you don’t have to do this,” Killian spoke, his voice deep.

“I want to, Killian,” Emma replied back immediately, making full eye contact with him as she tugged away the boxer briefs he had chosen to wear that day. “You do a lot for me and for once, I wanna do something for you.”

She always knew that he would be the kind of guy who would insist on pleasuring the woman, but Emma wanted to do something for him for once in this relationship they’ve stumbled into. He constantly supported her and believed in her and never once doubted her, when that seemed to be the only thing Emma ever did for him. She wanted to make him feel good. She wanted him to not doubt her own feelings toward him. She wanted to make him _happy_.

It was the least she could do for the man she loved.

Emma looked back down when his cock was free and didn’t waste a moment before licking the underside of it, along the thick vein there. Killian gasped out a string of curses that would’ve made a sailor blush. She laughed under her breath and just before Killian was able to say something in response, Emma took the entirety of him into her mouth.

She hummed around him as his hands found their way into her hair, which had fallen over shoulders, free of all of the bobby pins that were now undoubtedly lost. Killian’s hands didn’t press against her head in force, but instead in gentle support. She reached up as she bobbed his length in and out of her mouth, her hand finding Killian’s and weaving her fingers through his. His gentle moans filled her ears as Emma’s twirled her tongue around him, moving upwards to tease at the head of his cock.

“Oh fucking _Christ_ ,” Killian groaned out, his hips jerking slightly again.

Emma laughed around him as she took him back into her mouth, humming gently. His fingers tightened in her hair, the pain taking a pleasurable turn. The head hit the back of Emma’s throat and Killian grunted out more curses, the sounds of his pleasure making her wetter than she had been previously. Her thighs pressed together, desperate for friction, but this night was for Killian. She wanted to help him feel everything that he made her feel and that was enough for her.

Her teeth grazed Killian’s cock and his hips jerked yet again. She could hear his breathing growing even heavier, telling her that he must be getting close. So Emma began to hollow out her cheeks with every bob, allowing her mouth to wrap even tighter around Killian. His fingers grasped her hair even tighter than before and it was only a short amount of time before Killian began gasping out that he was getting very close.

So naturally, Emma took the entirety of his cock into her mouth again and it triggered his orgasm.

His seed shot against the back of her throat and she swallowed it down quickly, being sure to not allow the bitterness of his seed to touch her tongue. Emma pulled away slowly, wiping her mouth across the back of her hand, and she looked up at Killian, whose head plopped back against his pillow as he tried to regain his breath.

“Did you enjoy yourself?” Emma asked as she stood up, her knees aching from kneeling on the carpeted floor for so long.

“Yes. Yes, I did,” Killian replied, staring up at the ceiling. “Very much so. You’re very good at that.”

“So I’ve been told,” Emma told Killian, not ashamed of the fact.

Emma went to go brush her teeth-sharing Killian’s toothbrush, at his insistence-and when she returned, Killian was under his blankets and eagerly awaiting Emma’s return. He smiled sleepily when he spotted her coming around the corner from the bathroom. She smiled in return as she tugged the t-shirt Killian had left out for her before they left for the wedding and she crawled into bed with him, settling on her side to face him.

The very first thing he did was lean forward and sweep a lustful kiss against Emma’s lips. She gasped as he tugged her close to him, their bodies pressed together from thighs to chest. The kiss was lazy, tongues sweeping against the other and shared moans, and Emma could tell that Killian was hardly awake at this point. So she pulled away and placed her hand on his cheek, his eyes crinkling with a sleepy smile.

“You’re exhausted,” Emma pointed out, her head resting fully against the pillow.

“I would like to return the favor though,” Killian responded, but made no move to kiss Emma again.

“In the morning, maybe. Granny gave me the day off because she wanted me to enjoy the wedding,” Emma replied, her skin raising under Killian’s touch against her waist.

“Did you?” Killian asked, his voice growing quieter.

Emma nodded. “I did.”

Killian smiled toothlessly as he tugged Emma close, wrapping his arms around her waist and pressing his nose into her neck. “I’m happy you did.”

“Did you?”

“Of course.”

“You mean that?”

Killian pulled away and rested a hand on Emma’s cheek, his eyes an even brighter blue than before (and Emma had no idea that was possible). “I do. I enjoyed every moment by your side. And for the few times you were gone, everyone else made it known that they enjoyed your company as well.”

Emma couldn’t resist the smile that spread on her lips at the fact. “Really?”

Killian’s smile matched hers. “Yes. They all loved you. They all know that you’re good for me, as I’ve always thought.”

Emma leaned forward and kissed Killian one final time, just a small little peck to show her appreciation for everything he had said and done that night. When she pulled away, Killian moved a little closer, their noses nudging in an adoring gesture.

“Good night, Emma Swan.”

“And good night to you, Killian Jones.”

<> 

It was the sudden chiming of Emma’s cell phone that jarred her awake, early the next morning. She groaned as she twisted in bed, pulling away from Killian’s sleeping form, and she reached into her clutch to grab her phone. The sudden light of her screen hurt Emma’s eyes and she groaned again, noticing that it was Mary Margaret who was calling her. Suddenly, anxiety twisted in her gut because it was nearly 6:30 in the morning and the only reason Mary Margaret would be calling so early was that something happened-

“Hello?” Emma asked in a panicked tone, pushing her loose hair away from her face.

“Emma, get on the internet now!” Mary Margaret spoke hurriedly.

“I’m not at home,” Emma replied, furrowing her eyebrows.

“Well, get onto Killian’s computer or something. You _have to look at the news_!” Mary Margaret repeated and Emma could hear rustling of papers on the line.

Emma sighed and stood from Killian’s bed, her joints cracking loudly as she walked over to his desk. She sat down in the leather chair and shook the mouse to wake up Killian’s computer, seeing that she needed a password to access the desktop.

“Hey, what’s your password?” Emma called over to Killian as she continued to hold the phone to her ear.

“Yo ho, yo ho,” Killian murmured into the pillow.

Emma snorted as she typed the letters in. How unsurprising.

“Are you online yet?!” Mary Margaret practically screeched.

“Jesus Christ, Mary Margaret. Hold on,” Emma told her friend as she opened the browser and quickly found a news site. It took a minute for everything to load and _oh my god_ -

“ _Oh my God!_ ” Emma nearly screamed. Her heart pounded against her ribs and this could not be fucking happening. No, no, _no_ -

“Emma, what is it?” Killian asked at Emma’s side, looking at the screen in front of her. His face went ashen as he read the headline. “Oh shit.”

_Killian Jones’ Mystery Gal: Click Here for the Hot Wedding Details_

_Killian Jones Looking Cozy with Unknown Blonde_

_“The Bedroom Eyes Were Off The Charts,” Says Guest at Regina Mills’ Wedding_

And within every single article, a blurry cellphone picture accompanied the text, showing Killian and Emma closely entangled as they danced. Emma remembered the moment where that photo must’ve been taken, overwhelmed by this life and how much love she felt for the man in front of her.

“Emma, I had to call you as soon as I saw it,” Mary Margaret said gently. “I didn’t want you to be surprised with it when you had to go home.”

“Mary Margaret, I’ll talk to you later,” Emma spoke, her voice soft in shock as she hung up the phone on her friend.

As Emma reread the articles over and over again, she could feel the panic continue to build within her chest. This wasn’t supposed to happen. They were supposed to be okay and the wedding was supposed to be private, but Emma was staring at a photo that told her that it wasn’t private and now everyone knew about their relationship and _it was supposed to be okay_ -

“Emma, love-”

Emma pushed away from the desk and stood from the chair, collecting her normal clothes from on top of Killian’s dresser and tugging them on because she needed to get out. She needed to breathe and to reevaluate _everything_ because this wasn’t the sort of life she was meant to live and everyone would see through her, just like those women from last night-

“Emma, _please_ , let’s talk,” Killian spoke as he walked over to Emma, his eyes pleading.

Emma shook her head as she tugged her shirt over her head. “I can’t. I need time to think.”

“Emma, it’ll all be okay-”

“But it won’t, Killian!” Emma replied, running her hands through her knotted hair. “I don’t belong in this life! I thought we would have time to get used to us before all of this, but no matter what, we would’ve had to go public and this is not the kind of life I belong in! I have a past and people will look down on me and they already _do_ look down on me and I just-I can’t do this right now.”

Emma’s heart broke at the look on Killian’s face, as he searched her eyes and his own eyes welled up with tears that Emma wished she hadn’t caused. But she was telling him the truth: she would not do well in the limelight, with a haunting past that people would attack her for and the whole fact of being the soul mate to one of the hottest heartthrobs in Hollywood. She didn’t fear her love for him (for once in her life), nor his love for her, but she did fear what would happen to her ( _to them_ ) when they did go public with their relationship.

She just couldn’t risk it. Not right now. And maybe not ever.

“I’m sorry, Killian,” Emma spoke, her heart breaking and her eyes welling, and she walked out the door.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know it's been another long wait, but school sucks and so do i. but this chapter is a doozy. it's shorter than the other ones, but a ton of shit goes down. after this chapter, there will be ONE more chapter, and then the epilogue. so stay tuned and be awesome.

The sound of the door slamming echoed in Killian’s ears.

He stood there, in his bedroom, unmoving. The browser was still open on the computer, taunting Killian with its information. He stared at the grainy cellphone photo and remembered how happy they were the night before, dancing and smiling and kissing in front of his peers. Life had been simple. Life had been _perfect_.

But now, everything was ruined because of a photo that should not even exist.

 _I can’t do this right now_.

Killian’s heart still refused to beat. He stood there, as if he was waiting for Emma to come walking right back to him to apologize for her words and for her haste. But he knew that she wasn’t returning. Not now. And maybe not ever. He didn’t want to think like that because he knew Emma was _it_ for him. But this photo made her realize things they had yet to discuss and his life might be too much for her.

He may not be enough for her.

Killian forced himself to move, walking out of his bedroom and down the hall, stepping into the entryway of his apartment. It was quiet, even the streets far below slow-moving and silent. The city had yet to begin moving, which was strange since the city always seemed to have a heartbeat. It was almost as though New York City knew that Killian Jones was suffering. It was almost like New York City knew that Killian Jones was in pain.

It was almost as though the city knew that Killian Jones had had his heart broken in two.

Killian leaned against the wall beside the hallway and slid down to the ground, settling on the hardwood floor beneath him. He stared at the door, willing it to reveal Emma, but he knew it would never come. She wouldn’t be coming back, not with the pure fear in her eyes and the way her head shook and the way she kept apologizing over and over again.

But Emma didn’t need to apologize. No, Killian understood where she was coming from. He understood her fear of being in the limelight and her fear of her past being revealed to be mocked and shamed for it. He had the very same fears when he began _Never Landing_ and it had taken him a long time to move past his fears. But with Emma—the brilliant and stunning woman with mile-high walls and years of trust issues—she wouldn’t be able to see past this betrayal.

 _I’m sorry, Killian_.

Killian’s head leaned back against the wall and he could feel the tears building behind his eyes. He never meant to cause any pain for Emma. And with how she looked at him before she left, tears welling behind her eyes as if she was forcing herself not to cry in his presence, Killian knew that was exactly what he had caused. His fame had caused Emma pain and had caused her to become afraid, to run away from him and to not look back. All Killian could think was that he shouldn’t have asked her to come to the wedding, even with the promises Regina made to him that their privacy would be ensured. The wedding forced Emma’s hand, making her face Killian’s high life before she was ready.

Killian could only blame himself for her leaving.

And with that, he cried.

He cried over the pain Emma was experiencing because of the photo, over Emma’s life being forever changed, and over the future they could’ve had if life had just gone their way. And last of all, Killian cried over the raw heartbreak he was facing. He didn’t want to lose Emma—in fact, he couldn’t imagine his life without her—but he knew Emma and how she ran when things got difficult.

It didn’t matter that he loved her, even if it was with every fiber of his being.

Killian dropped his head onto his arms, crossed over his knees as he continued to sit on the floor in his apartment. He sniffled loudly, the only sound in the world that he could hear at the moment. _God_ , he had almost told her last night just how much she meant to him. He had begun saying it, but then he saw the fear cross Emma’s eyes and she didn’t waste a moment before interrupting him before he finished the statement. Even though she was able to thoroughly distract him from saying it last night, Killian had itched all night to just speak the three simple words. He felt as though if he was able to say the words, everything would’ve been different this morning. They would’ve fooled around this morning, just as he had promised her the night before, and he would’ve cooked her breakfast and they would’ve sat around all day, watching bad television.

But no, Killian knew that saying those words wouldn’t have changed anything. In fact, they could’ve scared her off the previous night and left him in much more pain than he was currently feeling.

He just hoped she loved him back enough to return, to at least give them a chance in the spotlight.

<> 

It was the telltale sound of the doorknob on Killian’s front door turning that brought Killian out of his thoughts. He picked up his head from his arms and he looked over, remaining at his spot on the floor as the door swung open and revealed Liam with Amelia in a car seat at his side. He looked wild, his hair windblown, and Liam’s eyes settled on Killian’s form on the floor. He rushed over, closing the door behind him and placing Amelia’s car seat on the floor beside Killian, and kneeled down to Killian’s level.

“I hurried over as soon as I saw,” Liam spoke, his voice still heavy from sleep. “The paparazzi are all but camping out outside. It’s a bloody zoo down there.”

“How’d you get in then? They know you,” Killian replied, using his voice for the first time since Emma left and it sounded weary and dreary and sad.

“Gus waved me over to the side entrance,” Liam explained, his eyes darting around the apartment as his eyebrows furrowed. “Where’s Emma?”

“She’s gone.”

Liam’s jaw dropped slightly, his stubble glinting in the morning light. “What?”

Killian sighed as his eyes slid shut. “She got a call this morning from her friend at around six thirty and she told us to look online. When she saw the picture, she bolted.”

“Well did she say anything?” Liam asked.

Killian took a deep breath, gaining his strength and fighting back at the tears that threatened his eyes. “She said that she couldn’t do this and that she needed time to think. And she just left.”

With tears in her eyes and Killian nearly dropping to his knees to beg her not to leave.

“Shit,” Liam spoke quietly, dropping his head and glancing over at an alert Amelia. “I’m sorry, Killian.”

And Killian couldn’t even find the strength to scoff at Liam’s apology. He wanted to be able to play it off, to show that it wasn’t affecting him. But like most times, he couldn’t hide his true feelings from Liam. There were only a few people among whom Killian could show his true self. Liam and Jenny were among those people.

And so was Emma.

“I just don’t know what to do, Liam. Part of me wants to run after her, but the other part knows that she needs the time to herself,” Killian spoke, looking over at his niece, who was beginning to kick in her carrier.

“You know her better than I do, Killian,” Liam responded, looking back to his younger brother. “I think you need to follow your instincts, which are telling you to give her space since you obviously haven’t gone after her yet.”

Killian sighed because Liam was right. “What time is it, anyways?”

“Nearly eight.”

Well that explained Killian’s numb arse.

“Let’s make you some breakfast. That ought to brighten the mood a bit,” Liam spoke, standing up from his kneeling position and his knees cracked loudly in the quiet apartment. He offered Killian a hand, which Killian took to stand from his spot on the floor. With Killian standing, Liam let go of his hand and clapped Killian on the shoulder, smiling toothlessly. “It’ll all work out, little brother. I’m sure of it. Now take Amelia out of her carrier before she starts crying while I get started on breakfast. She missed her uncle Killian.”

And for the first time that day, a semblance of a smile crossed Killian’s face.

<> 

Emma’s heart physically ached as she laid in her bed. She stared up at the ceiling, wishing that Granny had wanted Emma to work that morning so she would at least be able to distract herself from thinking too much. She knew she had to follow her heart, but her heart was split in two. One half wanted to remain with Killian, to apologize profusely for putting him through this and to forget she had ever left. But the other half reminded her that this wasn’t the life she belonged in and that it was only a matter of time before the public found out about her past and turned on her and _Killian_ would turn on her and Emma would rather disappear than experience that.

She stared at the crack in the ceiling, the one that originated in the corner just above her head and wormed out toward the center of the room. The crack had been there for as long as Emma had lived there, witnessing the heartbreak of a relationship and the kindling of another.

And well, the heartbreak of that next one too, Emma thought.

This was the exact reason why Emma never wanted a soul mate. Even though everybody who didn’t have a soul mate insisted that soul mates were so simple and so uncomplicated, Emma had always believed it to be horseshit. And after this, after experiencing this heartbreak from the betrayal of some random guest at Regina and Robin’s wedding (someone who wouldn’t matter in any other context or any other universe), Emma knew that soul mates were one of the most complicated things she had ever experienced.

She had known that from witnessing Grant and Diane’s marriage, at the ways Diane constantly controlled his every move. She had known that from seeing the heartbreak Aurora’s double soulmate situation was causing. She had known that from seeing those who wanted soul mates the most not ever finding them.

And now, she had known that from the universe playing a trick on her and making one of the most famous men in the world her soul mate, especially since her privacy was one of the things she treasured most.

Emma scoffed as she stared at the ceiling, listening to the city slowly coming to life just outside her window. How fucking perfect. Emma had gone and fallen in love with the man and now she was left heartbroken and the universe was laughing in her goddamn face.

She wanted to talk to someone, but also wanted to remain completely alone so she could sort out her thoughts. She did mean what she said to Killian, that she needed time to think. She needed to sort out her life and decide whether or not she could remain with Killian, even if it meant being pushed into the public eye and possibly facing her past again.

As Emma continuously wanted to run away from her past, her future was forcing her to confront it.

Well…at least the future Emma wanted.

She found herself fishing out her phone from her pocket, rolling over to the side as she scrolled through her contacts. Emma found that there was only one person in the world she actually wanted to speak with, even though she knew he wouldn’t answer her call. But she wanted to try.

She hit the contact she searched for and called him, listening to the never-ending ring of his phone over the line. She knew he wouldn’t answer, but a little part of her held onto the hope that her father would just pick up the phone. She hoped that Diane was gone and that he was able to live his life the way he deserved it.

But then the call went to voicemail.

Of course.

Emma cleared her throat as the tone rang. “Um, hey Dad. It’s Emma. I just wanted to call to say hi and that I miss you.” Her throat grew thick as tears threatened her eyes again. “Actually, there’s more than just that, but I’m guessing Diane is home, so it doesn’t matter. I just want to talk to you and hear your voice and”-her voice cracked and she sniffled-“I just miss you a lot, Dad. Things are all kinds of fucked up here and I don’t know what to do. But it’s fine. I’ll figure things out. Or something. Love you.”

Emma ended the call and the tears broke through again. Her life was a goddamn mess and she could only blame herself. She didn’t know why she was so damn surprised. Life never went Emma’s way and for once in her damn life, Emma thought it could be different. But it wasn’t. Her life was going to shit because that was simply how it always was.

She never should’ve believed that there would be complete privacy at the wedding. She never should’ve even gone because it was far too early to go public with her and Killian’s relationship and now she couldn’t avoid the news circling around about the mysterious blonde woman on Killian’s side and _what was she gonna do_ -

Emma’s phone chimed and her heart lurched. She hoped it was Killian, texting to make sure she was okay and that he understood and that he’d be there for when she was ready. But when she clicked the power button and saw her screen light up with a text from Ruby, her heart broke a little bit more. At this point, she wasn’t expecting Killian to be waiting for her when she did decide what she wanted. She had put him through so much during their short relationship and she wouldn’t be surprised if he ended up wanting nothing to do with her in the end.

She could only blame herself for that.

Emma wiped away a tear that slipped from her eye as she tapped in her password. Her phone unlocked and she was greeted to a heartfelt text from Ruby.

**Emma I just saw everything and are you okay???? Who am I kidding? Of course you aren’t. I know you and I know you’re freaking out right now and that’s okay I can’t blame you. But please PLEASE don’t run away. Please call me as soon as you can. Maybe we can get take out tonight with mary Margaret and just talk about everything before you make any rash decisions.**

Emma snorted because she wouldn’t be her if she didn’t fuck up the best thing in her life.

_You’re about two hours too late_

It wasn’t five seconds later that her phone began ringing loudly. She saw that it was Ruby, which was unsurprising, given Emma’s text in response to Ruby’s worry. But Emma simply ignored her phone, allowing the call to ring through to voicemail. She didn’t want to talk to anybody. The only voice she wanted to hear was Killian’s or her father’s and she knew better than to expect either.

She’s gone and fucked up everything in her life.

It was only an amount of time before Emma was completely alone.

Just how she was meant to be.

<> 

When Emma cracked open her eyes, the sun had lowered itself into the evening position. Her apartment was filled with the orange rays of the sun and she scratched at her still sore eyes. Emma had fallen into a fitful sleep when her tears made her eyes feel heavy, plagued with images of Killian’s hurt face and how her heart must look after all of these years of heartbreak and pushing people away.

(She imagined it was black and cracked and hollow.)

Emma sighed as she picked up her cell phone, which she had dropped to her side when she had fallen asleep. She saw two texts from Ruby and one from Mary Margaret. They were all along the lines of getting take out and meeting Emma at her place around seven that night. She wanted to protest against them coming over, but she knew that they would make a big deal about Emma pushing them away and they would come over anyways.

While she loved her friends dearly, sometimes they just did not know when to butt out of Emma’s business.

She shut her screen off and tossed her phone to the side with a sigh. Emma fought the urge to find Killian’s number and text him. She was the one who left, so she had to suffer from the consequences of that decision, even if it meant that she couldn’t contact the man who had become a close friend and someone she loved.

 _God_ , she loved him so much that her heart could barely handle the weight of it. And even though Emma had most likely fucked everything up with him, she couldn’t help but imagine a future with him, a future that she so desperately wanted. She wanted the house that Killian had spoken of, one that was close to the ocean so he could have his own boat. She wanted a wedding with this man, staring into his blue eyes as they recited their vows.

She wanted a family with him, a home for children in the system that weren’t wanted. A home for children like her.

Emma wiped away a tear that spilled onto her cheek, wishing that she would just fucking run out of tears. She was sick of crying. She was sick of everything in her goddamn life and she just wanted to sleep forever so she could ignore everything and everyone and everything was such a mess-

There was a gentle, but firm knock on her front door and Emma groaned, sitting up from her place on her bed. It was half past six, which meant it was too early for Ruby and Mary Margaret to be showing up. But knowing Mary Margaret, Emma wouldn’t be surprised if it was them showing up a half hour early with how punctual Mary Margaret always was. But she was not going to deal with them. Not today. Not tonight. Not after she fucked up everything good in her life and this was why she was meant to be alone, _alone, alone_ -

“Guys, please leave me alone,” Emma spoke as she gripped the doorknob and twisted it to open the front door. “I’m not in the mood-”

And it wasn’t Ruby and Mary Margaret outside of her apartment door.

Emma’s jaw dropped and she couldn’t believe her eyes. She took in the form of her father, standing outside of her apartment, as if he had been there every day for the past four years. Lines surrounded his eyes, deeper than they had been all those years ago when she last saw him. But a smile spread on his face, his perfectly straight and white teeth in contrast to his olive-toned skin.

“Emma-” Grant Hammond began to speak, but Emma interrupted him by stepping forward and wrapping her arms around his waist, pressing her face into his chest as tears overcame her. And his arms came around her not a moment later, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “I’m so sorry, honey. I’m so sorry it’s taken me so long.”

Emma tucked her head further into his chest, just as she had during her rough days as a teenager in a household ran by Diane Hammond. She didn’t want to talk just yet. She just wanted to stand there with her father and inhale the scent of his cologne, the very same one he wore when she was younger and drove away the lingering nightmares of her time in the foster system.

And Grant understood this. His arms tightened around Emma and he pressed another kiss to her head. Emma felt a weight be lifted from her shoulders just by his sudden reappearance back in her life. She felt as though everything would be okay and that everything will work out. But she just wanted to stop thinking for a while. She just wanted to feel the softness of his cotton sweater under her cheek and the warmth of his arms around her.

However, they couldn’t stand out in the hallway forever. So Emma pulled away from her father and wiped away at the tear tracks on her cheeks, allowing him to follow her into her apartment. The shock of his appearance had worn off and now Emma was left wondering how he was there. Diane controlled his every move and she never would’ve allowed him to come anywhere close to New York City. That was the reason why Emma hadn’t seen him in the four years since Diane cut Emma out of their life for wanting to pursue her own life.

The door closed loudly and Emma led Grant to the main room of her apartment, tucking her hands into the back pockets of her jeans. Her father followed her past the archway and eyed the apartment and suddenly Emma wondered if Grant had expected more out of Emma after she went her own way. She wondered if Grant had _wanted_ more for Emma.

“I remember moving you into this place,” Grant commented, staring at the aged fridge outside of the rest of the kitchen. “I forgot how tiny it was.”

Emma’s lips drew into a line. “Yeah.”

Grant looked back at Emma, taking in her hair, which was vastly different than the hair he had last seen on her. “Your hair’s different.”

“That happens over four years.”

Grant sighed and nodded. “I know. I’m sorry. I just don’t know what to say.”

“How about you start with why you’re here? Or even _how_?”

Grant let out a strained chuckle under his breath. “Well, I figured we’d go to dinner, and then we can talk.”

Emma nodded slowly, sliding on her Toms and grabbing her purse from the hook beside her dresser. She followed her father out of her apartment, quickly locking the door behind them when they were out in the hallway. She was getting more and more curious by the minute about why her father had suddenly shown up, after all of these years of short phone calls when Diane wasn’t around.

And as they exited her building and began walking down the bustling sidewalk, looking for any restaurant that may sound good, her thoughts turned to thinking about how her father and Killian would get along. Her father wanted a boat just as badly as Killian had spoken of wanting one, but it was a dream that he didn’t attain. They would talk about their love for the sea and wishing for the day that they could sail freely on their own boat.

And Emma’s heart broke a little more because she knew that would never happen.

They walked quietly down the road, only speaking when Grant pointed out a restaurant just down the street from where they were walking. Emma nodded in acceptance, feeling awkward around the man who loved her through everything, but refused to fight for her when it counted. They turned into the restaurant and asked for a table for two, quickly being led to a table out on the patio. They sat there silently as the hostess passed the menus to the both of them and assured them that a waiter would be with them in a moment.

They didn’t speak until after they had finished off their food (Grant’s prime rib with mashed potatoes and Emma’s cheeseburger with onion rings). She sipped on her water while her father sipped graciously on the red wine he had ordered. Emma watched the people on the street and stared with envy at the happy couples that passed her. Every time she saw a couple, a pain shot through her heart and she wished life was simpler and that she was less broken and Killian deserved someone much better than she-

“I came down here because of your voicemail.”

Emma shook herself from her thoughts and she looked across the aluminum table at her father, whose hands were clasped loosely on the table. She wanted to shake her head, to not believe him, because he wasn’t there when Diane kicked her out of the family and he couldn’t be there when Neal left and when everything in her life went to shit.

But with the way he looked at her, with pure sincerity through his horn-rimmed glasses, Emma believed him. She believed that he actually _cared_.

“I was in the middle of working on a case and I didn’t notice that my phone rang until an hour later,” Grant explained, scooting forward in his chair and it scraped loudly against the concrete of the sidewalk. “And I listened to it and I just…I knew I had to come down here to see you. I could hear how badly you were hurting and I knew I had to be here for you, to help you through whatever was happening. And I realized how badly I messed up four years ago when I let Diane kick you out.”

Emma clenched her jaw to keep the tears at bay as her father continued. “So I got up, packed everything I could, and I had the talk with Diane that I should’ve had years ago.”

“Dad,” Emma said, realizing exactly what that could mean.

“I gave her the papers right before I left, Emma,” Grant spoke. “I had thought about it for months and I just knew I had to do it today.”

“She isn’t going to sign them, you know,” Emma replied because she remembered exactly how Diane was: she wouldn’t let go of anything she wanted. She always had to be in control.

Grant sighed. “I think she will. She insisted that she would sign them and ruin my life and I was making a mistake and all of the usual things.”

“Where are you gonna go?” Emma asked, a question that she simply had to say.

“Here,” Grant replied with a small smile. “My firm has an office on the Upper West Side and they had an open offer for me for a long time. I called them today to accept it.”

Grant reached over to take Emma’s hands in his, reaching around the empty basket of bread between them. “I’ll be here now, for you, like I’ve always should’ve been. And I want to make up for lost time, Emma. I want to know what’s causing you such distress and pain.”

Emma took a deep breath, unable to believe that her father had actually filed for divorce from Diane, the very thing she had wished he would for all of these years. She was happy that he finally realized what he needed to do, even if it meant the downfall of his marriage and Diane setting out to ruin his life because he no longer could be with her. But she was also afraid of the things Diane could do. She had seen what Diane could do when she was angry. Emma herself was proof of what Diane could do. She didn’t wish her father the same fate Emma had suffered at Diane’s wrath.

“Are you sure that you want to go through with this, Dad?” Emma asked and Grant tilted his head to the side in confusion. “I mean, we both know what Diane is capable of when she puts her mind to it. She really can destroy your life. She has the friends and the ability to spread rumors and all of that shit.”

“You have to follow your heart, Emma, even when it’s hard to,” Grant replied simply. “I have loved her ever since I met her, even when she was controlling most aspects of my life. But it’s grown out of control and I know that I can’t live like that anymore. I still love her, but I have to do what’s right for myself.”

Emma snorted because damn, her father was already helping her figure out what the hell she needed to do about Killian, and he didn’t even know what was going on. She had to follow her heart, even if it meant breaking the habits that had grown and solidified over years of heartbreak and abandonment. She had to follow her heart because she was in love with Killian Jones and he was worth so much more than her bad habits and remaining alone in her life. She had to follow her heart because Killian Jones was more than enough. He was everything she needed and wanted and _desired_.

“Dad, I really fucked up,” Emma murmured, returning her hands to her lap, where they tangled together anxiously.

“What happened?” Grant asked, his typically booming voice toned into a gentle tone.

“Remember how I told you about my soul mate?” Emma asked and Grant nodded. “Well, things worked out after what I told you, with the whole saying-a-woman’s-name-while-he-slept thing. But now, things are even more fucked up and I think _I_ fucked up and I just don’t know what to do.”

“Well, just tell me what happened,” Grant replied, taking on his lawyer tone.

Emma sighed and glanced around to make sure no one was listening in on their conversation. She did not want this to be the way people find out that _she_ was the soul mate of Killian Jones and the very woman in the grainy cell phone photo. “Well, I first have to tell you that my soul mate isn’t exactly like you and me.”

“What do you mean?” Grant questioned, his eyebrows slightly furrowed.

Emma sighed again. “He’s kind of a big deal. Like _really_ big deal.”

“Emma, stop lollygagging.”

Emma retained a groan as she pulled out her cell phone to show her father exactly who her soul mate was. She was sure he would know who Killian was, as he also was a big fan of _Never Landing_ , even though he would never admit to it to any of his work buddies. Emma quickly pulled up a picture of Killian, one of the very famous GQ photos that haunted Emma’s dreams for months after they were released (and was still her phone background), and slid her phone to her father.

And his jaw dropped.

“Your soul mate is-”

“ _Shhhh_!” Emma hissed, taking her phone away and sliding it back into her pocket. “It’s still a secret.”

“Holy shit,” Grant spoke, allowing himself just the one curse word. “So wait. You’re the woman in that photo?”

Emma sighed and nodded slowly, grateful that her father was up-to-date on what was going on. “Yes.”

“Wow,” Grant said simply, dumbstruck that his daughter was the soul mate of one of the most sought-after actors in Hollywood.

“We were at the wedding and I was already nervous about going to it, but”—Emma glanced around to make sure no one was listening—“Regina assured me and Killian that there would be no cell phones and no unauthorized photos and everyone working the event had signed NDAs to keep the guest list a secret. And then Mary Margaret found that this morning and I freaked out and I just left Killian’s apartment and I said that I couldn’t do this and that I needed to think and I just don’t know what I should do, Dad.”

Grant raised his eyebrows and let out a long breath, taking in all of that information. “I see.”

“And I just don’t belong in that life, Dad. I don’t belong in the spotlight because I have a past and sooner or later, my past is gonna be made public and everyone’s gonna hate me, so I might as well not even try. So I just left before Killian has the chance to because I know it’ll inevitably happen because that’s how it’s always been.”

“Emma-”

“You know it’s true, Dad. Before today, you were one of those people,” Emma replied honestly, making full eye contact with her father across the table. “And Killian…he wasn’t. He was always there. He always made me happy and made me laugh and he never made me feel inferior because I make so much less money than him. He let me pay for cab rides and dinners because he knew it bothered me when he paid for everything. And I left because I wanted to keep my heart from getting broken, but it’s broken now because I left.”

“You love him,” Grant spoke and a small smile crossed his lips. “That’s why your heart is broken. Emma, you love him.”

Emma gulped back the knot in her throat and tearfully- _finally_ -said, “I love him. I love him so much and I just…I don’t know what to do because our lives are so goddamn different. Because eventually, we’re gonna drift apart because he’ll constantly be filming and I’ll be working nights when he’s home and we’ll just become strangers and I shouldn’t even _try_.”

“Emma,” Grant began saying as he leaned forward, clasping his hands together on the table, “remember what I said before? ‘Follow your heart, even when it’s hard to.’ I know you have so much hurt and anger in your past, but it’s preventing you from living now and planning for the future. I know you believe that no one cares for you and no one could love you, but _I_ love you. Your friends love you. And I’m positive that he loves you, too. You’re surrounded by people who love and care about you and you can’t continue to let your past drive your present and future.”

Emma nodded because she knew her father was right. Killian was worth so much more than keeping her old habits of driving people away before they could break her heart. She was tired of living this way, of keeping people at a distance so she could remain safe behind her mile-high walls. She had let Killian past them, and past the crocodile-filled moat, and past the fire-breathing dragon. Emma just wanted to _be_ with him. She wanted to love him for the rest of her life, without pause and without fear.

“I have to go see him,” Emma stated, looking at her father.

He nodded. “You do.”

Emma began to stand from her chair, putting her purse over her shoulder as she stood. “Where are you staying tonight?”

“The Excelsior Hotel on the Upper West Side,” Grant replied. “I stopped there before I came by here.”

“And you’ll be there for a while?” Emma asked, her fear of being left behind by him not entirely gone.

Grant nodded with a smile. “I will be. And I’ll be looking for apartments later this week, if you would like to join me.”

Emma smiled as she walked around the table and pressed a kiss to her father’s cheek. “Love you, Dad.”

“Love you too, Ems,” Grant replied with a matching smile when Emma pulled away.

And Emma marched out of the restaurant and quickly hailed a cab, telling him the address of Killian’s apartment building. She would no longer keep this secret to herself. She couldn’t keep it to herself any longer.

She was off to confess her love to Killian Jones.

<> 

Killian hadn’t moved from his spot on the couch since Liam left at noon that day, taking Amelia along with him. Liam had promised to call him to arrange lunch someday with him, Jenny, and Amelia, and Killian was grateful. He could always count on his older brother to at least attempt to make him feel better. But at this point, the only person Killian wanted to hear from was Emma Swan.

The woman that held his heart, even though she may not love him back.

He took yet another sip of his rum, the television running in the background to make him feel not as alone as he knew he was. He wasn’t entirely sure what he was watching, his focus only on the rum in his hands and Emma in his mind. He tried to keep her image alive in his mind because he did not know when or if he would ever see her again.

He knew her tendency to run and he loved her even more in the face of it. But Killian had to remember that this was far worse than any other situation they had faced. He knew how much Emma feared her past. He had just wished that she cared for him more than she feared her past.

Little Killian Jones, loving with his entire heart and never receiving it in return.

Killian threw back the rest of the rum in his tumbler, allowing the alcohol to burn its path down his throat. It settled in his stomach, warming it and giving him a slight buzz, which was enough for him to try to forget about the mess his life was. He stood from the couch and grabbed the now-empty bottle of rum from the coffee table, walking over to the kitchen to drop his tumbler into the sink and the bottle into the trash can. It was nearing half past seven and Killian was already ready to just go to bed for the night.

He was ready to just forget about this day and just _sleep_.

But there was a knock on his door.

He furrowed his eyebrows and walked over to the front door, his footsteps muted by his socked feet. He wondered if it was Liam for some reason, but he quickly determined it was because Jenny wouldn’t let him leave twice in one day when there was a newborn to take care of. Then Killian thought it could be Graham, since he did say he would drop by at some point because of the picture popping up. Then again, Monday nights were typically Graham’s time to work out.

But soon Killian found out who was behind that door, as he twisted the door knob and swung the door open.

And found Emma standing right there, her hands tucked into the front pockets of her jeans.

He nearly lost his breath, suddenly being hit by her simple beauty. Her hair was down, falling in waves over her breasts and slightly windswept. But her eyes were still slightly red, much like Killian’s own were, which told Killian that she had been crying over all of this too.

“Killian,” Emma spoke quietly and he watched her throat bob with a gulp. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Killian replied and stepped to the side, allowing Emma to step inside.

Emma stepped into his apartment, her arms moving to cross over her chest. Killian shut the door and turned to stand in front of her, noticing how her eyes were planted on the hardwood beneath her feet. The silence was killing him in a way it never had before.

“Killian, I have something to say about all of this,” Emma said as she looked up at Killian and Killian nodded.

“Emma, if you want to end things, please just tell me,” Killian spoke truthfully, looking down at the ground because he couldn’t look her in the eyes when she ended things between them. He didn’t want her to see the pain in his own eyes.

“Killian, no,” Emma replied quickly, stepping forward a small step. “That’s not what I’m here for.”

Killian’s heart resumed its regular beat, but he was still left wondering why she was there. “Then why are you here? You made it very clear how you felt this morning.”

“I had time to think and I realized that I don’t want this to be done,” Emma spoke and Killian’s heart lurched into his throat. “I don’t want _us_ to be done. I did a lot of thinking and talking with my dad and I realized that I can’t keep fucking living in the past. I don’t want to keep being so goddamn afraid of _everything_ and I just want _us_.”

“Emma, if I’m pressuring you—”

“You aren’t, Killian,” Emma interrupted him and she stepped forward again, slowly closing the gap between the two of them. “That’s the thing. _You never have_. You’ve never pressured me into anything or made me feel terrible about my life. You’ve supported me and made me laugh and made me _happy_. You made it known that I didn’t have to go to that wedding because you wanted me to decide for myself. You _always_ let me take the lead and you’re always so patient and I owe you so much.”

“You don’t owe me anything, Emma,” Killian spoke, itching to take her face in his hands but refraining from doing so. “I care about you and I want you to be happy. And if it isn’t with me, then I’ll have to deal with that on my own.”

“Being with you is what makes me happy,” Emma stated firmly. Her eyes did not waver from his own and his heart pounded against his ribs in an even rhythm. “I realized that being with you means so much more to me than running away from my past. And if being with you means that the world will eventually know every dirty secret I have, then I’m willing to take that chance.”

And Killian felt as though he couldn’t breathe. He thought his world was ending this morning, but now, everything was right-side up again and was even better than before. He loved this woman more than anything and everything was _finally_ coming together.

“Killian, I’m sorry for everything I said this morning,” Emma continued, tucking her hands into her front pockets again. “You’re worth more to me than being afraid of the spotlight. And I’m tired of running away. I’m so tired of it because I love you so goddamn much and I’m so sorry I keep hurting you like this—”

“W-wait, what did you just say?” Killian stuttered out, his heart beating unevenly and so quickly that he was afraid it would burst from his chest. Did she just say—

“I love you, Killian Jones.”

And Killian couldn’t stop his feet from surging forward and closing the final five feet between him and Emma and tugged Emma into his arms, pressing his lips against hers because _she loved him_. Emma reciprocated immediately, her arms wrapping around his neck as her body pressed against his fully. Her tongue swept into his mouth and Killian groaned, wrapping his arms tightly around her waist and just unable to believe that _she loved him_.

Killian pulled away and in a raspy voice, he spoke, “I love you too, Emma. So much.”

Emma tugged Killian’s lips back to hers with her fingers gripping the hair at the nape of his neck. Her breasts heaved against his chest as she breathed heavily, gulping whatever air she could get as their kisses grew fervent. It wasn’t a moment later when Killian heard Emma’s purse drop to the ground and her legs were suddenly wrapped around his hips.

He groaned as he felt her pressed against him so intimately. “Emma—”

“Please,” Emma moaned against his lips, her tongue trailing his bottom lip.

And well…Killian was always weak to her demands.

He pressed his lips against Emma’s again, their tongues tangling around each other’s as he carried Emma to the bedroom. He navigated the hallway blindly, pressing Emma up to the wall every so often to delve his tongue into her mouth and listening to her moaning into his mouth. Her nails dug into the skin of his neck, the pinching sending pain and pleasure down his spine and _oh he was so fucked for Emma Swan_.

Killian kicked his bedroom door open, kicked it closed behind them when he found his way in, and gingerly placed Emma onto his bed. He hovered over her, with his elbows placed above her shoulders on the bed and his bulge pressing up against her. She gasped every time his hips dipped and Killian pulled back to look Emma in the eyes. Her green eyes searched his and a gentle smile spread on her lips and his heart tugged at the sight.

 _God_ , he was so in love with this woman.

“Hi,” Killian said as a goofy, boyish smile spread on his face.

“Hi,” Emma replied as the same smile spread on hers.

Killian’s hand stroked Emma’s face, his thumb pressed against her cheek as Emma leaned her face into his touch. “Emma, are you sure you want this?”

“Yes,” Emma responded immediately, her eyelashes fluttering. “All I want is you.”

Killian’s face softened, his lips only in a slight upturn. She was stunning in this moment. Well, she was stunning in all moments. But with how the fading sunlight hit her perfectly through the curtains of his bedroom, Killian was overwhelmed by how utterly beautiful she was. He did not deserve this angel who crossed his path, that the world had somehow blessed him with. He did not know what he had done in his life to deserve someone so strong and brilliant and beautiful, but he could not regret it.

“I love you, Emma Swan,” Killian whispered and Emma’s eyes blinked quickly, as if she was surprised by the words he had already spoken once before.

“I love you too, Killian,” Emma replied just as quietly, her hands coming up to hold his face. “And I’m so sorry I hurt you.”

“You were forgiven the moment you left,” Killian responded and Emma pulled his head down and pressed her lips against his yet again.

There was a blur of shirts being tugged off and kisses being pressed to necks and breasts and ears. They moved up the bed, Emma laying down with her head on the pillow that had been designated for her during the many sleepovers they had. Killian stared down at her, his chest hair brushing against Emma’s covered breasts, as he ran his hands through her luscious blonde hair. She stared right back up at him, her hands wrapped around his back to rest on his shoulder blades. They just remained there for countless moments, what could’ve been forever, just absorbing the moment because they both knew everything would change.

Killian stared into her green eyes as Emma stared into his blue eyes. He had missed her that day, more than anything in his life. No part of him expected her to return, especially the very same day. He thought this would be the end of them and he had never been so happy to have been proven wrong. His thumb traced the apple of her cheek as he bent down and kissed her again, sweeping his tongue against the seam of her mouth and she gasped. Her nails dug into the skin of his back, dragging their way down to mark him as hers forever, and Killian couldn’t retain the groan that sprung forth from his throat. His hips dipped down against and pressed against hers in a slow rhythm and Emma’s lips pulled away from Killian’s as she moaned into the quiet of their bedroom.

“Jesus _Christ_ ,” Emma whispered, her voice raspy and heavy with desire.

“No need to be formal, love,” Killian replied, his beard scratching at Emma’s pale skin as he kissed the tops of her breasts. “’Killian’ will do just fine.”

“Oh shut u-Oh my God,” Emma groaned when Killian’s hips pressed a little harder against her core, her eyes sliding shut in pleasure.

Killian couldn’t hold back the grin that spread on his face as he raised his head to look at Emma. She was biting down on her bottom lip, her teeth leaving indents as she slid her tongue over the mark. Killian’s cock grew harder at the sight of this, of Emma overwhelmed with pleasure. He had dreamt of this moment ever since they became a couple, even though he agreed with her on waiting until this meant something. And knowing that she loved him and being so overwhelmed with the love he felt for her, Killian didn’t want to wait any longer.

“You want this?” Killian asked again, wanting to be sure with every step.

Emma nodded as her eyes opened, smiling softly up at him. “Yes.”

“You’re sure? Because when we begin, I don’t know if I’ll have the strength to stop myself,” Killian replied honestly.

“Killian,” Emma began speaking, her hands moving to cup his face in her hands and she swiped her thumb against the scar on Killian’s cheek, “I know you would stop if I wanted you to. But I don’t. I want _this_. I want _us_. We’ve been waiting and waiting and I’m ready for this. I love you and I’m ready because I know this won’t just be some one-time thing. Are you?”

“Yes,” Killian answered quickly, leaning closer to Emma as their noses brushed together. “Yes, I’m ready. I just want to be sure that you want this. I want you to always be happy and I don’t want to do anything that you don’t want-”

Emma interrupted him by tugging his head down and kissing him soundly, her tongue tangling with his in a familiar way. He grunted against her, his fingers tangling tightly around her hair, which was splayed out all around her head. And then this angel pulled back, her hands still tight against his head, and spoke.

“Killian, right now I want you to take your pants off.”

And Killian Jones had never done anything so quickly.

He stood up from his bed and tugged his pants down, allowing his cock to spring free from the tight confines of his jeans. And as Killian stood with only his boxer briefs on, Emma tugged herself free of her own jeans, leaving Killian the sight of Emma lying in his bed nearly naked, with only black lace covering her. His mouth went dry at the sight of her spread out on his bed, with her eyes gazing at him in the very way he wished they would—full of desire and lust and _love_. She sat up slightly in the bed, propped up on her elbows, her pale skin a stark contrast to the dark gray of the sheets, and she smiled gently at him.

Killian crawled back onto the bed, kissing a path up her legs when Emma relaxed back into the mattress. He nipped at the skin of her inner thighs, his mouth practically salivating at the thought of tasting her. He nosed at her underwear, taking in the scent of her, and Killian reached up to grip at the sides of her underwear. He looked up at Emma, who nodded with that smile still on her face, and he tugged the black lace underwear off of her, flinging them over his shoulder. He looked back to Emma as his mouth began to lower over her dripping core and she shook her head.

“Later,” Emma spoke, her voice practically shaking with need. “We can do that later. But right now, I need something else.”

And a shit-eating grin crossed Killian’s face as he crawled up Emma’s body, pressing kisses to her stomach and breasts, until he finally reached her lips. Emma’s arms wrapped around his back as he lowered himself to her lips, the sweet sound of their kissing filling the room. Her nails dragged down his back again as he groaned against her, his own hands trying to find their way behind her back. Emma’s tongue trailed across Killian’s bottom lip and his entire body shivered, to which Emma laughed against his lips. She pulled away with another smile on her lips and looked at Killian.

“Searching for gold there, cap’n?” Emma teased, her eyes twinkling in the darkening room.

Killian smiled as his teeth trailed against his bottom lip. “You caught me.”

“Let me help you with that,” Emma spoke, arching her back to reach behind herself.

Killian couldn’t resist taking an eyeful of Emma’s breasts as she reached for the band of her bra. Her breasts strained against the fabric as Emma struggled to get ahold of the buckle and Killian brushed his thumb over the fabric. Emma moaned at the contact and finally unbuckled her bra, allowing her breasts to spill out as she tossed the bra over to the side of the bed. Killian ducked down and sucked a nipple into his mouth, his teeth brushing against the puckered skin and Emma moaned loudly, her hand weaving into Killian’s hair to keep him there. His hand reached up and grasped at her neglected breast, his thumb skimming over her nipple and Emma’s hips bucked up. With that movement, Killian pulled away and gasped.

Emma reached down and pushed his boxers down, freeing his cock and taking it in her hand. Killian nearly cursed at the feeling of her soft skin on him like this, and he quickly pushed his boxers off the rest of the way. He kicked them off, landing on a pile of their clothes on the floor at the end of the bed, and hovered over Emma to kiss her again. They moaned together, sharing the same oxygen as Emma continued to stroke his length. His hands turned into fists, gripping the sheets on the bed as his control began to waver.

“Emma, I think you may want to stop,” Killian spoke, his voice tight and heavy.

Emma looked at him with her teeth biting down on her bottom lip. “Then you may want to get a condom.”

And Killian smiled down at her, running her fingers through the ends of her hair. “You’re sure?”

Emma leaned up to press her lips against his and whispered, “Yes.”

Killian reached over to his nightstand and pulled open the top drawer, finding the unopened box of condoms. He sat back on his haunches as he ripped the box open, quickly ripping off a condom and tossing the box back into his nightstand. As Emma watched patiently, Killian opened the condom wrapper and deftly rolled the condom down his length. He hovered over Emma again, his cock nudging against her wet core, and Emma’s arms wrapped around Killian’s back, pulling him closer to her. They looked into each other’s eyes, looking at the love swimming in their depths, and knew that they would not want to be anywhere else but here, in each other’s arms.

“I love you,” Killian spoke softly.

“And I love you,” Emma responded with a smile.

With that, Killian pressed against Emma and not a moment later, they were one. They swallowed each other’s moans as they kissed one another and Killian’s hips began to slowly move. Emma’s legs wrapped high on Killian’s hips and his cock hit a spot that made Emma nearly scream in pleasure. Killian’s lips dragged down to her throat and he murmured curses into her neck as his hips began to move faster and faster against her. Killian began to see spots of light behind his eyes and he knew that he wouldn’t last long, after the months of foreplay.

So he reached down between them and found where they were joined, placing his thumb against her clit and began to rub. Emma gasped and her nails clawed at his back and he was sure he would have marks later, but Killian could not find a reason to care. He would deal with that issue when it came to filming the next day, but right now, he just wanted to feel her around him and not worry about what would come. And when Emma’s lips lowered to his neck and began to suck a mark there, all Killian could think about was how this stunning and brilliant woman had chosen him, even through the world choosing them for each other.

She had chosen him over her fears, and that was the greatest gift in the world.

“Oh _fuck_ ,” Emma moaned, throwing her head back against the pillow. “Keep going.”

“I have no plans on stopping,” Killian replied, his thumb continuing to move quickly against her.

Emma’s legs tightened around his hips and Killian began to feel the tightening of her walls around him, shutting his eyes to try to retain a least a sliver of his self-control. His hips continued to move against Emma, feeling the drag of her walls around him, and he couldn’t stop his hips from picking up their speed. Emma cried out, tightening around Killian’s cock, and Killian continued to grind against her clit to draw out her orgasm. A bead of sweat appeared on his brow as he approached his climax and his eyes squeezed shut.

“Come for me, Killian,” Emma whispered, her voice breathy and high on her recent orgasm. “I want you to come.”

Killian bent down at kissed Emma, sucking her bottom lip between his as his climax hit. He groaned against her as his hips stuttered, his seed spilling into the condom and exhaustion overcoming him. Killian pulled out, but remained over Emma with his forehead against hers. They breathed the same air as they basked in the afterglow of their first time. It had been a long time coming, but it was well worth the wait. Killian breathed heavily over Emma, and she did the same as she tried to regain her breath. Her arms remained around Killian’s back as she leaned up and pressed a small kiss to his lips.

“That was—”

“Yeah,” Emma spoke as a smile spread on her lips. “Yeah, it was.”

Killian pulled away slightly to look down at her, a matching smile spreading on his own lips. “We should do that again sometime.”

Emma giggled, a glorious sound to Killian’s ears. “We should.”

Killian groaned as he moved to throw away the used condom and its wrapper. His joints cracked as he walked into his joined bathroom, tossing them both into the trash by the toilet. As he wiped himself off, Killian glanced up into the mirror and he smiled. There was a glow about him that hadn’t been there in a long time. Even though there was quite a large hickey on his neck and he was sure his back was just as bad, Killian couldn’t find any reason to be upset with the day.

He and Emma were together and he felt as though he was on top of the world.

Killian exited the bathroom and walked back to his bed, where Emma was laying comfortably underneath the blanket. Killian smiled as he joined her under the covers, scooting in close to her to wrap his arms around her waist. His eyes began to grow heavy, but he wanted to remain with Emma, to just _be_. Emma looked at him with a slight upturn of her lips and she was never more beautiful than she was in that moment, with her hair wild around her and a post-sex afterglow.

Killian would pay millions upon millions to see her like this again.

He lifted his hand and cupped Emma’s cheek, unable to believe that he could be so lucky. “I’m gonna have to do a lot of explaining for these marks you left.”

Emma snorted. “You enjoyed it.”

“That I did,” Killian replied softly, leaning forward for a gentle kiss. When he pulled away, with a smile on his face, he looked at Emma. “The premiere for _Never Landing_ is on the 19 th. Would you like to accompany me?”

 “Aren’t those public? With big red carpets and interviewers and all that?” Emma asked, her voice even and her eyes not giving anything away.

Killian nodded solemnly. “If you don’t wish to attend, I understand. I know it’s soon and you’re only just getting used to the public eye because of the wedding—”

“I wanna go,” Emma interrupted his rambling and Killian’s eyes widened. She smiled as she spoke again, “I’m ready.”

“Ready for what?”

“I’m ready for everyone to know. About us. I’m sick of running and I want everyone to know. I’m ready.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: okay so i know it's been another long wait for this chapter because i suck, but the good news is is that i decided to add one more additional chapter before the epilogue! so there will be one more chapter after this one, which will be the premiere of Never Landing, and then the epilogue, and whatever one shots i decide to write for this universe. also, i got the idea for the beginning of this chapter from a reviewer on ffn, so i must credit afh105 for the first part of this chapter. enjoy!!

Killian propped himself up on his elbow and looked down at Emma. “You’re ready?”

“Yes,” Emma replied immediately, moving to match his position. “It’s only a matter of time before we would have to face this and it might as well be now, when we have this opportunity and we have everything figured out. I want this and I’m not afraid anymore. As long as we’re together, I’m happy.”

Killian swallowed back the knot in his throat because he couldn’t absorb the fact that Emma was here and she _loved_ him and she wanted _them_. “So at this premiere, you want to announce that we’re soul mates? That’s what you want?”

“Yes,” Emma responded, and then pulled her head back a bit with a worried look in her eyes. “Is that what you want?”

“Of course it is, Emma,” Killian spoke, scooting forward and his hand falling onto Emma’s arm to stroke her soft skin. “I’ve waited for this day since we met and I don’t want to hide us. But that world is brutal, Emma. It chews people and spits them back out and I’ve seen what it does to people. I don’t want that to happen to you.”

“You can’t shield me from that world forever,” Emma said quietly, looking down as her hand covered his on her arm. “I think it would be easier for us to announce it, instead of being caught by paparazzi or something. Let’s do this on our terms.”

Killian lifted his hand and cupped Emma’s cheek, his thumb tracing the constellation of freckles there. He smiled gently, still unable to believe that she came back and was willing to announce their status to the world, after being so afraid for so long. “Then we’ll do it.”

And a wide smile spread on Emma’s face, bright and _happy_ and Killian could not believe that he had been blessed with this angel, who laid in his arms. He couldn’t stop himself from surging forward and capturing her lips within his, swallowing her gasp and sweeping his tongue against hers. His hands wrapped around Emma’s still-naked waist, pulling her close to him as her arms wrapped around his neck to tug his head closer to hers. Their legs tangled together and Emma gasped against his mouth as she felt Killian hardening against her. Even though they had each other only moments ago, Killian already desired Emma again. He was sure that feeling would never go away.

He hoped it didn’t.

Emma’s hands moved to his back and her nails dug into the bare skin there, tugging him over her. Her legs fell to either side as Killian hovered over her, his lips moving down to bite at the skin at her neck. Emma’s moans made him even harder and he didn’t want to wait any longer, blindly reaching for the drawer of the nightstand.

Until there was a very faint knock at his apartment door.

Killian drew his hand back as he furrowed his eyebrows, pulling up from his spot in Emma’s neck. He strained his ears, wondering if the noise was just his imagination. He looked down at Emma and although her eyes were dilated wide with lust, he could tell that Emma had also heard the knocking.

“I’m gonna go see who’s at the door,” Killian announced as he pulled himself away from Emma, as difficult as that was to do. “I’ll be back shortly.”

“I hope so. I wouldn’t want to start without you,” Emma responded with a sly glint in her eyes and _dear God_ how did Killian get so lucky?

Killian smirked as he felt the tips of his ears turn red. He roamed around his bedroom in search of his sweatpants as the knocking continued at the front door. Killian grumbled as he tugged them on, slightly tripping on the too long legs of the gray pants that were more than likely Graham’s, from when he had to crash at Killian’s place during Graham’s bed bug days at his own apartment. He exited the bedroom with one last glance back at Emma, who was laying comfortably in his bed with a smile on her face and the blanket strategically covering her. He caught a glimpse of her pale, long legs in contrast against the dark gray sheets and blanket on his bed and Killian practically had to force himself to walk out of the bedroom to answer his apartment door.

Killian’s bare feet smacked against the hardwood floor of his apartment as he marched down the hallway and into the entry way. He took a deep breath, wondering who the hell was at his door. He already ran through the list of potential suspects when Emma had come knocking, and none of them seemed likely, even a half hour later. He just hoped whomever it was would leave quickly so he could return to the bedroom and resume where he left off.

His mouth went dry at the memory of Emma splayed out in his bed, her blonde hair in a halo against the pillow under her head, even if he left her there only a few moments ago.

And his mouth went even drier when Killian opened the door and found Ruby and Mary Margaret standing in his hallway.

“Uh—”

“Is Emma here?” Ruby asked, her hands cupping her pregnant belly. Her eyes were tight with worry as she scratched at an itch on her stomach. “We had plans with her at seven and it’s seven thirty and we thought that maybe she was here.”

“Well—”

“Wait,” Mary Margaret spoke up and pointed into the apartment, spotting a black bag on the floor. “That’s Emma’s purse on the ground.”

“Ladies—”

Ruby and Mary Margaret barged into Killian’s apartment without hearing another word from Killian. Killian sighed as he shut the door and turned to face the two pregnant women in his apartment, neither of which he wanted to upset or anger in any way. So in a calm voice, Killian asked, “Why are you both here?”

“We had plans with Emma and we would actually like to see her, since she was absolutely freaking out earlier and she probably still is,” Ruby rambled on, Mary Margaret standing in the background, as if she believed they shouldn’t be there. “So if you don’t mind— _Emma_!”

Ruby called for her friend and marched down the hallway, as if she knew just where Emma was. Killian rushed to intercept Ruby before she entered the bedroom, where Emma was more than likely still under the covers and patiently awaiting his return. They grew closer and closer to the bedroom door and Killian found himself at Ruby’s side, trying to block her from the door.

“Uh, Ruby, she’s fine—”

Ruby looked Killian in the eye as she reached around his arm, which attempted to block the door, and gripped the door knob. She swung the door open and there—

There was Emma, standing beside the bed with the blanket wrapped tightly around her body.

Emma’s eyes darted between Killian, Ruby’s grinning face, and Mary Margaret, whose hand was covering her face. Killian saw a blush cover her cheeks and slowly spread to below the blanket and Killian couldn’t help himself from wondering just how far that blush went. Ruby looked from Killian to Emma, and back again, her grin widening to an almost comical point.

“Oh yes, Emma’s _fine_ ,” Ruby spoke, looking back at Killian. “I see you’ve taken care of her _real well_.”

“Ruby, we should go,” Mary Margaret stated, her hand dropping to her side. She could barely look Emma in the eyes as she said, “Emma, maybe next time you can tell us you won’t be making it for our plans so we don’t go looking for you and find you in a compromising position.”

“I’ll remember that,” Emma replied and nodded, her voice two octaves higher than usual.

Ruby pointed at Emma as Mary Margaret took her arm. “I expect details later.”

Emma’s eyes slid shut as she nodded, and her friends finally took their leave. Once Killian heard the door shut behind them, he let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding. He looked back at Emma, whose hand was over her face. She looked through the gaps in her fingers and he couldn’t help but laugh at the awkwardness of the situation. And because of his laughter, Emma began laughing too, her chiming laughter joining in with his rough chuckling. He stepped forward and enveloped Emma in his arms, pressing kisses to Emma’s bare shoulder as her laughter died down.

“I hope that’s the only awkward thing that ever happens to us,” Emma said into Killian’s bare shoulder.

“Don’t count on it. I do have an older brother that has no boundaries,” Killian spoke as he pulled his head back to look Emma in the eyes. “There’s also the potential of this occurring in whatever future we do choose.”

Emma smiled softly and her eyes twinkled. “Meaning potential children walking in on us in actually compromising positions?”

“Exactly.”

Emma laughed again and slapped her hand over her face. “I’m never going to recover from this.”

“Not with Ruby as your friend,” Killian replied as a chuckle burst forth. Killian pulled her hand from her face and rested his forehead against hers, their breaths mingling in the air between them. “But, we’ll recover together.”

Emma smiled as she released her grip on the blanket, allowing it to drop to the floor as she wrapped her arms around Killian’s neck. “Together.”

<> 

“So,” Ruby began, tapping her foot against the bar stool as they sat at the counter of her restaurant. It was still closed, as were most high-class restaurants in New York City were at this time. It was only noon, but chefs were already bustling in the kitchen, just ahead of the counter, where customers could watch their meals be prepared.

“So what?” Emma asked, sipping on her water and making zero eye contact with Ruby.

“Oh come on, Emma,” Ruby replied, crossing her legs at the knees and her heeled boots glinted in the lighting of the restaurant. “You know _exactly_ what I want to hear.”

“How do you wear heels when you’re about to pop?”

“Don’t avoid my question, Emma.”

“You didn’t even ask a question.”

“How was he in the sack, _Emma_?”

Emma groaned and dropped her head onto the black marble counter, feeling cool to the touch. “Can we just not discuss this?”

“Was he that bad?” Ruby asked, her face puckering as her hand rested over her large bump. She sighed and continued on, “It’s always the most attractive people that are lousy in the sack. It’s unfortunate, to say the least. Except Dorothy. She knew what she was doing. Victor was _terrible_ when we first got together, but he’s learned his way around—”

“No—dammit, Ruby,” Emma spoke, lifting her head from the counter and looking at her friend. “Why do you want to know?”

Ruby raised an eyebrow, as if that answered Emma’s question.

And it did because Emma knew what Ruby was thinking. It was typical for Ruby to badger Emma about her love life, but this was about her _soul mate_. This was about her soul mate being a fucking Hollywood star and Ruby just desperately needed to know _how he was in the fucking sack_.

Emma sighed as their food was slid from the kitchen onto the counter in front of them. The man slyly winked at the two of them as he turned back to the kitchen to continue prepping for the day.

“Thank you, Antonio,” Ruby spoke as the man walked away, looking down at her dish. “He’s our new head chef and this is his first night here, so I’m hoping it goes well. Both of these are on the menu, so I just need to know if he did well or if we need to find a new chef already.”

“What’s mine again?” Emma asked, eager to avoid the topic of her sex life.

“Just a basic stuffed chicken marsala with Portobello mushrooms, sun dried tomatoes, provolone and mozzarella cheese, and a red wine sauce. Oh, and mashed potatoes, of course,” Ruby prattled off quickly, which made Emma smile. Ruby really did know her shit when it came to her restaurant. “Mine is an eleven-ounce sirloin—rare, of course—with mashed potatoes and grilled asparagus and garlic-herb butter on the side. I’ll share some of mine and I’ll steal some of yours just so I can get a good taste.”

“Shouldn’t you have already tasted the menu for tonight?”

“I already did but I just want to make sure that he’s good for tonight,” Ruby replied and Emma understood why Ruby was making doubly sure of her new head chef.

Ruby had been taking a step back from her restaurant since the news of her pregnancy broke. And ever since she broke the third trimester, Ruby had been needing to spend more and more time away from the restaurant because she couldn’t spend all of her time walking around in the four-inch heels she refused to give up. And now that the due date of her baby was slowly crawling closer—just two weeks away—Ruby had to trust that her staff knew what the hell they were doing when she was on maternity leave. And that she had to trust her co-owner to not run the restaurant into the ground.

“Anyways, back to the subject at hand. _How is Killian Jones in the sack_?” Ruby whispered intensely, leaning in closer to Emma so no one overheard them talking.

“Christ, Ruby,” Emma groaned, looking over at her food and stabbing at the chicken, slicing into it quickly to ignore her friend.

“ _Come on_ , Emma,” Ruby practically whined, turning in her barstool to face her food. “I’m _dying_. Victor’s been doing twenty million hours at the hospital to prepare for the baby, so we haven’t done _anything_ in so long and just throw me a freaking bone over here—”

“It was amazing, alright?!” Emma whispered in exasperation. Ruby raised her eyebrows as a smile took over her face. Emma sighed as she dropped her fork and turned to look at her friend. “It was…it was just perfect.”

Ruby smiled gently at Emma, her hand falling to Emma’s forearm. “And you’ve figured everything out? With the whole wedding thing?”

Emma nodded and she couldn’t hold back her smile as she continued to talk about Killian. She didn’t know what she had done in her life to deserve such a kind and understanding man. “Yeah. I went over there last night and I just spilled my guts to him. I told him that I didn’t want to be afraid anymore and that I was willing to face my past so he can be my future. And he understood. He wanted me to know that he didn’t want to pressure me into anything and that if I wanted to end things, then he would allow it to happen because he just wants me to be happy. And I told him that I just want _him_. And then…it happened.”

Ruby’s hand covered her mouth as she looked at Emma with tearful eyes. Emma sighed because she should’ve known better than to say all of those things to a beyond hormonal pregnant woman. “Don’t cry.”

“I’m not,” Ruby spoke, allowing her hand to drop and taking a deep breath. “This is just…this is huge, Emma. Mary Margaret is gonna be pissed that she couldn’t come today.”

“Too bad for field trips to the museum,” Emma replied.

Ruby turned back to her steak, with her hand on her pregnant stomach and moaning at every bite of her food. Emma turned back to her own food, but realized that she didn’t want to stop talking about that night. Even though it was two nights ago, Emma still felt as though she was on cloud nine. That night had been more than she had even imagined. It surpassed every expectation and every want and Emma couldn’t believe that she had the very thing she had forced herself to hate. If Emma was told two months ago that she would meet her soul mate and would be _happy_ about it, she would’ve punched whomever it was who told her straight in the face.

“He invited me to the premiere of _Never Landing_.”

And Ruby nearly choked on her mashed potatoes, looking over at Emma with wide eyes. “What?! He invi—what?! Are you gonna go?!”

Emma nodded as she speared her fork into her mashed potatoes, looking back to her food. “Yes, I am.”

“So soon after the wedding fiasco? Are you sure? That might be a lot to take in, Emma.”

Emma nodded again as she chewed on her mashed potatoes. Once she swallowed, she looked back at her friend. “I’m positive. Actually…we’re gonna announce we’re soul mates there.”

“Emma, you cannot bombard a pregnant lady with this information,” Ruby spoke, both of her hands resting on her baby bump. “Baby Lucas is going _nuts_.”

“Sorry?”

Ruby took a deep breath and rested on the edge of her bar stool. “You’re really gonna announce it there?”

Emma nodded and Ruby smiled again. “That’s amazing, Emma. And you’re sure that’s what you want?”

Emma nodded again. “It was my idea.”

Ruby’s teeth fell to bite at her bottom lip in excitement. “I cannot believe that Emma ‘Soul Mates Are Stupid’ Swan is embracing her soul mate status.”

Emma shoved Ruby in the shoulder, twisting in her seat to face her food again. “It’s easy when you love them.”

Ruby looked over at Emma, the smile still on her face. “You love him?”

Emma nodded. “I do.”

“And he knows?”

Emma nodded again. “He does.”

“And he loves you back?”

Emma smiled widely at Ruby and Ruby let out a little cheer as she leaned over and hugged Emma. “You better take me wedding dress shopping with you.”

“Oh shut up,” Emma said as Ruby pulled away. “But I do need you for trying on premiere dresses tonight at Fae.”

“I’m already there,” Ruby replied and they sat and ate in companionable silence.

<> 

The wire of the hanger dug into Emma’s hand as she reached for the doorknob to Killian’s apartment. Her dress for the premiere of _Never Landing_ was in her hand as she swung the door open, and she wanted to keep it away from Killian’s eyes. She wanted the dress to be a surprise for that night in a week and a half, so Emma asked Celeste for a garment bag to cover the dress. She ran her hand over the black material of the bag as she closed the door behind her and chucked off her shoes. Killian and she had made plans to meet over at his apartment after her appointment at Fae, so she knew he would be home.

“Killian,” Emma called out into the apartment, and there was a muffled “in here” response coming from the bedroom.

Emma kicked off her Converses and plopped her purse on the entry way table as she walked back toward the hallway that led to the bedroom. She could hear the shower running as she turned the corner and found the bedroom door, nudging it open to find a messy bed and an even messier floor. It smelled of sweat and Emma knew that must’ve been due to Killian filming a fighting scene. While she imagined the possible suspects Killian could’ve been fighting during filming, Emma turned to the left to go to the large closet. It was nearly filled to the brim with Killian’s clothes, leather jackets and jeans and several suits that Emma was sure Killian rarely wore. She found a spot at the far back of the closet and shoved her dress there, making sure it was out of Killian’s sight, so he wasn’t tempted to go looking for it.

While Killian continued to shower, Emma exited the bedroom and decided to relax in the living room, turning on the large flat screen TV mounted above the fireplace. She flipped through the channels, through endless seas of sports and reality shows until she found _Star Wars_ : _A New Hope_. Emma relaxed into the leather couch as she propped her feet onto the coffee table in front of her as she watched the classic movie. It wasn’t until ten minutes later that she heard the shower shut off and she removed her feet from the coffee table, knowing how much that bothered Killian.

As she heard Killian walk into the main area, Emma spoke up. “Wanna order some pizza for tonight? I’ve been craving pepperoni.”

“Sounds fantastic, love,” Killian responded quickly as his footsteps grew closer to the living area. “Maybe a Caesar salad to go along with it?”

“Sounds awesome,” Emma said, twisting herself in her seat to look over the back of the couch to look at Killian. “Wanna order Tony’s or someth—what the _hell_ happened to your face?!”

Killian sheepishly scratched behind his ear and ducked his head down, trying to draw attention away from the particularly large shiner on his eye. “Bit of a mishap during filming today. Instead of the fake punching we all know and love, someone got a little too eager and got me right in the eye.”

“Killian,” Emma began, standing from the couch and circling around it to stand by Killian.

“Don’t worry about it, Swan,” Killian spoke, wincing when Emma pressed the warm skin around his eye. “This isn’t the first time this has happened. I’ll be fine.”

Emma turned on her feet and marched over to the fridge, yanking open the freezer. “You really don’t have any ice packs?”

“Emma, I’m fine. They’ll just put extra makeup on me tomorrow.”

“Just let me help, alright!” Emma exclaimed at Killian, whose hands were now tucked firmly in the pockets of his sweatpants and whose lips were drawn in a firm line. “I’ll just run down to the corner store to get an ice pack or two while you order our pizza. I’ll be back soon.”

Emma walked back over to Killian and pressed a kiss to his cheek before he had a moment to protest. She hurriedly slid on her shoes and grabbed her purse from the entryway table and exited the apartment, hoping that the corner store carried ice packs. She snuck out the back door of the apartment building, as there were still some paparazzi lurking around since the wedding photo went public. She wanted to keep a low profile until the premiere came around, so she was willing to do anything to keep their relationship quiet for now.

A soft breeze blew by, lifting Emma’s hair and twirling it about. She took a deep breath as she walked down the sidewalk toward the corner store, hoping that Killian would be okay. There was a knot in her heart, ever since she saw him with that black eye. Even though Killian had said that it wasn’t anything to worry about and that it had actually happened before, Emma didn’t like seeing him like that. She knew it must hurt and she didn’t want to see him hurting. She had caused him enough pain in this relationship, given her skittishness and fear of her past; she just wanted to try to help him ease the ache of a physical pain.

It was the least she could do.

Emma weaved around the countless people walking down the sidewalk during the summer evening. There were couples cuddling and businessmen talking on their phones and a few street performers, trying to catch a buck or two. But Emma kept her head down as she navigated her way down the street, nearly at the store. She ran her hands over her red mini skirt, self-conscious while she was surrounded by the impeccably well-dressed people who lived in the Upper West Side. She figured she would need to start packing a spare pair of yoga pants to bring with her to work when she planned on going to Killian’s afterward. A red mini skirt was not inconspicuous.

Finally, Emma reached the corner store and stepped inside the air-conditioned building. She nearly sighed in relief at the cool blast of it, seeing at the day was still humid outside, even with the rare breeze. She made eye contact with the man behind the counter, who was clearly enjoying her outfit, and went to search for ice packs. She went searching for the first aid aisle, knowing that was where the ice packs would be. And right between the medical tape and gauze were instant ice packs. She grabbed three and grabbed two of the gel ice packs, making sure that she’d toss it into his freezer once she returned to Killian’s place. He’d be needing it if this black eye business happened as regularly as Killian led on.

Emma took a deep breath as she gathered the things in her hands and made her way back to the counter, to the leering man who reeked of body odor. She dropped the things onto the counter and fetched her wallet from her purse as he rang everything up, going as slowly as he possibly could. He continuously glanced up at her with a smirk on his face and Emma had had enough.

“Is there a problem?” Emma asked, raising her eyebrows.

“Not at all, sweetheart,” The man replied and Emma fought the urge to punch him in the face.

As soon as the man announced how much she owed, Emma swiped her card and waited for the machine to process the payment, while the man placed her things into a plastic bag. She dropped her wallet back into her purse after the payment was approved and quickly took the bag, rushing out of the store before the man said something gross. She turned right once she exited, heading back toward Killian’s apartment. Not a few moments after she exited the store, she heard a voice call for her.

“Emma?”

And Emma stopped in her tracks, ice freezing her blood and her limbs. She knew that voice. She hadn’t heard it in years. Not since he left that night to buy cigarettes and never came back.

She didn’t want to turn around. She didn’t want to look at him or hear him out. She wanted to run. But she was frozen. She couldn’t move. His voice was just echoing in her ears and _she just wanted to run_.

“Emma.”

She let out a deep breath and her hands wrapped around the bag to keep them from shaking. Her heart pounded against her rib cage as Emma found the strength to turn around and look Neal in the eye. He looked exactly the same as he had that night three years ago, save for the designer suit he was now wearing. He even had his trusty cigarette sitting between his fingers.

And a wedding ring on his left ring finger.

Emma swallowed back the knot in her throat and spoke, “I thought you were going to quit.”

Neal chuckled softly and Emma’s heart lurched. “I tried, but it didn’t stick. Tamara hates it.”

“Tamara?” Emma questioned, even though Emma knew who she must be.

“My soulmate,” Neal responded simply, as if he didn’t remember how he had met his soulmate. The life he had left behind when he ran off with her.

“Ah, yes. The woman you left me for.”

“Ems—”

“ _No_ ,” Emma interrupted him, stepping forward and holding up a finger. “You do _not_ get to call me that anymore. You lost that right the minute I found out that you weren’t missing after not hearing from you for three days. You lost that when you sent me a goddamn _postcard_ two weeks later. Did you just expect everything to be okay after all this time?”

“Emma, I want to apologize,” Neal spoke and Emma clenched her jaw, crossing her arms over her chest. “I had imagined what I would say to you if I ever ran into you again, but now it seems like it isn’t enough.”

“Well, try.”

Neal sighed and flicked his half-burnt cigarette to the ground. He looked down as he stomped it out and he said, “I was a coward, Emma. What I did…it wasn’t the right way to do it. And I’m sorry for the pain I caused you. I didn’t want it to happen that way.”

“Well it did and it still hurts,” Emma replied, trying to ignore the burning behind her eyes. “For three years, I couldn’t trust anybody. Because you left just like everybody else did.”

“And I’m sorry. Every day, I still feel guilty about it,” Neal spoke. “Tamara has wanted me to reach out to you since then, but I never had the guts. I don’t want you to hate me, Emma. Because what we had was special. I really loved you, Emma. I really, really did.”

Emma huffed out a deep breath. “I hated you for a long time, Neal. For a very long time. Because I loved you _so_ much. I didn’t care that we weren’t soulmates. That didn’t matter to me. And you knew that. But I’m done with being angry about it. I’ve moved on, as I should’ve a long time ago. Just live your own life, Neal. I’m done trying to forget the past. Because right now, I’m the happiest I have ever been. I have my own soulmate and the pain you caused me back then has been a real pain in the ass with our own relationship.”

“Is there anything I can do?” Neal asked and Emma could tell he sincerely meant it.

“I never want to see you again.”

Neal nodded. “I guess that’s the least I can do.”

And Emma nodded shortly at the man she used to love. “Bye, Neal.”

“Wait, Emma,” Neal called to her as she stepped away, and Emma turned around to look back at him. “You’re really happy?”

Emma nodded and she couldn’t stop the smile from spreading on her face. He smiled back in response and waved, and then turned back to jog across the street before the light changed. Emma began walking back to Killian’s apartment, the heaviness of the conversation weighing on her shoulders. She had imagined what she would say to Neal over and over again. She had imagined she would yell and scream at him about the pain he had caused her and how the hell could he do that to her. She had imagined that she would punch him right across the face. But none of that happened. Emma told him the things that had always been on her mind when it came to his departure, but no screaming. No dramatics.

An actual, somewhat civil conversation with the man who left.

Emma felt an odd sort of clarity as she walked back into the apartment building, saying hello to the polite doorman and waiting for the elevator to arrive. She felt…lighter, as if the weight of Neal’s departure was gone from her life, never to return. It felt as though she was free from her past—free from the pain of the foster system, free from the pain of Diane’s wrath, free from Neal, free from _everything_. Emma felt as though she was a new person, with only an exciting future lying ahead.

When Emma entered Killian’s apartment, he was sitting on the couch, just where she had left him. He was hypnotized by _Star Wars_ , which was still steadily going. Emma kicked off her shoes and dropped her purse, which seemed to bring Killian out of the movie.

“The pizza will be here in twenty minutes or so. Got us a salad and each of us a drink,” Killian began speaking as Emma walked down to the living area with the plastic bag in hand. “I got your Dr. Pepper, of course, because I remember how much you lo—”

Emma interrupted Killian by dropping the plastic bag to his side and straddling his hips quickly to kiss him deeply. It didn’t take him long before his hands tightened around her waist and his tongue tangled with hers eagerly. His hand found its way up to tangle in her hair, his thumb swiping at her cheek, and he pulled away to breathe deeply.

“Not that I’m complaining, love, but what was that for?” Killian asked with his voice an octave deeper.

“I just…I needed to,” Emma replied with her eyes still closed and her forehead pressed against his.

Killian’s other hand came up to cup her cheek and he pulled her head away, urging her to open her eyes. And when she did… _God_ , all she saw was love and adoration swimming in their depths. “Emma.”

“I ran into Neal.”

Killian’s eyes widened to an almost comical level and Emma had to fight the urge to laugh. “What? Where is he? I need to go punch that ponce in the face—”

“He’s gone, Killian,” Emma replied and for the first time, it was completely true. “Everything’s okay.”

“What happened?” Killian asked as Emma ran her thumb over his cheek.

“We talked. He apologized. I ranted for a little bit. I told him I never wanted to see him again. He accepted it. And we parted ways.”

“And you’re alright?” Killian asked genuinely and Emma nodded with her face in his hands. “Then everything’s alright.”

And for the first time in a very long time, Emma knew that to be true.


End file.
